You're leaving? (A 1x1 with Lexxy)

[Lexus]

When the movie was over and they were all back home Clay sent the kids to Emma's. When he knew they were gone he went ransacking through the house looking for anything that would give him answers, answers he spent moths trying to figure out. Nothing in the office, nothing in their room. There was one place he didn't go near because it was her space, the library. "Think Clay, think." He says not wanting to ruin the whole library looking for it.


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[isax]

Ashley indeed did know she was going to die. She spent days at the doctors talking things out with him and seeing if there was any way she could survive. All the papers and everything related to it stayed in the library. There because she knew Clay wouldn't find them unless he thought like her. Her medical bills that she had to pay for her inhalers and a steroid that Clay didn't know about were inside a book itself. One where Clay would only find if he knew her well enough. The papers telling her about her lungs and how she only had one good strong lung left were in her desk but in spot where she kept it locked and the key was in her actual pillow case. She knew. She knew she was dying and she acted so strong for her family. There was a pillow and blanket on her chair. She would sneak in naps while Clay thought she was working because she was exhausted from the medicine and keeping up with the kids and work.


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[Lexus]

He ran for the shelf. "Where is it?" He asks himself looking for her favorite book. He ran to the second level and read the spines before pulling it out and finding it. His eyes grew wide in horror and he ran down to the desk. It was locked but he didn't need the key, he pulled it out with the strength of his adrenaline. He found them, he found it all. It had all been there the whole time. It all made sense now. He shook his head and threw them back in the drawer. She knew, she knew and she didn't tell him. He ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him trying to catch his breathe, trying to gather his thoughts. Why would she do that? If she stood him, he could have done something, it's not like they didn't have money. He could've gotten her on the transplant list, something anything and she didn't tell him. His anger and sorrow for the best of him and he threw himself against the wall. He didn't hold back his cries or his breathing. This shouldn't have happened. He didn't pay good enough attention. He was horrible. Who doesn't notice when their wife is sick? Why would she think this was okay?


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[isax]

(Crying again [emoji24][emoji174])


Ashley didn't tell him because there wasn't anything left she could do. She didn't want to tell him and him have hope that would only be broken down by her death. Yes she knew she was sick and yes she knew she was going to die but she knew keeping it from her husband was worse and she hated herself for not telling him. There wasn't anything they could do. Her death was inevitable but that's why she left the recordings. So she could tell him everything he needed to know and just so he knew she was sorry. Utterly sorry. That's why in her letter she wrote that 5 letter word so many times. She was sorry.


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[Lexus]

Clay didn't move, he just stayed there and didn't move, he broke. Broke worse than he ever had before. At least he was alone, no matter what optimism any one tried to feed him later he wouldn't consider it. He would feel guilty for the rest of his life. Little did she know not telling him only made it worse. Instead of grieving once, he had to do it twice because now he knew why. When he couldn't breathe anymore from his tears he closed his eyes and laid his head against the wall. "Why?" He asked repeatedly. His knuckles has turned white from his grip on the carpet. He lost himself, the only two people who could calm him down were both gone, forever.


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[isax]

Rylan was able to sneak away from his aunts house and walked back into his. He was just as curious as his father but when he heard the cries, Rylans heart broke. His mother did know she was going to die. She did and she didn't tell any of them. Rylan ran over to his dad and hugged him close, in a way his mother used to. He rubbed his back and tried his best to calm his dad down. "Shhh, I'm here. I may not be mom but I'm here dad. I'm here. We can get through this together." He whispered to him and continued to rub his fathers back. He hated seeing him like this and he knew his mother did too. Now Rylan became angry with his mom. How could she not tell them something so important? How did she possibly think this was okay?


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[Lexus]

When Clay saw his son run into the room he tried to compose himself, his son didn't need to see him like this. It took a few moments but he did and just looked at his son with apologetic eyes and picked him up and out him in his lap. He just held him close without saying anything and took a deep breathe when Rylan then began to cry. "It's okay, he repeated. "I'm right here." He had never been this angry at his wife before but he didn't want his son to think he loved her any less. When his cried for louder Clay held him closer and began to rock him like he did when he was a baby.


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[isax]

"I know you're angry with her.... I know because I am too... It doesn't make sense dad. It doesn't make any sense. I'm so mad with her I don't even want to call her my mom right now." Rylan said as his cries only became louder and his breath heavy. It was true. What he said. He wished at that very moment that Ashley wasn't his mom. What mother hides the fact that she's sick and dying from her family? What kind of sick and twisted person would do that? "I wish she was never my mother." Rylan said. He didn't mean to but it just slipped.


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[Lexus]

Clay lifted Rylan's head up and gave him a stern look, "I know you're upset with her because we don't understand but don't talk about her like that. Don't you ever do that. She did a lot for you." He then let his head rest back on his shoulder and started to rock him again as the last of his tears emerged. "She was just trying to protect us." He whispers looking out the window.


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[isax]

"What a great job of protecting us." Rylan said sarcastically and continued to cry. He couldn't deal with this. Why? That's all he could ask is why? Why would his mother keep this from them? "And sure she did a lot for me but no mother should ever keep this a secret. She's stupid for thinking this was okay. She's stupid. She's stupid and I wish she was never in my life." Rylan said again out of anger.


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[Lexus]

Clay took a deep breathe and let his son's words roll right past him. He knew he was just angry and he didn't mean it."I know Ry, believe me, I know but your mom was always like that trying to protect other people, plus she was stubborn. It's just who she was, it's not that she was stupid she just believed she was doing the right thing. Come here," he says picking him up and carrying him to the couch and sitting him on it before looking for a DVD and pressing play. It was Ashley sitting in front of the camera, all smiles. Clay's voice in the background Ashley's hands rested on her stomach like she always had done when she was expecting. It was the video they recorded when they discovered the gender. They were both laughing as Clay was setting up the camera and when it was finally focused he laughed once more, "Okay, I think I got it, you can open the it now." He says referring to the envelope sitting next to her neither of them knowing the result yet.


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[isax]

Rylan watched and he looked at his father. "What are we watching?" He asked as he looked back at the screen. His mother looked so beautiful. She always did. Did Clay have a DVD for every important moment?


Ashley laughed softly at her husband and said, "We know who's not tech savy." She laughed again and then opened the envelope the pulled out the papers. "Dear Mr. And Mrs. Waters. I am happy to say your baby is a baby boy. Congratulations you two. Signed, Dr. Medina." Ashley read it out loud and then squealed with excitement. "A baby boy Clay! We are having a boy!" She said and kept her hands rested in her stomach. "Clay Waters you will not make my son a swimmer. He will be a baseball player!" She said again and stuck out her tongue.


Rylan laughed as he felt tears of Joy stream down his face again. "She was that excited to have me huh?" He said and rested his head against his father.


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[Lexus]

"Oh, you didn't believe me before when I told you?" He asks with a laugh. Before they turned back to the video.


"Love, how many times have I told you, he can be what he wants." He says sticking his tongue out to with a laugh. "Anything you wish to say to baby Waters?"


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[isax]

Ashley mocked her husband and then smiled as she looked at the camera straight on. "Yeah. Mommy loves you. I wish we had a name so I could make this more personal but your father sucks at picking out names." Ashley said as she looked at her husband and laughed. "Mommy loves you. So much. I am so happy right now I can't even contain it." She said and it was true, she had nothing but the biggest smile on her face. "I want to say that I hope you grow into a very handsome boy. Not only that but that you succeed with whatever you put you mind to my love. You're a Waters and Waters are strong. We can get through anything thrown at us. Trust me, you father and I would know. You will be one spoiled little boy and while everyone in the clan is hoping for a girl I honestly have to say I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. Nothing could ever make the love I have for you weaken. Just promise when I get old you will always be there for your mommy." She said and then looked at her husband again then at the camera, "and if he." She says pointing to Clay, "tries to make you a swimmer, be a good boy and tell your daddy you belong on the red dirt and not the water."


Rylan stopped it to compose himself and looked at his dad. "God mom you're making me cry." He said and laughed then played it again.


"Do you have anything to say to baby Waters Clay?" She asked her husband.


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[Lexus]

(I've cried more in the past three days than my entire life. [emoji24])


"I suck at picking names? You know you could help." Clay says with a laugh looking back at the camera holding back his wife's hands. "Don't listen to her you do what you want." He says before the video cut off.


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[isax]

(Same here [emoji24])


Rylan smiled at the video and looked at his dad. "Thanks for showing me that dad. Mom was right about me belonging on the red dirt though." He said and laughed softly. "God I miss her so much dad." He added but smiled.


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[Lexus]

"We all do Ry." He says with a sigh as patting his head. He would give anything to being her back, anything at all. None years was a very short time when you were promised forever.


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[isax]

"All we can do is remember her through memories right dad?" He asked him and smiled softly. She knew his dad missed her the most. He was promised forever but only got nine years. "You know dad, you and mom had each other for more the nine years. Y'all we just married for nine of the total amount of years y'all had each other." He whispered. He hoped his father hadn't forgotten about that.


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[Lexus]

Clay smiled, "I know." He whispers with a smile. "I wouldn't forget that," he says getting up from the couch and putting the DVD away. "Come on, you can help me pick what's for dinner."


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[isax]

Rylan nodded and followed after his dad. He was glad his dad would never forget that. He wanted to know all the memories of his parents but in time he would know all of them. "Let's eat chicken. The way mom made it. Baked with white rice." Rylan said and smiled softly.


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[Lexus]

Clay nodded and made dinner and after he played Rylan's he went to go get his siblings. Sometimes he wished he would let go of Ashley as easily as they did but he knew that was selfish ash inconsiderate knowing it wasn't their fault for not being as upset.


Christmas Eve Clay out all the kids to bed early so he could make sure he had enough time to wrap all their presents by himself. Usually it was a team effort. He went out and bought every thing they asked for, even though he knew it wouldn't make up with their first Christmas without her he did it anyway. When he was finished he yawned. So many presents they flowed out of the tree and into the loving room. Still, something was missing. That's when he walked in the room and uncovered that box again and pulled all her gifts from their mom out and put them under the tree. "There." He whispers before heading to the bed to get his four hours of sleep before they would wake him.


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[isax]

Four hours later, the twins were jumping on Clays bed. "Wake up dad! It's Christmas! We have presents to open!" They said and Rylan laughed at his siblings and went down to the stairs. He looked at the presents but noticed the ones from his mother right away. They bears and the necklaces that hung around them. Rylan felt tears wanting to escape his eyes but he blinked them away and stood looking at the presents. Even when the twins came and ignored the ones their mother got them and went straight to the wrapped ones. "They don't even notice." He whispered to himself and sighed.


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[Lexus]

"Sometimes you don't know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." Clay says to his son as he walked down the stairs. "Come on," Clay says motioning him down the stairs. "There's stuff from her that's hidden." With that he laughed as Rylan went looking for the wrapped box that had his gift in it as he went to make his coffee. When it was finished he took the cup and sat on the couch and watched them make a giant mess.


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[isax]

The minute he heard what his father said he ran down the last few set of stairs and over to the tree. He could care less about the other gifts, he wanted the ones from his mom. Those were the only ones he cared about. Finally after the three finished with all the presents Clay bought them, there was three square boxed gifts left and Rylan knew who it was from. He got his and opened it quickly and his heart pounding. Allie and Cory watched their brother. They hadn't seen him so excited in his life. When he opened the box and pulled out the bear Allie laughed. "Aw it's cute. Look at that. A baseball bear." She said but Rylan ignored her as his eyes fell onto the bottle cap necklace. On the inside was the picture if him and her after his game. Me had the bat in his shoulder and his mom had on her favorite Yankee shirt. She had one arm wrapped around him and the other one on her waist as she squatted to be leveled with him. Rylan then cried. He smiled and cried and the twins looked at him confused so Allie began opening hers.


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[Lexus]

"Ry, are you okay?" Clay asks with a smile making sure and going to sit nest to him he pulled him in his lap as he watched Allie open her own box.


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