celadon.
in the chapel of
ELISE ADAMS
TO TAKE COUNSEL
tags: erzulie mourning star .V1LLAINISM._ BELIAL. elytra Ha_lfLife idiot aeneas.
location: atchison police department -> nick and ruth's family diner
company: lily, dorothy, calista, richie, wayne, sam, beaufort
content warnings: addiction, dry heaving (??)
TO TAKE COUNSEL
tags: erzulie mourning star .V1LLAINISM._ BELIAL. elytra Ha_lfLife idiot aeneas.
location: atchison police department -> nick and ruth's family diner
company: lily, dorothy, calista, richie, wayne, sam, beaufort
content warnings: addiction, dry heaving (??)
EARLIER
Atchison Police Department
Atchison, Kansas
The deputy that came to question her was this towering young man with blond-white eyelashes and a square face. He looked like a soldier doll for boys.
Elise sat with her arms guarding her body, nails of one hand dragging the skin of her hipbone. He said: “You wanna tell me what you’re thinkin’?”
She was thinking about the vial of cocaine that she’d let fall in the trash somewhere along the street outside. It'd been a while since she'd had to make talk with the police, so: the ire it could bring? Official charges? Not, perhaps, the deciding difference between an actual life and years of imprisonment, but: back-road town like this, they all had done it, all probably had some in their work lockers even, but hold up so much as a clear bag of baby aspirin and they’d try and snipe you for a day or two. Of course they would. They'd love to. But then they’d maybe convince themselves they were real cops and detain everyone else and that’s too much trouble and she didn’t need her new friends to hate her guts more than she guessed they already did.
But then they never searched her at all. So every part of her then required it like she hadn’t in days, weeks. Maybe months? And finding some blame in the man she saw if she couldn’t kill him with her thoughts alone. Like that might provide a high in substitution, something similarly spiky and motorizing and hot hot hot. She started to steam in that chair almost as if by the force of that effort.
“Tell me about those people you run with.”
Nothing. Self-important nothing if not for the anger of: why not just stash it in your shoe? Why the fuck did you do that?
“This’ll go a lot easier for ya, and all your friends also, if you talk to me.”
Death glare. You didn’t have to do that. “Constitution says I don’t have to say a word to you.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, and I know you know that.”
“And what part of the Constitution would say that?”
Think about it. Was that not an entire paycheck or two you just dumped? “The important part.”
“The important part, huh?”
“I know my rights, and if I don’t know them, then fucking arrest me. But I’m not engaging in friendly camaraderie with you.”
“Keep acting like this and don’t be surprised if we make that happen for ya.”
How are you even gonna find it?
“Okay,” and she coughed.
The circuits you made around that dirty little hovel in those flat shoes. And you threw it away.
“Don’t be surprised. What, you uncomfortable?”
“Nah. I came in here giving myself permission to try and waste every precious second of your time, and that’s really relaxed me.”
“Some good people died today and you’re being humorous about it.”
“Well, we called to get you over there and nobody was on the line. No one. We had to be the ones to respond so that he wouldn’t leave the house with that big gun he was carrying. Unarmed, regular people. So I think I'll treat you as serious as I think you deserve.”
“You really want to obstruct a murder investigation, ma'am? Is that really what ya wanna do now?”
“You got him!" and when she said this she turned her head away very quickly, as if she were blinded with bright light. "You got the boy. Case is closed. Congratulations and you’re welcome. We’ve done nothing but help you already, man. And I have nothing to give you, so... dwell on that in your mind if you’d like. But we’re done.”
Then she just sat off and drew her tongue along her gumline, giving the closest corner of that room a visible joke of an inspection. After a while the deputy got up and with some select words, chosen very especially to cut, he left.
***
They tried again with a few more faces of escalating age and seriousness but they could not really get anything out of her. So they sent her out into the hall.
Orange fake wood like a school or a family home. The line between small-town police and real police had only infrequently been set anywhere so absolute. Elise stopped for a minute on this: maybe nothing really happened here after all, maybe it was unfair to yeah yeah yeah, no.
She waited another minute that there might be some additional step she’d be asked to take in her debriefing. There wasn’t though so she took a step, and another step, and there was that not-a-cop from before at the end of the hall, halved by where the wall cornered and opened out, and there was another deputy walking by who Elise either saw or imagined as having the red outer-edge of a washed-away bloodstain remaining on his hands, and then she was suddenly aware of all the cops around her then, maybe all of them with washed-up hands and dizzy heads full of murder. And before she knew it she was waylaid, forward on an axis dry heaving so hard she feared, though her mind ran ahead of words and concepts, that she might turn totally altogether inside-out.
Nothing to reject - she hadn’t eaten in days. Just there bent over tearing herself apart. Everyone up and down the building had to be hearing it. The sound.
Another deputy, pudgy with a moustache, stepped up behind her and, after a period of some reluctance - of him and everyone looking at this woman gagging so hard in the hall that what if she was dying? - reached out for her shoulder, asking
“Are you okay, Mi-?”
and so promptly, before he was even done speaking, she flew around and batted his hand away so immediately and aggressively that it hit the deputy in his own face.
“DO NOT FU-” and she heaved again. “DO NOT FUCKING DO THAT. DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME.”
“You just-”
“FUCKING FASCIST. YOU THINK YOU CAN MANHANDLE ME?”
“YOU JUST ASSAULTED A POLI-”
“YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA MANHANDLE ME? YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME? EAT MY FU-” and she heaved again. “EAT MY F-FUCKING SHIT. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO DO THAT. YOU HA-” and she heaved again.
Now the deputy was yelling so loud it threatened to rip his moustache off: “H-HOW WOULD YA FEEL ABOUT A NIGHT BEHIND BARS?”
“I RECOGNIZE NO AUTHORITY OF YOURS TO FUCKING TOUCH ME LIKE THAT. OVER HERE, THIS MAN JUST FUCKING TOUCHED ME. FUCKING FA-” and she heaved again. “FASCIST. FASCIST. YOU’RE A FUCKING INSECT. I’M GOING NOW,” and she started stamping away, all wobbly-stepping with the psychic weight of that afternoon.
“You’re not going anywhere. You just assaulted a police officer,” and he started after her.
And some other officer held up an arm to his chest, like: let her go. She’s not... you know.
And the deputy knew.
PRESENTLY
Nick and Ruth’s Family Diner
Atchison, Kansas
The tube-lit diner was clean and real and shiny, with a white ceiling and no dust anywhere. And when Elise threw a look across the table at Warwick she saw no one other. And when she threw a look to the other table, to Sam, she saw no one other. Run out and away. That space in her mind now closed. Leaving behind just a young people party with whipped-cream drinks, like a child’s birthday, and also a house with caved-in heads lying about. That would always have caved-in heads lying about.
No cocaine. She'd emptied the trash out all over the sidewalk and got down on her knees in it. Mostly takeout foam cups and food and little spiders. She made herself smelly. It just wasn't there. She had let out this strange bubbling sound that was nearly a cry, but not, and then the rest caught up with her and she had to go. Before they directly saw anything.
Like a burnt-out car. Sitting on her off-ankle she let her leg hang outside, foot tap the tile with a constancy. Was it bothering anybody? She checked them all for any appearances of disdain and found herself smirking when there really wasn’t any. No one wanting to pick up the salt shaker and oh she was so not well. Jittery and frustrated, rife with new scabs, needing to shower.
She would have given anything to just be tired. Like a normal person. She would have given anything to just roll into a bath filled with opiates. Lay in it and sink and meanwhile at a house with caved-in heads lying about some other twenty-six year old woman would get the window open finally and get out and just start running, never stopping for anything or anyone ever again. Heart fast and lovely. Like a cheetah. Never injured and never needing and free.
But she knew that woman was probably done for.
“Something was wrong with that boy.”
Something was. That’d kind of slid past or through her, not really entering her or solidifying as fact, but hearing it said out loud now made her gradually straighten up in her seat. Something was in that boy. Dirtying him down to the soul. And it’d led him to do that.
Down the path of terrible things.
Though maybe he’d always thought of stalking there. A wanderer. Maybe he’d invited it. But what could he have done? What was he, seventeen?
If we're going that far: could you even invite what's not already a part of you?
“But that’s some kind of lost cause you’re preachin’, pretty boy.”
Pretty boy he was. Elise thought he looked like an audio technician, like he should be lugging amps up a stairway. He made all of this business seem somewhat sexy and easy, she thought. She liked watching him read things. The way he took a moment to consider things before he flipped to the next page.
Lily was such a double for girls that Elise had known that she had spent more than a little time racking her mind as to whether they’d actually met before. Too long with the girl in their mutual company only, she could see that giving her a massive stomachache. Fun, fun she’d never been able to have, in too high a concentration for her to take. Though maybe not. What did she know?
Well, she knew when someone was being dense. Though not as if it was on purpose. And it’s not like she didn’t get it. or wasn’t basically right about their situation. It’s not like she wasn’t being smart. It was just vital that she, Elise, quash her, Lily's, mindset. Kill it in front of everyone. There, in the diner, a commitment had burrowed itself deep deep inside her and wasn't getting out, could not possibly get out. Not exactly rational anymore.
Elise put up her hand. Like the worst-behaved in class. "I'm going." She let it come down on the table with a loud knock, giving her tablemates a jump. "I'm not going to exactly act like any of this is an accident. Not yet. Chapter one, you know, read the first line: if you're gonna be crazy people, be crazy people. Be about that. I went through too much trouble to get here just to be smart."
Nice speech? Like sand in her teeth when she said it. But she didn't care. It was fever. The new perfect inspiration having finally landed at the bottom of her. Who gives a shit about cocaine? Or any pill for that matter? You're better than that. Remember what you're doing this for.
The waitress came around. Elise grinned. A desperate, preening, moving-back-and-forth-in-her-seat grin.
“Hey, there. Can I get a Coca-Cola?”
“Sure can.”
“And your regular hamburger, with fries on the side too.”
“Alright.”
“I’ll take a twelve-ounce steak also. Medium rare.”
The waitress gave her a look and Elise gave one back and that was that.
In Dorothy, Elise saw knowledge worth the thousand books that men in the Valley with record-producing friends had expected her to have read. To earn their minimum respect it'd seemed at first but after a while she learned that they really respected you even less if you had. In Dorothy she saw that. What they didn't have. Knowing. And a lucidity that made her want to ask for forgiveness from her sometimes. As in: you know what's really going on. Can you please tell me it wasn't that bad?
And when she arose with new information, Elise's grin sharpened all the more worryingly. It went up to her eyes, even. Creasing them in. "You're good. You're too good. You know, we should get you talking to that lady after a certain point. 'Cause if we're really investigating this, we need a window into that house before it happened, and you're the one. You're the one who's prepared." To everyone: "We can agree that it's Dorothy, right?"
Lowering herself now, back to her table. "Alright. So..." and the tone in her voice almost failed her here because Calista, like Dorothy, was someone who comforted her so much so that it felt irresponsible to try and include her at all, "You with us? Ladies with a little curiosity?"
Then she made eyes with Richie, who had to keep breaking and returning because the waitress was getting an order from him. "With our plus one. You curious, Warwick? You ready to become a certified public cat burglar?"
coded by archangel_
Last edited: