DrTrollinski
Don't let the name scare you.
December 1st
December 24th
'I'm... Dreaming... Of a white... Christmas... Just like those ones I used to know...'
The radio played the all-so-famous Christmas carol in the bar, 5pm. It was early, and only one person sat there today at the bar, one old man wearing his simple Christmas sweater, drinking a coffee with a glass of cognac. It went very well with it, and this year, here he was, once again, sat alone. He was wondering what he could do this year that would be different to all the other ones. He wanted something more exciting. He didn't know that, though, seeing as time was really beginning to get on now, and his life was running shorter every year. He didn't walk as fast, didn't speak as loudly, didn't live as lively. Things were slow.
"Hey, Joe. Turn this one up, will ya'?" The elderly man asked, simply.
"Sure." He said, turning around and walking to the radio. He cranked it up a little bit more, and the elderly man gave a wrinkled smile as he sipped on his cognac and then lifted the coffee to his lips and sipped on that, too. No sugar, no milk - It went nice with the alcohol, all bitter, but a smooth taste, strangely. He couldn't ask for much more on Christmas Eve. Joe's only son was all grown up now and had a family of his own to spend Christmas Eve with, but he'd be seeing him tomorrow, of course. He'd be here until midnight, probably, maybe later. He'd sit here with the old fella - Walt. Or Walter. Whichever you prefer.
When the door swung open, Walter was thrown off of the song and looked over to it - He saw a young man walk in, or a late teen, one of the two. He was no older than 17 or 18. What was he doing here on Christmas Eve? Either way, he walked to the bar, his head hung towards the ground. He ordered a coffee, quite simply, and once he'd been given that, disappeared to the back of the bar and sat down in the corner booth, staring at the table.
'I'm... Dreaming... Of a white... Christmas...
With every Christmas Card I write...
May your days be merry and bright
And may all of your Christmases be white...'
Walter picked up his cognac and his whiskey and wandered on over, placing himself down in front of him. The boy gave him a look of almost disgust. He couldn't really blame him.
"How old are you, kid?"
He looked down at the table, "Why does it matter?" He grumbled.
"Because it's Christmas Eve and you look too young to be sitting in a bar on your own."
"Seventeen." He snapped, clearly getting tired of Walter's presence already. "Just leave me alone? Please?"
"Why would I want to do that?" He asked, leaning back in his seat and sipping his cognac, then his coffee right after.
"I..." He paused. "Dude. Please."
"You should be at home with your family."
"Why?"
"Because your someone's son, someone's world. Someone at home thinks a lot of you."
"That's bullshit. I don't care. I'd rather be here on my own."
"Why would anyone want that?"
"Because none of them understand me. They don't get why I don't like being there, why I don't like being festive or anything like that. They'll never get that, so I'm staying away and leaving it to the rest of them. They'd be better off without me there to shit on the mood." He explained, abruptly, then looked away.
"Any brothers or sisters?"
"Three brothers."
"Oh, a big family." He nodded. "Reminds me of myself, you know. I had two daughters, two sons. Son, daughter, daughter, son." He said. "In that order, they were born, I mean. They're all grown up now... My eldest son... He lives in Italy with his wife and three children. My daughter, the eldest, she... Lives in Paris now, I think. I don't hear from her much. She never cared for marriage, or relationships. Married to her job out there." He explained. "Youngest daughter... Two kids, married, lives in Russia, would you believe it." He shrugged. "Are you and your brothers close?"
"Sorta. We used to be closer." He said. "My eldest brother... He's 23 this year. He's not coming home for Christmas."
"Busy with work?"
"No... He's dead." He said, nearly whispering. Walter looked down at his cognac and took a bigger swig of it, followed by a gulp of the coffee.
"What about your other brothers?"
"12 and 5."
"Why aren't you at home with them?"
"Because the older one is still hurting about the death of our eldest brother. The younger one... He gets mixed up in all of it. He doesn't speak to me much."
"That's still no reason."
"Just what the fuck do you want?" He snapped at him, looking up. "Can't I sit here and drink my coffee in peace? Is it any of your business, anyway? Why do you even give a shit?!" He yelled at him, going red in the face but then looking away as his eyes filled with tears.
"Because from the moment you walked in I knew that if you start this when you're young, it'll continue your whole life, and it'll get to the point where you have two or three children of your own hoping that you'll leave the bar and come home for Christmas Eve so you can spend time with them. Your wife will either be praying you don't come back late, nor drunk, or she'll be packing up hers and the kids' stuff and getting ready to take them to her mother's house, all while you drink away your sorrows - You go home, find you're all alone, and have to make the walk of shame to another house and apologize to your family for not being there." He explained. "Is that really what you want?"
He was silent for a minute, but his voice was weak when he spoke. ".. It's... It's just a coffee."
"That's because you're not 21. In a few years time you might be lying in the gutter outside in the freezing cold, and that could risk your brothers losing you, too." He said.
He said nothing.
"Losing someone is not a reason to lose everything else, kid. You either learn that while you have the chance, or you learn it the hard way when it's too late. You see... I see that you're still hurting about your brother. I see it in your eyes. Did you two spend a lot of time together?"
He nodded.
"Then it's time you took his role, don't you think?"
"I can't." He choked. "I've fucked everything, mister. My brother will never make a strong bond with me. Ever. I ruined that chance."
"You only ruin it when you give up." He whispered. "It's Christmas..." He sighed. "You shouldn't be here... You should be at home doing all that stuff that the kids will love. Baking Christmas cookies, hot cocoa before bed, getting the little one all excited for the visit from Santa. Not sitting here on your own." He said. The boy started crying almost immediately, straight into his hands. Emotion was spilling now.
"Then why are you here?" He blurted out.
"The only person I had left was my wife, son. She passed away two years ago." He said. "No one's flying over from Europe to see this old man, I tell you. I got a visit from the daughter in Russia the year my wife died, but, I haven't had one since." He explained. "I've done my time. You need to get out there and do yours - Make the most of it, because life's the thing that happens while you're busy planning it, and your brothers... They ain't gonna' be kids forever, and you see, that's the difference. I'll be brutally honest and tell you this - Your brother is never coming back." He said, leaving the boy in even more tears. "As much as we wish we could bring people back, when we put flowers down on their grave every week, month, year, whenever... We realize that we can choose to either be alone in this world, or be with those we have left." He looked at the table and sighed.
"Make the most of it, kid." He mumbled.
The boy looked up at him, simply, still crying heavily. "What's your name?"
"By the time you're home, my name won't matter, kid. Get outta' here. And Merry Christmas."
He looked at him blankly for a moment, but soon enough, he gave Walter a few quick nods and jumped to his feet, slowly wandering out of the bar with tears running down his cheeks. As soon as he was outside... Well, he started to run.
Walter went back to drinking. For the first time since his wife had passed away...
He felt at peace.
'I'm... Dreaming... Of a white... Christmas... Just like those ones I used to know...'
The radio played the all-so-famous Christmas carol in the bar, 5pm. It was early, and only one person sat there today at the bar, one old man wearing his simple Christmas sweater, drinking a coffee with a glass of cognac. It went very well with it, and this year, here he was, once again, sat alone. He was wondering what he could do this year that would be different to all the other ones. He wanted something more exciting. He didn't know that, though, seeing as time was really beginning to get on now, and his life was running shorter every year. He didn't walk as fast, didn't speak as loudly, didn't live as lively. Things were slow.
"Hey, Joe. Turn this one up, will ya'?" The elderly man asked, simply.
"Sure." He said, turning around and walking to the radio. He cranked it up a little bit more, and the elderly man gave a wrinkled smile as he sipped on his cognac and then lifted the coffee to his lips and sipped on that, too. No sugar, no milk - It went nice with the alcohol, all bitter, but a smooth taste, strangely. He couldn't ask for much more on Christmas Eve. Joe's only son was all grown up now and had a family of his own to spend Christmas Eve with, but he'd be seeing him tomorrow, of course. He'd be here until midnight, probably, maybe later. He'd sit here with the old fella - Walt. Or Walter. Whichever you prefer.
When the door swung open, Walter was thrown off of the song and looked over to it - He saw a young man walk in, or a late teen, one of the two. He was no older than 17 or 18. What was he doing here on Christmas Eve? Either way, he walked to the bar, his head hung towards the ground. He ordered a coffee, quite simply, and once he'd been given that, disappeared to the back of the bar and sat down in the corner booth, staring at the table.
'I'm... Dreaming... Of a white... Christmas...
With every Christmas Card I write...
May your days be merry and bright
And may all of your Christmases be white...'
Walter picked up his cognac and his whiskey and wandered on over, placing himself down in front of him. The boy gave him a look of almost disgust. He couldn't really blame him.
"How old are you, kid?"
He looked down at the table, "Why does it matter?" He grumbled.
"Because it's Christmas Eve and you look too young to be sitting in a bar on your own."
"Seventeen." He snapped, clearly getting tired of Walter's presence already. "Just leave me alone? Please?"
"Why would I want to do that?" He asked, leaning back in his seat and sipping his cognac, then his coffee right after.
"I..." He paused. "Dude. Please."
"You should be at home with your family."
"Why?"
"Because your someone's son, someone's world. Someone at home thinks a lot of you."
"That's bullshit. I don't care. I'd rather be here on my own."
"Why would anyone want that?"
"Because none of them understand me. They don't get why I don't like being there, why I don't like being festive or anything like that. They'll never get that, so I'm staying away and leaving it to the rest of them. They'd be better off without me there to shit on the mood." He explained, abruptly, then looked away.
"Any brothers or sisters?"
"Three brothers."
"Oh, a big family." He nodded. "Reminds me of myself, you know. I had two daughters, two sons. Son, daughter, daughter, son." He said. "In that order, they were born, I mean. They're all grown up now... My eldest son... He lives in Italy with his wife and three children. My daughter, the eldest, she... Lives in Paris now, I think. I don't hear from her much. She never cared for marriage, or relationships. Married to her job out there." He explained. "Youngest daughter... Two kids, married, lives in Russia, would you believe it." He shrugged. "Are you and your brothers close?"
"Sorta. We used to be closer." He said. "My eldest brother... He's 23 this year. He's not coming home for Christmas."
"Busy with work?"
"No... He's dead." He said, nearly whispering. Walter looked down at his cognac and took a bigger swig of it, followed by a gulp of the coffee.
"What about your other brothers?"
"12 and 5."
"Why aren't you at home with them?"
"Because the older one is still hurting about the death of our eldest brother. The younger one... He gets mixed up in all of it. He doesn't speak to me much."
"That's still no reason."
"Just what the fuck do you want?" He snapped at him, looking up. "Can't I sit here and drink my coffee in peace? Is it any of your business, anyway? Why do you even give a shit?!" He yelled at him, going red in the face but then looking away as his eyes filled with tears.
"Because from the moment you walked in I knew that if you start this when you're young, it'll continue your whole life, and it'll get to the point where you have two or three children of your own hoping that you'll leave the bar and come home for Christmas Eve so you can spend time with them. Your wife will either be praying you don't come back late, nor drunk, or she'll be packing up hers and the kids' stuff and getting ready to take them to her mother's house, all while you drink away your sorrows - You go home, find you're all alone, and have to make the walk of shame to another house and apologize to your family for not being there." He explained. "Is that really what you want?"
He was silent for a minute, but his voice was weak when he spoke. ".. It's... It's just a coffee."
"That's because you're not 21. In a few years time you might be lying in the gutter outside in the freezing cold, and that could risk your brothers losing you, too." He said.
He said nothing.
"Losing someone is not a reason to lose everything else, kid. You either learn that while you have the chance, or you learn it the hard way when it's too late. You see... I see that you're still hurting about your brother. I see it in your eyes. Did you two spend a lot of time together?"
He nodded.
"Then it's time you took his role, don't you think?"
"I can't." He choked. "I've fucked everything, mister. My brother will never make a strong bond with me. Ever. I ruined that chance."
"You only ruin it when you give up." He whispered. "It's Christmas..." He sighed. "You shouldn't be here... You should be at home doing all that stuff that the kids will love. Baking Christmas cookies, hot cocoa before bed, getting the little one all excited for the visit from Santa. Not sitting here on your own." He said. The boy started crying almost immediately, straight into his hands. Emotion was spilling now.
"Then why are you here?" He blurted out.
"The only person I had left was my wife, son. She passed away two years ago." He said. "No one's flying over from Europe to see this old man, I tell you. I got a visit from the daughter in Russia the year my wife died, but, I haven't had one since." He explained. "I've done my time. You need to get out there and do yours - Make the most of it, because life's the thing that happens while you're busy planning it, and your brothers... They ain't gonna' be kids forever, and you see, that's the difference. I'll be brutally honest and tell you this - Your brother is never coming back." He said, leaving the boy in even more tears. "As much as we wish we could bring people back, when we put flowers down on their grave every week, month, year, whenever... We realize that we can choose to either be alone in this world, or be with those we have left." He looked at the table and sighed.
"Make the most of it, kid." He mumbled.
The boy looked up at him, simply, still crying heavily. "What's your name?"
"By the time you're home, my name won't matter, kid. Get outta' here. And Merry Christmas."
He looked at him blankly for a moment, but soon enough, he gave Walter a few quick nods and jumped to his feet, slowly wandering out of the bar with tears running down his cheeks. As soon as he was outside... Well, he started to run.
Walter went back to drinking. For the first time since his wife had passed away...
He felt at peace.