Ammy said:• I don't know what the hell I've been wasting my life on up until now. My dad died shortly before I got into high school. He was the only one of us who worked for no reason other than my mother's laziness. She actually got a substantial amount of cash from his life insurance but blew through it ridiculously fast. Older brother is a sociopath who needs to be put six feet under. So I've been working my ass off ever since then to provide for my little brother and sister since nobody else would.
Now I'm just questioning; why have I even bothered? Little brother is a junkie now and refuses to contribute. Sister hates me for some reason I don't fully understand. Mother continues to live in her little fantasy world despite being on the verge of being homeless, and does horrible things such as emptying out my bank account for who knows what. Got the info needed from me when I was fighting a two month long fever from what doctors were assuming at that time to be lung cancer. Finally had enough and told them I'm leaving and going to focus on greater education, which apparently makes me the Antichrist since I won't carry them despite being constantly treated like garbage. Worst part is that despite all of that I do feel bad about it.
• No matter how good or bad things in my life are going I try and listen to people when they need to vent. The intensity at which someone feels something doesn't directly correlate to the intensity of what is going on, and it's my belief that far too many people love to talk and hate to listen. That said, my patience is running really thin as of the last year. Every time I hear someone say something like "oh no I got into an argument with my friend woe is me worst day ever" I seriously want to chew them out. If that's really all that it takes to get you to cry so much then you've had a pretty comfortable ride. In the end I still listen and try to show kindness but I'm resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Not exactly proud of this, but it's where I'm at right now.
• Have serious difficulty speaking about myself. Feel like my bad news far outweighs the good so I'm concerned people may think I'm just making things up for the sake of attention. Usually just keep things to myself for that reason. Been like that for a long, long time and it was fine before. Now that I'm actively trying to change myself for the better, I'm realizing how stressful social situations can be.
• ...and boy, those social situations are really stressful. I'm not a fan of small talk, so combine that with the above and I never feel like I can connect with anyone. Not really.
• Hoooooonestly not even sure why I still come to this site any longer? I mean, it's been a long time since I've actually roleplayed. Part of that is just that I just quit what started as a 60hr/week job and turned into a 84hr/week one. Just didn't have the energy. Now that isn't an issue, yet all I really do is troll around status updates and lurk around the video game section. Even when I get hyped for something I never end up going through with positing a character app. Motivation isn't there. Could be that I'm still waiting on my desktop to get here and this junk laptop isn't enough, or it might be depression or something. Struggling with that lately, so I apologize to anyone who stumbles across this post if I've chimed in on an interest check and backed out. That could be why.
Yeah. Sorry for being a downer, but like others have said it's so much easier to let this stuff out on the net than real life.
@Ammy
I apologize that it took so long for me to respond back! I had to run some errands with my parents and I really wanted to think through a response for your confession. But the most I could do is probably be the ear here for you and say that it will get better. I admire that you dedicate so much attention to your family even when it seems as though they are not deserving of it. But I can relate to the feeling when I see someone who feels as though "it's the end of the world" for them. Too many people abuse those words. I on the other hand appreciate what I have more. A lot of people stress over tests and what not and they have asked me how I stay calm. I simply tell them, "I always think to myself that I could be in a bad situation." Afterwards they realize their mistake. Yeah...I dislike when people vent out to me and never bother to ask how I feel. I used to have a friend, in real life, who always started her conversations with either I or me. Rarely did she ask how I was. This ex-friend was also the one who broke a great friendship I had with another girl because she was jealous. Anyways I truly appreciate how you opened yourself to us, despite having a difficulty speaking about yourself. At first I would trouble talking about myself as well but as many of my real life friends came and go this was the only place where the same people stayed with me. This helped me to open up plus it has also helped me to release some stress. I'm truly am glad that you are wanting to reach out. If you ever want to talk some more about anything I'm free most of the time! Don't be afraid to shoot me a message even if it's to vent!
And it's okay if you don't roleplay at the moment. Most of the time I'm here more for the people rather than the roleplays. I've left this site for several months at two moments since the whole time I've joined this site. The first time I thought to myself that I would never get back on cause I would never find the motivation or the time but eventually I missed the people. That reason was the same for the second time. But take your time to find your motivation even if it means coming and going in between the site and your life.
Once again thank you for sharing and I offer you an electronic hug if you are willing to accept it