Fandom Tale of Two Survivors { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Every fiber of his being wanted to argue that. Yes, he sure as hell knew that Alex would absolutely not be doing that. If there was nothing else for which he could be certain, this was it. This was the one thing. He would never let someone else do that to him. For him. He could not let someone else do that. He refused to allow it. He refused to be the one who brought that fate on someone else. Not with that fate being brought down on him. There was no use in arguing though. They may have just been talking about not hiding big things like this from each other, and he agreed, there was no way that he could tell Alex that he already had a plan to keep him from having to kill someone because there was no cure to an infection that stole bodies away from lives.

He pressed his forehead to Alex’s. A gesture of how much he cared. How sorry he was that this caused someone else pain. What kind of healer did that to people? How could he be so proud of being a medic, of being someone on which someone else could depend, if he was the one causing more pain. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Then he pulled himself away, leaving only his draped arm that he was not even bothering to pretend was a gesture of camaraderie anymore, and began to walk even slower than before. He could not focus on moving his body well while also distracted by what felt like the weight of the world.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex knew that this was a discussion that would be had more than once. It was something that he hated, not being told the entire truth. There were things that he could see being withheld from certain people, due to age or health issues or what have you. He couldn’t see things being withheld by someone he was supposed to trust. How could he trust someone if they didn’t even want to share the important things? Alex sighed, he could have these thoughts all day and not get anywhere.

He blinked when Nate pressed his forehead to Alex’s. He leaned into the contact, a silent acceptance of how much Nate cared and how much Alex did in return. He’d only know Nate for a short time but he cared for the man, more than he thought he would. “I forgive you.” Alex responded when Nate said he was sorry. Then Nate pulled away. He still kept one arm around Alex’s shoulders. Nate was walking slower than before and Alex kept pace with him. The forest was in reach, and with that, camp and rest.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

He walked silently now. It was a deep, heavy silence that they had not yet shared. Even when they first met, walking through the streets. Even when they moved quietly through the trees. None of that was like this. This felt like a darkness that consumed the world around them even in the brightness of the sun. Did he? Did Alex really forgive Nate? He wasn’t sure, and that was a significantly heavier burden than anything else he carried. It didn’t make any sense. Why did he care so deeply about this when there were things like his mother that still hung heavily over him. Things like Max and Ben. This should have been a win. They were both alive, and they had food for so many days. If they worked hard enough, those rations along with the ones they already had, they could survive quite a while, especially if Alex could use his bow later. They were set. This should be a win.

But it wasn’t.

As they walked towards the trees, he felt a shame he wished he could explain. A shame he could not run from because it was intrinsically tied to the man who kept him upright. It was all for him. So he was silent. He looked away. At trees, the sky, and the disappearing buildings. After a while, he kept his head down, watching his shadow. Falling into the limp he once tried to hide. Falling into the broken shell he was working so hard not to be. Some medic.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

As they walked, Alex could almost feel the silence in the air. It was threatening to choke him it was so thick. Something was going on with his optimistic friend. It was like all the joy had just vanished from around them. Alex didn’t have anything to say and there wasn’t much to say. Alex rubbed the back of his neck with the hand on the other side of Nate. He sighed as they finally entered the woods.

Alex noticed that Nate was looking anywhere he could, but at Alex. He even looked at his shadow. Alex was growing frustrated and annoyed. As he found a spot far enough in, he stopped, looking at Nate. “Okay. What’s wrong? I was being choked by the silence just now. Nate, talk to me.” Alex said, turning so he could look at Nate, his eyes searching for that optimism and joy he was used to.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Nate stood there, unsure what to do. There was no running from this even if that was something that he wanted to do. He couldn’t move that fast. He couldn’t hide from Alex who was standing right there. They were traveling together, so it wasn’t like there was any way for him to walk away. We might as well be cordial. It could have made him laugh to think that was how Alex thought just days ago. Cordial? They laughed and joked and shared dreams with one another. They stuck by each other’s sides. They held each other up like pillars of support. Support like old friends who trusted each other. Trust.

He tried to smile. He tried to look happy like he was supposed to. He tried to be Nate the optimistic. But the smile broke as he tried to say words. What words? What words could he possibly say to make either of them feel better? Nothing. Literally nothing.

So he dropped. He gave up holding himself and took a gamble as he fell to the ground. It was not hard or too dramatic or anything. He just couldn’t hold himself up any longer. He plopped onto the floor, holding in the breath he knew would give everything away, and then patted the spot in front of him. “Let me check your back.” It in no way answered the question, but he was working up to courage to do what he needed to do. The words he needed to say.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex could only watch as Nate seemed to be trying to be what Alex had seen more often. That happy optimist. But then the smile was gone. Vanished. He could only watch as Nate dropped to the ground, as if he just couldn’t stay up anymore. Alex wanted to say he was dodging the question but something in him didn’t want to bring that up.

So what did he do? Alex sat down, back to Nate and pulled his shirt off slowly. Revealing his back wound and all his other smaller scars. He wanted to yell, ask why he was avoiding the question but Alex didn’t have it in him. He just sat there’s hands in his lap and head bowed. “Okay.” He said softly.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

The second Alex faced away, the first tear fell. Silent. He was not exactly good at quiet crying. In fact, his mother said that this was a skill he was going to have to learn if he was going to cry while they were on missions. But he needed to make it silent not because he was hiding yet another thing from Alex, but because he did not want to be that person who can’t handle the first problem that comes up. He needed to be Nate the optimist not Nate the really sad guy who was ignoring all of the trauma in his life. He needed that for himself.

He reached his hands out, touching the skin that was still discolored. Bruised. It was healing so beautifully though. He was so impressed that even with using the bow today, it was doing so well. He could add that to the list of amazing things about this man.

“I had these two friends.” He had not planned on going here so soon, but it was the right time. His voice was louder now the whisper he had been. It was no longer small. And if Alex was not looking at him, maybe he could pretend like he was just telling it to himself. “Best friends. Max and Ben. I’ve known them since I was little.” He spoke as he ran his hands over Alex’s back, checking every facet he could think. “I’d known them since I was little. My mama practically adopted them by the time we were seven, maybe eight. We did everything together. Us and my mama. Until one day, we didn’t have her anymore. We didn’t have any of the Fireflies. It was just the three of us on our own in the wake of a bloodbath.” He saw what that hospital looked like. “And then it was us for a while, trying to find a new way. Until we heard about some group. I don’t remember what they’re called anymore. Somewhere in Washington that absorbed those who were left of the Fireflies so we decided to go find it. That was where we were meant to be.” He stopped there, knowing where he had to go with this. Knowing the end of the story of best friends. Brothers. He chewed on his bottom lip, and the pain was nothing compared to the pain in his being. He had to move on with the story, but it was so hard to think about. So hard to say.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex knew what to expect when he felt Nate put his fingers on his back. He knew what to think and how to feel with that. What he wasn’t expecting was to hear Nate talk. Alex listened to Nate talking about his friends. Friends who seemed more like brothers the more he heard. He felt Nate’s fingers exploring his back as he talked. What he heard next made his heart shatter. Nate had lost his mother in what sounded like an intense battle.

Alex heard him bring up Washington and he swallowed hard. He tried so hard to get away from that state and he was headed right back there. Alex wanted to ask what happened to them. Why was Nate on his own? He tried to speak but he had no words. He slipped his shirt on, he was done being examined. Alex turned around, facing Nate sitting on his heels, and saw the tear track on his face. Nate had been crying while he’d talked. Alex hadn’t even known. Alex shifted closer, placing his hands on Nate’s cheeks, his thumbs brushing the tears away. He didn’t know what else to do, so he listened. “You can tell me if you want to, but don’t force it if you aren’t ready.” Alex said.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

He closed his eyes, and the rest of those tears that were trying not to fall did anyway. How very manly of him to cry. Good thing they never really thought about him as especially manly. The warmth of Alex’s hands brought him a comfort he did not deserve. Not after what he did. But he leaned against him anyway, bringing up his own hands to cover both of Alex’s. Holding on like he would fall if he let go. And he might.

“It wasn’t long ago. I don’t know anymore. Month? Couple of months? We were in one of those abandoned towns. There are so many of them. You know.” Of course he knew. They were just in one. They were in one when they met. “And everything was fine. We cleared out this hoard of a whole bunch of infected. I’m talking at least ten of them. Maybe more. I don’t know. We were an unstoppable team. Of course we would be. We’d been together forever.” He remembered to breathe. “They were my brothers. And they were great.” Breathe and stay calm. “And we sit down to camp, and Max is scratching at his leg. We are not worried about it. But then it gets really bad. So we roll up the pant leg and-“ His hands fell, dropping onto Alex’s arms that he held onto as he saw the memory. “It already spread halfway up his leg. and then Ben- Ben- Ben rolls up his sleeve saying that he thought it was just a bad scratch. He never thought-“ He let that sit a moment before finally, “I didn’t let them suffer. They couldn’t- Couldn’t- So I did. I did that for them.” He lifted his face and hands, finally meeting Alex’s eyes. “You don’t have to do that for me. No one should have to do that. It’s too much for anyone. I won’t let that be your burden to bear.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

For the first time, Alex was speechless. He felt Nate put his hands over Alex's even as he leaned into Alex's hands. He listened as Nate started talking, weaving a story that Alex could imagine. Nate with two other men, an trio that could handle anything. Alex's heart dropped and shattered on impact as he listened. They'd handled the horde but as things seem to go in this world, the win wasn't without consequences. He felt Nate's hands move to Alex's arms, as Alex could only listen. Now Alex was beginning to understand just why the reaction had been to not tell Alex about the bite. Nate had, had to kill his own brothers. His burden was heavier than Alex could've ever imagined. He was so happy and optimistic all the time. Guess the saying is true, the happiest people hide the most pain.

Alex looked into Nate's eyes. He would do it, in a heartbeat, if he had too. Just like he hoped that Nate would do that for him. Alex tried to talk, but what does someone say to something like this? Sorry? That was insensitive. Alex leaned forward, carefully, and wrapped his arms around Nate in a hug. He couldn't believe what he'd heard, when he compared his life to Nate's, Nate's was way worse. Alex left because of a stupid belief system, traveling the country alone. Nate had to take out his own brothers, two men he'd spent almost his whole life with. Alex couldn't say anything, so he just hugged him, trying to let the touch and comfort speak where he couldn't.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

He fell into the hug, no longer able to hold in everything he was trying not to be. The next sad guy because something that sucks happened. There are too many of those people in this world. There are too many people who use their grief to be awful, and he shouldn’t be that person. But he was, wasn’t he? He was definitely that person. And he should have said something, because what if he was wrong? What if he was like Ben and thought that it was just a scratch when it wasn’t? What if it was like Max and somewhere underneath all these clothes, there were bites instead of bruises? They should know, right? They didn’t know. They didn’t know, and he hid that away from the only person in the whole world that was left to care about.

“I-I-I’m sorry.” It was too late to hold it back now. The tears were much, and his voice was breaking, but he couldn’t stop. “I’m so- so sorry. I didn’t want- I didn’t want you to think- you shouldn’t have to- I couldn’t do that to you-“ he sucked in a deep breath, trying to talk over the sobs, but he would not let them win. “I can’t- can’t make you do that too. If- if-“ breathe. “If it were a-“ he let the space between fill in the blanks, “I wouldn’t make you- you- I couldn’t make you do that.” He fell against Alex as all his puppet strings were cut and the support was gone other than him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he managed before breathing in like his air had been cut off. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex put one of his hands on the back of Nate's head, holding him as close as he could without hurting him. He held onto Nate as if he didn't, he'd lose him. His heart was breaking for Nate, no one should have to go through what he did. All the pieces were falling to place, why he didn't say a word about the jacket, the silence when they were walking back after Alex told him that it had hurt he didn't know about it. Alex took his other hand and rubbed Nate's back gently, feather light so he didn't irritate the wounds there.

"It's okay. Shh, it's okay. I forgive you, really. We're okay. I promise" Alex whispered. He had nothing he could say, so instead he started humming softly. He didn't know what else he could do other than hold Nate close to his chest. He remembered a song his mother sang to him once, back when he was little and he felt it might help Nate relax. "If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I'll sail the world to find you, If you ever find yourself, lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the light to guide you, We'll find out what we're made of, When we are called to help our friends in need, You can count on me like one, two, three, I'll be there, And I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two, And you'll be there, 'Cause that's, what friends are supposed to do, oh, yeah, If you tossin' and you're turnin' and you just can't fall asleep, I'll sing a song beside you, And if you ever forget how, much you really mean to me, Every day I will remind you" Alex's voice was soft, but the words were clear. He might not sing often, but it was one thing he found that he enjoyed. Alex could only hope that it helped Nate. Promising him that he'd always be able to count on Alex just like Alex could always count on Nate.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Words disappeared, and he cried. He cried and he cried, because he missed his mother who was the best thing in this world, but she was needlessly slaughtered. He missed his brothers who were supposed to be invincible. They always had been for his whole life. They may have gotten some injuries here and there, but Nate could always fix them. Always. But he didn’t. He didn’t fix anything. His mother died alone without them. His brothers died at the hands of their own family. And what about Alex? Did he let himself get this close just to have someone ruin everything? Was he destined to find a way to fail helping him too? He needed to help people, but all he did was make everything worse.

Alex’s words came in but they left as soon as they did. Nate could not hold on to them. Everyone apologized. Everyone was sad. He was sad and apologized, and what did that do? Nothing. Nothing.

But the song was different. The more Alex sang, the less he focused on his own despair, and by the end, his crying stopped, his breathing slowed, and he was simply laying his exhausted body against Alex. If he were to move, Nate would tumble away. He had nothing left to hold himself up.

The song reminded him of the words his mother believed. The words that kept him going. “When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light.” His voice was hoarse and small like a child’s after a nightmare. Because it occurred to him in that moment that Alex was the light guiding him out of that darkness. “My guiding light.”

​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex realized by the time he was done with his song, that Nate's crying had stopped and he was breathing closer to normal. He felt Nate's body against his. He held onto him, his head resting against Nate's. He still had no words, nothing to say. He would hold Nate, keep him secure in his arms. That was Alex's purpose right now. He was here for Nate. He shifted one arm, so he could grab his pack, tugging the blanket out and laying it on the ground.

They were exhausted, but neither of them were letting go. Alex looked down at Nate when he spoke, his heart filled with something he didn't know how to describe. He was Nate's guiding light? He heard the hoarseness in Nate's voice. "I've got you" Alex said softly, before he tried to move them onto the ground. "We need to rest Nate. I'll be right here, I'm not letting go if you don't want me to" Alex said.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Nate let Alex move him, prepared to do anything he asked. Well maybe not actually do anything. He was prepared to let Alex do anything that he wanted. He could scoop him right then and carry him away, and Nate wouldn’t argue it. The attack, waning adrenaline, memory, trauma, admission, and more all worked into one terrible swirl inside his body. So he laid there without arguing. He held onto Alex, because he was his lifeline.

“Alex?” He stared at Alex with heavy eyes. Everything was so heavy. All of his thoughts and plans about secretly fixing himself were gone. All of that cheerful energy was gone. Everything he thought he was was gone. “Promise?” because even though he knew that Alex was not going to leave him, even though Nate did the same for him just the night before, it still hurt to think that after everything, he was going to wake up and lose him too. “Promise you won’t?” And just like that, he felt his eyes start to water again. He was too tired to hold it together anymore. Was it even that late?
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex laid down with Nate in his arms. He would hold on to Nate for as long as Nate wanted him too. He looked at Nate when he spoke. His heart broke hearing Nate's voice and how he seemed like he had lost his cheerfulness. "I promise, I'm not going anywhere" Alex said. A promise like that, when he knew they would split up in the end? Alex was prepared to do whatever he could to keep them together for as long as possible.

He'd take them south, east, north, and then west. They could go down to Idaho, Ohio and it would be okay because they'd be together. Alex was finding it harder and harder to accept that they'd be separated once they reached Washington. He saw the tears welling in Nate's eyes and he pulled him close to his chest. "Just let it all out." He told him.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

So he did. He cried against Alex for some unknown amount of time. For hours or minutes. Time didn’t exist anymore. The world didn’t exist. This world was full of nothing but darkness, but at least he had Alex. At least he could see the light. Where was the light when he was all on his own? For how long? A month? More? He didn’t know. Who was he when he didn’t have Alex? Why was his fate tied to someone he didn’t even know? Was that true? Did he know? Did he not? Why was everything so confusing?

After however long, he wasn’t crying anymore. He was not sure if he just stopped or if it had been days. He removed his face from where it so comfortably lay. “Alex?” He asked unsure if he was asleep. Nate thought he might have fallen asleep himself, but now he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything. Was it dark outside now? He couldn’t see, and he wasn’t about to move that much to try to find out. It was too nice where he was.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex laid there, still and silent. He let Nate cry, let him get everything out. Alex just held on tight to him. He wasn't sure how long it had been, but he didn't care. He brought one hand up to the back of Nate's head, running his hands through Nate's hair. Alex would be there for him, be the light that Nate needed to free himself from the darkness he was in. He was there for Nate, he'd always be there for Nate. He'd find a way to stick close to this man.

Alex looked down at Nate when he moved his head. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked softly. The light had faded into the moment between day and night, when the sky was orange and red and the day birds were quieting for the night before owls took over for them. He had waited for Nate, he didn't want to be asleep when he finally calmed down. Alex decided right then and there that this man would never leave his side. He would either follow him into the group he was searching for or he'd find a reason why they should go somewhere else or he'd just lead them anywhere else.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Nate pondered that question a moment. How did he feel? He felt like the world was crashing down around them, but the trees created a barrier. A dome. He felt like in the morning, he was going to have deal with whatever was wrong with his shoulder. He probably should then. He felt like every ounce of strength was drained from his body. There was no checking on his shoulder. Or his back. Or his leg. Or anything else. Did he even really check Alex? He should have been more thorough. Had him test out his muscles so that he could what they did. He should have done more movement of himself with the mirrors to check how he was. He should have done so many other things. But he knew what he needed to do now.

“Better,” which was true. At some point he lost his glasses in all this weeping, but that was not so bad. With how close Alex was, he could still see him just fine. He needed to see his light in the darkness. He needed to make sure that he knew. He lifted his head so that he could lean his forehead against Alex’s again. “You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” The thought that he might still believe that was eating at him. He needed Alex to know. “It wasn’t your fault.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex waited patiently for an answer. He knew that the question he asked was one that could be answered easily. He just kept that firm hold on Nate, providing whatever Nate needed from him. Alex gently rubbed his back with one hand, avoiding pressure so he didn't hurt him. The last thing Alex wanted was to hurt Nate more. Alex looked at Nate when he answered, and it was then that Alex noticed he'd lost his glasses. He'd look for those in the morning when the sun was up.

Alex saw him lift his head up and then he felt his forehead against Alex's. His gaze was on Nate's. Alex heard his question, and then again when he reiterated it. "I know Nate, I know" He said, his tone sincere. "I understand that its not my fault." Alex said, leaning into Nate's forehead. He could stay like that all night, forehead to forehead, holding him close. It provided more comfort than Alex realized and he never knew he needed it.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Nate breathed him in. The scent of who Alex was. So quickly was that becoming a comforting smell. So quickly was feeling him this close becoming comforting. He closed his eyes, hoping that somehow the world could stay on pause forever more, and he could live right there in Alex's arms. Maybe if they stayed right there, they would never have to battle infected again. They would never have to deal with that. Maybe if they stayed right there, they could be just Alex and Nate for the rest of time. No fanatical people or groups trying to cure the world. Maybe the world could figure it out itself.

He closed his eyes, readjusting his head to nestle more but still keeping their faces close. Their noses touched just for a moment, and Nate tried not to give away the jolt of shock inside him. He swallowed it, unwilling to think about that now. “Thank you,” he said, a little louder than the whisper. A little more full of who he used to be. The Nate who believed in people. People like Alex. The Nate who smiled. He did. Just a little. He smiled, because the world needed smiles. He needed them. Alex needed them. And they were right for the moment. “I feel like I just unloaded a whole lot on you.” He groaned. “Probably wasn’t what you thought you were signing up for when you agreed to be my guide.” He almost laughed. “Maybe I was a little more lost than we thought.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex could smell Nate, and it held comfort as it wrapped around him. He was enjoying this closeness between him and Nate. It was comforting, it was like he'd found a place where he belonged. He wanted to stay right here with Nate, never worry about anything else. He wanted to find cave and just hide there with Nate for the rest of their lives. Alex sighed, feeling Nate shift his head but still remaining close to Alex's face. He felt their noses touch and Alex felt a shiver run down his spine. He didn't want to think about it at the moment either, his mind was still swirling.

Alex heard Nate and he looked at him. "You're welcome" He said. He could see the old Nate, the one he met, trying to show himself. He smiled, catching the smile on Nate's face. He saw the man he had traveled with start to come back. "I've heard worse." Alex said with a small laugh. Some of the conversations the warriors had, had dulled Alex to many things, what made it different was that it had happened to Nate. "I'll admit, not what I was expecting but I wouldn't change the fact that I became your guide" Alex said with a smile. "I'm here to guide you Nate, we'll find the way together" Alex added.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Here to guide him. Those words felt so sincerely built to be what Nate needed. They felt like the two of them were made for each other, and that was an entirely new feeling. With Max and Ben, he always felt like they would always be together, because they were created as a team. The universe gave him brothers. This was different. Alex wasn’t the next brother to find. Alex was… well, Nate didn’t really know. He’d met so many people throughout his travels. He found all kinds of people he would love to keep in his life. He found plenty that he did. People who he could go home to after traveling with his family and would always be back at their base waiting. They were family too.

Was Alex family? After so little time, was he family? How long did it take Max and Ben? Were they instantaneously family too? Maybe. He couldn’t remember, because it was so long ago. Maybe this was how the world worked. It gave you people. Inherently good and wonderful people.

The world was not always so dark.
Sometimes the world was full of light.

“Where are you gonna go?” he asked, not sure where it came from. “After we get to Washington? I know you wanted to leave there, because of the people you came from. Where are you gonna go?” Because that was the question that sometimes returned to his mind. When they completed this quest, did he lost Alex? Were they destined to split apart? Was that any better than watching everyone die? He squirmed a little against him, uncomfortable with his new line of thoughts in his mind. It was so much nicer when he lived in the present, but the future took hold and there was nothing he could do about it.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex was thinking about how they'd gotten to this point. Only a few days in and they were this close? Alex didn't expect this to happen. It was foreign to him. But he wanted Nate to be beside him. He had been so alone for months, surviving and getting this far, but now? Now Alex didn't want to be alone. He wanted to be with Nate, to have someone to engage with. Have conversations about silly things, about serious things. These emotions, swirling inside him, were nice but he had no idea how to process them.

Alex looked at Nate when he asked. Where was he going to go? Maybe the group that Nate was looking for would take him in? They could join them together. "I've been thinking about that. I uh, I've been considering perhaps your group might take me in." Alex said, though he felt Nate squirm against him. "Are you okay? Do you want me to let go of you?" He asked concern in his voice.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Take him in? Like join the Fireflies? Or whatever they were now? Would Alex really want to do that? After everything he went through, Nate just assumed that he would turn right back around. Leave Washington and never look back. That place wasn’t good for him, and Nate could not blame him at all. He would want to leave the place that treated him like that too. He did. They all did. After his mama and the rest of those Fireflies died, they had no reason to stay, and they didn’t want to. So they left. Could he go back to that?

“No, no!” Nate immediately interrupted, suddenly very aware that while he was stuck in his head, Alex was misinterpreting his responses. What he didn’t say was no, please don’t ever let go. Because that was very forward and presumptuous of him. And also very confusing. Please, person who I only met a couple of days ago and is meant to leave me when we arrive at our final destination but also maybe not now never ever let me go, because I don’t think I could handle that. That didn’t make any sense. It was ridiculous honestly. Ben would never let him live that down. He could practically hear his voice as he chastised him for being so quick to trust. So quick to become dependent.

“It’s just-“ and then he did pull away. Not a lot. He pulled away just enough to have a better look at this man who was his guiding light. “You would want to stay? You’d be a Firefly? I thought-“ well, what was he thinking? “I don’t know. I just thought you wouldn’t want to stay where your people were. And whoever those other awful people are. I mean, frankly, I question if I even want to be there sometimes. But it’s my only hope, you know? That’s the only place I’ve heard that they’ve been.” He was rambling and thinking out loud. He lost all sense of what was grounding.
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