SimpleGuy
Struggler
Yours is much more realistic since those can be incredible professions and artsLifeNovel said:
Chitchat Any Confessions?
- Thread starter Life.
- Start date
Life.
Forever Wandering
Another one of Life's Confessions:
I am currently in the midst of an emotional conflict determining if the feelings I have for a certain person are of love or simply the yearning of wanting to go back to old times. I say the second option because this person has changed over time. (This conflict has been going on for well over three years now.) My mind can't decide if my heart just wants the companionship of that person once again, but then I tell myself that that person is not the same person I used to know. And just when I feel as though that person has left my mind, they reappear again. I don't know what it is...I will admit the times I had with this person were some of my best school memories. It had even been a motivation of mines to look forward to school just to hang out with this person.
I am currently in the midst of an emotional conflict determining if the feelings I have for a certain person are of love or simply the yearning of wanting to go back to old times. I say the second option because this person has changed over time. (This conflict has been going on for well over three years now.) My mind can't decide if my heart just wants the companionship of that person once again, but then I tell myself that that person is not the same person I used to know. And just when I feel as though that person has left my mind, they reappear again. I don't know what it is...I will admit the times I had with this person were some of my best school memories. It had even been a motivation of mines to look forward to school just to hang out with this person.
adrian_
julie my beloved 🥰
I used the wrong meme. Like literally, right now.
Life.
Forever Wandering
I used the wrong meme. Like literally, right now.
Really? How is it the wrong meme?
Elowyn
word-weaver
Erm, this is kind of therapeutic. Okay, here I go.
I can be really hyper or really stoic. I tend to cry a lot (?), or I hold my frustration, disgust and anger in.
Sometimes it feels like there is a beast inside of me and I just want to lash out sometimes, sometimes for no reason at all. The feeling is usually in my chest.
Despite me saying that I want close friends, I tend to get critical of anyone who seems to be getting close to me. Also I'm kind of scared to get too close to a guy in case I start crushing on them or whatever.
I feel guilty because I am not sure if I am living up to the standard of being a Christian. It seems to swing from one extreme to the other: on one hand I understand that my salvation isn't because of anything I've done, but on the other hand we are given so many commandments in the Bible to be pure and blameless and holy and I don't think I can fulfill all of those esp. not by myself and I tend to worry too much.
I have had divine encounters.
I have a bad habit of staying up too late... on electronics.
This isn't really a confession but a deep desire of mine: I want an adult-figure I can really look up to, respect, and have a mentor-mentee relationship to. Like I know that no person is perfect but I wish there was someone I could deeply admire. Ofc, there are people I do admire in certain aspects but 1) not completely and 2) I have no personal relationship with them.
I have social awkwardness...
My sister told me so. And i'm self-conscious of my awkwardness. And sometimes when I interact with people I feel like I am following a script, but when I am not using a 'script' I get panicky and don't know what to say.
Sometimes, not sure if it's just me, but I like someone just by observing them but I'm always too scared to talk to them.
I can be really hyper or really stoic. I tend to cry a lot (?), or I hold my frustration, disgust and anger in.
Sometimes it feels like there is a beast inside of me and I just want to lash out sometimes, sometimes for no reason at all. The feeling is usually in my chest.
Despite me saying that I want close friends, I tend to get critical of anyone who seems to be getting close to me. Also I'm kind of scared to get too close to a guy in case I start crushing on them or whatever.
I feel guilty because I am not sure if I am living up to the standard of being a Christian. It seems to swing from one extreme to the other: on one hand I understand that my salvation isn't because of anything I've done, but on the other hand we are given so many commandments in the Bible to be pure and blameless and holy and I don't think I can fulfill all of those esp. not by myself and I tend to worry too much.
I have had divine encounters.
I have a bad habit of staying up too late... on electronics.
This isn't really a confession but a deep desire of mine: I want an adult-figure I can really look up to, respect, and have a mentor-mentee relationship to. Like I know that no person is perfect but I wish there was someone I could deeply admire. Ofc, there are people I do admire in certain aspects but 1) not completely and 2) I have no personal relationship with them.
I have social awkwardness...
My sister told me so. And i'm self-conscious of my awkwardness. And sometimes when I interact with people I feel like I am following a script, but when I am not using a 'script' I get panicky and don't know what to say. Sometimes, not sure if it's just me, but I like someone just by observing them but I'm always too scared to talk to them.
Life.
Forever Wandering
Erm, this is kind of therapeutic. Okay, here I go.
I can be really hyper or really stoic. I tend to cry a lot (?), or I hold my frustration, disgust and anger in.
Sometimes it feels like there is a beast inside of me and I just want to lash out sometimes, sometimes for no reason at all. The feeling is usually in my chest.
Despite me saying that I want close friends, I tend to get critical of anyone who seems to be getting close to me. Also I'm kind of scared to get too close to a guy in case I start crushing on them or whatever.
I feel guilty because I am not sure if I am living up to the standard of being a Christian. It seems to swing from one extreme to the other: on one hand I understand that my salvation isn't because of anything I've done, but on the other hand we are given so many commandments in the Bible to be pure and blameless and holy and I don't think I can fulfill all of those esp. not by myself and I tend to worry too much.
I have had divine encounters.
I have a bad habit of staying up too late... on electronics.
This isn't really a confession but a deep desire of mine: I want an adult-figure I can really look up to, respect, and have a mentor-mentee relationship to. Like I know that no person is perfect but I wish there was someone I could deeply admire. Ofc, there are people I do admire in certain aspects but 1) not completely and 2) I have no personal relationship with them.
I have social awkwardness...
Sometimes, not sure if it's just me, but I like someone just by observing them but I'm always too scared to talk to them.
Yes~
I didn't realize how therapeutic it can be. I just felt like helping others as well as letting out some things off my chest.
It's not a bad thing to be too emotional, sometimes I feel as though I lack emotion. Some person may be feeling sad or angry and I try to console with them but on the outside I appear smug sometimes, not trying to just happens. Although it probably isn't healthy to keep frustration in, at least from what I have experienced. (I'm not an expert so my word may not be beneficial to you or really anyone else, but hey if it works, it works~)
Before when I was younger I used to hold up a lot of anger inside. I was more snappy and grumpy. I would get mad at the littlest of things. But it all left me once I faced a life-changing event. It was a horrid experience for me as a child to see, and even worse for my brother since he was younger. It was not like a human death or anything but we saw our tiny poodle get mauled by a rescue puppy we picked up. That morning I could remember picking up that rescue puppy (he was pretty big) and throwing him onto the floor, pulling him away from the poodle from which he had his mouth on his throat, I felt this huge surge of anger boiling inside of me as I threw the dog onto the floor. And the one thing I can clearly remember...was me screaming at the dog, "You monster." It wasn't a pretty scene. The poodle died from blood loss and we dumped the dog near a local shelter. My other dog, a Chihuhua who we still have, was traumatized after that. This was five years ago so after that I never really grew angry at anything. I actually grew more sad, I cry more easily now, which I am not proud of, but meh.
It took us about three years before we recovered and began rescuing dogs again.
So anyways I guess you'll just have to find something that will release this pent up emotions, but I do not wish to have you in a situation like I did for it to happen. I find boxing stress relieving or even just being with an animal.
As for getting close to people I have the same thoughts. I want friends but it seems as though everyone who I thought I might get close with end up leaving. I'm not mad about it or anything but I am somewhat sad about it. But I know that I still have college to go through where more than likely I'll find my friend there.
I don't hold any beliefs for the Western Religions but I do respect them. Really for any person I feel as though as long as you believe right, act right, treat everyone as they should be treated, and don't judge by appearance then you'll be following the basics to most religions. It's all on the individual's morals. It's how you see yourself to the religion. Being familiar with some stories of the Bible, since I was a former Catholic, I don't think you should be worrying to much on following what is a "standard Christian" simply follow the scripture. I hardly doubt you're way past from being blessed.
I think most of us here have a bad habit of staying online too late~
I'm guilty on that habit as well
Mmmm an adult figure to look up to. Not a bad wish to have. I look up to my mother since I don't interact much with other adults.
I'm awkward too~
Whenever we get new people at work I find it hard to introduce myself rather than telling them about the responsibilities about the job. One time I even plainly forgot about the newbie being there and went straight to work, whoops~
But actually this job has helped me to open up myself since I am a hostess and have to greet people every single time the door opens.
It was difficult at first, but now it's pretty okay. Still not the best since I tend to repeat the questions they've asked or I don't answer them.
Lol and I observe people too. Yeah I would be scared to approach them especially if they've seen me watching them. I don't want people to think I'm a stalker.
I didn't realize how therapeutic it can be. I just felt like helping others as well as letting out some things off my chest.
It's not a bad thing to be too emotional, sometimes I feel as though I lack emotion. Some person may be feeling sad or angry and I try to console with them but on the outside I appear smug sometimes, not trying to just happens. Although it probably isn't healthy to keep frustration in, at least from what I have experienced. (I'm not an expert so my word may not be beneficial to you or really anyone else, but hey if it works, it works~)
Before when I was younger I used to hold up a lot of anger inside. I was more snappy and grumpy. I would get mad at the littlest of things. But it all left me once I faced a life-changing event. It was a horrid experience for me as a child to see, and even worse for my brother since he was younger. It was not like a human death or anything but we saw our tiny poodle get mauled by a rescue puppy we picked up. That morning I could remember picking up that rescue puppy (he was pretty big) and throwing him onto the floor, pulling him away from the poodle from which he had his mouth on his throat, I felt this huge surge of anger boiling inside of me as I threw the dog onto the floor. And the one thing I can clearly remember...was me screaming at the dog, "You monster." It wasn't a pretty scene. The poodle died from blood loss and we dumped the dog near a local shelter. My other dog, a Chihuhua who we still have, was traumatized after that. This was five years ago so after that I never really grew angry at anything. I actually grew more sad, I cry more easily now, which I am not proud of, but meh.
It took us about three years before we recovered and began rescuing dogs again.
So anyways I guess you'll just have to find something that will release this pent up emotions, but I do not wish to have you in a situation like I did for it to happen. I find boxing stress relieving or even just being with an animal.
As for getting close to people I have the same thoughts. I want friends but it seems as though everyone who I thought I might get close with end up leaving. I'm not mad about it or anything but I am somewhat sad about it. But I know that I still have college to go through where more than likely I'll find my friend there.
I don't hold any beliefs for the Western Religions but I do respect them. Really for any person I feel as though as long as you believe right, act right, treat everyone as they should be treated, and don't judge by appearance then you'll be following the basics to most religions. It's all on the individual's morals. It's how you see yourself to the religion. Being familiar with some stories of the Bible, since I was a former Catholic, I don't think you should be worrying to much on following what is a "standard Christian" simply follow the scripture. I hardly doubt you're way past from being blessed.
I think most of us here have a bad habit of staying online too late~
I'm guilty on that habit as well
Mmmm an adult figure to look up to. Not a bad wish to have. I look up to my mother since I don't interact much with other adults.
I'm awkward too~
Whenever we get new people at work I find it hard to introduce myself rather than telling them about the responsibilities about the job. One time I even plainly forgot about the newbie being there and went straight to work, whoops~
But actually this job has helped me to open up myself since I am a hostess and have to greet people every single time the door opens.
It was difficult at first, but now it's pretty okay. Still not the best since I tend to repeat the questions they've asked or I don't answer them.
Lol and I observe people too. Yeah I would be scared to approach them especially if they've seen me watching them. I don't want people to think I'm a stalker.
Kazu
The Forgettor
Aye, I'm back here again. I'm in a ranty mood, so my apologies and please bear with me.
Silly Confession:
So last night, around 2AM, after having finished a book I got hooked on, I decided that it was high-time I went to bed. Unfortunately, as I started getting drowsy, I accidentally swallowed some of my spit down into the wrong pipe and started coughing like mad.
Panicking, as nobody else was awake, I dashed into the kitchen and dug into the freezer, which was the nearest thing to me and grabbed the ice cream, took out a spoon and started eating until I stopped coughing. Then I realized that I had eaten pretty much the entire bin. Whoops.
Serious Confession:
I feel a bit better just writing that out.
Silly Confession:
So last night, around 2AM, after having finished a book I got hooked on, I decided that it was high-time I went to bed. Unfortunately, as I started getting drowsy, I accidentally swallowed some of my spit down into the wrong pipe and started coughing like mad.
Panicking, as nobody else was awake, I dashed into the kitchen and dug into the freezer, which was the nearest thing to me and grabbed the ice cream, took out a spoon and started eating until I stopped coughing. Then I realized that I had eaten pretty much the entire bin. Whoops.
Serious Confession:
Although I have a fairly good life, much better than some of the people here, I still find myself quite down a lot. Both my mother and father work during the majority of the week, and the only adult around the house is my grandmother - one of the very few adults I am close to. My grandmother has pretty much taken the role of caretaker for me, while my parents busy themselves in their own lives.
While physically, I'm not neglected and always have access to some kind of luxury, be it TV, food, books, ect... Emotionally, I'm always craving for more. I'm always hungry for attention, always searching for somebody to be with. I hate being by myself, because then certain thoughts get into my head. Ones that I don't want to listen to.
I have a stable relationship with my father, although I only spend time with him mostly just for ten minutes or less, the one I have with my mother is a lot worse than it seems to be.
While many girls my age get rebellious or become closer to their mom, I barely even get to interact with her to do any of that. Sometimes the only thing I would say to her the entire day is "Welcome home," and/or "See you." It's just pathetic.
During the weekends, I'll find her lounging around talking to some relative almost on the other side of the world. She's homesick, and literally always has her phone with her to talk with a person in her homeland. Be it visiting friends, gardening, shopping, or going to church, she'll have her phone. She tries to hide it and make it seem like she's not on a call with somebody, but I'll catch a glimpse of her ear and I see earbuds in them. It makes me extremely pissed off, and at times I want to snatch that phone away from her and smash it with a hammer. She'll occasionally remind me whenever I have a bicker with my siblings that when she and my father are gone, my siblings will be the only family I have. And yet, it seems to me that she's ignoring one part of her family, the one with her own children - and only paying attention to the one that she left when she got married to my dad and moved to America.
Then there are days when I just question if they even care. It's those days I get the saddest and least motivated to do anything. My mom doesn't even try to seem like she's interested in things when I invite her to do something. Anything.
"Hey mom, want to watch this movie with me?"
"No sweetheart, I'm not interested."
"Hey mom, want to look through some of my old artwork with me?"
"Sorry, insert my real name here, I'm on the phone right now. Show me later."
And really, the only thing I can do to get her attention is to yell, scream, throw a fit.
I'm just... lonely, I guess.
While physically, I'm not neglected and always have access to some kind of luxury, be it TV, food, books, ect... Emotionally, I'm always craving for more. I'm always hungry for attention, always searching for somebody to be with. I hate being by myself, because then certain thoughts get into my head. Ones that I don't want to listen to.
I have a stable relationship with my father, although I only spend time with him mostly just for ten minutes or less, the one I have with my mother is a lot worse than it seems to be.
While many girls my age get rebellious or become closer to their mom, I barely even get to interact with her to do any of that. Sometimes the only thing I would say to her the entire day is "Welcome home," and/or "See you." It's just pathetic.
During the weekends, I'll find her lounging around talking to some relative almost on the other side of the world. She's homesick, and literally always has her phone with her to talk with a person in her homeland. Be it visiting friends, gardening, shopping, or going to church, she'll have her phone. She tries to hide it and make it seem like she's not on a call with somebody, but I'll catch a glimpse of her ear and I see earbuds in them. It makes me extremely pissed off, and at times I want to snatch that phone away from her and smash it with a hammer. She'll occasionally remind me whenever I have a bicker with my siblings that when she and my father are gone, my siblings will be the only family I have. And yet, it seems to me that she's ignoring one part of her family, the one with her own children - and only paying attention to the one that she left when she got married to my dad and moved to America.
Then there are days when I just question if they even care. It's those days I get the saddest and least motivated to do anything. My mom doesn't even try to seem like she's interested in things when I invite her to do something. Anything.
"Hey mom, want to watch this movie with me?"
"No sweetheart, I'm not interested."
"Hey mom, want to look through some of my old artwork with me?"
"Sorry, insert my real name here, I'm on the phone right now. Show me later."
And really, the only thing I can do to get her attention is to yell, scream, throw a fit.
I'm just... lonely, I guess.
I feel a bit better just writing that out.
Last edited by a moderator:
Life.
Forever Wandering
Lol, was it Ben and Jerry's? I somehow always manage to finish Ben and Jerry's in like two days and never finish any other ice cream.
Confess as much as you want~
This is what the thread is for.
May I first ask, where is your Mom from?
I can see the issue with your relationship with her, since my mom is from Mexico and my dad the Philippines. So at some point my mom does miss her family, not my dad really (with his family they have many issues and are strong to holds grudges so it's kind of a thin ice bond for my dad). It's okay to feel the need for attention. I feel as though my brother does what he does sometimes because he wants my mom's attention (since I tend to hog all of it, whoops). But at times my mom will tell me that she truly does miss her family, this of course leaves me feeling helpless and not knowing what to do. It doesn't help either that now I am leaving her for college. At times I felt slightly jealous whenever my mom was talking to her family. But whenever my mom starts feeling lonely I start asking her things about her family. And at one point when I was younger I told her I wanted to visit her family, by myself since we don't have much money. This made her happy of course.
Afterwards getting to know my mom's family I felt more closer to my mom.
Eh...as I'm writing this I realize I'm probably not helping you out here.
I guess what I'm trying to say it perhaps learn about your mom's culture. Perhaps ask her about some stories when she was little?
And don't worry Kazu you'll always have friends here :3
I wish I could be of more help, because I do understand that feeling of loneliness.
This is what the thread is for.
May I first ask, where is your Mom from?
I can see the issue with your relationship with her, since my mom is from Mexico and my dad the Philippines. So at some point my mom does miss her family, not my dad really (with his family they have many issues and are strong to holds grudges so it's kind of a thin ice bond for my dad). It's okay to feel the need for attention. I feel as though my brother does what he does sometimes because he wants my mom's attention (since I tend to hog all of it, whoops). But at times my mom will tell me that she truly does miss her family, this of course leaves me feeling helpless and not knowing what to do. It doesn't help either that now I am leaving her for college. At times I felt slightly jealous whenever my mom was talking to her family. But whenever my mom starts feeling lonely I start asking her things about her family. And at one point when I was younger I told her I wanted to visit her family, by myself since we don't have much money. This made her happy of course.
Afterwards getting to know my mom's family I felt more closer to my mom.
Eh...as I'm writing this I realize I'm probably not helping you out here.
I guess what I'm trying to say it perhaps learn about your mom's culture. Perhaps ask her about some stories when she was little?
And don't worry Kazu you'll always have friends here :3
I wish I could be of more help, because I do understand that feeling of loneliness.
Kazu
The Forgettor
I've forgotten already. xD
She's from the Philippines.
Unfortunately, she's a very... private person, even to us. Even my father struggles at times to get her to talk when he's noticed a change in her behavior. I've asked about my grandfather, her father, but so far I've only gotten her to tell me his name and that he was a fisherman. Her mother came to visit and stay with us for a couple of months, but she only spoke Tagalog, and so I couldn't talk to her without my mother. She won't tell me about her childhood, and I've almost given up on asking. She'll brush me off and say that it was a challenge and I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head and so on.
I'll see if I can ask her about Filipino culture though. All I know is that they're very boisterous, many enjoy other people, and they're hardworking. And love making lots and lots of food for parties, haha.
I've tried over the years to learn Tagalog, but she barely notices any difference. I've grown slightly bitter to it, though I know it's childish to do so, but all it gives me is angry, frustrated feelings over what I've failed to do to get her to get out of her little "bubble".
And thank you.
Unfortunately, she's a very... private person, even to us. Even my father struggles at times to get her to talk when he's noticed a change in her behavior. I've asked about my grandfather, her father, but so far I've only gotten her to tell me his name and that he was a fisherman. Her mother came to visit and stay with us for a couple of months, but she only spoke Tagalog, and so I couldn't talk to her without my mother. She won't tell me about her childhood, and I've almost given up on asking. She'll brush me off and say that it was a challenge and I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head and so on.
I'll see if I can ask her about Filipino culture though. All I know is that they're very boisterous, many enjoy other people, and they're hardworking. And love making lots and lots of food for parties, haha.
I've tried over the years to learn Tagalog, but she barely notices any difference. I've grown slightly bitter to it, though I know it's childish to do so, but all it gives me is angry, frustrated feelings over what I've failed to do to get her to get out of her little "bubble".
And thank you.
Life.
Forever Wandering
Oh do I have a lot to say about the Filipino culture~
Yay for being part Filipino!!! Even though my dad doesn't have close ties to his family, I do know some about the culture~
I'll PM ya tonight, I gotta get ready for work.
AutumnWolfe
Aidoneus.
I can feel you on this. My ex was extremely depressed and the first time we dated I genuinely liked him, but it was long distance. It didn't work out for me and I broke up with him. About 3 months later we were talking again and he kept flirting with me and I had just gone through some boy problems so we ended up dating again, even though my feelings for him weren't serious. After about 2 months, I had almost cheated in him at camp and decided to break up with him before i hurt him. I thought he might commit suicide (as he has tried before) when I did but luckily he didn't.
I guess my confession is that when I had my first kiss, I was cheating. I always felt bad about that even though I really loved the guy I kissed.
Life.
Forever Wandering
Love is truly a tricky thing, as much as people said that you should stay devoted to the person you are currently, it can be hard considering that potentially the person who you should be is single and perhaps the person that you did kiss. The only time I feel that is would be wrong is when two people who have finally made their vows and are officially married and then cheat. No. This I don't see as acceptable. But I mean this is how I see commitment, which I try to stray away from cause I fear of getting hurt of perhaps having someone leave me or me leaving someone and just not truly knowing who is supposed to be my "soulmate".
Danchou Tsubomi
Leader of the Mekakushi Dan
[SIZE=14.6667px]I think too much and so I never have a concrete opinion. There's always some doubt in every side I take and saying my opinion never really happens unless it's something minor. I really want to be able to have a reasonable debate over some of the important things but I'm afraid I'll just end up getting yelled at.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Wow, this...ended up really depressing all of a sudden. My bad. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Wow, this...ended up really depressing all of a sudden. My bad.
[/SIZE]
Life.
Forever Wandering
[SIZE=14.6667px]I think too much and so I never have a concrete opinion. There's always some doubt in every side I take and saying my opinion never really happens unless it's something minor. I really want to be able to have a reasonable debate over some of the important things but I'm afraid I'll just end up getting yelled at.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Wow, this...ended up really depressing all of a sudden. My bad.
I think too many of us think too much at times. This isn't so much as a bad thing considering it shows your open-minded to viewing different sides of an issue and not focusing your attention solely on one detail. Although it does hurt emotionally when someone yells. But don't let this deter you form voicing your opinion when you feel strongly about something.
budgieboo
And they said it changes when the sun goes down
been downloading horrible weeb games meant for 18+ just for their character creation
i'm 17
i'm 17
Abendrot
修羅の花
When I was 5-6 years old, I threw a chicken nugget into my grandpa's chicken coop just to see if they'd eat it.
They did.
They did.
Life.
Forever Wandering
moka
Unlucky Member
budgieboo
And they said it changes when the sun goes down
yeah damn right, it's great. i just love all the hair options in that. it's the reason why i download all these weeb games in the first place, for their character creator rather than any other reason.
honestly tho that one game is actually one of my largest guilty pleasures, if only for the fact that i just love anime drama simulators and talking to my own fictional waifs in three dimension.
ShotoNemar
しょとねまる
Confession – I’m Gay
So.... It took me a LONG time to come to this conclusion, as I kept telling myself that I'm normal, and everything alright when it isn't. You see, where I live, nobody is nice, not even me, and I don't like a lot of the people who live in my town. Men, women, any gender race occupation it doesn't matter. The Only people I found close to me is my family and my close friends. So I never felt attracted to anyone or anything. I'm not into adult or mature themes all that much and for the longest time I felt like it was normal not to like the human body. It was only recently did I realize that I'm just extremely picky when it comes to the human form. My heart seems to react the most to something I never expected to be attracted to- The same gender as me- Females.
It could be because I'm 20, and that seems to be the age of gender confusion I guess... maybe I'm just going through a faze? who knows whats going on with my body, but I am attracted to beautiful women. Short Petite and adorable. The main thing that made me come to this conclusion is the Olympics this year. I don't like the Olympics, but it's on the T.V. so I end up watching it. Well I heard that one of them was really good, helped children, and was inspired by manga, Kohei, I rooted for him. My family pointed out that maybe I thought he was cute so my brain took it seriously and analyzed his body for traits that I thought were attractive. I hate muscle, it's ugly and reminds me of gore for some reason, and while I have no problems with his race, he wasn't attractive at all. I mean he was hairy sweaty and muscle-y. So I said no I don't find him attractive at all.
But really the truth is, whether I'm a lesbian or not, and whether my family were to accept me or not. No one even near where I live is the same way. I couldn't ever be attracted to my friends, and I'm certainly not into incest or anything of that nature. Not to mention I'm sure that's illegal. I'm not sure whether to reach out and try to find someone, or stay where I am and see if I become straight or what. I know that I have had many dreams where I was romantically involved with a woman, but.... I'm just confused. It will take some time to get through this I suppose especially since everyone thinks I'm straight.
So.... It took me a LONG time to come to this conclusion, as I kept telling myself that I'm normal, and everything alright when it isn't. You see, where I live, nobody is nice, not even me, and I don't like a lot of the people who live in my town. Men, women, any gender race occupation it doesn't matter. The Only people I found close to me is my family and my close friends. So I never felt attracted to anyone or anything. I'm not into adult or mature themes all that much and for the longest time I felt like it was normal not to like the human body. It was only recently did I realize that I'm just extremely picky when it comes to the human form. My heart seems to react the most to something I never expected to be attracted to- The same gender as me- Females.
It could be because I'm 20, and that seems to be the age of gender confusion I guess... maybe I'm just going through a faze? who knows whats going on with my body, but I am attracted to beautiful women. Short Petite and adorable. The main thing that made me come to this conclusion is the Olympics this year. I don't like the Olympics, but it's on the T.V. so I end up watching it. Well I heard that one of them was really good, helped children, and was inspired by manga, Kohei, I rooted for him. My family pointed out that maybe I thought he was cute so my brain took it seriously and analyzed his body for traits that I thought were attractive. I hate muscle, it's ugly and reminds me of gore for some reason, and while I have no problems with his race, he wasn't attractive at all. I mean he was hairy sweaty and muscle-y. So I said no I don't find him attractive at all.
But really the truth is, whether I'm a lesbian or not, and whether my family were to accept me or not. No one even near where I live is the same way. I couldn't ever be attracted to my friends, and I'm certainly not into incest or anything of that nature. Not to mention I'm sure that's illegal. I'm not sure whether to reach out and try to find someone, or stay where I am and see if I become straight or what. I know that I have had many dreams where I was romantically involved with a woman, but.... I'm just confused. It will take some time to get through this I suppose especially since everyone thinks I'm straight.
moka
Unlucky Member
Sorry if you didn't want replies to this or anything but I only recently got out of a situation very similar to yours so I sort of wanted to respond. I'm a lesbian as well, but for a long time I just assumed it was a phase since I'm still young and I spent a lot of time around boys who constantly went on about girls. And because I kept expecting to grow out of it, I didn't tell anyone because I was worried that one day I'd realize it was just a phase. It helped me when I stopped using outright labels and just thought, 'okay, for now since I am attracted only to girls, I'm a lesbian, but if that changes one day, then so be it.' And it never changed, and while I guess maybe one day it technically could, I find it really unlikely because I've never felt attracted to a man before. But yeah I basically was in the same questioning situation that you were in for a few years, but I recently came to terms with it, and a couple weeks ago I told my parents.
Just from what you've said, it seems unlikely that you'll become straight, and I think that if you're interesting in pursuing it, you should try reaching out to find someone. I'm sure there are some people where you live who are also gay, it's just that it's normal to not be super open about it, I guess. And there's online sites as well.
Anyway I kind of rambled but I guess your post struck a chord with me since I can relate to it so much. I wish you the best of luck!
Just from what you've said, it seems unlikely that you'll become straight, and I think that if you're interesting in pursuing it, you should try reaching out to find someone. I'm sure there are some people where you live who are also gay, it's just that it's normal to not be super open about it, I guess. And there's online sites as well.
Anyway I kind of rambled but I guess your post struck a chord with me since I can relate to it so much. I wish you the best of luck!
ShotoNemar
しょとねまる
You do not know how much this means to me. Confessing made me feel so much better, but hearing a response was much needed. Thank you.
IG42
Paranoid Android
Silly confession:
I still occasionally check toilet seats after hearing that Black Widow spiders might live under them.
Erm how do you do that hidden thing?
I still occasionally check toilet seats after hearing that Black Widow spiders might live under them.
Erm how do you do that hidden thing?
Life.
Forever Wandering
:0
Oh I did not know that...mmm maybe I should start checking too now
>.>
And that's a spoiler you're referring to. You simply click on the icon that looks like an eye on the toolbar when you are writing a response. But if you're on mobile it will not show since the full toolbar is not open yet to mobile.
