Since we’re on the topic of weird dreams, I had a dream that I was in a seated fighting tournament, but I used a baby pug as a shield because no one would punch a pug ‘cause that’s heckin immoral.
Axel The Englishman
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When you sit on the bony part of your arse for too long and now you can’t get up so you feel like you’re dying and you notice nan pulling you towards the light.
Try to attempt to use this site on a mobile device without the app and witness as your hardware is battered and pillaged Khan-style.
When somebody tries to confront you with some Communism but you rebuke them with strong capitalist profits and buy out their potato fields to develop a transnational spud corporation.
When you look up lists of top WWII tanks only looking for British engineering in order to fuel your deflating ego.
When you get a sneaking suspicion your ethereal ancestors are judging you from beyond the grave as you headbang to the sound of the printer in operation.
On a scale of ‘Treasonous Scumbag Colonial’ to ‘Unfaltering Allegiance, God save the Queen’, how loyal are you to the Empire and the Crown?
When one of your former colonies is celebrating an annual holiday and you’re here waiting for your own national day.
On the internet, nobody knows you’re a heavy armoured fighting vehicle carrying guns and moving on a continuous articulated metal track.
10 points to whichever house manages to understand this avatar change.
*knocks on castle gate*
When you start playing a complicated game for the first time and you make as much progress as Germany did on the Western Front.
When you’re wondering when you should let Ireland know when you’re planning to invade.
When someone gives you the spooks and says the Falklands is an Argentinian territory.
I annex this website in the name of the British Empire. It’s territories now belong to Her Majesty, the Queen. Revolutions are not advised.
When you’re lifelong goal is to rebuild the British Empire but everyone doubts your ability to conquer 24% of the world on your own.
AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEL
Going to Belgium to Duke of Wellington it out with some short angry Frenchman.
Only naval vessels pop into my head when people start talking about “ships”. Clearly, we stem from VERY different trees.
How to win the heart of the fair maiden: be a noble, join a tournament, defeat every other contestant, dedicate all of your slayings to her.
That feeling when you’ve had 5 pyramids of Toblerone and you can feel your heart faili-
Everyone roots for an arse. We all love douchebags.
Ajit is a infidel, take him down for the Pope! Deus vult!
Goddammitall, I told you I like the toilet paper over, not under. Now it'll touch the wallllllll.
*explodes* -
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