Viewpoint What makes you turn down an RP opportunity

[StarDeux]

We've all had it happen. Someone replies to your RP request, and for whatever reason, you turn them down or decide to not go forward with the RP.
Why do you do it? Do you find that it happens right away, or just some time before the RP starts?

Personally, I'll turn down an RP if I get the vibe that the other person isn't half as interested in the idea as I am, like they're just taking on more RPs as a way to fill time.

 

[Onmyoji]

I had to reject a few requests for various reasons.
1. Lack of time. I have a limit on how many simultaneous rp I can take and don't want to get overwhelmed. So if someone requests a rp when I'm already full and can't take up more, I will refuse right away.
2. Incompatibility. Sometimes when you start talking and/or roleplaying you realize that something is just off. Either you don't vibe with the partner's style, or with their ideas or just in general as a person. In that case I will likely choose to stop the rp as soon as possible if I feel I can't work around it.
3. Lack of interest (from either side). When the initial hype is gone, either for you or for partner, or for both. In that case could stop the rp as well, before or shortly after it starts, otherwise it would become a chore.

 

[Lucyfer]

I agree that incompatibility and lack of interest are major ones.

One I've also found, that kind of slides under incompatibility, is lack of understanding. I don't mean with complicated world-building things, and asking questions about it -- that's cool. I mean on the simpler level.

I've seen this happen when I'm talking about character/character types I intend to play. Sometimes they'll mistake that for characters that are either available to play (if they like one of the ideas), or concerned that I want them to play that character (if they don't want to). I'll clear it up and explain. If it happens just once, I usually let it slide -- we all skim things or miss things, especially when the hype is high and we're eager to talk and flesh out ideas. When it starts happening more than once, that's when I realize this probably won't work out, as they'll likely miss details in the RP that are important.

The times I've let this slide, I've usually seen partners disregarding important bits like character location or time of day, and it starts snowballing from there with huge time jumps, major location jumps, and so much more.

 

[Jannah]

Creative differences is the big one. Like, once we get talking about plot/setting ideas and I realize we have very different visions then I will turn it down. Yes, RP is about compromise, but one shouldn't have to compromise on literally every idea they have just to make it work.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I agree that incompatibility and lack of interest are major ones.

One I've also found, that kind of slides under incompatibility, is lack of understanding. I don't mean with complicated world-building things, and asking questions about it -- that's cool. I mean on the simpler level.

I've seen this happen when I'm talking about character/character types I intend to play. Sometimes they'll mistake that for characters that are either available to play (if they like one of the ideas), or concerned that I want them to play that character (if they don't want to). I'll clear it up and explain. If it happens just once, I usually let it slide -- we all skim things or miss things, especially when the hype is high and we're eager to talk and flesh out ideas. When it starts happening more than once, that's when I realize this probably won't work out, as they'll likely miss details in the RP that are important.

The times I've let this slide, I've usually seen partners disregarding important bits like character location or time of day, and it starts snowballing from there with huge time jumps, major location jumps, and so much more.

I was starting to think that only happened to me. Because most of the time you see people talking about folks just disregarding posts entirely or missing major stuff.

But I find it’s more common for my partners miss little things.

Like you said I will describe my character and it takes two or three reiterations for them to understand I am talking about the character I am playing.

It’s not typically a direct deal breaker for me (especially if the person is otherwise compatible) but it can get very frustrating and I understand just walking away completely.

 

[Megilagor]

For the game needs to be enjoyed by both the GM and the players and both sides need to be engaged in it.
In the past, I often had to say to people those exact words "If the players enjoy it but not the GM then it feels like work, If no sides enjoy it then it feels like torture, If only the GM enjoys it they might as well just start writing stories, only in balance when both sides can enjoy it will you find peace."
Cause you have to remember, it's you as the RP maker/GM that advertises your story to people in which you want people to partake, and neither side is doing the other any favour by joining, all of them are there to enjoy the story unfolding.

Ok enough of the rant, but I did want to be involved in this topic sadly enough the fellow people above me seem to get all the other points I would say across already.

 

[Superfly47]

I'll look at people's profile and then their recent posts. This give me the best idea of their writing style and length of posts they are looking for. If their posting style doesn't match what I'm looking for I'll pass.

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

Besides incompatibility and lack of interest...

1) As far as groups go, I'll bounce if it's been like two weeks since I've joined and the game has yet to start because the GM seems to be busy. Real life comes first, of course, but the impression I've gotten is that at least some GMs who exhibit this trait often suspect that their life is about to get busy for a period, but they create the group anyway as opposed to waiting when they'll have the time, or they otherwise make it evident that they have too much of a life that running a group is tertiary to them. I think a group game deserves a greater degree of responsibility than that.

2) I'll pass if I don't find the character attractive for a 1x1 where romance is meant to be a primary component. It's not that I'm so keen on fantasy fulfillment in a roleplay, because I require drama and plot, which is often not conducive to fantasy fulfillment, but, as shallow as it may be, it's hard for me to feel excited about the prospect of a romance if I find the character's physical appearance to be unappealing. Emotional chemistry between the characters can override physical attraction, but that's kinda the caveat with 1x1s: there's exactly one eligible bachelor, and it feels like a gamble to hope for fulfilment from the roleplay in other ways if romance is meant to be a primary component, or to hope that the emotional chemistry will be enough. I'm too cynical to believe that the payoff will happen.

That and I'm tired of twinks, or the strict dichotomy that seems to be prevalent in the m/m space. Just because I like to play "top-looking" men doesn't mean I want "bottom-looking" boys, or androgynous/effeminate men that just, to me, often feels like an attempt to heteronormalize the pairing a la yaoi. I mean no disrespect for people who are into these things - the tastes are valid, and I understand why they might be enjoyable - but I hate having to compromise on this aspect anymore.

The same kinda goes for groups, but there are at least more characters to interact with, in ways other than developing a romance, so it's less of a wrinkle.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Gonna preface this by saying this is a personal hang up and I do not think that having a physical attraction to specific faceclaims or characters is wrong or inappropriate. It’s just not something I personally am comfortable with.

A Sparkling Zombie so we are the exact opposite when it comes to 1x1. If someone told me they where physically attracted to my character I would block them immediately and leave the roleplay.

People talking about their physical or sexual desires just makes me deeply uncomfortable. And it’s not just online either, if you start talking about things you find physically attractive to me IRL I’m gonna bolt the first chance I get.

Partially I think it’s the aro/ace in me and partially it’s the Midwest upbringing. We just don’t really talk about stuff like that with folks who aren’t our romantic partners or lifelong friends.

So any time I see someone who is super hung up physical appearance or even just specific face claims I’m like “nope not the partner for me.”

 

[Jannah]

Gonna preface this by saying this is a personal hang up and I do not think that having a physical attraction to specific faceclaims or characters is wrong or inappropriate. It’s just not something I personally am comfortable with.

A Sparkling Zombie so we are the exact opposite when it comes to 1x1. If someone told me they where physically attracted to my character I would block them immediately and leave the roleplay.

People talking about their physical or sexual desires just makes me deeply uncomfortable. And it’s not just online either, if you start talking about things you find physically attractive to me IRL I’m gonna bolt the first chance I get.

Partially I think it’s the aro/ace in me and partially it’s the Midwest upbringing. We just don’t really talk about stuff like that with folks who aren’t our romantic partners or lifelong friends.

So any time I see someone who is super hung up physical appearance or even just specific face claims I’m like “nope not the partner for me.”

I always found it odd too to use a specific faceclaim just because you're personally physically attracted to the person. Then again I'm also Ace so maybe that's part of it.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I always found it odd too to use a specific faceclaim just because you're personally physically attracted to the person. Then again I'm also Ace so maybe that's part of it.

I think it’s a factor. In addition personally I’m middle aged and grew up in a very small conservative town. So I think I just grew up being taught that those kind of topics weren’t appropriate to discuss “in polite company”.

As an adult I do understand that was probably a bit sexist but what can ya do? I try to be open minded where I can be but some things are harder to shake.

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

Gonna preface this by saying this is a personal hang up and I do not think that having a physical attraction to specific faceclaims or characters is wrong or inappropriate. It’s just not something I personally am comfortable with.

A Sparkling Zombie so we are the exact opposite when it comes to 1x1. If someone told me they where physically attracted to my character I would block them immediately and leave the roleplay.

People talking about their physical or sexual desires just makes me deeply uncomfortable. And it’s not just online either, if you start talking about things you find physically attractive to me IRL I’m gonna bolt the first chance I get.

Partially I think it’s the aro/ace in me and partially it’s the Midwest upbringing. We just don’t really talk about stuff like that with folks who aren’t our romantic partners or lifelong friends.

So any time I see someone who is super hung up physical appearance or even just specific face claims I’m like “nope not the partner for me.”

That's fair! I think if I remember correctly, you also prefer platonic stories, is that right? In a case like that, I'd agree it's a little weird to mention that kind of thing when it's hardly relevant to the game. If the 1x1 is more about a specific plot or is designed with the idea of romance being a huge maybe, then I'm not gonna care as much about what the character looks like, personally.

And in general, yeah, I agree it can be odd if a player expresses attraction to the character themself, if because it's a murky area between IC and OOC. While they are coupled, I separate the face claim/illustration from the character when I'm speaking about attractiveness, vaguely similar to how someone might appreciate an actor's craft but absolutely can't stand the character they're playing, because of that character's personality. I realize now I wasn't perfectly clear on that distinction, lol.

I'm also a small-town Midwesterner who has had socially conservative sensibilities instilled in me, so I get how it feels to be around people who are more liberal (for lack of a better term) in the way they carry themselves in their everyday life. Biases are hard to shake. Willingness alone isn't always enough.

 

[GojiBean]

Good question.

In no particular order, here are my top reasons on passing:

• Any level of inappropriate behavior from those interested in joining, and which the GM is either complacent (or worse, a participant) in, or chooses to straight up ignore (such as "playful" bullying in the Interest Check or OOC thread prior to the RP's start, or straight up red flag levels of inappropriate behavior and all that it implies)
  
  
• Incompatibility with the RP's direction or the GM's style of leadership
  
  
• Incompatibility with the RP's genre, setting, or requested character direction
  
  
• Issues with the quality of the RP's premise or construction
  
  
• Incompatibility with the level of writing demonstrated in other Character profiles (I know it's a bit snobbish, but I'm the son of a Technical Writer. If I'm surrounded by others with strong writing ability, aka strong spelling and grammar, I'm a happy guy. But when I'm surrounded by those with weak writing ability it's difficult for me to be enthusiastic about participating.)
  
  
• Strong personality differences between myself and the GM, or myself and any other number of participating players in the OOC threads (If I can't get along with you OOC, I don't care to participate with you IC)
  

So those are my top reasons. There's a few others, but they're so rare to pop up I didn't feel a need to list them. The last time one of them did pop up it was... 2017, I think? So about 6 years ago? Yeah. Not worth mentioning. Lol.

Cheers!

 

[Steve Jobs]

The biggest reason is bad timing. I have a hard limit of how many roleplays I will participate in/apply to so all my "slots" are full then I will decline further opportunities. Otherwise my main reasons for passing on an RP are:

-There seems to be no direction to the story. It's one thing not to have every event laid out, but another to have no plan at all.
-Conversely, if the roleplay constraints are too tight then I will pass. I value freedom during character creation and I don't want to be made to feel like a prop.
-Personality/Style incompatibilities. This rarely comes up, but if I feel uncomfortable with another roleplayer or the GM then I'll refrain from applying or leave before anything starts. Seeing as roleplay is a hobby rather than a job, I prefer to surround myself with people I get along with.

 

[Shawdios]

Biggest one is just the fact that I’m picky.

I tend to prefer people come to me vs me going to people threads then pming my interest. Makes it easier for me because I like throwing semi fleshed out plot ideas into my threads vs the pairing/fandom lists people just throw up.

if the vibe is just... off in any way I’ll turn things down or tell them things are not working. Because when I’m not clicking with the person, the Rp eventually/immediately feels like a chore.

Motivation and inspiration for the Rp is another semi big one. When I’m just not feeling it for a Rp anymore I’ll put work in to try and fix whatever has me snagged but if the other person also feels like it’s not working anymore after attempts to fix it I’ll part ways. (Or they ghost me when I say I need a small break :/)

Mind you I’m mainly 1 on 1 Rper, group Rps never got far in my experience.

 

[StrawberryAvalanche]

Personally, I have a few reasons for turning down or not proceeding with an RP request. Firstly, if I'm extremely busy or overwhelmed with other commitments, I tend to hold off on starting new role-plays. I also have a habit of taking longer to reply, sometimes even weeks, as I prioritize important aspects of my life. Unfortunately, this might give the impression that I'm simply looking for something to pass the time, when that's not the case.

Another factor is that I clearly state on my listings that I don't engage in fandom role-plays unless the person requesting is my best friend. (It's a personal preference that stems from how my best friend and I started writing together. We share a special connection in that regard.)

In addition, I'm more cautious about choosing RP partners now. If someone's vibes seem off, or they have disturbing requests, I prefer not to get involved. I've had experiences where individuals expect me to take on uncomfortable roles or treat the RP as a therapy session, which isn't what I'm looking for. So, I've become more selective in order to protect my own comfort and well-being.

While I do have certain preferences and boundaries, I'm still open to exploring new possibilities and connecting with potential RP partners. However, experiences have made me more mindful of safeguarding my own peace of mind. Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries is important to me, and I avoid engaging with those who disrespect or disregard them.

My decision-making process takes into account factors such as availability, personal preferences, and the need for a safe and respectful RP environment.

 

[Jannah]

Biggest one is just the fact that I’m picky.

I tend to prefer people come to me vs me going to people threads then pming my interest. Makes it easier for me because I like throwing semi fleshed out plot ideas into my threads vs the pairing/fandom lists people just throw up.

if the vibe is just... off in any way I’ll turn things down or tell them things are not working. Because when I’m not clicking with the person, the Rp eventually/immediately feels like a chore.

Motivation and inspiration for the Rp is another semi big one. When I’m just not feeling it for a Rp anymore I’ll put work in to try and fix whatever has me snagged but if the other person also feels like it’s not working anymore after attempts to fix it I’ll part ways. (Or they ghost me when I say I need a small break :/)

Mind you I’m mainly 1 on 1 Rper, group Rps never got far in my experience.

At least you acknowledge pickiness rather than blaming your partners. That happens quite a bit unfortunately.

 

[Dubious]

If the person is super passive and can't/won't communicate. Like, four-word answers to complex questions, stuff like that. I'm fairly flexible because I know all about being awkward AF, but I do need some collaboration and feedback. Also if I'm writing paragraphs and only getting a sentence back, that's... nah, I'm gonna just assume the person wants to quit and doesn't want to tell me directly.

Fortunately it's been ages since I had that problem.

Otherwise, meh, sometimes we just don't like enough of the same things, and that's fine. Better to figure it out so we can both move on to more compatible partners as soon as possible.

Edit: I think my funniest case was this one person who deadass did not realize we were writing mxm (saw the recruit add & didn't know what that tag meant, apparently). When I clarified, fully expecting them to back out immediately, they just went "oh. ok. sure. let's do it."

I was just there like ?????? (nothing changed in the slightest after that, we just went on writing gen survival horror for a while so, whatever, it was fun).

 

[vividmilktea]

Incompatibility is a major factor. Also people who move way too far OOC (unless this is agreed upon before. I understand having different interpretations of character, but over the top OOC instantly kills my vibe.

 

[Shawdios]

At least you acknowledge pickiness rather than blaming your partners. That happens quite a bit unfortunately.

I apologize for my misinterpretation of the thread question in my post by the way XD but people really blame their partners for their own pickiness?? Damn.

 

[ashen.eidolon]

I've been having it happen this way a lot in my years of roleplaying.

I will establish what I believe to be a well thought out plot, but always leave room for another player to bring their ideas and improve it with me. I do however list directions I kind of want it to go in and always try to include anything I wouldn't want at all to happen. I also provide lists of my personal interests, a word bank to help people understand what vibe I'm going for... And the responses I get do at least offer another point of view but man, they get super far off the mark of my idea. I just have to dip at that point because if they can't even stay within the general guidelines then it's immediately gonna become a chore to play with them.

Also when they are dead set on making romance the driving force of the plot. Even when I have a plot focusing on a particular couple or dynamic, I want to realistically build UP to that point. When they wanna go right into relationship stuff I just get the vibe this is less about writing and roleplaying for them than it is fulfilling a fantasy. Lol.

 

[Jannah]

I apologize for my misinterpretation of the thread question in my post by the way XD but people really blame their partners for their own pickiness?? Damn.

Nah, it was more so me pointing out that others will often blame their partners for their RP failing. Like, they will blame ghosting, creative differences that their partner had with them, etc. without considering they themselves may just be stubborn, picky, or just not willing to compromise on much when it comes to plot and characters.

 

[Sorin]

I won't partake in any Roleplays using realistic faceclaims. There's something about using a real life person as a stand-in for my fictional OC that I find to be incredibly uncomfortable. I understand that this is likely a hot take and there are many who would not to write with someone like me who'd rather use drawings, anime-styled faceclaims, written descriptions, and/or Doll Makers. It's mostly a difference of preferences and I 100% respect that.

The other reason that I'll turn down Roleplay opportunities are if "the vibes are off". I'm an introvert and if I immediately come into contact with someone who is draining to chat with, then I'll most likely decline to write with them. I feel like these are usually the folks who send me walls of texts while in the pre-planning phase of a Roleplay that basically reiterate back to me what I've already said until it just becomes too much to read. Then, there are also folks who I just feel like I'm not compatible with, who just seem to have a different overall vision of characters and Roleplay, who I'll usually decline to write with as well. Finally, there are the folks who have "red flags" and are the ones that I'm the quickest to decline writing with. These are usually the folks who I've seen around the site (not necessarily RPNation, but Roleplay sites in general) acting problematically.

I once had a potential Roleplay partner on another site who wanted me to change an ability that my OC had so that they could use it for their OC and then continued to spend all of our DMs complaining about how their other partners "blocked them for no reason". Major red flag, nope. I was young and inexperienced though, so I stuck around. Now, though, I really don't have the patience to put up with these kinds of people anymore. So I won't.

 

[xpstitch]

Not sure if this fits but ; unwillingness to state desires truthfully.

Example : Person I had played with before on a pre-made plot and OC. It ended amicably but I will reach out again later to see about some different stuff and I get the feeling that they want to play this one thing and ONLY this one thing...

but when asked about other stuff, won't say so and will keep stringing me along on being "open minded".

 

[Nu Epiq]

If the person seems more interested in complaining about past experiences rather than trying to build a story together. I get it. Roleplay can have its ups and downs but if I have nothing to do with anything dealing with past partners please don’t bring that up to me the first thing.

Probably because it has been made clear to me they have not actually read my request thread.

Incompatibilities or time restraints on my part.