Experiences Whats making you angry today? Rp pet peeves

[Zotar]

I fully enjoy the way you rp. I cannot give criticism because you’re always on point. I’ve tutored roleplayers before. You don’t need help

Thank you.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Why. Why do people do this. They answer to your search or vice versa, mutual excitement, plots are put together, research done, character Made. Then one post, or not even one, And pooooof. Seriously every 1x1 RP I tried to start this year ended this way. I Just dont understand - why all that effort if you wont even try.

Recently? We’re in a pandemic where they or their family members might have contracted a highly contagious disease. Or they might have lost internet connection due to high traffic in their local area. Or they might be out of a job and dealing with that stress.

In short if someone vanishes any time between right now and whenever the depression caused by the global pandemic is done I’m going to just go on a limb and say it was some kind of real life stressed and let it go.

It might not be the case a hundred percent of the time (sometimes people just aren’t compatible) but it makes it a lot less stressful for me to just let it go.

We are in a high stress and high anxiety time of our collective lives. And this site has a high percentage of people with anxiety problems to begin with. So ghosting is only going to get worst in the coming months.

I have already had two partners get ill. I had one partner just drop off without any kind of explanation at all (I’m assuming they also go sick).

So out of the seven people I am talking to right now that is three people negatively effected by the pandemic.

And honestly that’s a good run for me. Usually I lose six out of my seven partners in the course of regular life. That is just down to scheduling or overbooking. But since we are all stuck at home it’s actually a fantastic time to find partners. If one person drops out honestly just hit the search again. You’ll probably find a new partner fairly quickly. We are all quarantined and bored with nothing better to do.

 

[Zotar]

Recently? We’re in a pandemic where they or their family members might have contracted a highly contagious disease. Or they might have lost internet connection due to high traffic in their local area. Or they might be out of a job and dealing with that stress.

In short if someone vanishes any time between right now and whenever the depression caused by the global pandemic is done I’m going to just go on a limb and say it was some kind of real life stressed and let it go.

It might not be the case a hundred percent of the time (sometimes people just aren’t compatible) but it makes it a lot less stressful for me to just let it go.

We are in a high stress and high anxiety time of our collective lives. And this site has a high percentage of people with anxiety problems to begin with. So ghosting is only going to get worst in the coming months.

I have already had two partners get ill. I had one partner just drop off without any kind of explanation at all (I’m assuming they also go sick).

So out of the seven people I am talking to right now that is three people negatively effected by the pandemic.

And honestly that’s a good run for me. Usually I lose six out of my seven partners in the course of regular life. That is just down to scheduling or overbooking. But since we are all stuck at home it’s actually a fantastic time to find partners. If one person drops out honestly just hit the search again. You’ll probably find a new partner fairly quickly. We are all quarantined and bored with nothing better to do.

*free hugs for the anxious*

 

[rae2nerdy]

*free hugs for the anxious*

Indeed. It’s why I’m throwing my energy into slice of life magic roleplays. Cuz god knows it’s nice to take part in a narrative when all life’s problems are just a swish and flick away.

Plus I have told all my partners how to contact me in the event of a site outtage and told all of them they don’t have to keep me updated about their daily lives. If they want to chat I’m here but I am not gonna put a hex on their names if they disappear without warning either. As I honestly just assume IRL got to them and hope they haven’t gotten sick.

It’s actually a good policy to have in general if ghosting is a concern for you. Just tell your partner (yo if I don’t hear from you for three days the RP goes into hiatus. If you don’t get back to me by the end of the month I’ll delete/archive it).

That way you and your partner both have a plan for if someone isn’t feeling it that doesn’t involve any kind of confrontation.

 

[MechanicalSnake]

I mean, I would be the last person to blame anyone for coronavirus related issues, given that it's practically destroyed my entire life.
But all that considered, what I have complained about has been bothering me for months, whereas the major corona problems started like ten days ago. So I am not sure those things are even remotely connected.

Basically, the only reason why I even felt like complaining yesterday and hadn't felt like it before, was that usually I just move on from the ghosting thing (although I have not found a 1x1 that lasted longer than a post in... definitely over half a year) and do something else. But while I had a good life some ten days ago, now there is nothing else for me to do but this and no semblance of life. My country is in total lockdown martial law type of mode and I'm only allowed to leave the apartment when I go grocery shopping, in a specific time, I live alone and have not spoken to another human in the past 8 days, so I guess ghosting started to be an issue for me. LOL?

 

[rae2nerdy]

I mean, I would be the last person to blame anyone for coronavirus related issues, given that it's practically destroyed my entire life.
But all that considered, what I have complained about has been bothering me for months, whereas the major corona problems started like ten days ago. So I am not sure those things are even remotely connected.

Basically, the only reason why I even felt like complaining yesterday and hadn't felt like it before, was that usually I just move on from the ghosting thing (although I have not found a 1x1 that lasted longer than a post in... definitely over half a year) and do something else. But while I had a good life some ten days ago, now there is nothing else for me to do but this and no semblance of life. My country is in total lockdown martial law type of mode and I'm only allowed to leave the apartment when I go grocery shopping, in a specific time, I live alone and have not spoken to another human in the past 8 days, so I guess ghosting started to be an issue for me. LOL?

The problem is EVERYONE is also in the same or very similar boats. I think a good think for you to do is diversify your interests. Never put all your mental health in the hands of a single activity. That is just a recipe for a lot of extra stress and resentment. In my case I am working on finally getting around to writing up all my fandom headcanons in a series of sites so I will have them readily available for future roleplays.

Now that might not be a project for you but I'm sure you can come up with something to do that isn't just sitting on RPN and waiting for a reply all day. Maybe read some books or comics online. If it's the lack of human contact that is bothering you just make a thread on this site to talk to other people. (I'm an introvert so I can't help you find people to talk to but I'm sure if you google it there are any number of places online with ideas. Extroverts are all stuck inside so I'm sure they're finding ways to reach out to one another.)

 

[MechanicalSnake]

The problem is EVERYONE is also in the same or very similar boats. I think a good think for you to do is diversify your interests. Never put all your mental health in the hands of a single activity. That is just a recipe for a lot of extra stress and resentment. In my case I am working on finally getting around to writing up all my fandom headcanons in a series of sites so I will have them readily available for future roleplays.

Now that might not be a project for you but I'm sure you can come up with something to do that isn't just sitting on RPN and waiting for a reply all day. Maybe read some books or comics online. If it's the lack of human contact that is bothering you just make a thread on this site to talk to other people. (I'm an introvert so I can't help you find people to talk to but I'm sure if you google it there are any number of places online with ideas. Extroverts are all stuck inside so I'm sure they're finding ways to reach out to one another.)

I totally appreciate the help, but trust me I am not waiting here all day (also because I know that would be totally pointless). I do a lot of stuff including useful things like taking online lessons, practising irish whistle and the like. I am just a very creative and social individual (in pre-corona life I used to organize concerts and other cultural events, had a band, performed in theatre, had two tabletop RP groups and traveled abroads like 6 times a year) so this is a serious drop and RP would be a prefered sanity preserving aktivity (whereas uncreative chit-chat or lonely book reading is much less helpful).

However. I would like to stress - and I cannot stress this enough - that I was NOT complaining about corona related ghosting. I absolutely don't hold it against anyone, that they too have shitty lives at this moment! God forbid! I was complaining about literally being ghosted by everyone in the last several months (and I said this year, because it was the first term that came to mind, but this trend started already last year so we're talking like 6 months or more). And wondering about why They would do that, if they initially seemed so excited, sometimes to the point of making art specially for the RP etc. It simply happened that I brought it up now, because I mind more than usually, which may have put the complaint in a wrong context.

 

[Tove]

Not really angry at all lol more of an annoyance. Some search threads that have little to no plots or even ideas to go with some pairings but the creator of the search thread expects people that answer it to bring in ideas aka do all the work. I don't mind bringing in ideas at all, I'm just not going to be picking up the entire slack.

 

[pfpfpfpf]

One time I wanted to do a RP based on an anime with someone and that person asked me to create a character sheet. Those I didn't like doing as I can't even describe myself in a few words without getting a knot in my stomach or sick from it. However, I decided to give it a shot and I thought I did rather well creating it. Of course, no sooner I finished it the other I was supposed to RP vanished without a trace. Not even no thanks or no explanation, that person was gone. I hate doing all that hard work for a rp and it doesn't get going. Super annoying.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I totally appreciate the help, but trust me I am not waiting here all day (also because I know that would be totally pointless). I do a lot of stuff including useful things like taking online lessons, practising irish whistle and the like. I am just a very creative and social individual (in pre-corona life I used to organize concerts and other cultural events, had a band, performed in theatre, had two tabletop RP groups and traveled abroads like 6 times a year) so this is a serious drop and RP would be a prefered sanity preserving aktivity (whereas uncreative chit-chat or lonely book reading is much less helpful).

However. I would like to stress - and I cannot stress this enough - that I was NOT complaining about corona related ghosting. I absolutely don't hold it against anyone, that they too have shitty lives at this moment! God forbid! I was complaining about literally being ghosted by everyone in the last several months (and I said this year, because it was the first term that came to mind, but this trend started already last year so we're talking like 6 months or more). And wondering about why They would do that, if they initially seemed so excited, sometimes to the point of making art specially for the RP etc. It simply happened that I brought it up now, because I mind more than usually, which may have put the complaint in a wrong context.

Things that I personally have had to deal with in the last six months

• Financial problems (to the extent that I was in danger of having my utilities cut off)
• Getting sick (minor level stuff)
• Several changes to my hours at work

So yeah it’s not really a new phenomena that people ghost. Nor honestly the reasons people ghost. They stay pretty well consistent. It is ultimately down to one of two things.

1. Real life came up without warning and they can’t send you an explanation

2. They don’t think your compatible with them and they are too intimidated to let you know.

Now most people if pressed say it’s reason two they’re really mad about. Since being pissy about reason one makes you seem like a dick.

The problem is that ultimately reason two is every bit as much outside your control as reason one.

I’ll give you an example. I had some real life issues pop up last year that made me put roleplaying on hiatus. I let all four of my current roleplay partners know about it.

3 out of 4 of my partners were totally fine. The fourth one was someone who had specifically stated they wanted prior warning if anything came up. That they were super chill they just didn’t want to be ghosted.

But what do they do when I inform them things are hectic? Throw a bitch fit. Now this was an extension of some pretty passive aggressive behavior. But it was subtle enough that if I had less experience I would have been totally blindsided by the attitude.

So when roleplaying you can honestly never be sure how people will react to things coming up. Even people who specifically say they’re okay might end up yelling at you for stuff outside of your control. So people bypass the drama by just leaving.

It’s a little annoying when you know that you aren’t an asshole and would have been fine putting things on hold. Problem is your partner isn’t psychic. They have no way of knowing that. Not even if you tell them honestly.

 

[MechanicalSnake]

Things that I personally have had to deal with in the last six months

• Financial problems (to the extent that I was in danger of having my utilities cut off)
• Getting sick (minor level stuff)
• Several changes to my hours at work

So yeah it’s not really a new phenomena that people ghost. Nor honestly the reasons people ghost. They stay pretty well consistent. It is ultimately down to one of two things.

1. Real life came up without warning and they can’t send you an explanation

2. They don’t think your compatible with them and they are too intimidated to let you know.

Now most people if pressed say it’s reason two they’re really mad about. Since being pissy about reason one makes you seem like a dick.

The problem is that ultimately reason two is every bit as much outside your control as reason one.

I’ll give you an example. I had some real life issues pop up last year that made me put roleplaying on hiatus. I let all four of my current roleplay partners know about it.

3 out of 4 of my partners were totally fine. The fourth one was someone who had specifically stated they wanted prior warning if anything came up. That they were super chill they just didn’t want to be ghosted.

But what do they do when I inform them things are hectic? Throw a bitch fit. Now this was an extension of some pretty passive aggressive behavior. But it was subtle enough that if I had less experience I would have been totally blindsided by the attitude.

So when roleplaying you can honestly never be sure how people will react to things coming up. Even people who specifically say they’re okay might end up yelling at you for stuff outside of your control. So people bypass the drama by just leaving.

It’s a little annoying when you know that you aren’t an asshole and would have been fine putting things on hold. Problem is your partner isn’t psychic. They have no way of knowing that. Not even if you tell them honestly.

I think this was discussed at length in a thread called something like "when is it okay to ghost" and people expressed a huge variety of opinions.
In my book, it should never be OK, because saying you're dropping out takes about a second of your time and costs you nothing. And if you don't want the drama that could follow, you just leave the thread.

Yet I understand that situations occur when this is the last thing on your list of priorities. Funnily enough tho, I had people inform me of serious life events (whether when they happened, or months later, when said people realized they had ghosted and came to apologize). Those people who never say anything and outright ghost are generally the kind who drop for the second reason.

Of course, it all boils down to the fact that various people are stressed by vastly different things. Me, I'm not stressed if I am to tell someone the truth, even if they may not take it well… for some reason most people here are. But, on the other hand, I am super stressed when I don't know if someone's still talking/writing to me or not. Not compatible characters at all, I'd say.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I think this was discussed at length in a thread called something like "when is it okay to ghost" and people expressed a huge variety of opinions.
In my book, it should never be OK, because saying you're dropping out takes about a second of your time and costs you nothing. And if you don't want the drama that could follow, you just leave the thread.

Yet I understand that situations occur when this is the last thing on your list of priorities. Funnily enough tho, I had people inform me of serious life events (whether when they happened, or months later, when said people realized they had ghosted and came to apologize). Those people who never say anything and outright ghost are generally the kind who drop for the second reason.

Of course, it all boils down to the fact that various people are stressed by vastly different things. Me, I'm not stressed if I am to tell someone the truth, even if they may not take it well… for some reason most people here are. But, on the other hand, I am super stressed when I don't know if someone's still talking/writing to me or not. Not compatible characters at all, I'd say.

So I had this whole long thing I was gonna get into than my internet went out so I had to wait for it to come back on. And I think that just perfectly illustrates my point. I had no real way of anticipating that my internet would randomly go out.

I will say if the root cause of all this is just you need the structure of knowing when to post than just implement a posting window over a ghosting policy. As an example what I'm doing is this: If you do not post a reply within three days I will send you a response to see if you're okay. If I don't get a response by the next day the roleplay goes on hiatus and I start looking for a replacement. If you come back at any point within the following two weeks than we can continue the roleplay as is without me making any sort of comment at all. Three weeks or later I've probably deleted it to clean up my inbox but I'm happy to work on a new idea with you.

This works for both ends of the spectrum. The people who are anxious about their partner's responses get a step by step look at what I will do and when. They get it beforehand as well so I can reassure them this is just routine for me and I'm not angry. The people who like you need to know what is happening in order to feel secure also get a step by step looks at what will happen in what sequence. So you don't have the uncertainty of waiting around not knowing what is going on. (Now obviously the exact length of time that is going to go into this window will vary from person to person but the process is essentially the same.)

 

[Tove]

When I'm plotting with someone with legitimate questions or responses and the only thing in return they will give me is a sentence or two at the most. That's when I feel I'm wasting my time and will stop replying.

 

[veiledpurple]

I just got ditched- my partner claimed our writing styles didnt match. We had the EXACT SAME writing style. I've gotten ditched for ridiculous reasons other than 'I'm not interested in continuing.'

Also, having to be 18+ for a PLATONIC plot. ???? theres no romance?

 

[Tove]

I just got ditched- my partner claimed our writing styles didnt match. We had the EXACT SAME writing style. I've gotten ditched for ridiculous reasons other than 'I'm not interested in continuing.'

Also, having to be 18+ for a PLATONIC plot. ???? theres no romance?

Some people just want to write with those above 18 even if there's no romance. Can't fault them for that.

 

[astrowrld]

i quite honestly have a lot of things that really bug me, but as of right now the biggest thing is this: i'm seventeen years old, only a couple of weeks shy of being eighteen. but people that get angry with me for not wanting to roleplay with them due to their age (i have a personal limit — twenty seems to be the oldest age i'll be willing to work with, as of right now) just make me rather confused. i'm a minor, and i 100 percent understand people not wanting to roleplay with minors (especially for romance-y plots) but when it's flipped and you're reaching out to me from my search thread and then get mad when i deny you because you're way older than me? it just doesn't make sense.

 

[rae2nerdy]

i quite honestly have a lot of things that really bug me, but as of right now the biggest thing is this: i'm seventeen years old, only a couple of weeks shy of being eighteen. but people that get angry with me for not wanting to roleplay with them due to their age (i have a personal limit — twenty seems to be the oldest age i'll be willing to work with, as of right now) just make me rather confused. i'm a minor, and i 100 percent understand people not wanting to roleplay with minors (especially for romance-y plots) but when it's flipped and you're reaching out to me from my search thread and then get mad when i deny you because you're way older than me? it just doesn't make sense.

Granted I don't have a dog in this fight either way, but if I had to take a guess it's because 18 is the age of consent. Since the only reason 99.9% of these people say they don't roleplay with anyone under eighteen is because they don't want to get arrested for roleplaying romance with a child they are probably wondering what your deal is. You are essentially 18 at this point so there isn't this irrational fear that they'll get in trouble for talking to you.

Especially if they're pitching a fit than I imagine the only reason they don't roleplay with "children" is they have a very patronizing view of younger roleplayers combined with a desire to do some "mature" themes. Truthfully either way you're better off avoiding these people like the plague. They seem like a host of red flags waiting to happen.

 

[astrowrld]

Granted I don't have a dog in this fight either way, but if I had to take a guess it's because 18 is the age of consent. Since the only reason 99.9% of these people say they don't roleplay with anyone under eighteen is because they don't want to get arrested for roleplaying romance with a child they are probably wondering what your deal is. You are essentially 18 at this point so there isn't this irrational fear that they'll get in trouble for talking to you.

Especially if they're pitching a fit than I imagine the only reason they don't roleplay with "children" is they have a very patronizing view of younger roleplayers combined with a desire to do some "mature" themes. Truthfully either way you're better off avoiding these people like the plague. They seem like a host of red flags waiting to happen.

the thing is — i always explicitly state in my threads that i am seventeen, and so they're reaching out to me knowing my age. yes, i might not say that i don't want anyone over the age of [insert here] trying to roleplay with me, which may be a problem on my part, but they're approaching it knowing my age. i understand avoiding people who have a patronizing view of minors and everything, but am i wrong for having age limits for who i wanna roleplay with?

 

[rae2nerdy]

the thing is — i always explicitly state in my threads that i am seventeen, and so they're reaching out to me knowing my age. yes, i might not say that i don't want anyone over the age of [insert here] trying to roleplay with me, which may be a problem on my part, but they're approaching it knowing my age. i understand avoiding people who have a patronizing view of minors and everything, but am i wrong for having age limits for who i wanna roleplay with?

No. My point is if the people are having a fit than they are likely to be toxic individuals anyway and your better off avoiding them.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Well, not necessarily, at least not for me, personally.
I am an adult and honestly roleplaying with children is a bit unconfortable for me. Mostly because of maturity reasons. And indeed, age is not a number, but when roleplaying I usually like to also talk with my roleplay partner. And whilst talking to children is fine, the age gap can be something that prevents that pleasant experience from happening in a normal way in some cases. For instance, a 13 year old would have some trouble connecting (in a regular friendly way, I hope I can express myself clearly) with a 10 year old, because they often don't have the same interests nor the same maturity level. And I am totally aware that younger people can be as or even more mature than adults, but it just feels off to try to connect with someone younger sometimes, you know? Because age speaking, sometimes people are really different. I unfortunately lost a great friend and a good roleplayer because of this, and from now on I am definitely thinking of just rolelaying with people around my age.
I often don't roleplay romance, and if it happens is something very light and quite innocent. Smut is something that I really dislike (I have nothing against people who appreciate it), but in the end these themes aren't exactly what makes me feel weird about roleplaying with people younger than me.

I am aware that not every person won’t roleplay with children for the reasons I listed. But having gotten into any number of conversations with people on this topic I can say with confidence that the vast majority of people feel as I wrote. If you differ that’s fine.

My point was given the OPs stated issue they were likely talking to people who had some kind of issue specific to age of consent. Especially if they were pissed about someone not roleplaying with them because they were too old not too young.

 

[Melpomene]

I'm getting pretty damn angry about people not being understanding that we are in the middle of a pandemic and I may be home but I am doing quite a bit of freelance work and online stuff to make up for a lack of a job so I don't have time to sit on writing all day. I may be on the keyboard all day now, but for a very different reason between online classes and freelance work.

I also absolutely hate when someone makes me stress out on here. This is the only place I can feel a lack of stress my dudes, I would like to keep it that way.

 

[Tove]

Well, not necessarily, at least not for me, personally.
I am an adult and honestly roleplaying with children is a bit unconfortable for me. Mostly because of maturity reasons. And indeed, age is not a number, but when roleplaying I usually like to also talk with my roleplay partner. And whilst talking to children is fine, the age gap can be something that prevents that pleasant experience from happening in a normal way in some cases. For instance, a 13 year old would have some trouble connecting (in a regular friendly way, I hope I can express myself clearly) with a 10 year old, because they often don't have the same interests nor the same maturity level. And I am totally aware that younger people can be as or even more mature than adults, but it just feels off to try to connect with someone younger sometimes, you know? Because age speaking, sometimes people are really different. I unfortunately lost a great friend and a good roleplayer because of this, and from now on I am definitely thinking of just rolelaying with people around my age.
I often don't roleplay romance, and if it happens is something very light and quite innocent. Smut is something that I really dislike (I have nothing against people who appreciate it), but in the end these themes aren't exactly what makes me feel weird about roleplaying with people younger than me.

I agree with you. I feel the same way. I'm an adult, I have no desire or business to roleplay with someone younger as in under 18. Romance or no romance, it's just uncomfortable to me. I felt the same way when I was a teenager myself and it came to older writers, I wanted to stick with my own age group. It's my own preference.

 

[Melpomene]

I agree with you. I feel the same way. I'm an adult, I have no desire or business to roleplay with someone younger as in under 18. Romance or no romance, it's just uncomfortable to me. I felt the same way when I was a teenager myself and it came to older writers, I wanted to stick with my own age group. It's my own preference.

Yeah now that I am 19 I don't want to RP with people under 18 haha. Not because I think they are bad but just because it makes me uncomfortable, especially if there are any adult themes.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I truly understand. And honestly, I do believe that generalising won't give a clear picture of the general cases, but I totally acknowledge your point of view, and in fact, throughout the years I have been meeting the same type of roleplayers as well. I guess that such question is simply something too personal, but you do have a point.

Lol I mean it’s not my point of view because I don’t care about the age of my partners in either direction. I will roleplay with people younger than me (a necessity as I am in my 30s and among the oldest demographic on this site) or older than me (less common but does happen from time to time).

I was not stating a point of view but giving my experience after taking part in several threads directly related to the topic in question as well as talking to multiple people in this thread itself.

 

[low fidelity]

my rp pet peeve, which spans over so much of this site: art theft!

it is sooo prevalent its ridiculous. if you didn't create the art you use for your characters, don't edit it, repost it, and use it when you never explicitly asked permission from the original artist. i say this as an artist who's trying to make a career from my hard work and passions, and who's had their art stolen and used w/o permission before, if you didn't ask/didn't make it, then don't do it!

it shows that you don't respect artists, even if you say you do. & if you'd like art of your characters to use for roleplays, either take the take to learn the skills like other artists and i have (which has taken us years of practice, likely) or commission your favorite artists and support our careers!
:^)