The worst roleplay ever

Rekai Leon

Rekai Leon

The Fluffy Kitty
Let’s roleplay here, with a catch: We have to make our posts as bad as possible. Feel free to post one-word replies, godmod, or annoy other roleplayers here with anything you could think of. I will start with this:

”…”
 
He growled at her and then screamed at her and then yelled "Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunce?" His accent was thickly Cockney, even though he was a Yankee.
 
She looked at him and her eyes turned inside her head, revealing only the white part. “Because I’m big and you’re small, you’re dumb and I’m smart, you’re wrong and I’m right. Now stop breathing my air, and I hope all the chocolate chips in your cookies to turn out to be raisins.”
 
"How dare you make that face at me with your words! I am a 2000000 year old vampire and I'll get my minions to eat all of your body! Or I would... If I wasn't SO IN LOVE WITH YOU!" He murmured darkly.
 
her eyes returned to normal and she did a pirouette before she bery gently slapped his face, even though she was a 27 year-old woman and he was an ancient creature. “Oh dear! I know you wouldn’t hurt me, ever and I wouldn’t hurt you either because, because…. I LOVE YOU TOO” She screamed and her voice sounded like a voice of a 80 year-old heavy smoker grandpa. Her eyes widened in the next second. “WAIT. I CANT. AAAAAH IM GOING TO TURN INTO A SINK” Superkalifragalistik exclaimed.
 
"Damn my currrrsseeeeeee!" Sebastien Vladimir Nosferatu Salvatore whined broodily. His skin shed copiously like an enraged snake. It was gross but so hot. He took the sink love of his endless life to his opulent mansion in the woods in Washington.
 
(I’m literally wheezing 😂)

”ahhh” she yelled a moment before she turned into the object. She was herself again when they arrived at the mansion. “Hello. Where are we?” She said calmly Looking around the house. She had never been in a house before. She lived in an underwater library cave in an ancient Neanderthal office building.
 
"WOOOHHHAAAAA!!!" Sebby, as he loathed to be called, leaped through four walls in shock. His beautiful sink had turned back into the insolent, moody millennial journalist, that he hated to love. It was better when she was still a sink, because that meant he couldn't hurt her with all his manly vampire man powers. He returned to her covered in asbestos and wine. "You are in the boringly extravagant vampire mansion that is technically a part of Romania because I bought the land and am the king of Romania. I'm also a Greek demi God but YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE!" he shook her harshly but with love.
 
“Wow that’s is very ineteresting“ Superkalifragalistik, whose full name was actually Superkalifragalistikexpialidocious but had shortened it down because the latter part of her name reminded her of that one time she had stepped on an miniature albino dolphin and it had died from the smell of her shoe instead of her weight because she had stepped in poop moments before. Her eyes widened when Sebastien told her he was a demigod. She had no idea. “Wh- what y-you r-really a-a-are a…DEMIGOD!!????” She asked, confused. “HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE TOLD ME?” She screamed and broke a wine glass that was resting nearby. She stood up and began hopping up and down, uncontrollably fast. The dragon wings she had in her back started flapping.
 
"Cease your alluring display of aggression!!!!!!" Sebastian, who was now red all over his skin cos he was mad and cos he was very bad at not showing he was mad, demanded in his sexy, deadly, strongly Cockney voice. "Of course I kept my demi-Godness from you. You have never been outside of the library cave in the ocean apart from today, which is when we met." She had never said she came from such a place but he could tell by looking in her huge, emerald eyes that sparkled like sapphires. "But because you didn't stay a sink like all the other millions of girls who have fallen in love with me did, means you are the chosen one. Only you are the one to truly be my love by ignoring all of my toxic behaviour, because you can fix me if you don't bring it up ever and just put up with it. Now shut your idiot face and sit down so I can protect you."
 
she looked at him surprised by the fact that he knew all this stuff about her but soon realized it was because of the emerald stones she had taped over her actual eyes. She carefully peeled the tape and removed the gemstones revealing a pair of light pink eyes, smaller than the the emerald stones but still pretty much anime-like. She looked at him, mesmerized by everything he was saying, the way he wanted to be her hero. She stopped hopping and sat down, grinning. “You’re very sweet and I would be more than glad to never talk about you being jerk and stupid and bossy and rude and mean and possessive and weird and creepy and crazy and a liar because I love you. I think. Will you marry me?” She said, getting down on one knee and offering him one of the emeralds.
 
"I DOOOOOOOO!" He giggled in a mysteriously grimly broodful smile. "But I wanted to ask you because it's not right that you asked me because I wanted to ask you, so NO! I can't because the curse is getting curseder and you have sinks for hands and feet and a face." The wind blowed hard through the whole room and made the room windy and cold with the wind. Seb flung all his books out of the window to try and stop the wind but it just blew them back inside and they hit everyone in the room. There were four other people in the room and they were all really hot and tall and super fashionable but Sebbie was the hottest because Superkalifragalistik found him the most beautiful with her pink eyes the color of dark chocolate. She was staring at his softly bouncy hair that was like Harry Styles in watermelon sugar and it made her want to sing watermelon sugar but her face was a sink. "It's time to go to the concert in my private basement now. We can get married in the morning when you are less sinks." Sebestian pressed the button on his couch that made the couch turn into a super cool transformer like optimus prime but cooler and made of platinum and more emeralds that reminded him of the eyes of his love when they were her eyes. The platinum cool optimus prime picked them up and flew out of the mansion and into the basement where everyone was drinking and dancing and being hardcore.
 
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Superkalifragalistik‘s grin reached her ears when Sebby accepted her proposal but it quickly faded when he said that it wasn’t right for her to ask him instead of him asking her because he wanted to be a man and she was stealing that moment from him by proposing to him herself because she wasn’t a man nor had the gender role of a man. But then before she could say anything she felt the curse getting curseder like Sebastian had said and her face, hands and feet turned into a sink. The faucet in her face started producing water, indicating that she was crying. She was sick of this curse. Now all her body turned into a sink while she was flooding the room. She tried to speak but instead, every other faucet opened, and couldn’t be closed because it was a cursed faucet and now everything was going to flood because of the leaking faucets. She didnt see or hear but felt her love saying they could get married in the morning because she was a dragon hybrid and that’s how she had gotten her wings and that’s why she felt him saying all this stuff and wanted to stop crying which meant that the faucets would stop leaking but she couldn’t. The room kept flooding even when optimus prime couch began dancing the macarena and shaking his hips to despacito.However, a moment later she felt being picked up and was transformed to the basement where more water was. She felt Sebby and noticed that his teeth had turned to Kim Kardashian’s lost earrings.
 
"These are the source of all of Kim's power and fame. We used to be friends with benefits but she got too old and full of herself so now I only let her borrow my fangs as earrings on weekends." Seb-man said flirtily to his sink Superkalifragalistik. But oh no, he just noticed that she was a full sink again and he hated it and her and it and himself but mostly himself. He hated his curse and youngness that lasted forever and ever and his love for making him feel bad for being who he was. "Damn YOUUUU!" He wailed sexily, it was like he was making love time to her sink ears, it made her want to cry with happy sadness but instead her faucets just got more watery.

"Shut UPPPPP!" ten dancing basement party people screamed at them because they didn't like the vibe they was giving off.

"How dareeeee youuuu!!!!!!??" Sebby-man-tastic hissed in a roar at them and he killed everyone in the basement but it was ok because they were all murdering thieves who hit their wives and children. He let out a thunderous cry of depression that made him want to kill more people and himself but he couldn't die because he was a demi god vampire damn it all! "You hate me now, you stopped loving me because I am a killer even though I only kill the bad people, that I get to decide are bad people, because I know more than them all, cos I'm the oldest being alive!!!!!11111 But you hate me and are a sink but that's why you hate me the most."

(is it bad enough yet?)
 
Superkalifragalistik only turned into a person again when he had killed the entire basement. “WHAT DID YOU DO?“ she screeched, feeling excited for some reason. Even though the love of her miserable life had just killed ten people she was feeling happy and wanted to hate him for being cruel but she couldn’t. ”EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE A SICK BASTARD AND IM A SINK-DRAGON I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I WANT TO HATE YOU BUT I CANT. LETS GO COMMIT CRIMES TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She said, her voice suddenly transforming to one similar to the dude who sings pen pineapple apple pen. She was pretty sure her voice had mood swings because it was hitting puberty, but she would have to go check in with her voice doctor. She unzipped a purse with sequins she’d been carrying with her and a small dragon creature exited it. “MIRACULOUS DRAGON!” She yelled and started doing a series of weird dance moves that reminded her of a dying armadillo. After two minutes her whole body was covered in red scales and her eyes were all black. “I have turned myself into my evil form, now we can go commit crimes together. Let’s go” she said and grabbed the vampire from his ears with the claws of her hands and flew out of the window. “Do you know where I can find vodka?”

(YES 😂)
 
Sebby-boiiii laughed with bitter snarly glee, "I know where the best vodka of all is and we will get it right now!" He whacked Superkalifragalistik on the arm so that she let him go and he turned into a giant bat before he fell, but a bat with ebony jet black inky raven feathers and his face was still super hot and handsome and it made her want to swoon out of the sky but that would have killed her, so she didn't. "To Russia!"

They flewed to Russia and went to Alexander palace and met his bff forever Rasputin who faked his death 900 times and their other bff forever Alexei Nikolaevich, who was the real Romanov that didn't get shot and lived eternally because he was also a vampire, so it didn't even matter if he got shot anyway.

"Sebastien Vladimir Nosferatu Salvatore!!!!" they yelled throwing their vodka all over in happiness when he landed, "Who's this betch?"

"Fook YOUUUU!" Seb-i-boo sweared at them, "This is my fiancée!"

"Sorry bro, we didn't know. Thought she was another of those girls that follow you around all the time." Rasputin laughed with lots of Russian.

"No I killed them for being lame murders." Seb rolled his eyes in boredom and then got bottles of vodka for him and dragon Superkalifragalistik.

"Awesome!" Rasputin and Alexei laughed more, "Those idiots were idiots!"
 
Superkalifragalistik glared at the dude who had called her betch and breathed a ring of fire. She didn’t liked being called bad things and this was one of them. Even if he was her fiancé’s friend she didn’t really like him. she was pleased though when Sebastien returned the insult and put him on his place.
She downed the whole bottle of vodka Seb had just gave her. When she was in her dragon form she could not get drunk and she liked the taste of the drink so she just sat down and drank a second one And a third one. But after that she could feel the water going gloo gloo inside her stomach and it made her feel weird so she stopped drinking and sat crossed legged on the two dudes’ couch.

”so Rasputin, Alexei what’s yo name little bald gollums?“ she asked Rasputin and Alexei.
 
Count Seb-ular's blood in his bloodless veins turned cold as ice. He looked at Superkalifragalistik in horror and with hurty heart feels. She had done the one she should never have done ever, ever, never, ever. Talked to his male friends. Him and Alexei and Raputin all gasped loudly like "OOOOOUUUUHHHHHHHH!!!!" It was the real reason why he was here with her and why he brought her to Russia even though the vodka his friends had was the bestest in the whole existence. It was all a test and she failed it big time. Sebi-bo-bebbi turned into his super black feather bat form with a depressed face that was even hotter when he was sad and flew out of Russia to his secret vamp-man cave on the moon.
 
Superkalifragalistik looked at the three men. They all gasped. Her fiancé left. She began to tear up. Why had he just abandoned her? Enraged, she became a full dragon that was about 10 feet tall and 16 feet wide and was also very hot in a mysterious way and broke the walls and the roof of the house where she was in because she couldn’t fit in it. She blew fire on the two guys and burned them until they had turned to ash. That will show them. “Well guess it’s my cue to leave. And I’m gonna be taking these vodkas with me, thank u.“ she yelled at the ashes and grabbed the remaining drinks as she followed the man who had abandoned her. “SEBBY GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE IM YOUR FIANCÉE AND YOU WILL REGRET MAKING A PROMISE YOU COULDNT KEEP” She screeched sounding like an opera singer
 
Seb-bam-wham saw the gross dragon that was actually really hot but he decided to think she was gross now because she betrayed him following him, and he threw a nuclear bomb fireball at her face. It exploded like this, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMJGFGUKJVGFDRYFUGYUVGDRYDUFIYGKUJBNVFH. "Why are you following me, you talked to my bros and they are MY friends and how dare you flirt with them and make them ashes. But they is actually fine because they can't ever die because they is cursed to live forever like I is, so hahahahaha you suck you lame ass sink!"
 
Even though the bomb exploded right into her face, the dragon felt it like a small sting and nothing more so she simply ignored it and kept following the annoying piece of shit that happened to be her fiancé. “I CAN FLIRT WITH WHOMEVER I WANT. AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH OF YOUR FRIENDS AT THE SAME TIME AND I WAS CHEATING ON THEM MWAHAHAHA. I don’t care if they can’t die, it’s enough that I displayed my ginosmously great amazingly amazing power. Now I’m going to annoy you till I die” she said and began singing “oh no. Our table. It’s broken” repeatedly and in a very high and shrill voice
 
Meanwhile in Bulgaria a lady dressed like a folk dancer went into a building that was a bar, and gave a slip of paper that was folded so you can't see what's on it, to a man in the corner who was scarred all over his face and some of his elbow and on one of his toes. He took it and got mega pissed.

Back in the USA where they had flewed to Seb-tacular and dragon sink was cuddling on some flower beds. "It's good you apologized for being a massive BETCH." He said sextastically. He got some of the flowers and put them around her hot dragon face like a halo cos she was his angel which is what he called her all the time. "My freinds now died so they can't try steal you again, and they were evil anyway."
 
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