Other You play Dungeons and Dragons? Got a "best story"?

[DemetrioMachete]

<p>


Like the title says. If you're a green or seasons player of Dungeons and Dragons, or even a GM, what is the best story you can bring to the table? Myself, I have a great many of them, but I'll choose the one I keep closest to my heart, since it's so funny to me. This took place back in 3.5e. I was playing a Human Monk, though the name eludes me now. (The campaign itself was just a one-shot in order for a new player to the group to learn the ropes.) My monk, however, was one of the most badass 1st level monks I've ever witnessed. Sure, he did things like grapple and pin down a kraken tentacle for a few turns, but the favorite thing I did with him was this. We came across this iron door. We tried opening it, but it was stuck. A stuck door can't be picked open by a Rogue, so the team relied on me to open it with brute force. Well, I grappled the door, and with a natural 20, I ripped the door off of its hinges. The DM permitted me to use this door as a weapon/shield combo. Whenever we came across an enemy, and I was taking point, the enemy had to roll a perception check to figure out why there was a door moving towards them. I hardly decree it coincidence that every last enemy failed to realize why this door was moving towards them and hitting them for about 1d8 bludgeoning damage. We even managed to dupe and kill the dungeon boss this way; via surprise door attack, followed by everyone in the group wailing on the boss. To summarize: rather than playing as a Monk should, my monk used doors as weapons, shields, and a means for stealth.


</p>

 

[Pyosimros]

Well, I have many humorous stories from D&D. So first, my entire character is a joke. He's a Ranger that acts like a rogue with no appearance, backstory, or personality. It's a running gag in my group to just draw a suspended suit (even if it doesn't fit the time era) with glasses (also, not in the time era). Now it's story time!


1. We enter the town, and the magistrate is about to give us the quest. I then proceed to attempt a pickpocket, and fail miserably, leading to my character getting stabbed in the shoulder by an NPC.


2. I'm attacking undead dogs and roll a 20 for accuracy. I'm like, "WOOO A GOOD ROLL FOR ONCE!!!" Then my hopes and dreams were crushed when I get LITERALLY, two 1s. Chances are, if my math is correct, that is a 1/18 chance of getting that.


3. My group gets attacked by bandits, I stab a guy, but the roll was 5 so I tripped and fell onto a burning cart. I THEN ROLL A 20 TO THROW AWAY MY BACKPACK!!! WHERE WAS THE 20 WHEN I NEEDED IT!?


I have many more, though I forgot most of them. Moral of the story, I suck at rolling and I get 20s when I don't need them.

 

[Dusky]

Psssst, @JayTee. Tell them about the rope. Doooo iiiittttt.

 

[JayTee]

Alright, so a while back I ran an online DnD game for a bunch @Anomaly of other @Killigrew idiots @Teh Frixz where we kept our character sheets on an online googledoc for easy reference. To speed things along, we ended up copying and pasting a bunch of stuff from the free pdf on to the character sheets. One of these items was "30ft of hemp rope."


However, a strange twist of fate lead that 30 feet of rope to be copied on to a character's sheet as "30ft of hempen rape." Naturally, this became the source of much chagrin from the player in question, and her character was immediately declared a secret S&M enthusiast.


The character in question was the... least morally questionable of the group, to the point where she as an outright hero compared to the thuggery, murder prone and theft inclined behavior of the others in the group. Feeling that she as out of place with the other girls of the party, I eventually gave the rope actual magical stats and safe words. Ever since then, that 30ft of hemp rope was officially dubbed "the rape rope."

 

[DemetrioMachete]

A rape rope? I think I can top that with another story.


This was also in 3.5, I was using my Sorcerer. First time using offensive magic, so I was really squishy. By far, the spell I used most often was "Grease". For reference, it makes everything in an area really slippery, and required balance checks to avoid going prone.


The first time I used Grease was when the Half-Orc Barbarian and Half-Orc Monk were struggling to get this door they lodged into a door free (after the game where my monk would use doors, it became somewhat of a Legend.) Frustrated with their antics, my Sorcerer cast grease upon the Orcs.. but it also caught the Ranger and the Paladin. None of them could make the balance checks to stay upright, so it was just this big greasy pile of sweaty men and Orcs, and one Halfling.


The second time was against a Gelatinous Cube. I cast Grease upon it, thinking it would appease the creature, but our DM ruled that "Grease was its weakness. You killed it in one hit." So... yeah. Oneshot a Gelatinous Cube with a nondamaging spell.


Third time was against a Dragon. When it landed, I casted Grease upon it, and it went prone, dropping its AC low enough for my friends to hit it. We dined on Dragon that night, and got loaded off of its treasure hoard... at 2nd level.


Last time I used Grease was when these Barbarian raiders were trying to steal our Dragon corpse... we killed all but one of them, but the last one was grappling with our monk. Suddenly some PG-13 happened... (though it isn't the first time it's happened to our Monk player...) so I hit them with Grease so he could slip away. Needless to say...


it didn't work.


I managed to give an unremarkable spell a legacy in slapstick. When you manage to kill Slimes and Dragons with it.. I'd say that makes it mean something.

 

[YareYare]

Hmm, I probably shouldn't post just saying I don't play D&D... but I spent like 3 hours trying to read the handbooks and I was so lost and confused and I don't know anyone IRL who plays it (mostly because I'm a borderline hikikomori so I stay at home all the time). In otherwords, it's near impossible to get involved with and I gave up and now I do a bunch of other things like League of Legends, RP and watching anime. So I probably never will. ( )

 

[SlowInfect]

One of my favorite stories comes from the first time I ever played D&D. It was a a single night campaign which never reached a conclusion, but that's besides the point. The best humor comes from critical successes and failures when a DM is willing to roll with it. I have a few stories which are linked to weird rolls, but I'll only include one other.


1. Our party (of about 10) was getting slaughtered by a hoard. Some of the more religious characters decided to pray for divine intervention. The first one rolls low and a squirrel throws an acorn at him. He shrugs it off and goes back to fighting.


The second player has the same thing happen to him, but he decides not to question a sign from the Gods. Several critical successes later, he throws the acorn at the mob and it explodes--vaporizing the enemies and an ally unfortunate enough to be in the blast radius.


2. I was playing a Chaos Mage (based around the class in Baldur's Gate) who rolls on a D100 table to randomize his spell effects. Sometimes this changes the spells he casts, powers them up, negates it completely, or applies a random effect. He is also a very greedy character. Now to what happened...


On our quest for an amulet to stop a necromancer or something like that, we found the necklace in a reflecting pool used by fairies. It was the coronation of their new queen and they were carrying in gifts to the pond. My character decided he wanted to rob them blind, so he attempts to cast a sleep spell on the crowd.


Well, the spell morphed to a fireball (5 levels higher than what it should have been) and the reflecting pool wasn't just a pond-- It was a portal to all the other fairy kingdoms watching the crowning of the new queen. Not only that, it amplified magic.


Long story short, he accidentally committed genocide on several fairy species.

 

[Dusky]

I miiiiight have laughed out loud.

 

[CoreyXIX]

In a campaign my buddies and I were involved in I was playing a minor noble and at one point he received his own manor, but because the people in power were feeling rather dickish it had no decor or furniture in it. During the campaign he made an attempt to become king and ended up turning the tables by stealing almost everything from all the other major nobles with the help of the party and decorated his house with all the plunder. There was an actual plot to the campaign, but we all remember it as Home Improvement Quest.

 

[TheRiverSings]

Played for the first time with a friend who was one the "rogue" DMs. You know, the ones who would make all their own rules so they can work on their game design skills. So I had never played and he invited me over, knowing that I knew nothing, amd I created this awesome earthy elf. He made us roll a d20 to see what our life points would be. I roll 2, so it would only take two damage to kill my character. I'm a little irked but I keep playing amd I trip over a branch a fellow party member made appear in my path. So I roll for damage and roll 7. I die, 5 minutes into the quest and I'm dead.


I didn't play again till the store I manage and co-own hosted a learn to play D&D night. I became the drunk elf who was in fact raised by wolves. And I'm not dead yet! Somehow!

 

[Jaye]

Okay, not a funny story but certainly a very sweet scene from a campaign I played. Lets hope I can do this justice «cracks knuckles»


Let me start by saying this: In probably our first main quest of the campaign, we all break into an Orc stronghold. They'd stolen a small fort and where doing Evil things and we clearly had to stop them. We were actually pretty good at this, as we were all inclined to be sneaky and smart about overthrowing the Orcs. In particular, we got a bunch of useful inside intel from a Winter Wolf that was tied up in the courtyard of the fort. (Winter Wolves are large magicy wolves with an affinity for cold and cold spells, FYI). We kicked started our storming the fort by secretly cutting the Wolf loose, so he could kill some of the orcs for us and in thanks for his inside intel.


(This also led to my character dying at Lvl 1 or 2 about three sessions into the campaign, but that's for another time).


So later on - we're about a third into the game, now? - our adventuring party is in this military outpost, I believe, and are sent into the forest to see what's been causing all this unrest. We meet druids - specifically we meet a druid woman who has a very familiar looking animal companion - her companion is the Winter Wolf we freed. He says he was enlightened by our compassion and has found a good hearted companion in the druid woman.


With a little persuasion, we convince the pair to come help us solve whatever is causing unrest in the forest. The druid (and thus the wolf) is very happy to help - she knows exactly what's causing the trouble. It's a Spirit of the Wild (or of the Forest? I can't recall exactly). Basically it's big and giant and we're like level 6 we shouldn't be fighting this thing. But, since it was basically our motto for the whole game, we do end up fighting it, attempting to subdue it and lull it back to sleep.


Miraculously our entire frigging party somehow survives and we don't even have to use up the reincarnation scroll we had (which we got thanks to my character's death in the first frigging quest). Except the thing is...


None of our party died, but the druid woman did. Now our party is ostensibly somewhere between 'good' and 'lawful' and both our 'leaders' were certainly LG types, so we were sad for the loss of life. Though not as sad as her animal companion, the Winter Wolf. So we offered up this reincarnation scroll and had our healer use the scroll on her.


(Now a quick note on how reincarnation scrolls work in DnD3.5 - the reincarnation scroll resurrects a dead person by turning them into another race. You roll a D100 and there's a table that says which numbers equal which races, ie. 2-13 is a Dwarf, 53-62 is a Half-orc, etc. Except if you roll a perfect 100, it's up to the DM what you turn out as.)


Lo and behold, the DM rolls a natural 100 when rolling for the druid woman's reincarnation.


So after ten minutes of watching our healing monk work her magic, we watch, teary eyed, along with her besotted Winter Wolf companion, as her body glows with celestial energy and the druid woman reincarnates into...


A Winter Wolf.


Her companion and her embrace each other in their lupine manner, and then the pair thank us for reuniting them.


And that was the sweetest, most tender moment I have had in a DnD game. All thanks to the luckiest damn die roll and it happened not through constructing a story but because of all the choices we made along the way. It made it that much more authentic and sweet, knowing how easily it might not've happened.

 

[Maou The Great]

Alright, so some friends and I decided we wanted to do a high level campaign with tons of templates and what not added to our characters. So I decided to make a spell warped sentient skeleton named Skeletor The Sarcastic. Now skeletor was level headed about only 1/4 of the time because for plot reasons he had 4 different souls with personalities within him. This meant every time something significant happened I had to roll a d4 to see which version of skeletor was in control. So the party gets into a fight and one of them bonks skeletor on the head with a club whiiiiich swapped skeletor from his calm usual self to his chaotic evil psychotic version. He then proceeded to one shot the enemy with the club, but because he was now off his rocker he spun around and cleaved into our token cleric with a critical. The damage luckily left them with exactly 1 hp. I say this is like the best almost betrayal ive been a part of lol.

 

[Gabe]

The best D&D story comes with a fumble.


I was playing a rogue, in a party with a Paladin, a wizard, a dwarf warrior and a druid. We were on a dungeon(Sunless Citadel, if someone knows about it) and we were in about 1 hour on it. We reached a large area with 4 to 6 kobolds, and we all came behind the paladin for their first attack, since they won initiative. The kobolds rounds passed, and we were still near the paladin, when he decided to attack one that was near him. He described while he raised his divine sword to strike down the kobold, as he rolled a 1. The DM laughed and said "Who was behind the paladin?" Since nobody remembered, we rolled each one a d20 to determine that. The wizard lost, and the DM desbribed how the paladin's sword escaped his grasp, flying behind him and impaling the wizard, pinning him into a wall. Incredibly, he didn't die(due to the druid's healing powers), but we could only pull him out of the wall after the battle ended(and a strength test rolled, a la The sword in the Stone).


Later in the dungeon, we were fighting more kobolds when the Dwarf jumped to attack one of them. He rolled a 20, and confirmed the crit twice. The DM narrated: "A tear in the fabric of reality opens before your eyes as Moradin's axe raises near the kobold. He says to the dwarf 'Don't fret, my son, I'll take care of him" as the axe plunges down, disintegrating the poor monster and opening a hole in the floor(which made a hell of a shortcut to the final chamber)."


Those are the best I can remember.

 

[Sombra Arcana]

Well, as a DnD player I can find several hilarious things in the same campaign. I play a Dragonborn Berserker who is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but it's quite bulky, tanky and has lots of physical prowess.


One time we were trying to open a doorlock in which a rouge tried to pick it. Since he couldn't a ended without anymore, the sorcerer tried to stare at it to see if it opened. Well he rolled 1 which ended him become blind for staring too much at the lock.


On another ocasion, (for reference, my character does say some dumb things from time to time) he said that he wished that waffles rained from the sky. So he rolled for religion and a 20 granted him a whole plate full of waffles and syrup which fell directly onto his hands.


Another time, my character decided that it would be a good idea to listen to a magical tree and force himself into trying to understand how it communicated. A 20 roll in introspection granted him the ability to talk to plants, who not everyone answer and seems like he is having a seizure or craziness attacks when he speaks to them?


One time, my character (Al'Duin) decided he would try to use his dragonbreath to kill some zombies. Since the zombies stench was far worse that his keen sense of smell could take, he focused so he could shoot something like an aromatic breath...a 20 roll and now he can use Glade as a weapon which comes from his mouth


The last time, he was left alone because the ranger, knight and monk went on a trip. He decided to use that time to make a hole in the ground (Like I said not the sharpest tool in the shed). When they came back, I rolled a d20 to see how deep the hole was. A 20 revealed that I just had uncovered some ancient ruins.

 

[DemetrioMachete]

Alright, I think I got a few more in me.


So in our very first game of 5e, there was me, the Dragonborn Paladin, , a Dragonborn Fighter, the Halfling Rogue, the Half-Orc Barbarian, the Human Warlock, and the Elven Druid. Our first two enemies of the campaign (some wolves and bandits,) dropped very good loot in the form of new, shiny weapons and platinum coins. We were on a hot streak. So when we set up camp for the night, we're attacked by a clay golem. The fight was nothing impressive, the Barbarian and Druid got grappled by the Clay Golem while everyone else wailed on it. What was worth a laugh and a half was searching it, afterwards. Since we had gotten platinum coins and +1 weapons and up from the wolves and bandits, we thought this Clay Golem would have something, too. First, the Halfling rolls search.


"You find clay." Then I roll.


"You find clay." The warlock rolls a natural 20.


"Guess what? You found more clay!" We then realized that this clay golem had nothing of value on it, so we robbed it of its clay, and later used it on some Undead foes.


Then, there was another story from 3.5. Unknowingly, our party was working for the BBEG of the campaign, a Bard named Dicky Dan Dave. He sent us to collect "rent money" from this Necromancer in a cave, though he did go with us, he didn't really help out. The only time he did was when we were fighting this Undead Giant, and its AC proved too high for any of us to hit effectively. All he did though was put Bardic Inspiration on us. Then our Halfelf Ranger does something crazy.


He rolls for divine intervention, and nails a natural 100.


So his God sends down a Celestial Bear which one-shots the Undead Giant. The bear then leads us all to the exit and attacks the Necromancer, also killing him in one hit after he soiled his robes.


What was supposed to be a long boss battle against an 8th level Wizard was made into a one-sided bear mauling. Our DM called us "Assholes" for the rest of the day, since we made his confrontation anti-climactic.

 

[AJIV]

Playing DnD 3e and my party was in a cave. There was a cliff and the only way to get across this underground canyon was this long wooden plank which happened to be conveniently placed.


We went one at a time, rolling balance checks. My human cleric and my buddy's gnome wizard crossed it no problem and then our NPC guide had to roll to cross.


The look on our faces when we saw the dice fail him miserably, causing him to fall and was never seen again.