A Brain In Chains [Inactive]

"Apparently not. Sometimes... I kinda think... I don't really mind, if I'm 'cured' or not. I don't understand, really, why everyone thinks I have some sort of disease. It doesn't feel like one." He swallows, remembering his bad days when he really did need to be put in a place like this, but he pushes it back. He's a coherent, mostly sane person. Normal, really, as long as you ignore his reclusive tendencies-- reclusive is the nice way to put it-- and his obsessive love of books. "But I guess there's a point, where it goes from being a loner to being crazy, and you don't have a say in when that line is crossed. I'm... I'm not making sense, I think," he says hastily, rubbing at his tired eyes and trying to sort out the mess in his head. He was up late again, last night, re-reading the first Harry Potter book. It was his guilty pleasure-- he's read books much more difficult than the Sorcerer's Stone, but that didn't stop him from reading it approximately thirty-two times. He can recite several chapters by heart now.
 
Tanner put one foot in front of the other, repeating the motion on the grout of the hospital's tiles. Everything was okay. He wasn't there anymore. This was the same recurring thought he had to put in his head to forget everything. "One, two. One, two." He was okay. This would be okay.


"Hey, buddy. Do you need help?" A male nurse, in the means of helping, touched his shoulder. Tanner's eyes shot open, a scream escaping his lips. He started to kick and thrash, trying to get away from him. He couldn't get away from him.


'You'll never get away, love. Everyone hears you, but no one will come.'


"No! He'll do it again, get him away!" he yelled over and over, curling into the fetal position. His bandages were coming undone, the sutures starting to rip. And then he saw his teddy bear, Maurice, lying next to his foot. He grabbed the bear, quieting down a little.


"I'm okay, I'm okay, One, two, one two one two."


The social worker that was assigned to his case arrived a few minutes later. "I'm sorry, sir. His name is Tanner Nickson, he doesn't like to be touched..." he heard them walking off, speaking about him. Everyone seemed to be speaking about him nowadays. He got up and continued to his room, barefoot. He liked the way the tiles felt.


He got to the room that was assigned to him. There were things already stocked on the other side. Tanner had nothing but his bear. He sat on the bed, and it was sorta comfy. Compared to an old futon, anything was. "This place feels warm." he mumbled to himself, stroking the bear's fur. "It'll be okay Maurice, it'll be okay."
 
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"Awesome" She said with a breath as she turned on her heels. Glancing out the window she noticed the changing colors of the sky and the darkness that was starting to come over. "I'm sure it's getting late now." Kayla thought to herself. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to go get some food." She shifted her eyes from Ben to Xavier and back to Ben before starting to slowly walk backwards out of the room.
 
Xavier looked at Kayla as she spoke, tearing his gaze away from where the little dots on the ceiling had been performing what seemed like battle plans or something. Blinking a few times to fully clear his mind, Xavier remembered the whole hiding-from-nurses thing and how Ben was about to question him about it. Now that was a conversation Xavier wouldn't mind missing.


Sliding off the bed, he put on a fake innocent face and started following Kayla. "Yeah, it's kinda getting late you know. I should probably get something to eat too," he lied somewhat smoothly, turning his back to Ben and keeping his head down to try and not draw attention as he snuck out if the room.
 
Ben let out a small sigh of defeat. Xavier was trying to avoid the conversation that much was obvious to him. He flopped backward onto the bed for a moment starring at the ceiling. His eyes were heavy, and his body felt ragged. He was almost relaxed but forced himself up when he realized if he layed there much longer he would fall asleep. "Well, better go get some chow." He said to himself running to catch up with Xavier.
 
Xavier's hand was tapping very quickly on the side of his leg as he walked down the hall, letting Kayla lead the way to the cafeteria as he focused his mind and forced control. It was working slightly, he wasn't having an episode or anything, but his "friend" was back and wouldn't leave Xavier alone. 'As long as I keep thinking it'll be ok,' he told himself, earning a loud, cruel laugh out of his "friend". Xavier tried his best to ignore it, and turned when he heard running behind him. Forcing a smile when he saw Ben, Xavier opened his mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a different patient screaming in the room he was standing next to. Almost instantly Xavier's face took on a look of horror and he closed his eyes, clutching the side of his head painfully. But he didn't even feel it since he was too busy trying to figure out what was going on. His senses were being over ridden, with strange things dancing behind his eyes and a million separate voices yelling at once. "Stop it, stop it," he whispered over and over, wiping away little things that he could feel crawling on his arms. He opened his eyes and had the distinct look of terror in them as he sunk to the floor, breathing rapidly and looking around to try and force sense into the situation. His "friend" was sitting right in front of him, and Xavier wanted to kill it and cry at the same time. "Go away," he said weakly, brushing off more little bugs from his arms.
 
Tanner heard screaming in the hallway. He got up and walked out, clutching Maurice for dear life. He was scared, but more alone than anything. He ventured until he found a pair of people, one girl and one boy, there. The boy was in pain. He wanted to help. He squatted down before him, careful not to touch him. "A...are you gone?" he asked, seeing a vacant look he was accustomed to. He then held out his bear, hoping it would help the boy like it helped him.
 
Ben immediately saw Xavier was in some kind of trouble. A guy he hadn't met yet, appeared to by trying to help. He ran up to him as quickly as he could, "Xavier!" He squatted down next to his roommate noticing the strange distant look in his eyes. He turned to Kayla "Quick go get a nurse I think he's having an episode!" He told her. He then went back to focusing on Xavier. He looked up to the other guy, "Hey we need to get him help. Think you can help me get him out of the middle of the hallway?"
 
Tanner blinked at the guy, unable to chain together a sentence at that moment in time. 'Help?' he thought, his dusty blonde hair covering his eyes. He placed his hands gently underneath the boy's neck and torso, his heart racing frantically at the touch. "Help?" he said, looking back at the stranger who had asked that of him not even a minute ago.
 
Ben was confused at first by this guys response, but shrugged it off. Now wasn't the time he needed to get Xavier somewhere safe before he hurt himself or someone else. He looked the other guy in the eyes. "Yes, help. He needs help." He made his voice direct hoping he would understand. Ben grabbed Xavier and started to try and move him. "Help me move him ok?"
 
Tanner adjusted his placement of hands and lifted the boy up easily. His uncle was sure to torture him into exercise, saying it was as close to godliness as he would ever get. He looked back at the one with black hair, trying not to tremble. 'It's just a boy. it's not him.' he told himself, solidifying his will. "Where?" he asked, his bear hanging out of the crease of his elbow.
 
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Ben was surprised to see how strong the seemingly fragile boy was. "Uh," he hesitated for a moment due to shock. "Oh uh follow me!" He headed back to the their dorm room thinking it was a better idea to put him on the bed. He hoped that the nurse's would be on their way soon.
 
Xavier saw the new boy, but just waved at him to go away while quietly answering the question that somehow made it past the voices. "I'm not gone, I'm here. Where is here though? Somewhere swimmy, or sunny, but it's failing. No, falling..." He continued mumbling, scratching more things off his arms before Ben somehow got there. He couldn't even see the hallway anymore, but Ben, the new boy, his "friend", and the bottom half of Kayla were clear in his view. "No," he said shaking his head and shrinking away from the hands trying to get him. "I don't need help. I'm fine, ok? I'm fine!" Xavier closed his eyes, wishing that everything would go away and begrudgingly letting Ben and the other boy take him somewhere. 'Somewhere sunny,'he thought, closing his eyes tighter at the suddenly too bright light. 'Sunny and falling like grandma said.'


Looking around when they stopped Xavier realized he was in his bed, and his "friend" was sitting at the edge glaring at Ben and the other boy. 'Look at them,' it said, sneering at the others before locking eyes with Xavier. 'They think you're weak, they're going to get nurses to drug you so you can't think,' it said and Xavier scowled slightly, shaking his head as it processed the information. Ben was getting those mean nurses...


After a few seconds Xavier redirected his glare at Ben. "Go away! I don't need help, and you're not helping me in the first place!" He said and sat up, clenching his eyes shut as dizziness took hold of him. "I don't need anyone's help 'cause I'm fine."
 
Tanner sat down on the floor, clutching Maurice in his arms. The boy was okay, seeing as he was yelling at them. "Don't be mad," he said out loud while allowing himself to smile, "You're okay now. Everything will be okay." He looked up at the one he'd carried into the room. He was pretty, with blond hair and grey eyes. "You're pretty." Tanner said aloud, surprising himself. He was sure that word wasn't in his vocabulary anymore. He pulled his knees to his chest, hoping he hadn't said anything to offend the boy.
 
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Kayla sauntered down the hall unaware of most of her surroundings; in her own little world. Until the commotion behind her snapped her back into reality. She could hear the sound of Ben's voice mixed with panic and the soft voice of someone unfamiliar. Everything seemed to happen so fast, but soon enough she found herself jogging down to Xavier's room. She could hear him telling the boys to go away and to leave him alone. She paused for a moment and took a deep breath before entering the room. "Are you okay?" She kept her voice steady as she made her way to the foot of the bed. She could see that he was aggravated and didn't want to be the cause of any more irritation, but she cared about him. She actually cared.
 
Xavier felt a small part of his mind pause when the new boy spoke, and he cocked his head to the side to watch the boy closer. "You're different," he said after several seconds. "Not as bad as Ben because you didn't want to bring them," he explained, not noticing the flawed or lack of logic. His eyes snapped to Kayla as she walked into the room and he watched as she stole his "friend"s spot, making it yell at her and call her several very bad names. "Hush up, or grandma will put soap in your mouth," Xavier warned and the "friend" stopped yelling. Nodding in satisfaction, Xavier looked at Kayla with a calculating gaze. "You didn't bring them with you, did you?"
 
Kayla blinked and stood there puzzled by Xavier's question, "Bring who?" She glanced down at the boy who was sitting on the floor clenching a teddy bear, his eyes appeared to be locked on Xavier. Returning her gaze to Xavier she looked him over.
 
Tanner looked at the girl, her hair a dark red. He liked it, that color. So many new people in one room, he felt like they were nice. Especially the blond one. "Names?" He asked out loud, hoping they'd understand. "I'm Tanner." he said soon after, hearing his own name spoken by himself for the first time in what seemed like forever. He was used to being called 'boy' or 'it' when it wasn't happening. when the pain wasn't happening.
 
"Them," Xavier said and frowned at Kayla like she was a slow child or something. "Ben told you to get them, but they're bad. They stop me from thinking." Xavier saw his "friend" nodding along from the corner where it had retreated to, and Xavier felt a little better that at least someone knew who he was talking about. He looked over at the boy, Tanner, and cocked his head to the side. "Names? Oh, I have one of those. It's Xavier, I think..." He whispered the last part and frowned down at the bed sheets, wanting to calm the storm so he could honestly and confidently say what his name was.
 
"Xavier..." Tanner whispered, smiling. 'Just like the X-Men comics.' he thought. "You aren't like the others either." he said, a strange sense of comfort growing as he looked into the boy's eyes. But, then they grew cold, as if he was trailing off again. Tanner held out his bear, knowing it could help. "Maurice would keep the bad thoughts away!" he yelped out loud, blushing. 'Smooth move, now everyone is gonna look at you.' he thought.
 
Ben turned to Kayla quickly and rushed over to her grabbing her shoulders. "Please you have to go get the nurse's. He's having an episode I think he's been skipping his medication." Without another word to her he walked back over to Xavier and the other boy, he looked at the soft spoken guy. "Thanks." He said calming but then concern filled him again as he looked at his roommate. He sat beside him on the bed, not touching him or anything. "Hey buddy I know you don't like them. I know you don't want me to get them. I'm sorry." His words will filled with care and understanding much like how his mother would talk to him after he had a nightmare when he was young. "I'm sorry pal, I just don't want you to get hurt."
 
Xavier smiled at Tanner and took the bear carefully, looking the plushie over before setting it gently on his bed next to him. "Thanks Tanner. And thanks to you too Maurice for helping," he said, directing the last part at the toy before Xavier watched Ben come over. He frowned, shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest much like a child mid tantrum would do. "But I don't need them. I'm not hurt, and what they give me makes me not think." He blinked a few times, closing his eyes as a headache came on and people started talking to him. "I'm fine," he said again, opening his eyes but not daring to meet Ben's gaze in case the black haired boy could tell he was lying.
 
Ben felt so bad, he didn't know what to do. He knew Xavier didn't like his medication, he understood that. Having a fog over you was something no one really cared for. However Ben couldn't just let him sit there in an episode. It could be dangerous. "I'm sorry buddy." Ben's voice was low, and a bit choked. He felt himself getting dizzy. This was taking a toll on him. He had already been so exhausted. "We've gotta make sure you stay 'fine'." He told him.
 
Tanner pushed up the sleeves of his sweater, revealing all the bandages and stitches he had gotten just a week and a half before. He didn't care, he felt a little flushed. Xavier was nice and he seemed okay, even though the black haired boy kept disagreeing. They were both gonna make each other, and himself, go to that dark place. He had to say something to stop them, he just didn't know what. His stomach answered that problem, loudly growling from lack of food since...ever. "Maybe if we eat, we'll feel better?" he asked, standing up in the process.
 
Xavier looked at Ben blankly, ignoring the little things that floated around the edges of his vision to the best of his abilities. Finally he fixed Ben with a firm glare and pointed to the opposite bed. "You're not fine, and need sleep. I'm fine, so I can watch over you and keep the monsters away," he said, gesturing to the wall covered in graphite monsters that had started to move, all the lifeless beady eyes watching the four -five if you counted Maurice like Xavier was- in the room. Xavier looked over at Tanner with a confused expression, all his tense emotions from before vanishing. "But I just ate a sandwich with Kayla, didn't i?," he muttered.
 
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