Fandom The Best Questlog You Will Ever Join (Deadpool Questlog)

[Historical Storyteller]

(Ok, looks like we hit a tiebreaker, for Gundam Watcher 27 and @JPax this means that I settle the debate with a tie breaker, and I will apologize for the rather lackluster choice there. Anyway, let's just work our way up so we'll start on the first floor, so Option 1 was chosen by tie-breaker!)

"Gotta give some credit to Jpax for making prequel memes, which I cleverly bounced off into a blending of the movie, but let's go say hi to the cartel guy's on this floor, I think they'll be glad to see me! Ya' know, we'll share some good ol' edibles, and some nice old white snorty powder, and even tell stories about how we crossed the border! The fun shit." Deadpool said aloud, even though there was no one there, now with a pep in his step skipping over to the door as if he weren't shooting up the place.

Once he made it to the door, Deadpool singsonged, "Oh, yoo-ho-" being greeted simply with a mass of bullets shooting through the door and landing center mass, sending hails of bullets and wooden shrapnel from the door into his abdomen. Which caused Deadpool to stumble back, as he wasn't expecting it, and getting shot with a hail of bullets isn't something a body was really meant to take. Yet once the men on the other side ran out of ammo Deadpool while bloodied up again, stood tall as the remains of the bullets and shrapnel was pushed out as his healing factor had already pretty much done its job.

"How rude! My guns and swords just wanted to say hello! They're quite the social bunch, but you hurt they'res and my feelings! Oooooh I'm going to pimp slap all of you!" The weakened door bent to Deadpool's will as he kicked down the door, and saw the group of 4 goons ahead of him, in another small hallway with 4 doors on the sides in little intervals. "Hey, what's up with the claustrophobic environments?!? What is this a horror movie...? I haven't seen any evil ass priests or any basically zombies wandering around that were described in bloody, gruesome detail here..." Having distracted the men with his banter, Deadpool took the initiative and put a double tap into a goon, spraying more blood and brain-matter onto the wall, moving forward, causing another one who was trying to shoot but realized he didn't reload, to become the next victim as he took some bullets to center mass, dropping him.

"Bro, you really need to work on figuring out how to shoot a frigging' gun. That's how you shoot someone. Take some notes next time in class or I'm going to call your parents!" Looking ahead, he saw a grenade hurtling towards him, and was going to pull off a badass move of shooting the grenade so that he'd be minimally impacted and shoot the guy in the head, but Deadpool heard a click as he tried to shoot his own guns.

Eyes widening, "Uh-oh, looks like I am gonna have to do that myself actually..." Before frantically looking around, and finding solace in a door next to him, which he barged his way into quickly slamming the door behind him, and placing a fairly sizable object in-front of it, knowing that either the door was going to come down or if it didn't the two goons would move in to flank him from behind, taking a sigh of relief, this was short-lived however.

As Deadpool was greeted with 4 overly sized luchador styled Mexican wrestlers, who looked about ready to tear Deadpool limb from limb, and because he braced the door already, he wouldn't have time to open the door again before the wrestlers got to him.

(Choose one from here and the next category, this is what I was saying when you could also at times decide what Deadpool says, on top of that you could even try your hand at making him say what you want with a write in option! So have fun with this!)

1. "Wow, I didn't know you guys threw a surprise wrestle orgy party for me!"

2. "A surprise wrestle orgy here...? Is it just me or did I accidentally snort some of your shit earlier?"

3. "Hey, if I knew things were going to get kinky here I would've brought my lube earlier!"

4. "I didn't know Mexicans loved some good ol' fashioned Turkish Oil Wrestling. The more you know I guess..."

5. "Ah, the kinkiest form of fighting, Turkish Oil Wrestling."

6. "Hey, are any of you by any chance going to break my back?"

7. (Write in choice.)

(Second category)

A. Just shoot em' the good ol' Indy trick (George Lucas approved for getting out of situations like this, hand to hand combatants hate him!)

B. Chop em' up (Don't you guys just loooove to chop body parts everywhere...)

C. Get down and dirty and wrestle em' (Yeah this should definitely work out, definitely should've brought some oil or lube for this stuff...)

D. (Write in choice)

B. Just chop them already, Deadpool! Quit your yapping and get to work. Your job's not even half done yet.

 

[Gundam Watcher 27]

7. "Wow! I didn't know Bane had siblings, how are you?!"

D. Does the 'Bane Breaks Batman' technique on the Mexicans.
"Geez! And I thought you guys would've broken me instead. "

 

[Pryno]

Same choices than Illiyasviel here. Got to give the poor fellow raised in prison some love.

 

[Felis]

I'll go with Illiyasviel's options too, sorry for the wait.

 

[Historical Storyteller]

You fools! You'll end up playing their game and let them out-wrestle you.
Cut them down with a weapon. It makes more sense than going all hand-to-hand.
Sometimes, you just gotta slice and dice them, baby.

 

[Pryno]

But Bane! (Yes, this is a perfectly rationnal argument.) But you may be right, these are just goons, going hand to hand is risky and DP must be sick of being injured for today. B!

 

[Historical Storyteller]

But Bane! (Yes, this is a perfectly rationnal argument.) But you may be right, these are just goons, going hand to hand is risky and DP must be sick of being injured for today. B!

Ah, someone else here sees the light!
You can take them out much quicker with a sword than with fists alone anyway.

 

[ViciousVip3R]

1. seems like the most amusing option, and for the second choice, let's do C and wrestle them! It sucks that we don't have lube, but that won't make it any less enjoyable for us, sucks to be those guys though...

 

[The Omen of Death]

(Hey everyone sorry for the delay, hopefully the next post comes quicker! Looks like Gundam Watcher 27 write in option won, and we're tied between the action choice of B and Gundam Watcher 27 choice of write in, so for the new comers (I don't remember if I said this already but in case this hasn't been done, here's how tie-breakers work) I pick the decision to be the tie breaker. Anyway, there's 4 of these guys, you're outnumbered, and wrestling is all about grappling and I don't think we'd want to try getting all intimate when there's three other guys who can get to you while you're stuck with one, I say, it's time we chop some motherfuckers up! So Option B has been chosen by tiebreaker! I also realized this sequence is getting repetitive and currently dragging, so I'm gonna have this stop here, I lost sight of what I wanted this thing to be, and I've realized what I need to do for the future if this is gonna be a bit more exciting.)

"Yay, I definitely love to see bodyparts! Also shame on you ViciousVip3R for falling for the same trick again! I ran out of ammo which is why I couldn't shoot that grenade! Pay more attention to this shit! And stop making choices that'll get me pummeled into oblivion!" Deadpool yelled out, as he unsheathed his katana's, as a muffled explosion goes off in the background, obviously being the grenade tossed, and indistinguishable Spanish muttering as they tried to bust open the door.

"Wow! I didn't know Bane had siblings, how are you?!" Deadpool quipped, to the unamusement of the wrestlers as they charged.

Deadpool having little time to react, knowing he was cornered, quickly jumped to the wall, running a bit along it, before getting a vantage over one of them, and chopped slicing into the luchador's neck, however due to the mass of muscle and bone this guy had, or also... Other things... His katana didn't slice very far, and while blood squirted out, it wasn't a lot, and he wasn't going to bleed to death quickly by the looks of it, or go down easy.

"Oh man, either this is really like a comic, or these guys are actually superhuman or some shit, either way... No take backs?" The luchador responded by taking the katana out and flinging Deadpool alongside the katana as he still held onto it.

"This is about to get really messy, close your eyes everyone if this gets too brutal!" Deadpool got up, picking up his katana as he did so, having to roll to the side to avoid a wrestler who tried to crush him, while swiping his blade at his leg, which cut through, and severed the leg as the wrestler collapsed. Seems like his legs weren't as muscly which didn't matter as it was now a bloody stump with a protruding bone. "Looks like someone skipped out on leg day! God damn amatuers!"

Another one approached, as Deadpool prepared, Deadpool brandished one of his katana's like a spear, and both charged, with the impact, the luchador unfortunately due to momentum ended up driving himself further slowly and slowly into the blade, until he went limp. "M'lady thine beast has doth been skewered!" However it took an awkward period of time to pull it out, and that cost him, as one of them grabbed a hold of him, "Holy shit! I didn't ask for a piggyback ride! Sexual harassment! Sexual harassment!" Deadpool yelled out, as in a desperate move, he stabbed one of his blades into his own chest to then hit the wrestler, who stunned let go, as Deadpool, desperately sliced indiscriminately as blood splattered from the wild chops, and when Deadpool realized what was happening he saw the damage. "You made me go all out bro! Sometimes I forget my own limits...." He said as he shook his head. He didn't even really notice the pain of the stab wound, which was already nearly fully healed.

And the last wrestler who stood before him was none other than the one whose neck got sliced a bit. "I mean you got the muscles, but do you got the moves!?!" Deadpool and his adversary charged once again as Deadpool side-swept, the wrestler anticipating this, clotheslined Deadpool, the powerful punch sending Deadpool collapsing to the floor, and before Deadpool could react, he was lifted up, and before he knew it, his bat was broken. "Sm-Sm-Smart pun th-there..." Deadpool weakly let out, as his body twitched on the ground, although he couldn't move.

The last thing Deadpool saw was the boot of the luchador prepared to crush his skull like a watermelon... But Deadpool smirked, and he pressed his teleporter quickly, in the air above the luchador, he looked pretty awkward, his healing factor returned movement in his upper half, his lower-half however was still paralyzed, and Deadpool slashed at the wrestler's face, and made a clean cut at the halfway point, slicing the man's head in half.

"Ha... Ha... That's a fatality if I've ever seen one... Actually wait..." Deadpool, collapsed like a ragdoll as he hit the ground since he was still paralyzed down there. A very ungraceful move admittedly. But Deadpool wasn't exactly known for grace. His lower half was finally unparalyzed, Deadpool saw another door, and heard more voices, making the decision to surprise them, Deadpool kicked open the door after reloading his guns.

"Surprise motherfuckers!" And Deadpool was graced with his target and two bodyguards, those two were down in almost an instant, and was able to catch up to the actual target, tripping him, while placing a boot on him with one of his pistols to his face.

"Well, well well, what do we have here? Actually we both know who we are, yada, yada, yada, time to get shot in the face. Also I'm surprised would've expected you to be holed up in your office or some shit. Pretty smart actually."

"I know, which is why I thought I could slip out when the shots rang out, unfortunately I wouldn't have known you would be in one of the doors next to me, anyway hold on before you shoot! I can pay you more than whoever is paying you to kill me! Whatever it is, I got it."

After a brief converse about the cost, the target was right, he was willing to pay extra. Grumbling Deadpool said, "Alright, guys what's it going to be, we blast this fucker in the face and get less, or do we let him go and walk away with more?"

1. "Keep the change, you filthy animal." And stick by the contract and kill the target. (The honorable merc eh?)

2. "Alright you too seem to know the Art of the Deal well, good sir." And not kill the target and get more money (Guess money sways more eh?)

 

[Historical Storyteller]

(Hey everyone sorry for the delay, hopefully the next post comes quicker! Looks like Gundam Watcher 27 write in option won, and we're tied between the action choice of B and Gundam Watcher 27 choice of write in, so for the new comers (I don't remember if I said this already but in case this hasn't been done, here's how tie-breakers work) I pick the decision to be the tie breaker. Anyway, there's 4 of these guys, you're outnumbered, and wrestling is all about grappling and I don't think we'd want to try getting all intimate when there's three other guys who can get to you while you're stuck with one, I say, it's time we chop some motherfuckers up! So Option B has been chosen by tiebreaker! I also realized this sequence is getting repetitive and currently dragging, so I'm gonna have this stop here, I lost sight of what I wanted this thing to be, and I've realized what I need to do for the future if this is gonna be a bit more exciting.)

"Yay, I definitely love to see bodyparts! Also shame on you ViciousVip3R for falling for the same trick again! I ran out of ammo which is why I couldn't shoot that grenade! Pay more attention to this shit! And stop making choices that'll get me pummeled into oblivion!" Deadpool yelled out, as he unsheathed his katana's, as a muffled explosion goes off in the background, obviously being the grenade tossed, and indistinguishable Spanish muttering as they tried to bust open the door.

"Wow! I didn't know Bane had siblings, how are you?!" Deadpool quipped, to the unamusement of the wrestlers as they charged.

Deadpool having little time to react, knowing he was cornered, quickly jumped to the wall, running a bit along it, before getting a vantage over one of them, and chopped slicing into the luchador's neck, however due to the mass of muscle and bone this guy had, or also... Other things... His katana didn't slice very far, and while blood squirted out, it wasn't a lot, and he wasn't going to bleed to death quickly by the looks of it, or go down easy.

"Oh man, either this is really like a comic, or these guys are actually superhuman or some shit, either way... No take backs?" The luchador responded by taking the katana out and flinging Deadpool alongside the katana as he still held onto it.

"This is about to get really messy, close your eyes everyone if this gets too brutal!" Deadpool got up, picking up his katana as he did so, having to roll to the side to avoid a wrestler who tried to crush him, while swiping his blade at his leg, which cut through, and severed the leg as the wrestler collapsed. Seems like his legs weren't as muscly which didn't matter as it was now a bloody stump with a protruding bone. "Looks like someone skipped out on leg day! God damn amatuers!"

Another one approached, as Deadpool prepared, Deadpool brandished one of his katana's like a spear, and both charged, with the impact, the luchador unfortunately due to momentum ended up driving himself further slowly and slowly into the blade, until he went limp. "M'lady thine beast has doth been skewered!" However it took an awkward period of time to pull it out, and that cost him, as one of them grabbed a hold of him, "Holy shit! I didn't ask for a piggyback ride! Sexual harassment! Sexual harassment!" Deadpool yelled out, as in a desperate move, he stabbed one of his blades into his own chest to then hit the wrestler, who stunned let go, as Deadpool, desperately sliced indiscriminately as blood splattered from the wild chops, and when Deadpool realized what was happening he saw the damage. "You made me go all out bro! Sometimes I forget my own limits...." He said as he shook his head. He didn't even really notice the pain of the stab wound, which was already nearly fully healed.

And the last wrestler who stood before him was none other than the one whose neck got sliced a bit. "I mean you got the muscles, but do you got the moves!?!" Deadpool and his adversary charged once again as Deadpool side-swept, the wrestler anticipating this, clotheslined Deadpool, the powerful punch sending Deadpool collapsing to the floor, and before Deadpool could react, he was lifted up, and before he knew it, his bat was broken. "Sm-Sm-Smart pun th-there..." Deadpool weakly let out, as his body twitched on the ground, although he couldn't move.

The last thing Deadpool saw was the boot of the luchador prepared to crush his skull like a watermelon... But Deadpool smirked, and he pressed his teleporter quickly, in the air above the luchador, he looked pretty awkward, his healing factor returned movement in his upper half, his lower-half however was still paralyzed, and Deadpool slashed at the wrestler's face, and made a clean cut at the halfway point, slicing the man's head in half.

"Ha... Ha... That's a fatality if I've ever seen one... Actually wait..." Deadpool, collapsed like a ragdoll as he hit the ground since he was still paralyzed down there. A very ungraceful move admittedly. But Deadpool wasn't exactly known for grace. His lower half was finally unparalyzed, Deadpool saw another door, and heard more voices, making the decision to surprise them, Deadpool kicked open the door after reloading his guns.

"Surprise motherfuckers!" And Deadpool was graced with his target and two bodyguards, those two were down in almost an instant, and was able to catch up to the actual target, tripping him, while placing a boot on him with one of his pistols to his face.

"Well, well well, what do we have here? Actually we both know who we are, yada, yada, yada, time to get shot in the face. Also I'm surprised would've expected you to be holed up in your office or some shit. Pretty smart actually."

"I know, which is why I thought I could slip out when the shots rang out, unfortunately I wouldn't have known you would be in one of the doors next to me, anyway hold on before you shoot! I can pay you more than whoever is paying you to kill me! Whatever it is, I got it."

After a brief converse about the cost, the target was right, he was willing to pay extra. Grumbling Deadpool said, "Alright, guys what's it going to be, we blast this fucker in the face and get less, or do we let him go and walk away with more?"

1. "Keep the change, you filthy animal." And stick by the contract and kill the target. (The honorable merc eh?)

2. "Alright you too seem to know the Art of the Deal well, good sir." And not kill the target and get more money (Guess money sways more eh?)

1. So, you walk all the way here, kill all his men, destroy his entire operation and expect to get paid more than your fair share? I don't believe this guy for a second. Also, if you keep destroying your contracts you'll destroy the purpose of being a mercenary in the first place. Your reputation will earn you bigger contracts and with it, bigger money. The more trustworthy you are, the more they'll trust you with longer and more sensitive missions. If you keep blasting your way through to get quick money, you'll turn this story into a massive carnival of violence, which is really pointless. Deadpool is more than a bullet sponge ninja, fellas. We aren't so angry at the world that we desire to see Deadpool spend every waking moment to kill the fuck out of everybody that crosses his path.

EDIT: Okay, he's going to kill somebody here anyway, but this guy had it coming.

 

[Qazi]

1. Woah, dude, merc's the work, amirite? and so goes the work ethics of probably most mercenaries—I mean, hey, like that guy above me sez, you can't roll in dough without rolling dough in the first place, and roll dough you gotta—and of this mercenary as well, that is, if he even wants to make to money in the long haul. If he does not, jet set to numero duo, is what I sez, like hell, from hell.

 

[Pryno]

1 too. We are a bastard, but a bastard with standards. Loyalty is paid, but you can’t simply pay it back.

 

[Felis]

1. It's good to be reliable - or at least to be seen as reliable by your employer - in most cases.

 

[Gundam Watcher 27]

1

 

[Historical Storyteller]

I just so happen to find this.
No, it isn't about our crimson ninja merc, but its about Taskmaster.
Renton Davis's answer to Who’s the kindest villain in the Marvel Universe? - Quora