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Fantasy Superhero based story

Dylankent1895

New Member
So I have a story that’s been in the works for a long time, I’d like to find a partner to help me to further develythe story and characters, maybe alter the plot and origin if your up to it. I’ve copied what I have so far, would love some input and obviously if your up for it let’s partner up.

The Guardians (working title)
In the year 2988, the world leaders formed a group known as “Guardian” this group’s purpose was to insure protection against threats, both foreign and domestic. Men and women from all over the world volunteered to take part in the rigorous trials designed to test their physical and mental abilities, only the finest and the most skilled in each class of the trials were accepted into the program. These individuals, after being accepted took part in a series of tests and experiments that would evaluate their physical speed, strength, and endurance and hopefully find the key to manipulating their abilities, when scientists finally cracked the code to manipulating DNA, the whole world rejoiced, the program had completed the first half of its mission. As the first subjects were injected with the “Serum G” they watched in awe at its effects. The serum was successful, all subjects exhibited extreme increases in strength, speed and endurance, along with mental increase as well. As time progressed and the military demanded stronger and stronger soldiers, scientists would drastically increase the dosages of “Serum G”, causing the subjects to start exhibiting abilities beyond human capability. Some of the subjects were able to bend light around them and turn completely invisible, while others could manipulate fire with their hands as well as generate it, some even showed telekinetic powers. It quickly came apparent that no two subjects ever received the same exact ability; these subjects eventually became known as “Gens” because of the fact that it was something in their genetic makeup that determined the ability that they developed. The gens were divided into 5 classes, class 1 was made up of the least harmful of the gens with powers and abilities that could be used for good, and class 5 contained those with certain abilities that could do more harm than good. In the year 3003, 15 years after the program started a set of twin boys were born as class 5 gens. There were very few class 5 gens born in the program, and theywere much different than any other child born in the program. By the time the boys had reached the age of 19 their incrediblepowers had developed fully, they were unlike any gen before them. Connor and Alex were the prized possessions of the program. The ability which they both possessed allowed them to attain the ability of any gens around them, and keep the abilities, they were also able to have as many abilities as they wanted and still get more. The boys eventually got tired of being raised in captivity. Alex, the older of the two, felt he was not achieving his true potential, he didn’t understand why they had to hide from the world, and Connor had always enjoyed life as it was, and had made close friends. Alex eventually decided that he could no longer live in unpleasant conditions, so he led a rebellion releasing all of the class 5 gens that he could convinceto help him in his conquest of the world. Connor hated that the program runners had ordered him to kill his brother, but he had no choice, but to follow their orders, accompanied by his closest friends and the love of his life, Karina Brant with the combined abilities of flight and strength, Gunter Houser with the ability of translocation, Leonard Hayes with the ability to make and control ice, and Leah Hageman with the ability of telekinesis. The team was the first of the guardian program to be made up of gens. Connor led his team to face his brother one last time almost 3 years after the start of the rebellion, by then Connor had married Karina, and Leonard had married Leah, all of the team had started a family with children of their own. When the battle ensued, there was no quadrant of the earth that went untarnished. Connor and his brother were evenly matched in every way, but with help from his friends Connor was able to defeat his brother, and end the rebellion. For about 7 years Connor and his team were given the task to protect the people of earth, gens were revealed to the public and many were allowed to live amongst the humans, Connor and his team soon discovered that they had been betrayed by the very governments that created them gens were being shot in the street, and tried for crimes they didn’t commit, Connor went up against the world leaders in court, and the whole world watched in horror as he was, captured and killed on live TV. The world leaders had ordered the extermination of all gens. Thanks to a sorceress (class 5 gen with abilities resembling magic) by the name of Dominica, no one was able to detect the children of the guardians, and they were kept far from anyone who would do them harm. One lone scientist who was courageous enough to defy authority was able to extract some of Connor’s DNA and in secret, cloned him; Allen Cooper left all of his data to his onlyson Thomas, in hopes that his son could continue his work after his death. For 14 long years a group known as “Salvation” replaced the guardians, they’re main mission, to hunt down and kill any remaining gens. In the year 3027 the remaining guardians received a transmission from somewhere in the cosmos from Alex, apparently Connor had never really killed his brother, but instead had let him escape into space. A special ops group of salvation had discovered the guardians hiding place, and in one night had captured or killed all of them. The team had known of Connors clone and had long been in contact with Thomas Cooper and trusted him to keep both it and their children safe, Thomas could not though; he knew that salvation would find him so he left the job to his son Allen, who at the time was a young stupid kid in high school. The children’s powers had not developed yet, the oldest boy Dan who was 6 years old at the time, was living with Thomas was left with Allen to raise as his own son, when Allen tried to get to the other kids, he was already too late, they were gone and nowhere to be seen. Allen’s mission now is to find the location of the five missing children before it’s too late. Our story takes place in the year 3038, eleven long years after the death of the guardians.
Chapter 1
I could hear the music coming from the dance below, there were too many people down there though. I felt much calmer up here floating 20 feet above Valley Park High. I only recently acquired the ability to fly, but ever since it’s all I want to do. The feeling of the wind blowing through my hair as race across the sky is exhilarating, soaring high above the city streets, the sky has become a second home for me, a place where I can just have fun, and with the cover of the clouds no one can see me. Sometimes I just sit and float like I am now; it allows me to clear my head. I have a 3 page essay in English, a test in math, not to mention the 5oo page book I have to read by Friday and it’s already Wednesday; see why I like to get away from all that. Allen has been a bit jumpy lately, every time I tell him I’ve been using my powers he gets into this lecture about how I could expose myself and get caught….”yeah right” I always say, like any one could take me on. Allen Cooper is his full name and he is my kind of like my dad, he not a tall man stands about 5”7, green eyes, dark brown almost blackish hair. He means well, he’s raised me since I was very little, so I know he cares. He always tells me “Dan, my boy…. I only worry because I care”. Not only is Allen my like a father and best friend to me but he is also my biology teacher, he teaches me though in more ways than everyone else, he is always telling me about my parents, and how I have my mother’s blue eyes and my father’s statuesque build, I don’t see how though, I mean I’m not really that big and muscular, most of the guys on the football team are twice my size. Allen won’t let me play any sports because I’d be too good and everyone would find out about my powers and I’d be killed, which really sucks because it’s the only way to get a girls attention around this school. Rose Parker is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen with her sky blue eyes, and her auburn hair, but every time I even mention a girl, Allen always says the same thing “you’ll get caught” blah, blah, blah, that’s his excuse for everything he doesn’t let me do. Allen is always saying that there are others out there like me, and supposedly he is always trying to find them, in 17 years I haven’t seen any evidence that there are others, as far as I can see I am the last of a dead and forgotten race of powerful experiments, that’s how Allen makes it sound anyways. I look down at the dance floor; everyone has settled down for a slow song, I notice Rose sitting all alone in a corner, so I slowly glide down and land softly and quietly behind her.
“Hey Rose” I say to her “oh hi Dan” she answers back “why is the most beautiful girl here all alone?” I ask her “Dan, you’re so sweet” “thanks, I made sure to wash with sugar before I came” “you’re so funny to” she says laughing, “Rose?” “Yes Dan?” “Would you like to dance?” “I’d love to” she says with a smile.
That’s how it went in my mind anyways…in reality I stayed floating above the school all night until the last person went home. By the time I got home Allen was already asleep so I quietly tip-toed to my room and went to bed. I was only asleep for a couple of hours or so, when I was awakened by the sound of a siren “Vroom, vroom, vroom” “Allen!” “what’s going on!?” I asked “nothing! I’ll take care of it” he said “just go back to bed”, and then the siren stopped.
All night I couldn’t help but wonder what made the siren go off like that. When I tried to ask Allen the next morning he just said “don’t worry about it” and left for work. I left for school a while later; I’m never late because I always fly. Today the bell rang early for some reason though, so I barely made it through the door in time. Luckily I was right in time and the Mr. Harold, my history teacher, couldn’t lecture me about being late. History isn’t really my best subject, but I am good at memorizing dates and lines from a speech, that’s really the only reason I get a good grade, Mr. Harold is a short bald man with a very thick beard, he almost looks like the Russian from Street Fighter, and he’s pretty mean a lot of the time. One of the good things about history is that I sit right next to Rose, and when we have to do group work, she always picks me as her partner, and it’s really the only time we ever talk to each other, but we always seem to get along great, we end up talking about classes that we like and dislike, and I know her favorite ice-cream and her favorite color….sometimes I wonder if I should ask her out, but I never do, and class ends and we go our separate ways. Allen’s class is always a really fun one because he lets me TA for him and, I just get to go in the storage room and practice my powers. Most days I end up flying around the school, some days I practice my other abilities, such as my x-ray vision, or I throw around a few fire balls and then quickly freeze them. At lunch I’m usually a loner, either that or I go and eat with Allen, but today he had a meeting so I ended up sitting in the cafeteria. I just sat a table by myself spinning a coin that I found on the ground. Rose came and sat next to me
“Hi” she said, “umm…hi?” I said back “your names Dan right?” she asked “yeah, we’re in history together” “yeah I know” she said “my friend is having a party this Saturday and I was just wondering If you wanted to go with me?” she asked, I look around, “me??” I ask pointing a finger at myself “yes you” she says “yeah sure I guess I’d love to go with you” “great, it’s a date then” she said “see you Saturday”.
She gave me her number and said she would text me the time and address. I was still in shock that she had just asked me to go to one of her friend’s parties with her. Right away I went to tell Allen, but he said he was too busy to talk, and he sent me on my way back to lunch. The rest of the day went by quickly and was uneventful, except for the “F” I got in math, I hate math so much, and it’s my worst subject, even with all of my abilities, I can’t seem to figure out algebra…not that I care but I mean come on, look at the great heroes in comics, Spiderman=science wiz, Iron Man=billionaire, genius, playboy, etc., Mr. Fantastic=science wiz, and me=”what’s pi?” Seriously I must be the lamest superhero ever. That’s a power that I would kill to have, the power of a super smart brain! Then I’d never have problems in school. Later that night, knowing Allen was on the fritz about something, so I threw on a red cape and decided to go for a short flight. I started out just flying around the school a few times then I moved away and went high enough above the city that no one would see me, doing my loops, turns, dives, and whirlwinds; a whirlwind is a move I made up where I dive while spinning, it’s caused me to barf several times but it’s fun as hell. I look up just in time to barely avoid being hit by a passing plane heading in for a landing, I could only imagine what Allen would say if he knew I came that close to a plane “someone could have gotten hurt, or worse! You could have been seen!”
I stay up in the clouds for a few hours, just soaring and dreaming of what the world would be like if there were more people who could do the stuff that I can. Sometimes I think it would be cool because I wouldn’t have to hide and be afraid so much, other times I think that what if bad people had powers like mine, the world would be in trouble, maybe it’s a good thing that the world has salvation to keep the peace, but did they really have to kill all of my kind? Were we that much of a danger to the world? I think if they had given us a chance the world would be a lot different right now, sure there may have been bad people who would have done wrong with their power, but there’s always people like that, and there are always people like me who use the power they’ve been given for a good cause….whatever that cause is, I haven’t figured out yet, but I know I will soon, at least Allen thinks I will. All in all, Monday was a pretty good day for me, but when I got home I found a surprise waiting. Allen had left a note saying that he had been sent away to a convention for the school and would be gone for up to two weeks. I just sat there looking at the note for a couple hours, once the reality of it sank in I was quite pleased, Allen had never left me home alone before and now I could do anything I wanted, and not get in trouble for it. I ran a couple laps around the living room for a few seconds then waited for Allen to yell at me for it, but when I heard only silence I did it again and again and again, I’d never felt such freedom before, it was exhilarating. Suddenly my phone buzzed, I received a text from Rose saying that the party had been cancelled because her friends parents decided not to leave town for the weekend…a thought then occurred to me, why not have the party here?? No reason not to, since Allen isn’t home, I replied back and told her that Allen was out of town for a couple weeks and that it would be fine to have the party at my place, her response “cool, guess our date is still onJ”. The rest of the week went by great, Rose invited me to sit at her table, with her and her friends at lunch and she even held my hand. Allen had hired a substitute for his class, but the sub slept the whole time which meant I got to teach the class, I was good at doing that, whenever Allen would have a sick day or something I would end up teaching his class because I know all the material and am a science wiz. Rose and I were getting to know each other great, we were always together and we always had something to talk about, weather it was school, or home, or just random stuff like what flavors of ice cream we like, and she always held my hand. I still couldn’t figure out what had made her ask me out though, maybe she always liked me just was afraid to say anything like I was, or maybe she was dared or something, but I didn’t pay too much attention to it because I was happy and she seemed happy too. Finally Saturday came and it was almost time for the party, I made sure to lock up Allen’s lab real good so no one would find it and find out about my powers and everything he works on in there. The only hard part left was getting the alcohol, not really that hard though, all I had to do was wait for the right second when the camera wouldn’t see me, and using my super speed, I dashed into the liquor store and grabbed 3 jugs of beer. Rose was the first one to arrive, we sat on the couch for a few minutes in silence, and then I finally asked her “what made you ask me out?” “Well” she said
“I’ve always liked you Dan, I just never had the courage to ask you out until now”
"I always thought I was invisible to you .." I admitted to her “but I've always liked you too Rose” I told her, and right then as we leaned toward each other, a siren went off, it was coming from Allen’s lab.
 
Paragraphs. Divide it into paragraphs, please, otherwise it's incredibly difficult to read as a big wall of text.

Also, I think that's the wrong forum mate. Is it a roleplay, or just a story?
 
Paragraphs. Divide it into paragraphs, please, otherwise it's incredibly difficult to read as a big wall of text.

Also, I think that's the wrong forum mate. Is it a roleplay, or just a story?
Like I said I’m open to altering it, I’ve never really don’t this role play writing but I’d like to learn
 
Interesting good?
Interesting as in I found it enjoyable to read. Reading is a subject i have mixed emotions about. If i don't like the story I have to force myself to read it. However if I like the story reading can be quite enjoyable. although it wasn't the best story ever I was able to enjoy it all the way through with only a few minor issues. (Then again I'm no literary expert just my opinion)
 
Like I said I’m open to altering it, I’ve never really don’t this role play writing but I’d like to learn
Also roleplay writing differs from story writing in the sense that two or more people will generally take over one or more characters (or vary between characters depending on the plot). They will then tell the story with a focus around that/those character(s) with the idea of interacting with another character. Of course roleplay does have room for solo writing but that is generally kept to a minimum.
 

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