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  • When you were younger, you were likely asked "what do you wanna be when you grow up?" The answer you gave at the time likely either was "I don't know" or something that ended up being more or less quite off the direction you ended up heading or are heading now. But if you're like me, you didn't always answer the same thing, and rather changed over time. There were times whe i wanted to be a scientist, an author, a teacher, own a company , review restaurants... While I wasn't constantly jumping I did change my mind quite a bit. While on that aspect my mind if fixed today, I still often hesitate about many things and have difficulty picking among them. Characters and roleplays and animes are among those things, for example. But I think that, when i can, at last, make up my mind , the result tends to be much stronger and pull me on a drive to make what I put into my work really shine and on top of that, it's something I can do because I feel that direction is where I really should go. Once the previous hesitation is dealt with I can usually steamroll through the rest. Knowing what you want is half the journey.


    In my last two status updates, I explained that I have this feeling of isolation from acknowledging the fact that I have a unique style of going about an RP and that most likely I will never find someone who also enjoys such a style. That is the kind of thing that gives me the fear of never accomplishing said goal, or even resulting in the end of my RPing days altogether. 


    Yet there is another side to that coin: I know what I want. Even if it's that hard to find, that is reason not to give up and is reason to know how to appreciate that which is not ideal. I do not need the ideal roleplayed to enjoy myself. But that doesn't mean everything is the same: some things are better others are worse. The more used to this idea you get, the more you can appreciate the little efforts that are made and the more you can learn to place yourself within that infinity of other styles. You can't change your own style, however once you know what is at the core of your wishes you an try to scrap from the things that don't correspond as much and make them as close to what you like as possible instead of being lost in how things don't correspond exactly to everything you envisioned.


    I pity those people who feel the need to have every single little thing go their way or who feel entitled to think themselves superior to others. Who think that a roleplay, a show or anything else needs to display externally the things they like rather than have an internal contribution. It hurts the lives of those people and everyone else that the little efforts are not appreciated and that some have it stuck in their heads that either things need to be perfect or stuck in their heads that it's not good if it doesn't reward immediately. 


    I have a long way to go , in many directions. But I know I can be happy being unhappy because I don't have to be so in the same aspect. And because I know what I am looking for. My ideal Rper would be someone who:


    *can make me feel the emotions in their posts


    *is invested in the roleplay


    *fits or surpasses my standards of quality of roleplay and human decency


    *has an RPing style matching mine


    this is what I look for. Sure, I haven't found anyone who matches it that way, but knowing that makes able to appreciate it when people strive to come closer (be they aware of it or not). To anyone who feels that RPing may no longer be worth it or that it's time to give up on something, if you read this, then think to yourselves about what is truly important. Once you get deep into it you'll see and you'll notice those details of joy in every sadness , of hope in despair , of gold in dust and of good in evil.


    Ot's because of those were here. That is what makes humanity great. We are stupid, ugly, rude , destructive... but our roots are good. And as long as a person can understand and notice that, hope will never die. 


    Just like my hope to find that ideal partner will never die, even if it is an impossible wish. 


    Thank you for reading.
    Thalia_Neko
    Thalia_Neko
    Duno if I exactly match your style (well I definitely dont haha) or if I am exactly what you're looking for, but I'll continue to respond to you in our rps, so... :)  Hope thats sorta enough? x3 ^^
    Idea
    Idea
    well, @[43122:@Thalia_Neko] that´s the thing. I don´t think anyone will ever match what I want, but as long as I have that ideal I can recognize the good parts and enjoy roleplays even if I´m not really satisfied.
    Thalia_Neko
    Thalia_Neko
    That sounds good to me ^^ Was just letting you know, you can at least count on me to reply haha
    I don't like getting into fights. I do enjoy an argument/discussion/debate, provided people are civil about it and are trying to reach a thought out conclusion to it. But fighting, or arguing in any other form tag the previously described? That just leaves me in a horrible mood, can put me in a slump for days. But it still happens, quite a bit. Maybe because I'm just dense or it's the way i approach problems... I don't know. But it has taught me that I am more sensitive than i ever expected to be. While in many areas it's really hard to make as much as wink, in other aspects I can easily get hurt. Seeing someone hurt or sick easily gets me to feels shivers. Feelings of guilt are common and lasting. And Childish as it may be, when I feel pushed aside, it cuts deeper than my reason tells me it should. Because of that, I am really not competitive. I don't like the idea of being judged and compared. I don't like the idea that someone may come to me and reject me in favor of another as if I was discardable. Because I have absolute certainty that i am not discardable, but the feeling can still linger. 


    Of course, this is the tip of the iceberg of things I have relefected about myself- and like all others, it may be complete BS. I am not a psychologist and even if I was I doubt I'd have the qualifications to analyze my own personality , goals, drives... 


    But I still think it goes to show that there is a weight to a feeling of exclusion (which many, if not all of you who read this are likely also aware about). As previously mentioned in my other status update, I have a rather...well, unique way of going about my roleplays. I like to plan them out, I believe we are suppose fit become the character rather than just write them, and want rules for everything. Rather than experience I rely on research and thought (for the most part). Among other things... 


    However, I notice other roleplayers aren't quite on the same page about it. This is my way of doing things, my comfort zone, yet I find it nowehere except in what I make. But in what's i make, I can barely get people to relunctantly go with it- and even then, it rarely lasts in any way shape or form. 


    Of course, nobody is obliged to do things my way. And in fact, if they don't want to, it's likely that we're all actually better off if people don't force themselves for it. But it's not something I can just drop. My way of doing things takes root from a combination of much of my experience and personality , things I can't just snap my fingers and boom they changed. Yet if I don't, then I'll always be searching for something I fear i amy never find- my way of doing things is after all , unique. It's quite specific and I am yet to meet anyone with such tastes yet. 


    At first I could afford to say "oh this group doesn't like me, I'll try the next" or "this doesn't roleplay didn't go as planned, I'll tweak it a little for my next one" or "oh it's the holidays killing my stuff".... But I do try it over and over again and I see patterns, I see things that at once i can't change, but also seem to be at the root of the problem, my very inclinations in the way I do things. Every time I get into a fight and ruin the mood or one of my roleplay dies because nobody is posting, etc... Ican get over it, for the most part. But the weight only grows. I feel like , in time, I'll either be eternally stuck searching for a way to do a rolepaly the way that I like or will end up leaving roleplaying altogether, from the sheer fact that it hurts to think about it, that it hurts to understand more and more each time , that the way I do things will not be corresponded.  People have tried, but for those that didn't give up, the reluctance is still obvious. 


    This is getting a bit too long again, but I think I reached the point where I can break before one last update on this sequence. people reading may think I'm whining - and in a sense, I am- but  I think that this is something I ought to put out there. That although it isn't anyone's fault I can feel isolated or pushed aside by the fact i can't find anyone who shares this interest in planning and oiling things out that I do (and those other aspects I also mentioned). It hurts because of that. 
    Idea
    Idea
    Dex118
    Dex118
    You know, we're alike in some points but, yeah, don't feel like that, you're going to find someone that reaches or surpasses your expectations. Hang in there friend :)  
    Idea
    Idea
    Funnily enough the topic for the next one is gonna be, in part, what my ideal partner would be like :)
    I just want to say that because of your posts, I started watching Mgaical Girl Raising Project.  I just finished the fourth episode.  It's so amazing, but I am already so distressed.  I don't think my heart can take 12-13 episodes of this.  I can't forgive you.
    Idea
    Idea
    Welll, only 11 exist so far and my own pace is one a week since I'm watching as it comes out. It's a very intense show (I think you can guess that by my feels spam). So it may be even rougher on you. 


    But I am glad at least you have enjoyed what you saw thus far. And I hope you find it in your heart t forgive someday...or whatever is left of it when you get to the point I'm on.
    Sometimes, I see it written "everyone has their own style of RP and they have the right to do it that way", and I get pissed. Before anyone burns me alive for this, though, I wanna explain myself.


    There are two reasons I get pissed. The first is that it tends to serve as a block for criticism. Rather than facing the fact you can make mistakes and should try to improve, you just say the equivalent to "I have the right to be stubborn". This is not the case everytime, but it happens way too often.


    the other reason is that this is contradictory given a simple fact.the styles of some people may involve others. In fact, given RPing is done with multiple people one might even think a given Rping style would naturally be dependent upon a certain collaboration. This is my case: my style involves, among other things, a careful planning. Or at least that is the natural way of doing things for me, the one I enjoy the most and that works best in terms of results. Thus, whenever i make a roleplay , I have such a layer of complexity and of course not everyone is happy with it. 


    But here's the thing: do I have to repress my tastes every time? Just because my taste is unique in the sense that I am yet to find anyone who actually shares it, does that make my taste worthless? How can there be a rule , a right given to all to give them absolute respect into allowing them their own styles and not my own?


    Now, of course, in practice things aren't quite like this. In practice, it's not right to repress other roleplayers and tastes are wide and varied. In practice things aren't so straightforward. But what truly pisses me is that people assume , not reach the conclusion that, but assume that It is that straightforward. More on this on my next status update.
    I have so many things I wanna status update about, and I can only recall half of them now... Guess it's time for Idea to start shitposting too.
    The latest episode of Mahou shoujo Ikusei Keikaku...


    View attachment 213048


    My God this show is brilliant...and so dark. It's not just being well thought out and the realism, nor just the shock  value and feels... it's utterly amazing and my heart is aching bad that if I cried to shows, my tears would shedding tears. 


    Also my my favorite character in the show just died. 


    NAAAAAAAANDE?!
    Wooohoo! 8000 rep mark beaten, just 2330 (aprox) rep to match my content count!


    And on that note, I want to thank two followers I gained between yesterday and now, since it turns out I may have missed one or two notifications about it. I´m pretty sure I thanked the third, though...


    But since I´m on that topic, thank you to all my followers for your support! The world wouldn´t be the same without you! :)  XD :)  
    Is there a dentist around here? Or anyone who ever did or is studying dental health? 


    With my tong, I suddenly noticed a huge semi-circular gap in the back of my tooth the furthest back. It doesn't hurt in the slightest and I only Noticed it now, but it's really weird and is worrying me a bit.


    anyone know what it might be?
    If characters where rejected on the originality of their personalities, the biggest group RPs would have like three people.
    Kloudy
    Kloudy
    Yeah, probably. ;-;


    I wouldn't say I'd be one of those three either.
    The Golden Lion
    The Golden Lion
    Not the old Arai,Minamoto,Nexus,and Sanada,etc. These clans & empires were vast in  numbers as all of us we're pretty much different. We had about 80-100 tops.
    Kitsu
    Kitsu
    if that were the case. i'd never be able to join an rp. 
    I don´t even fully understand what this is supposed to be but HOLY MOTHER IN HEAVEN!
    Necessity4Fun
    Necessity4Fun
    It's about how media influences the masses, thus, by only reporting the violence, war and hatred, it 'helps' people propagate and reproduce those exact racist, intolerant actions... Kinda by like, manipulating everyone to agree with their point of view, that is in reality not even half of the truth : /
    That's why by the end, everyone hates everyone and they all kill each other... (Well except for those two who were desperately trying to get the conflict to stop and had to bury the entire town in the end)

    So yeah, it's about the strong power of influence that the corrupted media has over the populace... Markimoo kinda explained it by the end of the video >w<

    Also, It ties up with this Vocaloid song:
    (Shamelessly throws song at you, I regret nothing!)
    Welp, finished "Hyperdimension Neptune"/"Choujichen Game Neptune the Animation" and I gotta say...it´s dividing me. 


    The journey of the show was quite the roller coaster, being a fun show and having some amazing moments but often throwing away some of the good stuff for the sake of something that doesn´t really live up to it.


    Does the show purposely raise our expectations and fails to deliver them?


    Or did I begin to reach that point where I notice narrative problems more in anime?


    It tears me inside, but the show is very fun and cute and something I definitely recommend. But I don´t know what else to think, I´m divided...


    View attachment 215163


    yeah, I suppose we can agree on that.
    Idea
    Idea
    11:11 now and I´m tagging @[44270:@Blanc] cause I know she loves this show


    or he, I´m not sure
    Thalia_Neko
    Thalia_Neko
    TBH, I never watched the show (though I might have to now xD), I didnt even actually know there was one, until you mentioned it recently haha. I just played like the first 3-4 games. (I cant remember even how many games of the series I played haha)
    Idea
    Idea
    Well I'm gonna get myself a P-KO Gif for the profile for a little, maybe even get that eggplant witch into it for a day. When I'm done with Alice or just for a couple days. 
    I think I´mma gonna reboot my mahou shoujo RP soon. I can´t stand the fact that another roleplay died because people didn´t bother doing the character sheet.
    Just came home from the 50th anniversary of my grandfather´s wedding. My mother made this video with pictures and semi-narrations and some really jazzy music about every family member, birth to today. The nostalgia! One really gets the sense of time and change, but most of all, of the great legacy my grandparents started, our family, our own existence... It inspires me to be better, though as usual, I don´t know if that feeling will hold up when the challenge actually comes... A man can hope though. In any case, at this very moment, I am thankful for everything they did for us until today! Thank you!
    Mena
    Mena
    Aw at least your appreciative of what your grandparents and the rest of your family went through, Idea-kun. I sadly didn't have the chance to meet mine but I hope that you will continue to treasure the memories spent with your loved ones!
    Kaerri
    Kaerri
    Congrats to your grandparents!
    Idea
    Idea
    @[17736:@Mena] thank you so much. I am really sorry that you never got to meet yours, but I pray that one day you´ll see them in heaven and share of such bliss :)  


    @[9058:@Kaerri] since they´ll obviously never read this, I am thanking you now in their name and my own.
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