Sūpārobotto-gao sumasshuakushon (mono)

Humor

Humor

The Fool
MAIN CHARACTERS





  • NAME: Ash Catchem


    GENDER: MALE


    AGE: 20


    PILOT SUIT: Suit 2


    PILOT SUIT COLORS: Black and Gold


    APPEARANCE:
    index.php



    ADDITIONAL APPEARANCE NOTES: Has a tramp stamp of a pin stripe heart


    PERSONALITY: A cynical asshole with extreme fits of being over neurotic. He is as lazy as lazy can be with extreme fear of doing anything that involves physical extremity. He is an anti hero and hates just about everyone and never watches what he says


    HISTORY: adopted into a house of overly Otaku family they changed their name to Catchem due to Ketchum being copyrighted by Nintendo. Ash honestly hates his parents and his two other adopted siblings Misty and Brock. Wanting to be no where else but away from his family he entered a boarding school and with a name like Ash Catchem easily standing out. Getting into a lot of fights with children he is the exact opposite of any hero and hates all those that try to outshine others.


    He is a klepto and a thief


    He is best friends with Toneh Estark and due to him being in an all white boarding school holds some issue with La'Tokenarius


    GIANT ROBOT DETAILS!


    NAME: Not Pikachu (everyone calls it Pikachu)


    UNIT NUMBER: 02


    SPECIAL POWER: Laser beam's


    PRIMARY COLOR: Gold


    SECONDARY COLOR: Dark Brown








  • NAME: Siegrune Lovestead


    GENDER: Female


    AGE: 20


    PILOT SUIT: 2.


    PILOT SUIT COLORS: Black


    APPEARANCE:
    index.php



    ADDITIONAL APPEARANCE NOTES:


    PERSONALITY: Sieg seems to have an closet obsession for almost everything, from various weaponry (she gets....excited when she sees new weapons for her Zauboo and is particularly interested in medieval weaponry herself), to questionable articles in anime and manga. It isn't a well-hidden fact, despite all that she has tried to do to hide it, that she expresses delight at being a 'dominant member'.


    ....I dont know what that means either.


    When hyped on adrenaline, she starts yelling out everything in bold letters and begins to see...things that people don't usually see, like the fourth wall. Apparently, everything she owns and does has been passed down from the Lovestead family for generations as well.


    She is easily flustered and stutters whenever she speaks to the others, and has an awkward way of saluting and greeting her superiors, where she would completely stiffen and freeze up.


    HISTORY: Got a grade lower than an F in it in high school. Never took another class on History since.


    GIANT ROBOT DETAILS!


    NAME: Der Requiem des Zauberer (shortened to variations of pet names such as Zauboo or Zaubunny)


    UNIT NUMBER: 04


    SPECIAL POWERS: Control over dark matter and dark energy to freely expand and contract space WITH HER FISTS OF STEEL.


    PRIMARY COLOR: BLACK, LIKE THE NIGHTSKY no, that’s not it. Night sky is kinda….bluish, purple, dark….


    ….


    BLACK, LIKE THE EBONY KEYS ON A CLASSICAL PIANO.


    SECONDARY COLOR: OLIVE GREEN, LIKE….olives.


    …..


    OLIVE GREEN, LIKE OLIVES.


 
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The base lights flashed as the subtle white light roared to a red light. A new cry of an alarm spoke overhead


Kaiju detected...


All pilots to launch bay...


All pilots to launch bay...


The subtle mechanical voice permeated through the sounds of the bases halls that had become a new source of chaos. The mechanics and crew members of Birds Nest began to race back and forth...


Kaiju detected...


All pilots to launch bay...


All Pilots to Launch bay...


The sound of zippers tapering up all came in a sense of unison as the colors of the pilot suits made a flush press against the flesh of the pilots


"Alright girls and boys lets go to work." The man in the red outfit stood up helmet in hand the 6 others following his lead as they placed their helmets overhead clicking them in place the sound of the oxygen lock snapping as their helmets life support kicked in. The 7 moved down the hall their boots clanging against the metal as the crew members gave them a subtle head nod or salute. These were the heroes of the base the pilots of the massive creations of man the N.E.R.V.E project. Giant sentient life forms that were grown and bred for wars like the Spartans of ancient time. These giant shells are piloted by the greatest warriors of our time those made to stop the Kaiju menace.


The 7 stepped onto the hangar elevator as the button clicked the elevator decompressed as it slowly slid its way down to the hangar.


"Computer Rex Rogers and others reporting." The microphone of the red pilots kicked in


"Welcome.... Pilot Rogers... Pilot Akari... Pilot Danger...Pilot Westly... Pilot Yui... Pilot Barton... Pilot Langley..."


The monotone computer voice was the only thing that did not hold any fervent emotion like that of the base.


"Kaiju report initializing....


Kaiju class 5...


Tyrant Class...""What?! A class 5?! Thats 2 higher than the last ones..."


"Pilot Akari is correct largest Kaiju reported..."


"Can we win?"


"We Have too... The world is depending on us." Rex snapped on.


The elevator continued its dramatic descent as the large massive robots housed in their own slots in the hangar began to come into view. The connectors that cooled the flesh snapped off as the coils released a slight airy mist from the hydrogen inject. The metal scaffolding around them began to remove itself as the mechanics and engineers continued the last minute checks.


With a low howl the elevator touched the ground of the hangar as a man decorated in military garb stood as still as a statue. The pilots on the lift snapped to a salute.


"At ease."


Sliding their hands back from their attentive states the pilots followed the man as he turned round and walked further into the hangar towards the massive robots.


"As you know this is the largest Kaiju in history... I would be lying if I told you this will not be the fight of yours and our lives. We are counting on you all of you. This is the day that will live on in the history of man when those that have become so few cancelled our date with the apocalypse."


The pilots bodies all tensed up as you could see the gentle shake of their head in agreement their glass visors shimmering in the crimson light flashing around the base. The alarm still roaring overhead.


"Good Luck Lady... and gentlemen you are going to need it."


The pilots collected around each other their hands linking around their shoulders as Rex began to speak.


"You heard him... This our chance... lets make everyone back home proud, lets make our families be able to say that their children changed fate.............


Let us all come back and be friends once again."


With that the pilots separated with a slow walk as they made their way to their respective mechs. A little metal platform rose them up, up past the Mech onto a platform above with a giant pill looking capsule. The injection pod. As they stepped into it they each looked to each other one last time


"Initializing launch sequence...."


"Pilot neural up link initializing..."


With that the large capsule slid into the nape of the neck of the giant robot as the force jerked the robot with a slight shift forward."Neural up link complete..."


"Pilot Recognition Rex Rogers..."


"Standby for launch..."


A screen flashed up in the platform inside of the mech as Rex watched the countdown... 5 .... 4.... 3.... 2.... 1


"EVA'S LAUNCH!"


Rex roared into the mic as the mech units flew upwards through the launch tubes out and into the field of battle.


The man in military garb the Commander of the base stepped into the control room...


"How are our boys doing?"


"They are just coming up on the Tyrant as we speak."


"Switch to pilot display camera now."


As the massive display monitors at the base flashed to a new scene... All eyes in the room opened slightly as their jaws loosened at the sight of the massive creature... A Creature beyond the size of human comprehension now stood in front of them as tall as the largest building they could create... as large as a damn to stop a torrent of water... these massive flesh beasts were what was going to cause the seemingly extinction of man.


"Dear... god..." The commander spoke as he eyed the largest beast to date.


The Tyrant class stopped its movements as it looked to the 7 mechs in front of it. A low growl emitting from its massive throat. As its head slowly reared back its eyes locking in on the purple mech.


"AKARI MOVE!" Rex cried out on the intercom.


The large beasts mouth opened as its head moved forward expelling a giant surge of teal plasma from its mouth as the surge of beast bile flew onto the purple mech the limbs of it began to melt as the voice of Pilot Akari's cries came through the loud speaker. Melting from the acidic shot of the creature.


"ENGAGE! ENGAGE NOW!" Rex cut through the mic as the mechs sprang forward.


The control room watched the amazing battle of their last line of defense fought for their lives.


"DANGER GET OUT OF THERE!"


Another mech's vitals flashed into fatal as it was torn apart by the massive claws of the beast.


More and more they fought... each mech slowly meeting its demise until one man stood left.


"Rex can you hear me! REX!"


The red mech stood with a slight shift as its right arm had been removed.


"Releasing powers protocol..."


"Rex... if you do this... you will die..."


"If I don't... we all will..."


The control room got quite as they stared at the red mech alone in defiance against the massive creature. Its large hand swooped from the side as it gripped the mech in its clutches lifting it up to its face.


"Tell my family I..."


The com snapped out with a crackle as a white flash blinded the control room screen...


Kaiju detected...


All pilots to launch bay...


All pilots to launch bay...


Ash looked up to the ceiling with a slight groan. Turning back over in his bunk his eyes slowly began to close. it was 0400 hours or in real people time 4:00 am a time no man should ever be awake unless wasting his time with video games or chatting on the net.


Kaiju detected...


All pilots to launch bay...


All pilots to launch bay...


Grumbling yet again Ash removed his pillow overhead as he slammed it down trying to snuff out the loud alarm. Ash's eyes were heavy with sleep deprivation ever since he became a recruit pilot how the hell it happened he didn't know but something tells him he was forced into this role by some unknown force.


"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!" A Voice roared into the bunker as the commander stepped in.


His last name by a wicked cruel fate was also Commander almost like his whole point in life and creation was to be a Commander...


"THIS IS THE SADDEST BUNCH OF PARASITIC ASS LEACHES I HAVE EVER SEEN!"


"I hear insulting is good for moral." Ash moaned in his half awake sleep as the commanders gaze snapped to him.


"What was that dead man?"


"Well this is just an exercise... right so whats the rush?"


Commander blinked for a moment as he processed the insubordinate young adults lack of enthusiasm.


"THE RUSH IS IF A GIANT TOWER BEAST WAS ATTACKING YOU WOULD BE OUT THERE DEFENDING US LIKE THE BRAVE EVA UNIT! The ones who died for you to live."


"Good... now let me sleep so I can live. Or else they died in vain."


"beat him..."


Commander called back to the doorway as two large men entered the room with batons in hand. They moved straight to Ash's bunk and tearing him out dragging his almost bare body to the shower area in the back of the room.


"Hey... hey... guys can't we just be friends..." Ash asked in a shaky voice as he was pulled along the floor.


As soon as he disappeared from view into the washroom his muffled cries came out.


"OH GOD!"


"Listen up Ladies! Today is your first day as Pilots... you will be doing exercises to become one with your team unit... you will get along or you will find yourself staring at a large kaiju without a team to help you."


"Not the FACE!"


" Which will mean you will undoubtedly die!"


"Please sir can I have another? NO NO I WAS KIDDING!"


"DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?! If not get dressed and go get breakfast and get to know one another."


Ash's muffled cries came from the back as the two solid mass men came out from the back with a slight smile of satisfaction on their face.


[Commander is controlled by everyone]


[Mess hall / Cafeteria ]


The Mess Hall / Cafeteria was empty as the large table in the middle was filled with the prospective recruits. Ash sniffled slightly as the slight red and puffiness of his eyes was slightly obvious of him crying. A large band aid strapped to his forehead as he took a seat slamming his tray of food down on the table and taking a seat on the bench.


Commander stood at the end of the table. "Now I want a little bit about you... your hobbies, your name, and other things that go well with an introduction... be creative... I like that shit."


"This... seems like a convenient way in a story for characters to all meet and greet in only a simple first interaction..." Ash grumbled as he stabbed his scrambled eggs with his fork. He gave a slight gaze around the table as he spied people of all different types.


A gorgeous man with flowing blonde hair that made Ash even question his own sexual preferences. A man whose hair looked like a firecracker explosion... who was wearing a cape. The token black guy of the story La'Tokenarius who he had known for a while now. Along with Toneh who always wore a gasmask... even while eating which Ash still questioned how that worked... A cross dressing meat head whose body looked like the picture to the definition of steroids. A... Girl?.... Guy?.... thing?.... And a Cat kid person...


A seemingly overly passionate blonde girl. A loli with purple hair who seemed flushed. A loli with blonde hair aside from her being a loli seemed normal. A girl with blonde hair who was the only one wearing work out garb no doubt to be a kiss ass. And an Angel.


Wait... What?


What kind of cast of characters is this?


An Angel, a Trap and a Neko... Ash slowly glared out at the writers with a bit of hate. "You disgust me."


The room was quite for only a moment before...


"Uh... I'll start off..." Ash stood from his seat as he looked around the table." My name is Ash... Catchem... I am 20 years old and hate all of you. Not because of race or gender... but because all of you are probably terrible people... and I can say that without getting to know you. My hobbies are complaining and overall being a pain... I am here to give supporting comedy to what you say and give this story some sort of direction."





Ash sat back down as he took a few more bites of food waiting for the next person to speak...
 
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The sound of the loud speakers brought Rosy out of her deep slumber. Her eyes shot open immediately and she laid still in her sweat drenched sheets. Vivid dreams of golden scepter with sparkling ruby gems, shining silver forks, and bristled brushes scraping against teeth, has left her exhausted before the day has even began. She let's out an angered sigh, cursing her own bodies betrayal. Rosy could hear the commander stomping around outside of the bunkers. The day had already began and already he was attacking some poor boy. She shook her head with disgust and pulled herself from her bed. She waited on the edge of the bed as she listened to the Commander yell out his...well...commands.


Rosy pulls herself to her feet and regains her composure. She wants to get herself cleaned up, but knew if she pulled out a toothbrush or touched the faucet, then she would be back in the same predicament again. She settled on just getting dressed and out the door. As she walked down the hall leading to the cafeteria, she kept her fingertips on the concrete wall, brushing it softly. The cold concrete sent a mix of chills and warmth down her spine. No, stop....you are driving yourself insane. Another shake of her head as her cheeks turn flushed.


She peeks into the Mess Hall from around the corner. She can see the metal rails along the food line, the shining table tops reflecting the fluorescent ceiling lights. She turns back around the corner and braces herself against the wall. Calm yourself, it is only metal. Shining...hard...cold..metal. Oh god. She sinks down on the wall slightly, biting her bottom lip.


Taking a deep breath, Rosy decides it is now or never. Quickly, she rushes around the corner and into the mess hall. She quickly takes her seat among the rest of the pilots, her cheeks red and flushed. She slinks into her chair and rubs her hand over and over against the smooth top of the table. Her increasing desire is interrupted with the Commanders booming voice demanding introductions. After the first boy who looked badly beaten introduced himself, Rosy pips in "My name is Rosy Chicago. Once known as Princess Chicago, but that is another story entirely. As far as this story goes, I am twenty years old, and my hobbies include....well...everything. My turn on's include metal, inanimate objects, and mundane tasks.". She slinks back into her chair again, staring at the table as she rubs her palm against it.
 
“THE SOCKS ARE IN MY BRAIN!!!!!” Yelled Gimpy as he rolled out of bed. The Alarm had woken him from a wonderful dream. His dream consisted of him eating prime rib with Mr. George (A name fondly given to a can of beans he keeps under his pillow) and hearing the words “KILL PORK CHOPS WITH TOOTH PICKS!!” Examining the room slowly, he placed both hands firmly on the flower and the slithered to the door like a snake. He then heard Captain nibble bits (The commander) over the yelling hole (The intercom).


“JOHN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!?” He stopped in his tracks and turned his head to face the yelling hole. “BUT MISTER NIBBLE BITS, MY NAME IS SATEEN LORD OF THE UNDER WORLD!!!” There was a pause from the Commander. “Could you please head to the mess hall, I am sure the will give you that beef in the sock you love so much!” Gimpy widened his eyes. “BEEF TUBE!!!!” He quickly jumped up on his feet and ran down the hall screaming “BEEF TUBE FOR THE DEMON KING!!!!!”


He entered the Mess hall, he was wearing his uniform with his favorite white gloves. He walked to the table shaking his ass like he owned the place. He sat next to Token, the black guy who he dubbed Mr. Ebony. He stared at the one known as Ash as he made his speech. Ash was a sexy little thing and it made his bump bump go fast!(That’s his heart) The next one up was Rosey who he so Dubbed Crazy Razy. He waited for her to be done and stood up. His mind cracked into place for a moment and his thoughts were clear as he spoke.


“My Fellow pilots, my name is Sateen. I am you supreme overlord and master, be assured that as you demon king I will be just......!” His eyes went wide as he saw a fly go by. “ DIE YOU EVIL VILE BASTERED!!!!” He ran out of the mess hall after the fly. Gun shots could be heard from down the hall and screams of “I GOT YOU!!!”
 
La'Tokenarius' ass was way too damn tired to be this awake, he ain't neva' been awake this early in the mornin'. The only reason he was awake right now was because he had to go fight these damn stupid ass Satan-sh*ts. And if these white people didn't turn off these damn speakers, he was gonna cap erryone of these b*tches.


"LA'TOKENADEEDLEADA-...... BLACK GUY!"


"F*CK U WANT NEGRO? damnnegroesbewakingupatwhoknowhataclockinduhmorning..."


"SOLDIER I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SPEAK ENGLISH IN MY PRESENCE. NOW YOU ARE LATE, TO THE MESS HALL, NOW,"


"But I been speakin' english this whole damn time. You racist,"





La'Tokenarius didn't like that shady Captain, and he sure as hell didn't like that he had no gun his damn face now, he must be real angry at his ass, negro been watching to much CSI, the hell? He got his ass up and sprinted out the room, before shifting like a smooth cat and making sure he looked good. He had to shower, pick his fro' make sure his errythang was smelling and looking nice. He always had to look fresh.





"PRIVATE. ARE YOU HEADING DOWNSTAIRS?"


"Damn, I said I was moving, chill yo ass out, ain't nobody trying start no beef this early in the mornin'. Y'all betta have some gravy up in this b*tch, I ain't eating no bland ass food either," he said to his ass. Then befo' he could get his ass beat he kicked it to the mess hall. He found a seat away from white boy, and stared at all the shady peeps. But soon his eyes was all over this kawaii ass loli shawty, she was everything he wanted and she was princess. If he caught that booty he could be the king. He waited all patient until it was turn to speak, then he cleared his throat so they could hear his ass real well.


First of all, Ash's ass is lying. He the most racist white boy I know. Mah name is La'Tokenarius, but you can call me Cool Cat if you into that shit. Manidunnothoughcallmewhatyouwant... I'm 20 yea'ahs old. Mah hobbies? I be watching Lu- Basketball... and like, Football, catchin the twerk at the club, being chill, you know," he said, sitting back befo' checkin out this gorgeous ass negro with all this weave in his head. He made him wanna go for it, until his ass started speaking. Was his ass chasing a bug? Damn, all these negros is ratchet.
 
Angels have no need to sleep. So, at 3:48 am, while the other pilates were presumably asleep, Seleztia was awake and passing the time by reading a book by flashlight, under the covers of her bedsheet. It was called Fifty Shades of Grey, and it was a most illuminating book into the romantic habits of humans. As she turned the page, drinking in its contents with interest, she accidentally sliced her finger of the paper and a drop of her silver blood rolled down the page towards the book's spine. When the blood sunk into the spine, the ink on the pages rearranged itself into a holy text, with angelic light shining from the pages accompanied by Ode To Joy sung by a choir of angels. Seleztia groaned at her ruined book, wondering where she was going to find another copy of Fifty Shades of Grey around this remote military base.


Her groan, the celestial music, and the screeching alarm all coincided precisely with the arrival of 4 o'clock am.


She snapped the book shut to silence the choir when she heard the door to the adjoining male dormitory screech open, followed by the dulcet sounds of the commander's voice and what sounded vaguely like raw meat being pounded over and over again. Seleztia wondered vaguely why they had decided to tenderize meat outside the dormitories rather than in the kitchen, but was looking forward to breakfast in any case.


As she rose from her bed, her majestic wings got tangled in the cover of her sheet, which took her a few moments to sort out. Somewhat miraculously, she still managed to arrive in the mess hall ahead of many of the other pilates. She tried a little celebratory spin, but accidentally smashed her wings against the corner of a table mid-turn. Whimpering slightly, she sunk down into the nearest seat, wondering forlornly why Gabriella had sent her, out of all angels, to help save humanity.


"Hi, my name is Seleztia," she started off somewhat glumly. Then she brightened up, realizing that here were about 15 new people to befriend! "And I'm really happy to meet all of you-- even you, Ash. I'm not really sure why I'm here...But I like to dance, and I'd be happy to offer you all dance lessons when we're not fighting Kaiju! Oh and speaking of Kaiju, why are we fighting them? Are we all so sure they really mean to destroy humans, or do you think we can all find some compromise?"
 
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The morning alarm was no surprise. In anticipation for a day's event like this, Julius stayed wide awake keeping himself prepared to jump into his formal clothes. He had an urge, a feeling that he should stay awake tonight and await for that fatal drill call. The anxiety was killing him, today was the day that he'd defer himself as who he was, the hero of this world! He had been dreaming of this all his life, a chance to become the mighty and renowned hero that everyone awaited and adored in those childhood TV shows. Here he was, in casting and make up, all he awaited for now was his cue to enter the stage. When the alarms went off, even with the amount of noise coming from outside, the yelling, the screeching alarm, and the peculiar song lurching out of one of the doors Julius found ridiculous amount of joy in jumping to his feet and preparing his morning schedule.


His schedule was fast as well half way completed as he had not slept the entire night. His first step was a quick stretch, spending five seconds to stretch his arms one at a time, over his head, then over his chest, touch his toes, etc. Continuing so until he heard the commander headed towards his door. He was already dressed as he was laying in bed prepared to head to the meeting. Julius wore a admiral's formal wear, he bought it from a retired veteran and restyled it to look like a ship captain and a hero's outfit, something most would see as a space ship admiral. It suited him well since he was the hero. When the door opened, the captain's burly anger was greeted by a incredibly gitty Julius to greet him.


"Good day, sir! Shall we head to the mess hall?" Julius spoke, his voice proud and gleeful. The commander was about to speak, but Julius spoke up again, his voice demanding enough to stop the captain from uttering his commands. "Sir, I had best get to the food hall, before the any of our comrades get up for seconds! Take care, sir!" Julius was quickly off to the food hall, incredibly joy in his step. He thought he heard the commander yelling behind him to some reluctant fellow, but his own cheerfulness had too much power to even notice.


Sitting at the food table, things seemed to be quite morbid, although the members were incredibly ragtag. First, a fellow who seemed to be named directly after an old childhood TV show. Ash took first introduction, in honesty Julius was against that as Julius would have liked to announce who the leader would be. Then a miniature girl began to speak in happy and cheerful way, speaking about what her "turn on's" were. As of what a turn on was, Julius was confused as of why someone would be sexually aroused by mundane tasks. There was a rather tall fellow, who seemed to be the only racially diverse fellow at the table. He seemed quite rude and incredibly hard to understand. There was another woman who quite literally had wings of a bird, an actual angel. She seemed to be quite a ditz, and especially so as a girl who wears fake wings around and knocks things off tables.


"I am The Magnificent Captain Admiral Sir Lord Esquire Julius the 27th The Legendary Star Cross King, the hero of this story!" He yelled out, putting a foot on the seat then putting his other upon the table, to strike a captain's pose. His beautiful long cape flowed gorgeously behind him. He launched his fist in the air and began to speak his reason for being. "I am the head man of this show, the main attraction and the reason why the audience even raises their applause! Julius the 27th, the hero of the Blue Bird Republic, launching forward to open a path to the future, a brighter tomorrow that all the children can smile to and grow up in peace! I myself will rise to the occasion of bringing about a true future of peace, the days of light and prosper so that all can live in a joyous occasion! If any were to stand against me I would stomp them down into their place, their places in the depths where they came from! Whether I, The Magnificent Captain Admiral Sir Lord Esquire Julius the 27th The Legendary Star Cross King am fighting against the Red Star or the Kaiju, my mind and body is prepared to give everything to my country, to my people for I am the hero!" He ended with his fist clenched against his chest, his eyes shut with dramatic silence. Julius felt this introduction would stump all.
 
Elyse awoke from her slumber almost immediately as the sirens began to ring, sitting up quickly from her bunk and stretching her arms and legs to lessen the stiffness in her joints. Despite her slight tiredness, she managed to keep her movements fluid and graceful. Getting up from the bed, she quickly got on her sexually-questionable Pilot's uniform and had her appearance in order before the screaming Commander arrived. Saluting the Commander, she greeted him with a clear and firm voice. "Good morning, sir! I am ready for drills, sir!"





The Commander observed her living space with narrowed eyes, trying to find something, anything wrong with it so that he could bash her with it. To his disappointment, there was nothing amiss; the bed was neatly made, there was no sign of trash or debris, and everything was ordered accordingly to regulations. However, he himself was not disappointed in the young pilot herself; she showed promise, unlike all these other damn misfits under his care. "Excellent job, Elyse. Exemplary as always...report to the Mess Hall and meet your fellow recruits." When he saw a bright smile grow on her face from the praise, he decided to crush it completely. "WELL?! DID I GIVE YOU AN ORDER PRIVATE KISSASS, OR DID I TELL YOU TO STAND THERE GRINNING LIKE THE DAMN CHESHIRE CAT?! MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!"





That effectively wiped the smile from Elyse's now-blanching face as she saluted in began to hastily make her way to the Mess Hall. The Commander grinned once more and followed after a moment; he liked the girl, but he could not allow anyone thinking her as a favorite...that was potentially dangerous, judging by the way some of these recruits appeared. Plus, he would be damned before giving her special treatment simply because she was a Brauncoff!


Elyse emerged into the Mess Hall with her tray of light breakfast meals and sat down at the far-end of the table, observing the others with her keen hazel eyes. There was the particularly gorgeous young man, a rather mouthy colored chap, a weirdo who deserved to be locked away into a mental institution, a guy who appeared to have appeared out of an old time Marvel movie, a muscly behemoth of a man who wore the female pilot's uniform (odd, that), an easily-excitable and vulgar girl, another blonde woman whose passion seemed out of place for so early in the morning, an adorable child-like girl with bright blue eyes, and a...cat man? The hell was all of this? Elyse felt as though she had stepped into...what were those old Japanese shows called again? An anime? Yes, that was it.


Elyse listened quietly as some of the others spoke about themselves, and waited until it was her turn before standing up from the table, back straight, and clearing her throat before speaking. "Hello. My name is Elyse Brauncoff, and it is a...pleasure...to meet all of you." It was physically agonizing to Elyse when she said that, and the effort behind it was obvious, but she continued on anyway. "My hobbies include hunting, reading, martial arts, and tinkering on my robot, 'Blue Blood Heart (<3)'. I will keep my judgments of each one of you to myself...if I dislike you, it will be quite clear. Also, if you get in my way, I will THRASH YOU AGAINST THE FLOOR UNTIL YOU BECOME A BLOODY SMEAR UNDER MY BOOTS!" Taking a deep breath and calming herself, she put her smile back on and said one last thing. "Oh...and I probably have more money to my name than each and every one of you combined, and can buy every single thing you value in life at the snap of my fingers...along with yourselves, if I desired your labor. Thank you~." With that, she sat back down.
 
Kit sat at his desk roaming the internet, such an action was common place for him after the gene splicing. One of the best things about being a genetically engineered neko... cat..... boy-person thing was the instead of needing a full 8 hours of sleep he caught snippets of rest four minutes long to to an hour. His eyes were attuned to the darkness so his they hurt less while he surfed through porn sites. None of them were any particular kind of entertaining or even alluring, the girls (and most of them probably under the legal age to pose naked) lacked something, he just couldn't get it up, since becoming a cat he found that furry porn had become rather attractive perhaps it was the tails.


His ears twitched slightly as he could hear the rustlings of life from the other rooms that neighboured his own, he could hear all sorts of things. Nothing however had prepared him for the alarm, when it rang he got the fright of his life and shot to the roof where his claws dug into the plaster and held him there while he arched his spine in fright. His door opened, in it stood the Commander who looked around confusedly. Kit retracted his claws and landed spryly on his feet giving the commander a small fright. He turned, picked up his phone and his camera before brushing by the liveried man into the hallway and proceeded to the mess hall.


He sat at the table with his platter of chicken, he actually felt like fish but didn't want his cockpit to smell like sardines. Then came the introductions and Kit secretly whipped out his phone to take a few discrete pictures for his tumbler followers and his facebook fans.


Twitter post: Just got the call to action, having breakfast. See you guys in the cockpit 0u0. <3


Tumblr Post: First Impressions of the team:


Ash Catchem:


-picture here-


Ass-hoooooooooooole


Rosy C. Chicago:


-picture here-


Mundanaruphile, Kinky, needs a tale.


Gimpy:


-picture here-


Weirdo, he eats roast through a SOCK! That's messed up o-o;;.


La'Tokenarius


-picture here-


This guy is BLACK!!


Seleztia I. Swan:


-picture here-


Is sex considered a dance?


His name's too long:


-picture here-


Another Ass-hooooooole


Elyse Brauncoff


-picture here-


B!tch.


Twitter Post:


Sorry guys, I'll have to get the rest for you later, I gotta make my introductions


---------------


Kit slipped his phone into a pocket and smiled at everyone before looking down at his feet, he lifted an arm to scratch the back of his head and bit his lip thoughtfully while his tale swayed from side to side and his ears bent at different angles. Umm, I'm Kit...... With that said he promptly sat himself back down and pointedly stared at his phone that somehow appeared in his hand.
 
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Kaiju detected.


All pilots to launch bay.


"....Kaiju?"


"...that's right, Lady Lovestead."


"Siegrune. I insist."


"Sieg, then?"


"That will be fine." A shuffle as someone shifts his or her weight upon the uncomfortable seat of the chair. "Tell me, then, about the Kaiju."


"They were the ones responsible for your father's...departure."


"His death."


".....yes."


"Then I could care less about who they are. You have my consent to use me in any military exercise you have to crush them. This is not for the Lovestead pride. This is for revenge."


"....I...see." A rustle of papers. "You are still under the eye of the law, Sieg. Do take care of yourself."


"I do not need your concern."





Sieg stayed in her bunk, a simple bed with four steel frames and a matress accompanied with a pillow and a sorre excuse for a blanket, a bit longer. Her forearm crossed over her eyes, hiding them from the light of the red, flashing alarm in her cell. She was still a criminal, after all, she needed to be placed in a cell, not a room. She couldn't get up and get ready for deployment even if she wanted to. She gave a drawn out sigh and swung her leg over the edge of her bed and sat up. She steepled her hands and rested her elbows on her lap, the frozen cold floor sending a chill through her body. She could hear the Commander pushing the pilots around upstairs, his voice loud enough to carry through. She blinked a few more times and reached over to the dark green socks that lay discarded on the ground and pulled them on, before taking the black military boots and slipping them on. She was halfway done tying the second boot when the telltale jingle of keys made her look up. The Commander's rough expression glared back at her.


"Commander."


"Sieg." His expression softened slightly.


The curt greetings out of the way, Sieg finished her tying and took the green military jacket that hung on the chair, which had been neatly pushed into a similarly neat desk. With a flutter of cloth against wind, Sieg slipped her arms into the sleeves of the jacket, over her black tank top. She directed her small talk to the Commander, as she slowly buttoned up the jacket.


"Training?"


"Yes."


"Pity."


"One day." The Commander nodded sagely.


Good enough for 'small talk', she thought to herself as she finished the last button. Sieg strode over to the cell bars, and the Commander nodded to the soldier beside him, who unlocked the gate with a security card, and opened it. Sieg stepped out, and gave the Commander a salute. The man replied with a curt nod.


"Report to the mess hall. You'll meet the bastards there."


"Sir." Sieg snapped the heels of her boots together and gave another salute, before excusing herself. The Commander caught her shoulder before she could actually leave.


"Siegrune." was all he said. Sieg understood, nodding, and disappeared up the stairs.


**********


Siegrune found herself in the seat beside a...cat...person...thing. How did she end up here? How did the guy end up with a mixture of feline genes, that was more important. Did....did humans really crossbreed with cats now? So a cat was fine now, huh? She hadn't been keeping up with the times ever since her life sentence. And as the introductions started, she slowly felt like vanishing. The characters here were all....intimidating. The first of them, Ash, declared his open hatred for everyone, which sort of made him rather...unapproachable. Rosy enjoyed stimulation from inanimate objects, something that Siegrune wouldn't openly empathise with, a self-declared...demon king, a frightening black man, whose ebony skin stood out from the rest of the other pilots, an....angel?, a magnificent...captain....


....


By this time, Siegrune felt completely overshadowed by her peers, and the noble lady who promised to make her a bloody smear on the ground did not make it any better. She slid lower and lower down her seat, until she was huddled, just out of view, on the mess hall's floor, her blonde hair the only visible thing to the other pilots, trembling slightly as she shook from fear. Her only comfort was the cat-person's simple introduction. She raised a quivering hand to signal that she was the one speaking.


"M-m-my name is S-siegrune Lovestead, o-of th-the Lovestead f-f-family. I-I...I like t-to r-read up on the m-mechanical workings of our m-mechas t-to better understand them. I-I'm the pilot o-of," Siegrune breathed in, a jagged attempt to do so anyway, and continued, "Der Requiem de-des Zauberer. I-I sp-specialise....ISPECIALISEINCLOSEQUARTERSCOMBAT!" She hurriedly finished her sentence, which felt like an entire eon to do so, and her hand ducked back down under the table.
 
"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no m-" Honma's little singing session in her room was interrupted when her forehead suddenly decided to make contact with the desk. Her headphones also came loose in the process and her ears suddenly registered a distinct "DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU DEAF SIMPSON?! I SAID GET YOUR INDECISIVE ASS READY AND HEAD TO THE MESS HALL NOW! WHILE YOUR AT IT, WHY DON'T YOU DECIDE WHAT GENDER YOU ARE!"


"SIR, AYE, SIR!" Hon snapped an answer back at The Commander-sama. The Commander-sama once again caught Honma at a very bad time. He was hunched over his laptop with the blanket of his bed wrapped around his nekkid body and possibly giggling like a mental hospital patient as he was singing some old songs in a playlist that just happened to be set to repeat on his media player while he had his headphones on as he surfed the net across several tabs. Hon wondered why The Commander-sama didn't berate him further and just stalked off, no doubt he was looking for his next victim. Hon gave a silent prayer for next bakero The Commander-sama would visit. Although, the commander might have already been screaming his lungs off at Simpson before deciding to just throttle him and be done with it.


In her defense, Hon did get up early the day before or it was more accurate to say she didn't sleep at all last night after finding a certain forum site that seemed to cater to her imaginative ability, an outlet of sorts to her multiple personalities in such a way that she doesn't lose her sanity in the process either. Despite heavy eyelids, she pushed himself to get ready for the day. Only now did the alert seem to register to her "Kaijus detected, all pilots to the launch bay." She repeated once in a mocking tone as she shambled towards the pile of clothes on her bed to rummage through it to find a more presentable outfit, only to end up slapping on her usual outfit since it was at the top of the pile and her laziness told her to do so.


Upon arriving at the Mess Hall, Hon took a tray and helped himself to a serving of one of each of the food served for the day. It was part of his religion to not miss food at all and to take what he could get. He then took a seat and listened to everyone conduct their introductions. It seemed that there was a bona fide asshole, a very horny loli of sorts, a demon king or was he an actual mental ward patient, an awesome black guy for lack of a better term, a rainbow haired dance instructor, some guy with a long-assed name, miss perfect....nope miss violent rich b*tch, a cat boy thing named kit, and a very shy but passionate blonde if the simplicity of her screaming an entire specialization without bothering to pause for breath was any indication.


Hon thought that it would be her time to introduce himself to the rest of the gang. "S-so my name is Honma Simpson, j-j-just call me Hon. I-I hope we get along...I like tinkering with my mech and I installed a sound system in it when no one was looking. So yeah. Excuse me I need to go to to the bath room." Too much stuttering and what the hell was I saying to them? Hon stood up but kept her head hung low, so no one would see him blushing like an idiot after that failure of an intro.


Of course as his writer that wasn't the intro I intended to give her, so I decided to extend it a little...


Hon headed to the side of the Mess Hall that connected to the latrines, clearly labeled on each door was "male" and then "female" He was about to enter one when he found another door located between the two it had "Honma" labeled on it. "Is this some sort of joke......" Her mind went blank as a sort cold fury suddenly stirred in him, She quietly stalked back to her place at the table with everyone and picked up his chair then dragged it back to the "Honma" bathroom door. "WHOEVER DID MAKE THIS JOKE SHOULD DIE AND ROT IN HELL!!! THIS ISN'T FUNNY YOU ASS!!!" Followed by several minutes of profanity which cannot be showcased right now due to technical difficulties as Hon went ballistic and savagely gave the door with Hon's name on it a piece of Hon's mind as Hon was screaming for me to die, I suppose. Hon was literally hacking the door to pieces with a chair, Hon was sure that Hon didn't see such a door a moment ago.


After going batshit on the door and relieving himself, Hon brought her chair back to his spot in the table and offered a small apology for the scene she just made.
 
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Sir Maxamillion Erin Sandy Sam Electric Hector or Smesseh for short because not even his steroid induced brain cells can remember his own name, was rudely awaken by this loud shouting. His first thought was to punch what ever it was that was yelling. He sat up abruptly swinging his fist at the yelling voice saying "SHUT THE HELL UP!". At that very moment he started to feel water spraying at him before he could finish the swing. He wiped his eyes off and looked up to see the commander with a squirt bottle. the commander said " You done boy?" he squirts him once more in the face just to be sure he is calm. Smesseh says "ALRIGHT COMMANDER CALM DOWN I'LL BE GOOD.". The commander then stood with a stiff stance, "Get your fat cross-dressing ass to the mess hall and meet the rest of your team, MOVE MOVE MOVE. Also don't punch anyone on the way or else it gets the hose again.".


Smesseh yawned and stretched, he then set up on the edge of his bunk. When he did, he hit his head on the bunk above him which caused him to go into an angry spree on the bunk rails. He attempted to punch them, but before he could the Commander was already spraying him with the squirt bottle. Smesseh started yelling out "OK OK, I'M GOING!". He started down the hallway with the Commander following close with his trust spray bottle. When he reached the mess hall the Commander turned away from him as he went in. All the shiny things in the room calmed him but not as calm as punching someone in the face makes him. He took his seat around everyone else at the table. Roaring to eat he put a mad and impatient look upon his face. He waited for his turn to introduce him self, but he didn't know what to say there isn't really much about him. At that moment he got mad that he is so simple and randomly hit himself in the head while they where talking. As each person introduced them self's he would walk up to them and attempts to hit them in the face and say "NICE TO MEET YOU PAL.". It was finally his turn to talk. He took in a big breath, punched himself in the face again and started saying "I LOVE TO PUNCH, IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO PUNCH, I ENJOYING PUNCHING, NOTHING MAKES ME FEEL BETTER THAN PUNCHING. WELL MAYBE A APPLE WOULD BUT I ALWAYS PUNCH IT TO APPLE SAUCE BEFORE I CAN FIND OUT.". He looked around for approval, not knowing if he was interesting enough. He thought to himself "OH WELL, IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT I'LL JUST PUNCH THEM.".
 
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The commander's yelling early in the morning woke Toneh from his awesome dream of moving burgers, soda, and french fries. Everything was going well until a head popped out on his dream and started yelling profanities. And then the burgers, sodas and french fries started to have faces and appeared to be showing a sad face and Toneh felt his heart drop and hugged the foods as they all cried out and Toneh cried with them, in the background was yelling profanity head.


" Toneh ! Don't leaveee us ~!! " The burger yelled out with it's 'kawaii desu~' eyes. Toneh gave the burger a big and tight hug as it started to squeeze out ketchup and mayonnaise.


" Yeah ! We'll be lonely without you ~! " The french fries, a bunch of fried potatoes sticks said together as Toneh let go of the burger and switched to hugging the french fries(es). The soft and delicious potatoe inside of them were squeezed out but Toneh didn't care, he was loved.


" Nah, I'm good " The grumpy old soda said as he could see the tsundereness of the soda and gave him a hug. The Soda than blushed and hugged back. " Come back soon.. " it says as Toneh finally woke up.


"WAKE UP YOU MASK WEARING FOOD HUNGRY BURGER HUGGING FRENCH FRYING SODA SUCKING FREAK ! HAD A NICE DREAM DID YA !? " the mean guy who was wearing a uniform for a commander yelled at Toneh as he got up from his bed with his mask on. He then gave out a long yawn and looked at the commander with the sleepy eyes. " Okay " Toneh replied, he really did have a good dream.


" WELL THAT'S GOOD, NOW GET YO ASS UP YOUR BED AND GET A MOVE ON " The commander ordered him as once again Toneh gave him the sleepy look and replied " Okay " .


He got off from his bed and stretched as he put on his usual suit, he never knows why he likes his suit, maybe because he just looks good in it. Or he looks okay. Toneh doesn't care, the suit has become a part of him. There would be no Toneh without the usual suit. Also, his gas mask was working fine, air filter was perfect and he was breathing the freshest of fresh air. He looked at Ash, he seems to be enjoying himself with two other man as Toneh didn't even plan to imagine. And La'Tokenarius was being his usual self. He then followed the rest towards the mess hall, how he wished to be WcDohnalds.


After everyone introduced themselves, It was Toneh's turn to introduce himself. He stood up from his seat and cleared his throat while placing both of his arms on the back, clasping them and stood straight. He then gave a straight face of a bored man, well in truth, he was only hungry for WcDohnalds.


" Okay "


The commanded cried.
 
Why? Why was she here? Who were all these people? How did they even graduate and why was the commander letting them pilot giant robots of mass destruction?!? For the sake of keeping the story in the same order of everyone else, we will backtrack slightly to the beginning.


The morning started out... well normal.


Kaiju detected...


All pilots to launch bay...


All pilots to launch bay...


Rikki could only jump out of her bunk, ready to run out the door to her Mech. Though it only took a moment for the Commander to appear into the bunks, yelling obscenities which where normal for a commander to yell. Rikki ignored every sentence that did not contain an order in it, which was pretty much everything but the last sentence.


In conclusion, the Commander sounded like an angry wild cat, something a long the lines of, "RAWR RAWR RAWR, ROAR!!! RAAAWWWWR, MEOW, RAWR RAWR!! REPORT TO THE MESS HALL FOR MEETING THE REST OF YOUR SORRY meow NOW!"


"YES SIR!" Rikki shouted back confidently, her arm rounding for a wide salute, finger tips stopping at the temporal line of her blonde head. Her feet clicked together as she made herself stand just a bit taller, still ending up only at 5'9. Her voice still had a tender ring of a southern accent, being she was a completely normal girl from the country, though it was not thick and thank the god themselves she didn't talk like a hick.


After the commander left, Rikki turned to ready herself to meet her new comrades, hoping to forge strong bonds to ensure that she will one day come to be reunited with her family. Nothing would prepare her for what she was about to see this morning.


Her arrival into the Mess Hall was normal. She went through the line quickly to get breakfast. It mostly consisted of eggs and a few burnt pieces of bacon and a single crispy muffin. It was a very plain muffin, with nothing in it. Not even a slight hint of blue berry or nuts, which she would have been happier with then just a plain, boring muffin.


Sitting down next to her fellow comrades, her mind began to turn as she started to judge each person's appearance.


". . ."


Words could no longer describe the band of overly enthusiastic freaks that not even nature itself could bring itself to claim ownership on. What has she done to deserve this punishment? Where the Kaiju not enough to haunt her dreams?


But if appearance was not off putting enough, they started to speak.


Ash Catchem? La'Token.. Token... La'Tuberculosis? The demon king? The Magnificent Captain Admiral Sir......Just no. Who even popped a kid from between their thighs and named them all that Sh!t?! What is wrong with these people?! Lastly.... what the heck is with the Cat boy and the Gas mask guy? Neither one of them really... introduced themselves.


As for the girls... One being questionable, she was going to throw Honma in with them. Elyse... what a b!tch. She hopes she crosses paths with her. Then that Angel? Who hired the pacifist? This is a war!! A few idea's about seeing how far this turn on for Rosy crossed her mind. The only relatively NORMAL one in their introduction was Siegrune. Maybe they can get along, be good friends.


When her turn came around, Rikki stood up and pressed a closed fist to her mouth before clearing her throat loudly. Her shoulders tensed at the thought of how ridiculous this entire group was. Every time a new development of crazy appeared, it made her mentally twitch and she suddenly wanted to beat every person in this room. Except the seemingly normal and overly shy Siegrune.


She was going to die. She was going to die. "I'm going to die." She whispered under her breath.


There was a long pause before she seem to snap out of a small trance, "Ahem. My name is Rikki Knott..... I was born out in the country and I grew up on my parent's farm. I like to read, converse calmly and cook on my off time. I also enjoy long range weaponry and as many of you also said, tinkering with my own mech. I hope we can all get along."


Finished with her short but sweet and only normal introductions that didn't included out of the ordinary threats, hobbies, habits and psychological disorders, Rikki let a confident smile spread across her lips as she started to finish her breakfast in front of her.
 
Ash half listened to the rest of the introductions as no matter what his creator would have to read each one and through creative osmosis he would gain all the information anyways. He lifted his hand slowly cleaning out his ear with his index finger. Finishing he brought it to his face and blew the speck off the tip of his finger.


Each time one of his fellow pilots spoke the odds of survival diminished immensely, the only one that seemed out of place was the the two upstarts Elyse and Siegrune. Ash gave a slight disgusted look as he eyed the two of them... Commander Commander began to speak yet again.


"Now was that so hard Ladies?"





"I feel that's derogatory..."





"What was that Pretty boy?"





"Was that even an insult?"





"La'BlackCanary I want you to poison Ash's next meal."


Ash let out a low groan as his mouth opened to speak out against his superior one last time. "You can't d-."


Commander lifted the squirt bottle and pointed it at Ash spraying him right in the face. The foreign liquid raced all over his face and into his mouth with a disgustingly warm feeling.


"GAH!" Ash screamed out as he began to wipe the water from his face.


"Now then I will be breaking you into a buddy system... These people will essentially be your life line... your bathroom buddy. Like the ones the girls take with them to the public bathrooms that they use each other as anchors so they don't have to touch the toilet seat. You know because they take turns holding each other up in a hoisting like motion."





"Who would think that?! that's pathetic!" Ash cut in through the stupidity of the commanders theory of bathroom practices of females.


"LISTEN DEAD MAN! IM NO HAILEY JOLE OSMAN AND YOU SURE AS SHIT AIN'T BRUCE WILLIS!"


"That-that.... was.... clever..." Ash silenced himself so the story could continue...


"These buddies will actually have no real purpose in this story other than to give conflict in the beginning... Now listen as I read off your buddy got that Heath Ledger."


"Wow... that was dark..."


"Now to the List!"


"Captain long name <-> And Scary Crazy Guy who speaking his name brings unwanted attention to me...


"Black Panther <-> Weird Fetish loli girl."


"Siegrune <-> Elyse... you are really our only hope of survival so I put you together."


"Hey! thats..." The Commander gave a quick look at Ash. "Yeah... good point..."





"Billy Mays <-> Rikki... I'm sorry... but someones gotta be with him."


"Ash here with another great complaint... can these morbid jokes stop? Before they act now and report us?"


Ash blinked once and then twice as he stared at who his bunk mate / partner would be... Rikki this young girl. Blonde, pretty about 4 inches shorter than him... Ash was never good with females as most of his interaction with his peers were with Samuel L. Jackson and Toneh. Females were almost out of his spectrum to bond with... Ash found them a hassle and really not worth the effort... They were like men, without logic or reason. Ash sighed as he placed his heavy head onto the palm of his hand. Listening to the rest of the Commander whose voice came out like a muffled trombone. He continue to stare directly at Rikki with a bored look on his face...


"Umm Cat... thing... <-> Girl with wings... Because I mean... your existence alone seems wrong ,so two wrongs make a right."


"It's a Trap and Punchy Mcfist Man... Hopefully the overly masculine man presence near you will help you decide whether you pee standing up or sitting down... because... honestly getting you your own bathroom was expensive."


"Uhh... Toneh... you don't really... you know what go where you want."


"Also for little to no purpose at all we have destroyed all the walls between rooms and made it a singular barracks like thing. So you will all sleep in the same room you, will all make tinkle in the same bathrooms and you will all shower in the..."


Ash cleared his throat as he points to the [PG-13] in the rules.


"Shower conveniently separate........ Your partners are your bunk mates meaning the creaky metal bunk beds we have installed will be shared among one another. So take some time to decide who is on top and who is on bottom! Remember in math as well as sleeping its improper for the larger one to be on top!"


Commander snapped back into his regular self and character. "NOW Recruits you will be following me to the Hangar elevator and down to the hangar!"





As he finished the sentence his shiny combat boots snapped together with a loud clap as he quickly turned. Beginning his perfect postured gait towards the main hall that was just outside the Mess hall. From the exit of the mess hall taking a left and walking straight down the long corridor of the base would lead you to the main service elevator that was was the size of a bottom floor of most houses. Large enough to carry almost anything that would need to be shuttled back and forth. The Commander was well aware some recruits would complain to him or suck it up and go with his buddy system decisions.


[Commander Open To All]


Ash stood from the table as he continued to eye the southern bell with judgement that she was in fact the worst thing that could have happened to him... He slowly made his way over to her as the rest did whatever they needed to do as he did not control over their actions. "Hey... My names Ash. If you leave me alone I will leave you alone. Don't leave your underwear in my bed, ask me questions, touch me... breath near me or even fart in my general direction and we will get along swimmingly. I can assume you are old enough to go pee on your own... and if you do need a hoisting buddy, tinkle twin, piddle pal, or pee partner.... ummm" Ash scratched his chin at this as he thought about the odd predicament if it was true. "You can ask any other girl I promise I wont be offended or jealous... I'm pretty low maintenance... just feed me and wash my clothes. K?" Ash pretty much demanded as the crew of misfits and idiots filed out onto the elevator.
 
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“MR. CAPE MAN!!!” Gimpy yelled, grabbing onto the wall by the elevator and by pure happenstance had overheard the entire conversation of Mr. Nibble bits! He now was wearing nothing but a panther print thong, this revealed the giant fork Tat on his back. There was a quote under the tat that said “Never forgive, Never forget! SNADWICHS!!!!” Being impatient he ran around the elevator with his arms out like an airplane. “I AM A SPACE DUCK!!!” His eyes were wide with the insane thoughts that passed through his mind. “SPAM IN A CAN IS MY DEODORANT!!!” He was now somehow clinging his half naked body to Ash. “I watched you while you were sleeping, you got a pretty mouth…..” He then slithered across the floor and was now somehow covered in body oil. He wrapped his greasy body around Mr. Cape man. “WERE GOING TO BE BEST TUNAS!!!” He hugged Mr. Cape man, the oil from his body dripping to the floor.


He stopped for a moment and ran over to the Angel, He started to poke her with a long tube that said. “VILENT POKEING STICK!!!” In big bold letters, it looked as if it was written in some sort of red sauce. “I AM GOING TO BAKE A CHEESE DONUT!!!!" He some how pulled an easy bake oven out of thin air and placed it at the back of the elevator, He started backing what looked like a sock full of meat.
 
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Oh God, Did The Commander-sama just tell me to eff myself? I didn't sign up in the military to purse a career in being a punching bag. In fact, I don't even remember signing up for the military in the first place. Hon was assigned to be the bunk-mate of Sir-crossdresser-who-punches-his-face-and-everyone-around-him-san, which she conveniently shortened to Punchy-san. He was sure her life would be extinguished fairly quickly, judging from the specs of his robotto and Punchy-san's attitude they were both geared for close ranged combat with absolutely no ranged capabilities, it didn't help that they both used robotto unito taipu faibu. His lifeline was someone punched stuff for a living, at the very least Hon earned herself a meatshield that was the very definition of steriods.


In fact, Hon wasn't even sure he was over the fact that she had his own private bathroom and that she hacked the door to pieces with a chair. Hon thought about speaking up to The Commander-sama but thought better of it, he had that strange feeling that she'd ordered to strip in front of everyone just to verify his actual gender if she did so. Hopefully, whoever made me a separate gender is dead and in hell right now and I can go back to being my usual gender. Why is it that people don't believe me when I say I'm a girl? Why is it that I don't believe me when I say I'm a girl? Who the hell is forcing me to second guess my own gender?! Several conflicting thoughts crept into his mind as she was crammed in the elevator with everyone else waiting to begin whatever it was The Commander-sama wanted them to do.


TAKE THAT! I'm not dead Hon and you will forever be a separate gender until I say otherwise. Why don't you take this for extra discipline value?!


Hon walked over to Punchy-san she felt that it would be right to introduce himself more formally than that little stunt she did in the cafeteria. She was thinking of what to say to Punchy-san when he suddenly blurted. "So can I be on top.....the bunk bed I mean....." So far so awkward. "...I also heard you like to punch stuff, Punchy-san, I too like to get punched." What the hell did I just say?! I'm pretty sure I had a well fleshed out introduction of myself that went along the lines of "Let's get along." Well I suppose a career in being a punching bag majority of the day wouldn't be that bad...those strong big strong arms and that hand the size of my face colliding with my frail body. Hella Masochism here I come! Once more, strange thoughts flooded Hon's mind.


"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was saying! Sumimasen(sorry)!" Hon decided to apologize, retreat to a corner of the elevator away from Punchy-san and rethink her approach to formally introducing herself to Punchy-san. The first one felt like an invitation to Punchy-sam to freely punch her whenever he felt like it. For now, she'd have to steer clear of the Ogre while she was thinking up of a way to get himself out of this mess and to figure out who the hell was messing with her mind. Actually, why the hell am I suddenly blurting out random japanese?!


"HON HAS GAINED THE TRAIT "HELLA MASOCHIST!!!"


"HON HAS GAINED THE ABILITY TO "PROVOKE HON'S OWN WRITER"
 
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Toneh wasn't really sure if he should be happy that he wasn't chosen to be with someone, or angry. At the very least, he won't be accompanying or be accompanied by to the toilet. That would be the weirdest thing ever, except for the cat and an angel which was probably on his top weird list. Maybe the oversize gargantuan sailor moon cosplayer as well. Toneh doesn't really know, he was hungry and he does not feel like battling any Kaijus, maybe if they were Burgers, he'd defeat them without Ayurnman. He replied to the commander, " Okay " . And then followed him towards the hangar. He was wondering how La'Tokenarius was going to react being with the loli. He closed his eyes and prayed to the girl, hoping she'd die a fast and painless death. No one knows what La'Tokenarius would do to the girl. Not even his own friend, Toneh and Ash(ole).


On his way towards the hangar, his own imaginary friend, his mini me, his subconcious like they did in the Jack Sparrow movie where little Sparrow came out of his shoulder. Toneh's mini me appeared walking on his shoulder as he wasn't a bit surprised. He knows what's wrong with him so he is used to this kind of things. With himself of course, others ? no.


" So, you are all alone then ? " The Little Toneh could speak in a sentence since it was just an imagination from his mind and his thoughts. Little Toneh sat on his shoulder and was sipping a small cup of WcSoda. Toneh was drooling from the drink as he realized, that was his imagination and he must be thristing for WcDohnalds right now.


" Don't worry, I'll be your partner " The Litte Toneh reassured Toneh as he just nodded. He wasn't sure how the little man would help him since he was just a figment of his imagination and a part of his thoughts. He would want to see how this goes.


" Okay " he replied to the sub-conscious being.
 
The introductions had finished and it was time to move on from eating and doing whatever else was scheduled for the day. Julius took notice of the people who spoke after him. The girl that spoke seemed to be very shy yet overconfident in her own ability. She seemed to know what she was doing, but Julius was the hero around here so he would be calling the shots. Besides Julius was a hero, he was not the type to be bribed into work, the only compensation a hero needed was the praise and admiration of the civilians, yes Julius would only surrender to the people's wants. Well maybe if the pay was incredibly gracious, he could lax his rule set only slightly.


A fellow with the features of a cat, in an extreme way, was sitting in a lonesome corner of the table tapping away at his phone. When he spoke it was a mere revealing of his name. Certainly not a hero type, Julius hoped he would be of some use. Perhaps he had a hard time communicating as he was some type of mix breed. What if he was some type of government experiment, a creature made to be man's best friend to the ultimate degree! Julius could use a comrade like that, too bad he was not mixed with a dog. It would only be more sensible that way.


It seemed that the only militarily dressed, aside from Julius's own military outfit, had their turn to introduce them self. She sounded very shy at first, but spoke with impending rage as she belched out her specialization. She was loud, that was good, but Julius did not like that she seemed to be louder than himself. The her had to be the one yelling commands, how could he get anything out with her screaming above him. Maybe she had Tourettes.


The next was a small uhm, child. Julius could have sworn it was a boy until he heard the voice of the child, confusing him into doubt. It was either a girl or a boy with a high pitched voice. Very shy, a little like the one before uhm, it. Hon announced a name and a enjoyment for installing extra accessories to the mech. Was it a possibility that the child could help him with heroising his own mech as to make it the most noticeable and heroic figure of the group. Julius is the hero after all, he has to be noticed so the people realize. The first must have installment was a cape. All true heroes require capes! Though Hon's disappearance and reappearance was slightly frightening,


The next was actually immensely terrifying, an extremely large man screaming and yelling about jabbing things with his fists. What was most disturbing was the fact that he was wearing a females outfit. This man destroyed Julius's every knowledge of gender, as the small child looked to be both, this one looked to be a male yet was dressed like a woman. As of why he had taken the time to shove his fist in everyone's face before introducing himself was slightly fearful. This man had a true love for the act of "punch".


The person who came after was not interesting at all, simply a man who avoided introducing himself. The only word being uttered was "okay". As well it was muffled by the gas mask he wore over his face. Julius thought having someone in the military with a lung defect might be troublesome to the unit's health, but they also had a man who claimed to be the demon king.


Luckily the last girl was boring enough to calm the mood. Only to be disturbed by the commander spitting out more demands and assigning that each person have someone they must always travel with. He had listened to all of it, but felt oh so sorry for the man who was deemed "captain long name" that poor fellow was assigned to babysitting the crazed pretty boy. Julius had failed to hear his name though, so he was confused for a slight moment.


They then went on to the elevator, which Julius slightly dreaded being as the amount of uncasualness that each member held was slightly scary. He would keep silent for now, the mech was not too far now, he would give his introduction speech for his mech as well, as it was a hero's mech. Something that caught him off guard was the walking insane asylum wrapping around him and yelling something about the best tunas. Julius was left covered in body grease and even more disturbed by the party. Julius reassured himself mentally that he could get the group together properly, all they needed was a hero, and they indefinitely had one!
 
La'Tokenarius was just sittin' there, eatin' his mashed potatoes and dumpin this fine ass gravy all over it. Cuz as much as his ass hated to admit dis, these was some good ass mashed potatoes.


His ears perked up hella fast when he heard he was gonna be with that kawaii ass loli shawty, I mean if her ass was ready to canoodle with inanimate objects, with his fresh ass he should be able to hop in dat shit in no time. He was getting real excited, even do dem shady negros kept coming and introducing their asses. He ain't like none of them, cept fo Toneh. Even though Ash's booty was real nice, sometimes he swore dat booty was talkin to him, all like "Ayo La'Tokenarius! We got da twerk? but can you catch it?"


Damn straight he was gonna catch dat. He hoped his damn kokoro didn't bust up first, all that high blood pressure ain't helpin his heart, Probably because he be eatin that WcDonahlds. He remembered the kawaii shawty and stood up, using the gravy from his mashed potatoes to slick back his afro and then walked over to her, dayuuum she was straight bishonen, sittin there, could his ass handle all this woman? Hell yeah, he remembered, he got the swag.


"LA'MUFASA. ARE YOU GOING TO STAND THERE MAKING DUCKFACES ALL DAY? HUUUURRY UP AND GET TO THE HANGAR," the Captain yelled over his shoulder, seeing as La'Tokenarius was still dawdling around the table instead of making his way over to the elevator, like the others.


La'Tokenarius made up his face real angry like, because this negro was trippin'! "I AIN'T EVEN MAKING NO DAMN DUCKFACE! MY LIPS ALWAYS LIKE THIS! gettingrealtiredofthisracistassmofolikedamnbruh"





"ARE YOU TALKING BACK TO ME? LOWER YOUR VOICE, PRIVATE!"





"YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASS NEGRO! YOU YELLIN' AT ME!"





"I AM COMMANDER COMMANDER. MY DAMN SHTICK IS YELLING. NOW YOU SHUT UP OR I WILL SHACKLE YOU TO THE LATRINE AND MAKE YOU CLEAN IT UP USING YOUR DAMN HAIR AS THE MOP." he roared, he turned to one of the lunch servers, squinting his eyes and gritting his teeth, "You make sure you poison every damn piece of chicken we have. I want this man to squirm as his Kunta Kentai nostrils are forced to breath in the grease, but be unable to partake of the delicious, crispy, meal,"





With that he turned on his heel and began his straight-laced stomp towards the elevator, resuming his pace. La'Tokenarius sweatdropped, he decided he ain't gonna beef with that negro no more.





He made sure to slide on up to the girl, as he walked along with the rest of the group, he knew he was lookin' real cute but he added a duckface to add to the effect, "Aaaaaye, giiirl. You know... I'm glad we got paired up together, you a fine ass shawty. Yo kawa- cute ass eyes be making me crazy, you wanna go do somethin' after we finish this hanga' sh*t?"
 
The cold metal seat under her bottom and the sound of plastic trays hitting against each other, had Rosy so worked up that she could not concentrate on the introductions. She grips her fork tightly in her hand as she bites her lower lip nearly drawing blood. She tried to bring herself back to reality. As the introductions are taking place, she realities she hadn't touched her food. With a hard swallow, she dips her fork into the dry mush they called mashed potatoes. She places the fork full to her mouth with a sultry motion, making a suggestive "Mmmm" sound as the food enters her mouth.


She jumps when she hears the Commanders voice "STOP MAKING OUT WITH YOUR POTATOES AND GET YOUR KINKY ASS OVER WITH THE REST OF THEM!". Rosy looks at her tray and pouts. "YOU KEEP MAKING THOSE FACES AND YOU AND DUCKFACE WILL GET ALONG FINE, NOW MOVE!".


Rosy quickly rushes from the table and tries to catch up to the others. Duckface? Who was Commander talking about. I really should have payed attention to the introductions instead of wondering what type of acts I could preform with the plastic cups. She quickly understood who he was talking about when she was greeted by...a duckface. She made sure to look him over very well. A tall dark man with large hair, and possibly equally as large...other things. The thought immediately calmed her hormones. She had no intention of "getting with" this man, but maybe keeping him around would keep her thoughts in check. She decided she would entertain him for the time being. "Um, yeah sure. Would could do something after this. What are your views on scepters?".
 
Elyse watched in silence as the others finished their introductions, making her own observations based on when they stood, how they spoke, what they said, and how they reacted to the others. She herself managed to keep an expression as cold and flat as glacial ice...that is, until the cross-dressing musclebound freak tried to punch her as his 'greeting'. With her eyes flashing, she snarled and blocked his punch with an easy deflection, followed by a swift jab at his groin. "BLOCK! COUNTER-NUTPUNCH!" However, it seemed to have no effect on the creep as he continued around to the other pilots. With her jaw dropping in shock at how he had simply brushed off the blow to his junk, she slipped back into her seat and entered a sullen silence.





She could not believe what she was dealing with here. Elyse Brauncoff; engineer and pilot extraordinaire from West Point, a member of the esteemed Brauncoff Clan...being paired with these misfits! It was unbelievable! Which of those fools amongst the Brass thought these idiots were capable of such a crucial duty?! Elyse could not help but have her hands grip themselves tightly, her skin whitening from the pressure. If this kept up, she may just suffer an aneurysm. Maybe that would be preferable, if it meant getting herself away from these...no! No, she had to remain strong; for who else would bring honor to the Brauncoff name, and save the Republic? Certainly none of these imbeciles...each moment she sat here, she could feel her soul withering from being so close to them. It was almost enough to make her unleash a stream of curses to whatever god-like entity had decided to bring her into this world of stupidity, and weave her into a band of rejects such as these; it was almost enough to make her weep.


As she mentally dragged herself from her own self-pity, Elyse heard the Commander announce her pairing...with the Lovestead criminal. None of the others may know about what this 'Sieg' had done, but she herself was all too aware. For most people, it would have chilled their blood to a halt to have heard that they were being paired with such a woman, but instead Elyse merely smiled, leaning back in her seat and barely listening to the rest of the pairings. Oh yes, she could make this work; Sieg was supposed to be marvelously intelligent and quite resourceful. Surely they both will benefit from working together...maybe they'll be the one pilot duo that was actually worth their salt here. Elyse said nothing, simply sitting there as her mind churned, coming up with strategies and plans already. It seemed that things were finally looking up for her.


The smile was wiped clean from her face as the Commander mentioned the removal of their private quarters, instead forcing them to share the same living space...the same air! Elyse could feel herself panicking at the thought of her breathing in the same confined area as the rest of these products of inbreeding; surely, if this were to happen, their idiocy would quickly grow into a cloud of noxious gas and either suffocate her...or infect her. Standing up abruptly, she grimaced and spoke. "Pardon me, Sir! But should we not maintain our own quarters and spaces by ourselves? I feel that I speak for everyone in here that us sharing the same room, no matter how sizable, would be truly disastrous. Also, what about us women?! We need our privacy! I for one do not like the idea of any of these bloody men seeing me clothe myself! It...it...IT IS UNACCEPTABLE, SIR!"





Elyse had expected several reactions from the Commander, including a violent string of curses and foul jokes, or a loud laughter and immediately shrugging her question aside. She did not, however, think she would receive both. The Commander threw back his head and laughed for several moments, having to wipe away tears from his eyes and hold onto the table to keep himself from collapsing to the floor. When he finally finished, his face was red and his expression amused...then quickly replaced with rage; fiery, demon-like rage. "You think I GIVE A DAMN about your comfort, Brauncoff?! **** NO! This is the DAMN ARMY! NOT A ******* NAIL SALON! YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?! I can fix that...oh yes, I can! If you do not quiet that pretty ass of yours down, I WILL MAKE YOU STRIP DOWN FOR EVERYONE TO SEE; THEN WE'LL SEE HOW DIFFERENT YOU ARE COMPARED TO ANY OTHER WOMAN! Am I clear? I said, AM I CLEAR?!" "...Y-Y-Yes S-Sir..." Elyse whispered, subdued completely by the harshness the Commander had displayed.


Once he gave the order to head for the hanger, Elyse moved from the table quietly, her expression solemn as she passed Sieg, stopping momentarily to look at the other blond woman. "...Come along, Lovestead. I feel we'll get to know each other better out training then sitting around talking. I would like to see if you have any promise before committing myself to being your...'friend'...as it were. Good luck." With that, she strode away from the mess hall and entered the elevator along with everyone else, folding her arms behind her, her back straight and her eyes staring forward; the posture of an experienced soldier and officer. Indeed, she probably had more experience with weaponry and combat than any of these so-called 'pilots'...plus, she doubted any of them would be able to defeat her darling Blue Blood <3 in one-on-one combat. Hopefully, just maybe, some of these pathetic creatures would die during the training...after all, 'accidents' did happen, right? The happy thought remained in her head, for she could not afford to smile right now.
 
Prim was completely and utterly confused.


First, she'd woken up late, I mean it was her fault after all, she'd stayed up all night working on her latest romance novel titled, "He put it in my bellybutton." So far, she believed this one would be the kicker. Hopefully it would get more popular than that stupid "50 shades" nonsense.


Second, she got lost on the way to the cafeteria and ended up riding the elevator up and down while she decided where she should actually get off, now it was becoming rather crowded with a bunch of different people or well, she thought people. One was definitely a black guy, there was no mistaking that one. One was some sort of Angel or other celestial being. One was just a regular, if not pissed looking, guy, one had just pulled an easy bake over from his show or something and was baking what seemed to be boudin. There were more faces but to her in this moment they seemed pretty forgetful.


The it hit her, this was her platoon. These were her people she was supposed to be with, train with, sleep near and, pretty much make her family within the month and/or years to come.


Well, shit.


"Hey-Hey..." She kind of squeaked from the back of the elevator. She pulled her long brown sleeves of her itchy hemp-made parka up her arm and kind of waved at everyone around her. "I, uh. I don't know where we're supposed to be going. I don't know who you guys are. I was late and what-not but, I'm Prim, or you can call me Honey..." As she spoke she felt her cheeks grow hot as she looked between the faces of her platoon. They seemed not give any care for who she was. She swallowed hard. "You guys like sex...? My parents give out biodegradable condoms at the Y every... 2 or few days.. it's uh.. itsgoodfortheenvironmentandohlookthatguysbakingmeat." She shrunk a few inches down as her blue eyes widened looking at everyone.
 
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"U-Uh, h-hi, Elyse. I'm sure....I'm sure we'll be great partners! Uh-uhm, excuse me for a moment, though, I-I ne-need to speak to the Commander for a second." Siegrune stuttered as the Brauncoff beauty brushed past her seat. She was giving off a sort of radiance that the others lacked, as if she was a star in the crowd of lightless moons around her. Sieg could sense the noble's blood inside her, surely she knew about the incident at the Lovestead manor as well. Fates playeda curious hand. Sieg, however, would play a vicious one in return. She stood up from her hiding place and, instead of moving to the hangar where everyone was going to, she moved past the newest member of the team, a young lass who started talking about sex. Treading on the site rules, it seems. Not quite the good practice. Another weird one to the call.


"Commander, a moment?" Sieg motioned from the hallway towards the bunks, leaning against the wall. The Commander, a look on his face that wouldn't be out of place with a question mark hovering above his head, moved away from the remaining crew and came to Sieg's side.


"What is it? If it's about the barr-"


"I've lived through worse conditions. I've been in a prison once, or has age addled your head?"


"Then what is the problem? You don't call your commanding officer all the way out here just for something trivial, you know."


Sieg's eyes flashed a malicious glint, and her right hand shot forwards, gripping the man's collar. With a simple reversal, she slammed him against the wall behind her and pressed her knuckles against his Adam's apple. The soldier who had followed the Commander along hurried to draw his baton to attack Sieg, who barely flinched as the stick struck her shoulder. Her free hand grabbed the soldier's arm and twisted it into a painful position. The man gave a stifled cry and crumpled to the ground, cradling his arm. "What in hell's teeth is this farce, 'Commander'? I'm not one of your damn troops, and I certainly don't belong to this unit. You're not my Commander, I'm only here to assist and destroy every single Kaiju SOB." Her left hand clenched into a fist and punched the wall just an inch away from the Commander's face, which was strangely calm for one under threat of a killer.


"Well, I thought you needed some leg space.That cramped cell was starting to be quite the eyesore, I must say."


"You flatter me with your worrying."


"Take it as an act of generosity."


"I can live without your altruism."


Both of them glared at each other for a moment longer, the sound of grinding gears very much audible as they waged an invisble war with their eyes, until Sieg spoke again. "What of my cell?"


"What of it?"


"....." Sieg released the Commander, who rubbed his neck where she had pressed her knuckles on. "Son of a b.tch." Sieg muttered and turned around. She decided to kick the soldier in the gut as he whimpered in pain, sending him doubling up in more pain and crumple on the floor. "Don't get in my way again."


She moved away from the hallway and towards the elevator. Her serious facial expression slowly morphed into one of cheery unsteadiness as she flustered slightly as she caught the eyes of the Brauncoff lady. "E-elyse, r-right? I-I'm glad to be your partner! I hope we can perform our best together!"
 
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He licked the last juices of his dinner from his finger and savoured the taste a while, he closed his eyes a moment and imagined the meal once more, he sighed with unrestrained satisfaction. He quickly remembered where he was and in whose company he sat, without a second thought his face shifted back into its sullen normalcy and his head tilted forward as if it were instinct while his black glossy hair swayed forward obscuring his eyes. He perked up his ears, had anyone been looking at him they'd find that somehow he had become infinitely more hot than he was before.


He bit his lip and picked his phone from his back pocket, his shoulders slouched and he lifted the communication device closer for him to see it. The glare made the phone's screen almost mirror like. Kit saw his somewhat blurred reflection and his body shivered in a sort of weird attraction to himself. He pressed his fingers against the screen and swiped it a few times until it opened to his twitter page. Kit quickly scrolled through the latest tweets and comments, he didn't have time to get to them all right then and there but he had time for one or two special messages in.


Twitter Post:


@Sheelaxo203 Sup girl, almost ready to blast off #thekitbotisready


Instagram post:


-Picture here-


A hero's dinner, oh s*** here comes CC


The arrival of Commander Commander (CC) set Kit on edge, this wasn't a cat he'd like to lick to say the least, his voice just sent Kit's hair on end, even his claws partially extended out of irritation. Worst of all was when the 'CC' began spitting orders, he literally spat and each word sent Kit flinching this way and that in a small effort to avoid the projectile saliva. Alas, his maneuverings did little good against the CC's spluttering offense, playing defense was impossible when facing such opposition, instead he admitted defeat and began licking the assaulted areas with a face crumpled in a look of compulsive disgust.


The act of liking himself however sent a mixture of pheromones into the air, the musk was light which meant the effect would b minute but every pore of his body was spilling sex gas, once at a library he had visited on behalf of the military he had inadvertently seduced the female librarian who could barely contain her urges during their interview. On one occasion Kit had even managed to seduce Liam Payne from 1D, it was awkward to say the least, luckily Kit had an antidote handy at the time and Liam was cured but it wouldn't last long against Kit so he had to rush away, though it was his dream to take a group selfie with 'the' 1D.


Their orders and partnerships sorted Kit went to approach Seleztia, his new partner, he wondered if she might sit in on a vlog with him, it would be good for his fans to get a sense of the people he was barred in with.
 
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