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Short girls are so sweet and cute until you piss them off. Then they are like a chipmunk with rabies.
Roses are red,
I like Darth Vader.
Poetry is hard,
Refrigerator.
For all of our veterans on this Memorial Day, I give you my most warm-hearted salute and I say "Thank you" for your service.
Hey Sherwood! Get a load of this! I'm sure everyone's favorite pun-ster will get a good laugh here! 8D
Chef Bobby Flay needs to have a daughter and name her Sue.
Was the person that invented denim clothing a . . . jeanius?
Star Trek meme:
Picard: Did you know I almost have a photographic memory?
Riker: Almost, sir?
Picard: I never developed it.
Riker: *facepalm*
When someone types "ROFL" I imagine Scooby Doo trying to say "Waffle".
In Europe, its called a Lift.
In America, its an Elevator.
I guess we're just raised differently.
What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people! Ha!
The other day, my wife asked me to tone it down some.
I told her that there is no dimmer switch on awesome.
Me at 18: This radio station is playing my jams.
Me at 25: This bar is playing my jams.
Me now: This grocery store is playing my jams.
Teacher: I have a green ball in one hand, and a green ball in my other hand. What do I have?
Kid: Kermit the Frog begging for mercy.
I don't know why I don't buy more pinatas. Right now, I sure could go for beating the crap out of something then eating a lot of candy without having to go to jail. -
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