GojiBean
Your resident irradiated Kaiju King
Edited Post
Something that's pissing me off right now is something I literally just encountered in another thread. A role-player who is younger has been given grief simply for being younger.
Warning!!
Incoming GojiBrean rant...
...
Let me say this as clearly as possible.
Age!
Does!
Not!
Matter!
This is online role-playing. Not a dating site or some kind of social to-do where age should affect your perception of someone else or expect certain kinds of behavior or interactions.
Age alone should not be a factor of your perception of others. Period. If age by itself as a number is a problem, then the problem is yours. Just because someone's younger doesn't make them unworthy, untrustworthy, or in any way less passionate or dedicated to the world of online role-playing than someone who's older.
Regardless of the legitimacy of your reasoning for avoiding age groups, you need to realize that it's a toxic behavior that can unfairly permeate through the community for no other reason other than someone being too trusting of what you went through and then establishing your perception as their own.
You affect the thoughts and perceptions of others more easily and more frequently than you know.
Let's use a hypothetical as an example:
Someone who's in their late 20's joins and RP and, in OOC conversation, finds out everyone else here is 20+ and decides to say openly that they'll never RP with a sub-20 year old again. When asked why, they claim it's because of ONE instance where they got into an argument with a sub-20 year old in another RP a few months back. The sub-20 year old left the RP so as not to deal with the negative situation anymore, and the RP soon fell apart and died because that sub-20 year old was the most active poster in the group. Someone else in the conversation then says "I believe it. What a little douche. I'm gonna make sure to say 20+ in all my RP's from now on so that crap doesn't happen to me." When asked if they'd had a similar experience before as well, they reply with, "No. It just makes sense. Younger players suck, and I don't wanna go through that. So I'm not gonna RP with them."
They've never experienced anything negative with a younger player before, but suddenly they think that younger players suck. And it's all because the negative experience this other person went through "makes sense." Because obviously younger players aren't as "mature" as older players. Obviously they're more volatile, more prone to irrational behavior and words, and ghosting because they're just too childish to speak up before leaving. Obviously. It makes total sense. Right?
No.
For starters, that sub-20 year old was the beating heart of the RP. If it died after they left, then they weren't he problem. Everyone else was. So why are they taking the blame behind their back?
For those wondering, this hypothetical is not actually a hypothetical. This happens frequently in online role-playing because a lot of people out there are willing to believe that the negative experiences of others translates to their own reality whether or not it's happened to them before. As stated before, you affect the thoughts and perceptions of others far more frequently and easily than you may realize. And as a result, that person is then negatively affected and has changed their perception of the world around them for the worse.
Your words are powerful. And they can be dangerous too.
If you don't watch how you use them and halfhazardly throw them around in a negative fashion, the result is the spread of something toxic and ugly through the community.
Brief tangent: If you're afraid of interacting with someone because they're younger and you don't want to be seen as some kind of creep, then you're afraid of a non-issue.
What happens IC stays IC. Your character is not you. What they do and say are not you. Just because you're the one tying the words down doesn't mean you are in any way the one thinking or behaving in the manner that your character is. It's the same thing with film stars. They're portraying characters. The actors are not in love just because their characters are. And when they make out on screen, it's for the film. Both actor's know it. Their friends know it. Their spouses know it. Even the audience knows it. So there's no problem.
It's the same here in online role-playing.
No matter what your characters do IC, it does not reflect you or define your reality.
So, if you're worried about the creep factor, don't be. It doesn't exist unless you make it exist by actually going out of your way to behave in an inappropriate manner. And as long as you don't want to be a creep and aren't trying to be a creep, you won't be a creep.
For those dealing with trauma, whether it's something that happened long ago or something more recent, I say this with every best intentions: Seek therapy.
This is a scary prospect. And believe me, I understand because I've been there.
I've had to seek therapy because of my own traumatic history in life as well, and it was a very liberating experience for me. And even with therapy it was almost a year before I was able to get over everything that happened to me and move on with a clear and healthy conscience. But it worked for me. Is it guaranteed to work for you? No. But is it worth trying to help yourself even if it's not certain to work? Absolutely.
Thanks to therapy I'm no longer haunted by my past, role-playing or otherwise. And I don't negatively think about either myself, or anyone else who was involved in the trauma's source. I'm free. Why? Because, thanks to therapy, I was able to forgive myself my mistakes, forgive the mistakes of others, realize where the true heart of the problem lay, and take steps to correct it.
My mind is clear, and yours can be too.
I know it's scary to think about going to look for therapy. In fact, I didn't even want to do it at first. I resisted for months until the weight of my anxiety and emotions got to be too much and I was crying myself to sleep thinking about all the "I should have's" and "what if's" that were swarming through my head. I was trying to mentally make things better by changing the memories using the "best" of those scenarios I came up with. But it doesn't work that way. Your memories aren't yours to change. They're permanent, and they're a part of you whether you like it or not. And the fact of the matter is that I waited too long before I took the steps needed to help myself to recover and move on from what happened.
I don't want any of you to make my mistake.
Don't let your memories sit in your head and fester without being tempered by a voice that can empathize and guide you through the fog to a better, more stable mindset.
If you honestly believe that your mental and emotional health are at risk, step away from online role-playing for a while and seek help. It's not a shameful act, and it's not as difficult as it sounds. It's scary, yes. But not difficult. They're two different things no matter how much someone wants to lump them together just to oppose what I'm suggesting to you here. "Scary things are difficult to do!" No, they're not. Scary things are scary. Not difficult. What makes them difficult is the fact that you can't visualize yourself doing it. So you shy away from the unknown. Your own mental block is what's making it difficult for you. Not the act of seeking therapy itself.
Case in point: all you have to do is Google psychiatrists in your area, call their office, and schedule your first appointment. That's it. It'll take 5, maybe 10 minutes of your time.
Scary? Maybe. Difficult? Not at all.
When you show up all you have to do is go inside, greet the therapist, and then they sit back and listen to you and let you relay everything to them on your own time. They don't force you to reveal anything you're not yet comfortable revealing. And they don't interrupt you, judge you, or in any way make you feel small, insignificant, or like you're the scum of the Earth.
Instead, once you've said what you need to say they will likely first rehash what you've said to make sure they're fully understanding the root of your pain. Then, they'll give you an honest analysis of the situation you've presented them. They'll tell you where you went wrong, where others went wrong, and most importantly how to distinguish between the two. If you're haunted by what you've lived through then the chances are high that you're blaming yourself for things which aren't your fault. And once you learn to recognize what those things are you can stop blaming yourself, and you'll be able to take an immense weight off your shoulders. That will be your first big step towards recovery.
Forgiving yourself your own mistakes, even if your only mistake was blaming yourself unfairly for things which weren't your fault, is your first big hurdle. Once you're past that, everything afterwards is infinitely easier.
Trauma and runaway anxiety or irrational fear are all toxic to the self, and they can and will eventually kill your enthusiasm and passion for anything and everything you do in life if you don't get them under control and truly learn to move on from them.
Continuing to role-play despite trauma is not the same thing as "moving on."
And if you're struggling to move on by yourself, seek help. It's there. And it's waiting for you.
Now, the truly angry part of my rant returns.
There are those who judge others based on age for no other reason than because they're part of that age group. There's no trauma. There's no bad blood between them and anyone else. There's no outside factors playing in. They just don't like a specific age group. So they say "No" to anyone within it.
Grow. The. Hell. Up.
You're not being cool by acting that way. You're not being kind by acting that way. You're not being fair by acting that way.
You're just being an asshole.
And if this is you, then here's to you never enjoying the full scope of possibilities in online-roleplaying.
In summary, regardless of your reasoning it's time to drop the whole avoidance of age groups.
Even when you're doing so because of a traumatic experience, your behavior in avoiding them is inherently toxic and can inadvertently bleed into the community which is always a problem. Step away from role-playing and seek help first. Then, when you're ready, come back to it. Online role-playing isn't going anywhere. And nobody (with a heart or good conscience) can or will blame you for taking time to do what's best for you.
And if you're just a jerk avoiding age because of age, do the world a favor and grow up. Nobody wants to RP with someone like you except other empty, apathetic losers like yourself. And you'll never enjoy the full beauty of role-playing if those are the kinds of people you surround yourself with.
Thank you,
~ GojiBean
Something that's pissing me off right now is something I literally just encountered in another thread. A role-player who is younger has been given grief simply for being younger.
Warning!!
Incoming GojiBrean rant...
...
Let me say this as clearly as possible.
Age!
Does!
Not!
Matter!
This is online role-playing. Not a dating site or some kind of social to-do where age should affect your perception of someone else or expect certain kinds of behavior or interactions.
Age alone should not be a factor of your perception of others. Period. If age by itself as a number is a problem, then the problem is yours. Just because someone's younger doesn't make them unworthy, untrustworthy, or in any way less passionate or dedicated to the world of online role-playing than someone who's older.
------------------------------------------------------
Regardless of the legitimacy of your reasoning for avoiding age groups, you need to realize that it's a toxic behavior that can unfairly permeate through the community for no other reason other than someone being too trusting of what you went through and then establishing your perception as their own.
You affect the thoughts and perceptions of others more easily and more frequently than you know.
Let's use a hypothetical as an example:
Someone who's in their late 20's joins and RP and, in OOC conversation, finds out everyone else here is 20+ and decides to say openly that they'll never RP with a sub-20 year old again. When asked why, they claim it's because of ONE instance where they got into an argument with a sub-20 year old in another RP a few months back. The sub-20 year old left the RP so as not to deal with the negative situation anymore, and the RP soon fell apart and died because that sub-20 year old was the most active poster in the group. Someone else in the conversation then says "I believe it. What a little douche. I'm gonna make sure to say 20+ in all my RP's from now on so that crap doesn't happen to me." When asked if they'd had a similar experience before as well, they reply with, "No. It just makes sense. Younger players suck, and I don't wanna go through that. So I'm not gonna RP with them."
They've never experienced anything negative with a younger player before, but suddenly they think that younger players suck. And it's all because the negative experience this other person went through "makes sense." Because obviously younger players aren't as "mature" as older players. Obviously they're more volatile, more prone to irrational behavior and words, and ghosting because they're just too childish to speak up before leaving. Obviously. It makes total sense. Right?
No.
For starters, that sub-20 year old was the beating heart of the RP. If it died after they left, then they weren't he problem. Everyone else was. So why are they taking the blame behind their back?
For those wondering, this hypothetical is not actually a hypothetical. This happens frequently in online role-playing because a lot of people out there are willing to believe that the negative experiences of others translates to their own reality whether or not it's happened to them before. As stated before, you affect the thoughts and perceptions of others far more frequently and easily than you may realize. And as a result, that person is then negatively affected and has changed their perception of the world around them for the worse.
Your words are powerful. And they can be dangerous too.
If you don't watch how you use them and halfhazardly throw them around in a negative fashion, the result is the spread of something toxic and ugly through the community.
------------------------------------------------------
Brief tangent: If you're afraid of interacting with someone because they're younger and you don't want to be seen as some kind of creep, then you're afraid of a non-issue.
What happens IC stays IC. Your character is not you. What they do and say are not you. Just because you're the one tying the words down doesn't mean you are in any way the one thinking or behaving in the manner that your character is. It's the same thing with film stars. They're portraying characters. The actors are not in love just because their characters are. And when they make out on screen, it's for the film. Both actor's know it. Their friends know it. Their spouses know it. Even the audience knows it. So there's no problem.
It's the same here in online role-playing.
No matter what your characters do IC, it does not reflect you or define your reality.
So, if you're worried about the creep factor, don't be. It doesn't exist unless you make it exist by actually going out of your way to behave in an inappropriate manner. And as long as you don't want to be a creep and aren't trying to be a creep, you won't be a creep.
------------------------------------------------------
For those dealing with trauma, whether it's something that happened long ago or something more recent, I say this with every best intentions: Seek therapy.
This is a scary prospect. And believe me, I understand because I've been there.
I've had to seek therapy because of my own traumatic history in life as well, and it was a very liberating experience for me. And even with therapy it was almost a year before I was able to get over everything that happened to me and move on with a clear and healthy conscience. But it worked for me. Is it guaranteed to work for you? No. But is it worth trying to help yourself even if it's not certain to work? Absolutely.
Thanks to therapy I'm no longer haunted by my past, role-playing or otherwise. And I don't negatively think about either myself, or anyone else who was involved in the trauma's source. I'm free. Why? Because, thanks to therapy, I was able to forgive myself my mistakes, forgive the mistakes of others, realize where the true heart of the problem lay, and take steps to correct it.
My mind is clear, and yours can be too.
I know it's scary to think about going to look for therapy. In fact, I didn't even want to do it at first. I resisted for months until the weight of my anxiety and emotions got to be too much and I was crying myself to sleep thinking about all the "I should have's" and "what if's" that were swarming through my head. I was trying to mentally make things better by changing the memories using the "best" of those scenarios I came up with. But it doesn't work that way. Your memories aren't yours to change. They're permanent, and they're a part of you whether you like it or not. And the fact of the matter is that I waited too long before I took the steps needed to help myself to recover and move on from what happened.
I don't want any of you to make my mistake.
Don't let your memories sit in your head and fester without being tempered by a voice that can empathize and guide you through the fog to a better, more stable mindset.
If you honestly believe that your mental and emotional health are at risk, step away from online role-playing for a while and seek help. It's not a shameful act, and it's not as difficult as it sounds. It's scary, yes. But not difficult. They're two different things no matter how much someone wants to lump them together just to oppose what I'm suggesting to you here. "Scary things are difficult to do!" No, they're not. Scary things are scary. Not difficult. What makes them difficult is the fact that you can't visualize yourself doing it. So you shy away from the unknown. Your own mental block is what's making it difficult for you. Not the act of seeking therapy itself.
Case in point: all you have to do is Google psychiatrists in your area, call their office, and schedule your first appointment. That's it. It'll take 5, maybe 10 minutes of your time.
Scary? Maybe. Difficult? Not at all.
When you show up all you have to do is go inside, greet the therapist, and then they sit back and listen to you and let you relay everything to them on your own time. They don't force you to reveal anything you're not yet comfortable revealing. And they don't interrupt you, judge you, or in any way make you feel small, insignificant, or like you're the scum of the Earth.
Instead, once you've said what you need to say they will likely first rehash what you've said to make sure they're fully understanding the root of your pain. Then, they'll give you an honest analysis of the situation you've presented them. They'll tell you where you went wrong, where others went wrong, and most importantly how to distinguish between the two. If you're haunted by what you've lived through then the chances are high that you're blaming yourself for things which aren't your fault. And once you learn to recognize what those things are you can stop blaming yourself, and you'll be able to take an immense weight off your shoulders. That will be your first big step towards recovery.
Forgiving yourself your own mistakes, even if your only mistake was blaming yourself unfairly for things which weren't your fault, is your first big hurdle. Once you're past that, everything afterwards is infinitely easier.
Trauma and runaway anxiety or irrational fear are all toxic to the self, and they can and will eventually kill your enthusiasm and passion for anything and everything you do in life if you don't get them under control and truly learn to move on from them.
Continuing to role-play despite trauma is not the same thing as "moving on."
And if you're struggling to move on by yourself, seek help. It's there. And it's waiting for you.
------------------------------------------------------
Now, the truly angry part of my rant returns.
There are those who judge others based on age for no other reason than because they're part of that age group. There's no trauma. There's no bad blood between them and anyone else. There's no outside factors playing in. They just don't like a specific age group. So they say "No" to anyone within it.
Grow. The. Hell. Up.
You're not being cool by acting that way. You're not being kind by acting that way. You're not being fair by acting that way.
You're just being an asshole.
And if this is you, then here's to you never enjoying the full scope of possibilities in online-roleplaying.
------------------------------------------------------
In summary, regardless of your reasoning it's time to drop the whole avoidance of age groups.
Even when you're doing so because of a traumatic experience, your behavior in avoiding them is inherently toxic and can inadvertently bleed into the community which is always a problem. Step away from role-playing and seek help first. Then, when you're ready, come back to it. Online role-playing isn't going anywhere. And nobody (with a heart or good conscience) can or will blame you for taking time to do what's best for you.
And if you're just a jerk avoiding age because of age, do the world a favor and grow up. Nobody wants to RP with someone like you except other empty, apathetic losers like yourself. And you'll never enjoy the full beauty of role-playing if those are the kinds of people you surround yourself with.
Thank you,
~ GojiBean
Last edited:
