The best feeling is waking up in the middle of the night and realizing that you still have hours to sleep.
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No matter how many pens I buy, they always "mysteriously" go missing.
I'm great in bed. I can sleep for days.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustach, and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?
I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks, I'm outstanding.
Next time somone talks to me alone, I'll look at them, shocked, and whisper, "You can see me?"
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