Opinion What are your thoughts on having babies?

[rae2nerdy]

So I am bored at work and I got to reading an article about women having babies later in life and the comments of said article prompted a little survey I'd like to give out to the people of RPN. (This isn't specific to women btw, anyone who wants to can comment below)

If you are planning on having children
1. At what age would you like to have children?
2. How many kids would you like to have?
3. How are you planning to care for your children? (stay at home, daycare, help from relatives)
4. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
5. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

If you are NOT planning on having children
1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?
2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?
3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

For the people curious here is the article I was reading on Jezebel

 

[rae2nerdy]

To get us started I thought I'd answer my own questions

1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?
I'm aro/ace so the whole baby making process doesn't much interest me. Plus I have zero desire to attempt to raise a baby by myself, I don't have the maternal instinct for it.

2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?
Nope. The only way I'm ending up with kids is if a horrible tragedy befalls my siblings and I am given custody of my nieces and nephews.

3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
22 - 33 age range.

4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
I'm lucky in that my family is largely uninterested in me having kids. My stepmom will make the stray comment every now in again, mostly after talking about middle sibling's new babies. Mom is like..meh she's happy, she has a decent job, and she's not making stupid life choices. My work here is done. My friends all know I'm aro/ace so they don't really bother with the question.

 

[Idea]

1. At what age would you like to have children?

I think my 30s or early 40s would be the ideal. Old enough to be somewhat established financially but still young enough that I won't seem like their grandfather. Of course, this an ideal scenario where I even get to choose. I would personally be fine having children at just about any time that I can afford to fulfill my responsabilities and be worthy of them.

2. How many kids would you like to have?

I'd say a number between 1 and 3 would work well for me, numbers which are manageable in terms of adressing the individual lives and needs of the children with the proper attention they deserve.

3. How are you planning to care for your children? (stay at home, daycare, help from relatives)

That really depends. If things went ideally I would have a wife who would stay with the kids while they are really young and have a maid or a relative or something look after them after they are a little more independent but still need supervision. The lack of presence of a child's actual presence is something which can be harmful to their development and attachment to their family, both things which I have witnessed firsthand.

That said, there are a lot of ways in which this could not work and I would have to adapt. In fact, with me being who I am, I am not particularly confident I would even be able to hold a stable romantic relationship, if I could so much as manage to start one in the first place. So a more likely scenario for me when it comes to raising a child would be adoption. In which case I'd probably stick with just 1 child and divert my free time to their care (probably leaving them with a maid, family member or some form of daycare).

4. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over

What an arbitrary number to throw in there "22". Oh well...

I'm currently 20 years old.

 

[rae2nerdy]

What an arbitrary number to throw in there "22". Oh well...

I'm currently 20 years old.

That is the cut off for Generation Z (22) so that's how I got that. 23-33 was just a nice even decade. 34+ was because I didn't figure we were going to get a lot of people in that demographic.

That said I did add another question if you want to answer it. For now thanks for taking part in my time wasting survey

 

[Idea]

That is the cut off for Generation Z (22) so that's how I got that. 22-33 was just a nice even decade. 34+ was because I didn't figure we were going to get a lot of people in that demographic.

That said I did add another question if you want to answer it. For now thanks for taking part in my time wasting survey

Oh I see. That makes sense I guess.

You're welcome, it's an interesting topic, especially for one who despite lacking romantic relationships still feels a good dose of paternal instincts. I'll get to answering your next question then

5. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

Maybe? Maybe not? I mean, gun to my head would they want me to have children or not, I'd say they'd rather I do, but it's not like they ever apply pressure or bring it up umprompted or anything of the sort. At this point I'd say they would prefer I have children, but they have long since lost any investment or expectations regarding me and that aspect of my life.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Oh I see. That makes sense I guess.

You're welcome, it's an interesting topic, especially for one who despite lacking romantic relationships still feels a good dose of paternal instincts. I'll get to answering your next question then

Maybe? Maybe not? I mean, gun to my head would they want me to have children or not, I'd say they'd rather I do, but it's not like they ever apply pressure or bring it up unprompted or anything of the sort. At this point I'd say they would prefer I have children, but they have long since lost any investment or expectations regarding me and that aspect of my life.

If romance is a problem you might look into queer platonic relationships which are the aro(ace) equivalent of dating/marriage. So like you might share a house, have kids, get legally married, or even just spend time with someone who shares your hobbies. The only difference is that you aren't doing it with someone your romantically (or possibly sexually) attracted to. It's a really interesting idea actually. I'm too introverted to personally want one but I think it is a good option for people who might want companionship but aren't really interested in romance.

 

[Idea]

If romance is a problem you might look into queer platonic relationships which are the aro(ace) equivalent of dating/marriage. So like you might share a house, have kids, get legally married, or even just spend time with someone who shares your hobbies. The only difference is that you aren't doing it with someone your romantically (or possibly sexually) attracted to. It's a really interesting idea actually. I'm too introverted to personally want one but I think it is a good option for people who might want companionship but aren't really interested in romance.

Thanks for the advice. That said, the issue with me isn't really one of interest, or at least not MY interest. I'm just a mess all around, and while I do think I have redeeming qualities, the very fact I have to think of them as "redeeming" I'd says a lot about my prospects as someone people would be legitimately interested in. Plus, even if they were, I would still not be getting into the thing I myself think I am worthy of someone's time and affection...

I'm sorry that got a bit melodramatic there. The bigger point is though I believe I may perhaps eventually find a partner that would actually want me, I just can't see that happening any time soon, and it certainly hasn't so far.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Thanks for the advice. That said, the issue with me isn't really one of interest, or at least not MY interest. I'm just a mess all around, and while I do think I have redeeming qualities, the very fact I have to think of them as "redeeming" I'd says a lot about my prospects as someone people would be legitimately interested in. Plus, even if they were, I would still not be getting into the thing I myself think I am worthy of someone's time and affection...

I'm sorry that got a bit melodramatic there. The bigger point is though I believe I may perhaps eventually find a partner that would actually want me, I just can't see that happening any time soon, and it certainly hasn't so far.

Fair enough in that case it's good to remember is that everyone comes to their own inner truth in their own time. You might never get married but end up adopting kids who need homes. You might get married and just never have children for financial reasons. As long as your happy and your content with your life than that's what matters.

 

[Saccharine Cyanide]

I'm in the no kids camp.

1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?

I have no desire to have kids. I'm just naturally not an affectionate person; I didn't even like cuddling when I was a baby. (There's no reason in particular why I have a touch aversion, as far as I can tell. Maybe it's genetic?) That makes finding a relationship a challenge in itself, much less having kids who need to be touched and need affection.

Plus, the thought of being pregnant and going through labor, the damage it does to your body, it kinda freaks me out. I get why people have outright pregnancy phobias.

And last, I'm pretty gay and two ladies can't make a baby, to my knowledge, lol. I wouldn't do in vitro fertilization, either, for obvious reasons.

2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?

Probably not. I would maybe consider adopting an older kid. Maybe.

3. What age group are you in?

22-33

4. Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

My dad gives me the, "You'll change your mind when you're older" shtick occasionally, but everyone else is pretty supportive and understanding. I have three siblings, so someone else can supply the grandkids. I'm content to be the gay vodka aunt. : P

 

[DisneyGirl]

I definitely want to have kids. Being a mama is a dream of mine

1. At what age would you like to have children?
Somewhere in between late 20s to Late 30s. I want to get a career and meet (then eventually marry) their dad first, haha.

2. How many kids would you like to have?
Man, I'd love to have a house full of kids. Gimme all the babies. Lol, jk. As much as I'd love a huge family, I think 2-4 kids is good.

3. How are you planning to care for your children? (stay at home, daycare, help from relatives)
I'd want to be a stay at home mom if financially possible. Also, help from relatives and/or paying really close friends to babysit.

4. What age group are you in?
23 -33

5. Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
They seem to just want me to be happy and having a family would definitely make me happy so they're supportive of that.

 

[Abendrot]

What is your main reason for not wishing children?

Because I truly believe that children should be loved and admired and taught how to be a wonderful person and a functioning member of society. But I just don't believe I am capable of putting the energy or the money towards raising a child in the way I think he/she should be raised.

Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?

Not unless my life situation improves significantly enough.

What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over

22 and younger

4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

Mom is subtly-not-subtly pressuring me into having them someday, but Dad gets my reasoning. I'd rather be an uncle than a dad.

 

[AnimeGenork]

1. I'd definitely want to have kids around late 20s to early 30s because if I waited until, say, early 40s, I'd get into territory I'm too scared to enter. (Genetics does not promise menopause around 50 but around mid-40s and therefore are unfavorable in that aspect.) Also, I want to be able to still handle all the back pain and general not-fun-ness that would come with pregnancy, and since I already have back pain... well, earlier might be a little better then. Also because I'm impatient. My concern is whether or not I'll find someone willing to actually marry me and have kids haha...ha... uh...

2. I'm thinking 3. Favorite number, I suppose, but for some reason, I've come to believe 3 is like the number, if that makes sense? Like that's the number I've just somehow known is perfect for me.

3. That's a good question. >_> Haven't thought that far ahead haha. It would probably be stay at home at first, but then daycare once I feel I can go back to work. (This also depends on what type of career I end up entering.)

4. ...22 and younger. I'm 18.
Literally the only one of my school friend group who actually wants kids

5. My 7-year-old sister seems to like the idea. My mom jokes that I might end up with a kid that's exactly like me--"what a nightmare that'll be" (thanks, Mom). My friends don't seem to have any interest themselves in kids, which is why they're kinda indifferent when it comes to me. When I say something, though, they kinda just say "Oh, you" like it's an accepted fact that "Gen wants kids." Kinda funny, really...

 

[AdrianS]

Noperoski~ No interest. Doesn't mean it won't happen, or I won't change my mind, but as it's not an interest it's therefor also not a goal, so I don't dedicate a lot of time to prioritizing it.

1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?
There are really enough people in the world, honestly. Children are expensive. I'm not naturally affectionate or inclined towards care-giving to little ones. I'm also very selfish, both with my time and my money, and having a child would be a drain on both of those things.

2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?
Probably not. My student loans won't be gone for years, the world just keeps dying and getting worse to live in, and the more I see how other people who DO have children have to split their time and resources the more I feel like I'm in the better situation.

3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
Second group. A proper Millenial.

4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
Not really. My grandfather is more concerned with if I'm even going to get married than children, and my dad told me he and my mom's goal was to be parents, not grandparents, and that it doesn't make a difference to them either way. Which, honestly, is really nice.

 

[The_Omega_Effect]

If you are NOT planning on having children
1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?
I don't really believe in the value of "having a family" and all. I believe that when I die, that will be it. I will stop existing and be plunged into nothingness. With that philosophy in mind, I'd rather spend all of my time and resources squeezing as much enjoyment out of every second as possible rather than raising children. My entire life up to this point has been a grind. By that I mean I do the same thing every day. Go to school, come back home, do homework or go to uni, come back home, study. I want to have a life outside of my professional career and I want to spend all of my money on doing whatever I want.
2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?
If I were to reach my late thirties and am able to accumulate a decent bit of wealth, I might resort to adopting a child. My family has a history of mental disease so I would rather not take a gamble. Anyway. I would prepare myself, adopt a child and teach him everything he needs to know. With the wisdom of being older, I should be able to raise him or her optimally.
I would most likely not connect with a partner that would want a child either but in the rare case that I do, I might consider it. But that is an incredibly small chance though.
3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
22 and younger.
4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
Not the people in my immediate social circle but my parents, especially my mother, really want me to have children. I kinda don't wanna break her heart by not having kids but it is just not how I wish to live my life.

As a side point, you will rarely find someone who wants kids on this website due to the demographic of people that come on here.

 

[rae2nerdy]

The_Omega_Effect I would say the last point is a matter of perspective. I have met quite a few people on this site who actually have kids already or are fully invested in having them some day. But I hang out with the older end of the demographic (The Millenial and older crowd).

And those are the people that are usually at the point in their lives where kids are a real tangible possibility. Plus as the article I linked stated people are having children later in life.

Now there is this tendency to assume this is a site full of teenagers but we have a fairly diverse age range from what I have seen.

So one of the points of the survey was to see how the various demographics differ on the subject. And if there was any correlation with age and desire for children.

 

[The Hero]

If you are planning on having children
1. At what age would you like to have children?
I would say late 20s to mid 30s. I want to be a relatively young parent, so I can keep up with them. Life was meant to be a struggle, and I think I'd make the most out of the struggle of raising a child in that age range.

2. How many kids would you like to have?
I'd say two. It's a nice even number.

3. How are you planning to care for your children?
Well, hopefully maternity and paternity leave would assist for the more delicate parts of infancy. Afterwards, I think relatives and the such. I was practically raised by my relatives, so that may have an effect.

4. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
22 and younger

5. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
They're more worried about me finding a spouse rather than if I'll have children.

 

[LocoMetal]

If you are NOT planning on having children
1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?
2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?
3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

1. Time and money mostly. The future is looking like shit and I don't need to throw another kid at it.
2. Hard no. Unless I meet the perfect girl and she wants a family. Even then we'd wait until we're financially stable for a kid or two.
3. I'm 26.
4. Of course. My mother and grandmother.

 

[chainsmokes]

If you are NOT planning on having children
1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?
2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?
3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

1. I’ve never exactly liked being around kids, even though kids seem to like me. It doesn’t feel at all natural and feels rather forced and makes me anxious, and the idea of someone being dependent on me for 18 years is just scary.

2. Nope. It has always been clear to me that I don’t want kids.

3. 22 and younger.

4. No, everyone respects my decision.

 

[Sir Fungus]

I don’t really have any thoughts other than if I do have a kid one day.

If I had a kid: “Okay, this is my kid, I need to be there for him(or her) and be a parent”

Honestly, Most people dont really plan on having kids, it just kinda happens, and when it does, its your decision whether you’re mature enough to take care of this kid (That includes feeding them, disciplining them, rewarding them for good behavior, etc.), or give them to an adoption center (Where people will adopt said kid and take care of them because they A. Do not want to go through the process of making a baby, B. Their genetics have altered to where either partner cannot produce children, or C. They do it out of the kindness of their heart.)

I’m not saying I want nor do not want a baby, I’m just stating my opinion on the options if people DO have babies.

 

[Lord Food Person]

Hmmm.....I guess when it comes to havin children, I would kinda hope dat ppl would start to prepare 4 children a lot better than wut I am seein. Lots of ppl jus let it sneak up on em (like how is it sneakin up when u didn’t use protection? #justsayin) when u should be prepared 4 a child mentally (at least think u r 4 ur first child, thou one can never truly be ready) n financially (be ready to take some time off if u have to, but in reality, ur kid can come out with all kinds of issues dat u weren’t prepared 4. Life kinda sucks like dat).

But I personally would consider considering children when I’m done travelin n doin stuff I want in life (like, when does dat every rrly stop!?).

 

[Felis]

I'm one of the people without a child wish.

1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?

I never really wanted children even when I was little, so I don't know? I guess I'm just lacking any maternal instinct. Also, I'm currently not handling my own life very competently or responsibly, so the extra responsibility for a child is something I couldn't handle at all.

2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?

Well, it's not impossible, but I kind of doubt it. Maybe, if I had a husband/partner who really, really loves to take care of children, plus a stable job, plus all my personal problems resolved, and everything just fits perfectly. But then, I think I'd rather adopt a child.

3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over

I'm turning 22 this year.

4. Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

The only person so far who was like "oh, you'll change your mind, you'll see reason eventually" was my aunt when my cousin had her first baby. I think my grandparents would like me to have children, too, but they don't pressure me.

 

[CeriseFern]

If you are NOT planning on having children

1. What is your main reason for not wishing children?
It's simple, I have hereditary disorders I don't want to pass on. Nothing extreme, but still I'd rather not be directly responsible another persons misery.

2. Is your reasoning likely to change? If so why?
I don't plan on having biological children, period. I might adopt, but I currently still live with family. I defiantly don't have money to adopt. So, maybe in the future, but it's not something I'm planning at the current moment.

3. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over

4. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
Family has gotten less obnoxious about me 'changing' my mind, but they still think I'll have kids.

 

[WINCE]

If you are planning on having children
1. At what age would you like to have children?
2. How many kids would you like to have?
3. How are you planning to care for your children? (stay at home, daycare, help from relatives)
4. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
5. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?

1. I wouldn't mind at all if I were to start a family by my early 20's (like they did in the old days), given that I had the opportunity to. That would mean adequate financial support, a safe and positive environment to nurture the little ones in, and a devoted partner who I adore enough to want to combine genes with. Realistically, it won't be a while until that happens. It's my circumstances that are ultimately holding back that fantasy; not a lack of desire.

2. At least 1 homemade one. I'd hope they share our traits equally! ♥

3. Definitely stay at home. Bonding with them would be my #1 priority at that point, as it would be for any parent, and I'd prefer it if the daddy and I spent as much time as we could with them, especially during those early years.

4. I'm 17.

5. The topic of childbearing isn't something that's relevant to my family at the moment. I'm not sure that anyone really cares if or when it happens.

 

[Akaelin]

1. At what age would you like to have children?
Preferably in my late 20's, or early 30's. Basically the age where hopefully I'll have a stable job and housing.

2. How many kids would you like to have?
Two.

3. How are you planning to care for your children? (stay at home, daycare, help from relatives)
I myself had mostly been taken care of by extended families as well my own parents and sibling, so I would probably tend to ask help from relatives and perhaps maternity leave might make it a little easier. I would probably send them to a nursery if I'm able to afford it.

4. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over
22 and younger.

5. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
My parents do want grandchildren, and they seem to really adore the idea of either me or my brother having offspring. While as I'm not sure what my brother thinks about this, I for one would like to have a child that is genetically related to me, and experience the happiness as well the hardship of being a parent.

 

[Tove]

1. At what age would you like to have children? Probably in the next two years. I really don't think age can define whether or not you should have a child.

2. How many kids would you like to have?
One, maybe two. No more than that.

3. How are you planning to care for your children? (stay at home, daycare, help from relatives) I'll stay home until they get old enough but all in all it will be my husband and I taking care of them.

4. What age group are you in? 22 and younger | 23 -33 | 34 and over. Somewhere in between

5. *Added* Do the people in your life seem invested in you having children?
My dude. We want them.