Experiences Why do people ghost so easily on RPN?

[MetalGarurumon]

Lack of consideration, or unwillingness to communicate.

 

[Edric Blight]

Lack of consideration, or unwillingness to communicate.

Makes sense, sad but true.

 

[Natasha4E]

Ghosting happens everywhere.
It is not personal. People ghost because they have limited communication skills and because they don't care about the time and feelings of other people.
I usually wait a week, unless I know my partner enough to have an idea of what's going on. Sometimes I ask my partner if everything is okay, but that depends on what our contact was like. But I never keep asking them what's going on and to please respond. If they don't respond I let them go.
It's just something that happens.

 

[Idea]

MetalGarurumon Natasha4E I have to disagree on that notion that, at least when it comes to RP, there is a lack of consideration or care for the time and feelings of other people. If anything, I think it's the opposite. It's because the person cares excessively about it that they end up blowing the (potential) confrontation out of proportion. From my experience they fear upsetting the other person or what their reaction may be, and so they either straight up end up just avoiding the other person or they procrastinate on the reply and it ends up dragging too long or they get stuck trying to figure out how exactly they could word it right and end up never wording it all. If a person actually didn't care about how you felt, I think that person would be more likely to tell you "Hey I just lost interest, so yeah see ya.", because such a person wouldn't be concerned about how that may make them feel (and to be clear I am not saying that telling the other person that you want to end the RP is something one only does if they don't care about how the other person feels, but a nonchalant telling you the RP is over seems more likely than ghosting coming from someone who actually doesn't care).

 

[Natasha4E]

I think telling someone you want to end the RP, even if it is without telling them why, is a lot more caring than ghosting them because you fear confrontation. Or at least better manners.
Just my opinion.
If someone thinks that for some reason ghosting someone is preferable to talking to them clearly they were not the partner for me and I'm better off without them in any way. So ghosting doesn't really evoke much feelings in my anymore.

 

[Idea]

I think telling someone you want to end the RP, even if it is without telling them why, is a lot more caring than ghosting them because you fear confrontation. Or at least better manners.

It may very well be. But whether or not it is caring, that's different from the person doing it caring or not caring. From my experience at least nobody ghosts because they want to ghost, they ghost because they aren't for one reason or another, able to avoid it.

 

[Natasha4E]

Well you know, the whole problem with ghosting is that the person who ghosts lacks to explain what their problem is. So the person left hanging is bound to be disappointed, and doesn't understand why you had good intentions or you couldn't avoid it. They are just left feeling bad about it. That is something you can't avoid when you ghost.

 

[Idea]

Sure, I guess. But I do think there’s something important about it when it comes to the solutions people try to use. For example there’s a lot of people who have added in their interests check “I’m ghost friendly you can just tell me”. This works fine and dandy if we assume that people are ghosting you intentionally. But if the problem, as I suggested, is a psychological and/or emotional response that the person can control, no amount of that is gonna help at all, because the reason the person isn’t telling you is not that they don’t want to it’s that they can’t. A more appropriate solution in my opinion is more of a continuous effort to keep up communication, and to make sure the other person is aware that one generally open to them speaking their mind and things won’t be taken to heart. It’s certainly neither a perfect nor an easy solution, but I do think it’d be far more effective. Which is not to mention the fact that it’s one thing to say a person has trouble confronting you and it’s another entirely to accuse them of not caring about other people.

 

[Natasha4E]

I feel no need to take precautions against ghosting. But maybe that works for people who do feel that need.
I realize people might be offended by what I said.
Anyway have fun with this tread!

 

[Idea]

I feel no need to take precautions against ghosting. But maybe that works for people who do feel that need.
I realize people might be offended by what I said.
Anyway have fun with this tread!

Fair enough. For what it's worth, sorry if I bothered you. Just saw your point and I had to object.

In either case, I hope you have a nice day or night.

 

[nerdy tangents]

i think the real problem is we all reach a point where we no longer judge ourselves based on other peoples opinions.

I am in my thirties and have been roleplaying for over a decade. I genuinely do not care what other people think of my ideas or my writing or my whatever.

I don’t roleplay for other peoples approval I roleplay because I like to make up stories. And I am perfectly willing to pitch the same story as many times as needed to find a partner.

So to me if someone leaves it’s not the end of the world. I don’t let it make me depressed or anxious or whatever. Because I have been doing this long enough that I’m used to ghosting.

It’s legit how 99.9% of all roleplays end. If you are looking for a hobby with closure this is not for you.

But i definately recommend just continuing to put yourself out there. Not only does it boost your chances of telling your story it also gets you to the point where things stop bothering you. It’s all about experience and repetition.

Once you have spent months to years being ghosted it just stops mattering. Cuz either you quit the hobby or you just accepted that this is how the hobby works.

 

[Edric Blight]

Ghosting happens everywhere.
It is not personal. People ghost because they have limited communication skills and because they don't care about the time and feelings of other people.
I usually wait a week, unless I know my partner enough to have an idea of what's going on. Sometimes I ask my partner if everything is okay, but that depends on what our contact was like. But I never keep asking them what's going on and to please respond. If they don't respond I let them go.
It's just something that happens.

Got it makes sense. I'll be doing that from now on. I just feel like every time I start something they just go dark haha.

 

[Edric Blight]

i think the real problem is we all reach a point where we no longer judge ourselves based on other peoples opinions.

I am in my thirties and have been roleplaying for over a decade. I genuinely do not care what other people think of my ideas or my writing or my whatever.

I don’t roleplay for other peoples approval I roleplay because I like to make up stories. And I am perfectly willing to pitch the same story as many times as needed to find a partner.

So to me if someone leaves it’s not the end of the world. I don’t let it make me depressed or anxious or whatever. Because I have been doing this long enough that I’m used to ghosting.

It’s legit how 99.9% of all roleplays end. If you are looking for a hobby with closure this is not for you.

But i definately recommend just continuing to put yourself out there. Not only does it boost your chances of telling your story it also gets you to the point where things stop bothering you. It’s all about experience and repetition.

Once you have spent months to years being ghosted it just stops mattering. Cuz either you quit the hobby or you just accepted that this is how the hobby works.

Ah I see you're much more of a veteran than I am. To me who is relatively new to this and a rookie, it's a little off putting to be constantly ghosted for seemingly no reason. I guess it's just something I have to deal with, but I feel like I'll get better with time.

 

[elusivethought]

I've been roleplaying for 15 years. I'm ghost-friendly. I tell people they can ghost anytime. No explanation required, radio silence welcome. Visit again in a year if you like, drop on by, say hello.

I'm in the minority. But over the years, I began to consider these things:

1. Time commitments & interests. Some RPs I'm in have been going on for years. That's a lot of hours. Even if it's a short RP, somewhere there's chunks of time devoted to IC and OOC chat. Folks have classes, jobs, families. They have illnesses, deaths, tragedies. At work, I'm not required to put reasons why I requested time-off. For similar reasons, I don't expect an explanation from a partner.

Then there's the matter of interest. Folks are ready to move on to new hobbies/genres/plots, etc. at different speeds. Personally? I'm a long-hauler. My interest wanes slowly and is easily rekindled. But not everyone is like me. And that's okay.

2. Good writing vs. partner compatibility. If my partner isn't compatible with me, it doesn't matter how skilled or practiced I am at writing. I try to work out RP preferences early on, but things can get missed. This means that sometimes I will write a post, they'll read it, and they will vanish. I usually assume that they have reasons unrelated to me for ghosting. But the truth is, it could also be my style, my character, or my post length. It doesn't really matter. I like my style. I like my characters. And I like my post length. For one reason or another, we're incompatible, that's all. No harm done.

I'll add one last thing. Writing is such a personal thing, I think. Maybe that's part of what makes ghosting frustrating. But I think it's also what makes RP such a rewarding hobby. I think if you keep at it, you'll find the perfect partner for you. Best of luck!

 

[Jannah]

Then there's the matter of interest. Folks are ready to move on to new hobbies/genres/plots, etc. at different speeds. Personally? I'm a long-hauler. My interest wanes slowly and is easily rekindled. But not everyone is like me. And that's okay.

I will admit that I have ghosted in the past (partially why I don't get so worked up about it when I get ghosted) and this is partially why. I just tend to have a short attention span and lose interest in things quickly.

 

[Shadow Rose]

I cant speak for others but oh my god people ghosting on me has been a damn problem for me. I've basically given up on roleplay because its gotten so bad. Like wtf do you think im going to do hunt you down and hurt you over one of us just not feeling it? No what sane person does that. I know I probably shouldn't take it so hard or whatever but thats time and effort neither of us are getting back. The least someone can do is tell me why.

 

[Jannah]

I cant speak for others but oh my god people ghosting on me has been a damn problem for me. I've basically given up on roleplay because its gotten so bad. Like wtf do you think im going to do hunt you down and hurt you over one of us just not feeling it? No what sane person does that. I know I probably shouldn't take it so hard or whatever but thats time and effort neither of us are getting back. The least someone can do is tell me why.

I feel this. I rarely even bother trying to find new partners now because of this. It sort of works out anyway, though, since most RPers on this site don't really have too many RP interests that are compatible with my own. When I do manage to find something I get ghosted literally every time.

 

[Shadow Rose]

I feel this. I rarely even bother trying to find new partners now because of this. It sort of works out anyway, though, since most RPers on this site don't really have too many RP interests that are compatible with my own. When I do manage to find something I get ghosted literally every time.

Yeah that sounds about right. It's the same here. Occasionally I might post something but it rarely goes anywhere and I get ghosted quite quickly when someone does reply.

 

[Edric Blight]

I cant speak for others but oh my god people ghosting on me has been a damn problem for me. I've basically given up on roleplay because its gotten so bad. Like wtf do you think im going to do hunt you down and hurt you over one of us just not feeling it? No what sane person does that. I know I probably shouldn't take it so hard or whatever but thats time and effort neither of us are getting back. The least someone can do is tell me why.

Same here my friend, I totally feel that one.

Yeah that sounds about right. It's the same here. Occasionally I might post something but it rarely goes anywhere and I get ghosted quite quickly when someone does reply.

Literally happens to me all the time, why bother even trying to find new partners. Ugh.

 

[Inno]

Life. Toxic clingy behavior from partners. Not compatible.

 

[Shadow Rose]

I've actually come across something of a pattern at least for me. The really good ones that I get along with and that write really well are usually the ones that will ghost (only a couple of time has someone deviated where they were an absolute jerk or a crappy written and those ones im not too butthurt about...though i know one of them at least had good writting) and the ones that aren't as good or that...theyre friendly and I can tell they're a good person so its nothing against them we just don't click...they stick around.

Put yeah there are a lot of good points here. Doesn't make it suck any less though.

 

[Edric Blight]

I've actually come across something of a pattern at least for me. The really good ones that I get along with and that write really well are usually the ones that will ghost (only a couple of time has someone deviated where they were an absolute jerk or a crappy written and those ones im not too butthurt about...though i know one of them at least had good writting) and the ones that aren't as good or that...theyre friendly and I can tell they're a good person so its nothing against them we just don't click...they stick around.

Put yeah there are a lot of good points here. Doesn't make it suck any less though.

I totally feel you on that one! It's so weird! I seem like I have really good chemistry with a person, we get a real nice story going, then boom! Bye bye for a month, turns into two months, turns into three months and well- you probably know the story. Ghosted!

But you're 100% right. Nothing said here at all in this thread really makes ghosting hurt any less for me. It sucks because people hide behind the screen and don't care about the other human behind the screen. They just use you like a 5 year old with a play thing until they get bored of you and don't wanna play with that "toy" anymore. Dramatic? Maybe, but even over the internet it hurts to be treated like an item and to be thrown away so easily after forming somewhat of a friendship and a really good story.

 

[Edric Blight]

And maybe I'm in the wrong here, but I tend not to pester my partner because I don't wanna be annoying and clingy as hell cuz I know a lot of people are turned off by that. So at least I know I'm not being ghosted for clingy or toxic behavior.

 

[Inno]

And maybe I'm in the wrong here, but I tend not to pester my partner because I don't wanna be annoying and clingy as hell cuz I know a lot of people are turned off by that. So at least I know I'm not being ghosted for clingy or toxic behavior.

Maybe you are not being ghosted for those reasons but they do happen. No one really wants confrontation when it comes down to a fun hobby though sometimes it can't be avoided.

 

[Edric Blight]

Maybe you are not being ghosted for those reasons but they do happen. No one really wants confrontation when it comes down to a fun hobby though sometimes it can't be avoided.

I guess but whatever the reason may be- it still hurts. I'm someone who likes to communicate things so the non-confrontational attitude of a lot of people on here is unsettling and certainly an adjustment.

Idk about anyone else, but I'd honestly rather be cursed out and told that I suck at rping and that my partner hates the rp than be ghosted. I personally think being abandoned hurts more lol.