Poe
I'm a lady Poe.
K A Y E || M A T T I X
A gun. A choice. A number.
An explosion.
Kaye’s eyes flickered between everyone present. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the smoke filled the room and her hand kept on her wrist, finger desperately tracing the patterns to keep her mind at bay. To focus. “Three?!” she called out in the smoke over the yelling, though it seemed small. Of course it did. She was small. Her voice was small. In only moments she felt another pair of hands on her, and she jolted at the unfamiliar touch.
Negative one. Their fear of being zero hand to only be realized but exceeded. Was this how it was all supposed to happen? If she had not shown up that evening, would they have found her any way? Why was she marked? Why were any of them marked?
Kayana, breathe. They…we just want to help.
No, no, no. They never helped. No one ever helped. There was smoke and silence and the sound of the militia. She could not see. Not Three, not the red head, not the picture that had been projected on the wall, now reduced to light beams broken by debris. The hands on her yanked her back but she would not budge from the hold her hand had on her wrist. Small triangles, patterns, a continuous loop. They pulled harder, tearing her grip apart and restrained. No, no, no. They did not want to do that. Who were they? How did they not know?
Her breath quickened as they pulled a blindfold over her eyes and forced her from the room. She could not reach her tattoos, she did not know where Three was, she was alone with her mind. Alone without an anchor. Alone in a secluded space as they forcefully seated her in some sort of vessel.
Kayana, this is going to hurt just a little.
We just need to take a look at what’s going on inside that head of yours, Kayana, since you won’t tell us.
A white room, she could remember it now. A government facility. Testing. Her mother and father standing over like watchful guardians or guards. Needles and tests and you are something else, Kayana. The fight. The restraint. The pain.
Her heart was beating in her throat now, hands wriggling to no avail as she tried to grasp at her tattoo and to anchor herself in someway. Eyes squeezed shut under the blindfold trying to remember, but remembering was like trying to move through molasses. Too many walls. Too many blocks. Too much to keep back in the depths of her. She could not keep thinking, the panic welling in her chest making it hard to breathe, her body as still as she could manage but the suffering still radiated through her veins.
She was shaking now. Hands balled up in fists, edging a panic attack.
Kayana, tell me what you know.
She did not know anything.
What are you feeling?
Nothing.
Define nothing, her mother’s voice asks as it always does.
No.
Do you feel well enough to continue?
And that was the loaded question. A no would result in restraint, in needles and prodding and sedation. They liked to test while she was awake, they liked verbal confirmation, but maps of her brain activity would do. Little monitors would do. If they could calm her personality, her fight and drive, they would get down to the brain. The intelligence. The clever girl they had raised.
A yes only meant enduring. Yes was a choice, no was a sentence. Pavlov’s dog. A learned response. Habitual like the voices.
But she had said yes to the redhead.
She had said yes.
And for the first time in quite some time, she had not been ready for the fallout.
An explosion.
Kaye’s eyes flickered between everyone present. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the smoke filled the room and her hand kept on her wrist, finger desperately tracing the patterns to keep her mind at bay. To focus. “Three?!” she called out in the smoke over the yelling, though it seemed small. Of course it did. She was small. Her voice was small. In only moments she felt another pair of hands on her, and she jolted at the unfamiliar touch.
Negative one. Their fear of being zero hand to only be realized but exceeded. Was this how it was all supposed to happen? If she had not shown up that evening, would they have found her any way? Why was she marked? Why were any of them marked?
Kayana, breathe. They…we just want to help.
No, no, no. They never helped. No one ever helped. There was smoke and silence and the sound of the militia. She could not see. Not Three, not the red head, not the picture that had been projected on the wall, now reduced to light beams broken by debris. The hands on her yanked her back but she would not budge from the hold her hand had on her wrist. Small triangles, patterns, a continuous loop. They pulled harder, tearing her grip apart and restrained. No, no, no. They did not want to do that. Who were they? How did they not know?
Her breath quickened as they pulled a blindfold over her eyes and forced her from the room. She could not reach her tattoos, she did not know where Three was, she was alone with her mind. Alone without an anchor. Alone in a secluded space as they forcefully seated her in some sort of vessel.
Kayana, this is going to hurt just a little.
We just need to take a look at what’s going on inside that head of yours, Kayana, since you won’t tell us.
A white room, she could remember it now. A government facility. Testing. Her mother and father standing over like watchful guardians or guards. Needles and tests and you are something else, Kayana. The fight. The restraint. The pain.
Her heart was beating in her throat now, hands wriggling to no avail as she tried to grasp at her tattoo and to anchor herself in someway. Eyes squeezed shut under the blindfold trying to remember, but remembering was like trying to move through molasses. Too many walls. Too many blocks. Too much to keep back in the depths of her. She could not keep thinking, the panic welling in her chest making it hard to breathe, her body as still as she could manage but the suffering still radiated through her veins.
She was shaking now. Hands balled up in fists, edging a panic attack.
Kayana, tell me what you know.
She did not know anything.
What are you feeling?
Nothing.
Define nothing, her mother’s voice asks as it always does.
No.
Do you feel well enough to continue?
And that was the loaded question. A no would result in restraint, in needles and prodding and sedation. They liked to test while she was awake, they liked verbal confirmation, but maps of her brain activity would do. Little monitors would do. If they could calm her personality, her fight and drive, they would get down to the brain. The intelligence. The clever girl they had raised.
A yes only meant enduring. Yes was a choice, no was a sentence. Pavlov’s dog. A learned response. Habitual like the voices.
But she had said yes to the redhead.
She had said yes.
And for the first time in quite some time, she had not been ready for the fallout.