Take A Favourite Game And Make It Sound Awful.

"Go fall off a cliff." - Undead Merchant.


"Shortcut ahead, try jumping." - Message.


"Amazing treasure ahead, try down." - Message.


"You died." - Fuck You.


"Hehehehe." - Every NPC in the game.


Dark Souls in a nutshell.
 
Broncos said:
"Commander, your next order,"


"Ya, go there where there is zero cover. I doubt there would be an alien there,"


*Soilder goes there. Gets murdered by aliens*


"WHAT THE FUCK!!!!"


A few missions later


"ADVENT has won,"


"Oh fuck you game,"


-XCOM 2
Click to expand...



Never compromise your cover. XCom is all about extreme tactical movements. Any slip-up is punished severely.
 
@Broncos Fuck 'em. That's their prerogative.


Everyone is doing Dark Souls & XCOM though. Some of the examples don't make the game sound bad, just the player and the situations they get themselves in. :P


Dark Souls is only hard for like 2 hours. After that you should be a invulnerable monster on a personal mission to kill anything that moves. It's a basic trial & error game. Be prepared for anything, give nothing a chance to damage you. You should only die once per new situation or enemy.
 
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XCOM: Enemy Unknown


Commander! Aliens are invading Earth, so we've organized a global organization to combat this hostile take-over. You've been selected for reasons as unknown as the enemy we face. In actuality, you have virtually no identity, so try not to give that much thought over the next 40+ hours.


Our enemy is coming from outer space, laying siege to the major cities of the world. So logically, we've chosen to begin constructing our base, and essentially our front line of defense, underground in an undisclosed, but presumably central location. We'll have to develop facilities to enable us to make weapons, and laboratories to develop highly advanced technology in order to contend with these alien invaders. Because none of that is available by default  to an anti-alien global alliance on the brink of total annihilation. We'll coordinate this unprecedented initiative using our underground satellite network...


ice_cube_wtf_gqvqs30u.gif



Now that you have a team of total rookies recruited at random from around the globe, you'll have to spend a lot of time and missions gaining experience and special abilities for these soldiers. If they survive their rookie phase, they'll be randomly given 1 of 4 soldier classifications. But don't forget to evenly distribute field experience between your rookies, because 1 team of badass veterans simply won't cut it. People are going to die... So don't get too attached to these sacks of meat.


So, you've killed some aliens, got some levels, maybe a fancy new piece of equipment or 2. That's when shit gets real on your oblivious ass. This is a full on alien invasion.


A routine survivor sweep turns into a chaotic shit show when 4 legged ghouls start killing civilians and turning them into zombies.


By now you've lost at least a few soldiers, maybe your best, your favorite... Maybe the one you named after yourself and went out of your way to rank up to the max. Maybe you haven't saved in a while. Maybe you only have half of your main team left.... Time to start training some green horns in the art of alien slaying.


But wait. Hold on a minute. These fresh faced little pukes can't even keep up anymore, they are dying just trying to operate their weapon. You've spent many missions under the strict understanding that separating your people in the best way to get them killed. But now you've got alien gas bombs being set off, contaminating your squad, forcing you to stagger your formation, something you're not comfortable with and for good reason.


Sharp shooters who look like Sheldon Cooper are picking off strays, and little grey men fitting every known stereotype are using mind control to turn your soldiers against each other. Brutes are lobbing plasma grenades into the fray, half killing good men in a single turn. And you better pray to god they don't take out your Support unit, or there shall be no heals for you!


Having fun yet?


Sid Meier and the entire XCOM family sincerely hope you are! :D


97K1tJn.gif
 
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Crazy man dressed up as animals kills bald people because the people on the phone tell him to.
-Hotline Miami
 
From an actual review at gamestop.


A game that entierly consists of nothing but pressing the A button.


Fire Emblem Fates (and any other for that matter).
 
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Loco Mofo said:
Dark Souls is only hard for like 2 hours. After that you should be a invulnerable monster on a personal mission to kill anything that moves. It's a basic trial & error game. Be prepared for anything, give nothing a chance to damage you. You should only die once per new situation or enemy.
Click to expand...



I mostly agree, but the idea is to take your favourite one and make it sound shit. I could go for comedy, as I tried, or I could have made some sly complaint about the poor PC optimisation- ever tried aiming with a bow using the mouse?
 
Taure Tavari said:
I mostly agree, but the idea is to take your favourite one and make it sound shit. I could go for comedy, as I tried, or I could have made some sly complaint about the poor PC optimisation- ever tried aiming with a bow using the mouse?
Click to expand...



For sure, it just sounds more like people suck at the game because it's challenging, to me. :P
 
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Loco Mofo said:
For sure, it just sounds more like people suck at the game because it's challenging, to me. :P
Click to expand...

It's challenging the first time you play a souls game, but it becomes easy. That's what CE is for though... SL1, NG+7, aggression modded and perma-gravelord. There's a long period of cruelty for you.
 
I'm taking about game in general.


NO one has really put the effort into Souls yet. It's always.


"You have died!


You have died!


You have died!


You have died!


-Dark Souls"


A+ for effort. I doesn't make DS sound horrible, just you, lol.


If you want to actually make DS sound horrible, add a bit of narrative as if you're the game talking to the player, being a cruel bastard. Tackle the generic, 1 dimensional game system, talk about how it's just a hack 'n slash game designed by satan to force people to commit suicide. Talk about the lack of story line, and how that's replaced by diabolical cruelty.


You're creative writers. :P
 
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Loco Mofo said:
I'm taking about game in general.


NO one has really put the effort into Souls yet. It's always.


"You have died!


You have died!


You have died!


You have died!


-Dark Souls"


A+ for effort. I doesn't make DS sound horrible, just you, lol.
Click to expand...

True. Ok, round 2. 


Re-binds every key command in the game, and still doesn't quite like it. Plugs in DS4 controller, downloads software, plays DS3.


"You have been penalised." - Fromsoftbanners.


---- This hasn't happened to me, I've used M+KB for all 3 (DS2 being the unbearable one), but it's happened to many. Or how about DS1?


Spacebar, Spacebar, Spacebar - "You Died". ---- Fuck you PC port, why didn't you roll?! (DS1 occasionally ignores keyboard inputs) ;-;
 
Explain how it isn't a technical hack n' slash with a modest story line broken up by hours of negotiating situations?


I can't even recall the over-all plot of Dark Souls 1, but I remember killing shit... a lot of things.


For my taste in games, oh yes, it is very much an advanced hack n' slasher with a dull, modest plot.
 
You kill random drugged people in an underwater town, while taking the drugs yourself.


Minus points if you kill the little girls that collect the drugs for you.


-Bioshock 1 and 2
 
You're home from your trip around Europe and none of your family are home so you decide to poke your nose right into their business. 


- Gone Home
 
Fly around in space,land on a planet,shoot a laser, gather resources, take pictures, fly into space, sell resources, get better ship, repeat.


No Men's Sky.


fyi this game was way over hyped.
 
Guy in green armour kills aliens, both the regular kind and parasites, to do the cliche save earth thing. Rinse, repeat.


Halo.
 
Another sequel to a game where you swing around a remote like an idiot in an attempt to defeat whatever enemy just so happens to dilly-dally down your way to save your not-girlfriend, only to be friend zoned forever. Includes riding on a bird Epona.


Skyward Sword
 
"Hey I just got ganked for the third time, can the support buy wards?"


"Callate, tu eres muy retardo jajajajajajajajaja"


"Hey, I'm the carry on the team, and you're the support. Can you let me have some farm instead of AFK killing the creeps?"


"сосать мой пенис нуб"


- Dota 2
 
"So, am I saving the world or ending it? I don't even know anymore."


- Tales of Symphonia


"Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?"


- Dragon's Dogma


"GODDAMN IT, SOLAS."


- Dragon Age Inquisition


...I'm not sure I did it right.
 
"Over the trenches boys!!! Take the Jerry's by surprise. Take objective Butter."


***10 minutes of scouts sitting in the back doing nothing but looking down their scopes and pointing at people.***


"We lost this batallion, but we'll get'em with this next offensive."


***20 more minutes of your guys in planes crashing every 30 seconds.***


"This is our last chance to take the fortress. Let's not blow it."


***Squad disconnects. Inbox now filled with trash talking and hate mail.***


"Battlefield 1 is a great game," I tell myself as I look longingly at the copy of Infinite Warfare I got.
 
"This is literally the same game, every freaking year, the only thing becoming better are the graphics. Same bugs, same glitches, same, shitty ball physics, why can't 2K just update the damn ros-- AND ONE, BITCH!"


--Every single NBA 2kXX game since 2011.
 
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