Fantasy St. George's School for Young Hunters (closed)

[jones573]

“Food sounds good,” Alex agreed, following Devon’s example in taking his reaction cue from Bram and Vlad when it came to ‘concerning things Winona announced’. “May, any place in particular you’ve missed?” Maybe they could take some to Henri or something.



He pulled out his phone to see if there was anything promising within walking range of the hotel, which seemed likely based on the size of the town, even if nothing had stood out to him on the drive in.



“No duh they don’t believe you,” Winona said sourly, leaning against the wall with her arms folded over her chest. “Your track record’s shit.”



“Winona,” Alex scolded, though she had certainly used for more colorful swears before- Just usually directed at a stubbed toe or a bad situation, and not a person. “Look for food or something,” he tried, pushing his phone in her direction in the hopes that her love of eating might outweigh her need to be an aggressively temperamental teenager.



She didn’t take it, and nodded at May’s admission.



“I figured,” she told him. “I can handle it.” She and Agni did not have a great relationship, but she could probably convince him that he could trust her with this, since Vlad and Bram so obviously couldn’t be.



She frowned somewhat- Making such a promise would interfere with her plans to leave, which wasn’t ideal. It would have been best if May had agreed to run from the townhouse when she’d asked.



“Whatever is fine with me,” she told Alex with finality, to clarify she had no interest in deciding on food options or whatever else he wanted to distract her with. “Sounds like a bad idea for ‘reality’ to be thinner,” she commented with a frown, trying to imagine a fabric that wasn’t consistently made. Seems like it must have been cheaply made. “They should change that.”


"Win, please, stop suggesting things," Alex asked. The guardians would probably not be pleased to think Winona advocated for getting rid of their doorway.

 

[Reynarda]

Bram seemed to brighten at the mention of reality being thinner and made some notes in Vlad’s journal while the elder vampire eyed him warily from the couch. Wen he passed it back, Vlad flicked his eyes across the notes before glaring at his companion and firmly shaking his head. Bram shrugged as if it was perfectly plausible, which earned him a more intense scowl and some scribbling in said journal.

“Um?” Devon whispered to Scarlet, nodding to the wordless conversation going on between his two guardians.

Scarlet snorted. “My guess is Bram says they should punch a hole in reality and fight the guardians on their turf. Vlad says that’s a stupid-ass idea and would get them killed. Bram thinks they should keep their options open at this point.”

Scarlet was not far off. However, Vlad had decided to battle Bram on whether or not they could rather than whether or not they should. The list of things they were willing to do to come out of this with May in tow was surprisingly long—even for them.

“Are we ignoring the fact we may have to go through with that promise?” Devon asked, eyeing his sister and May with no little amount of horror. “I mean...” he trailed off, unsure if this hotel room was bugged or magic people were listening or something. “It’s not entirely out of the realm of possiblitliy that Larry makes another appearance. Aren’t promises kinda a big deal?”

“Yes,” Vlad agreed. “Promises can be extremely binding—which is why we vampires rarely make them.”

Bram frowned slightly at Winona’s comment about his track record. There was only one person he had promised to kill and hadn’t. Okay, two. Maybe three? Did his father count? Bram shook his head. He was fairly impervious to verbal assault, but he felt that there was something underlying her comment.

“Winona,” Vlad said, his tone warning.

Bram waved him off. “Food. I’m up for whatever. Honestly, I’d eat something Scarlet cooked at this point.”

“Hey!” Scarlet protested.

 

[Mikotsuhime]

May shrugged his shoulders at the subject of food.

"I mean, I hope you like fish. There's lots of seafood restaurants... A place down the street that serves really good lobster, but they're usually pretty busy..." He looked down at his phone upon receiving a perfectly timed text. "Uh, dad says we're invited for dinner, but honestly I don't know if we'd all fit in the kitchen or the dining room, unless you guys wanna eat in the back yard."

He kind of doubted that, given their reactions to the heat so far.

He couldn't help but laugh at Winona's suggestion that they fix reality, and at least his mood had improved since the flight.

"Nah, the guardians wouldn't like that," he said with a grin, but that quickly fell as Scarlet translated Bram's intentions. "Woah, woah, no fighting! Like, I know you guys think that these people are, like, bad evil guys who want to kill me, or something, but a lot of these folks are like..." He hesitated to say friends, because many of the guardians did not particularly like him, but they at least were not openly hostile. "...They protect people, and they want what's best for this place and every other place out there. They're not /enemies/."

He crossed his arms and sighed. He realized that he and the others were never really going to be on the same page when it came to this. And maybe that was because the page he was on was not necessarily the right page, but it was the one that he had been on his whole life. Changing those inset thoughts and opinions was really hard.

 

[Mikotsuhime]

In the end they ended up deciding on the lobster place. May led the way, after sending off a few texts to his dad to let him know that they wouldn't be over for barbeque, and to Henri to let her know that they'd be bringing by some leftovers later. Just his luck Agni was waiting outside of the hotel when they went down, and May (internally) groaned a bit when he spotted him.

"I thought you were meeting with Olivia?" He asked as they approached, and Agni turned to him with a frown, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I did," he said. "She will be meeting with your... entourage later tonight to discuss the rules during their stay."

May frowned and wrinkled his nose a little bit; Bram and Vlad (moreso Bram, really) didn't really do 'rules' too well, and he doubted that they would be enthused by the idea of following somebody else's orders on their rescue mission. Either way, it didn't matter until after they'd eaten, and May /was/ quite hungry, so he just nodded his head and shouldered past Agni towards the restaurant down the street.

"Excuse you!" Agni muttered in indignation, but once he realized that May wasn't stopping for him he quickly followed after him. "Where are you going? Surely you're not going to bother any of the other guardians right now."

May glanced back over his shoulder and sighed.

"Right now we're going to eat down at Maurino's. We're not going to be bothering anyone until at least tomorrow.," he said, and Agni at least went quiet at that, though he didn't stop following. Once they reached the restaurant May offered the waitress a shy little smile, and she took one look at Agni before bowing her head and showing May and the others to the vip room near the back of the restaurant. May personally thought that it was a little bit much, but they did have a pretty large party that wouldn't fit at any of the ordinary tables anyways.

Once in the back, Agni sat down at the head of the table, the waitress not bothering to give him a menu or even saying anything to him at all as she waited for the others to get seated before handing out menus and going on the spiel about the specials. After she was done she went to get drinks, and May took a very deep breath.

"Ok. So, uh, as I said, the lobster is really good. Everything here is pretty ok, actually, depending on what you guys wanna eat. Uh, Agni? You want anything?" He asked, and Agni shrugged his shoulders.

"I'll eat some of yours," he said, and May grit his teeth, but didn't say anything.

 

[jones573]

May might have kept his groan internal, but Winona did not. It wasn’t overly loud, but she also rolled her eyes, and Alex glared at her.



Her annoyance at Agni’s reappearance was tampered by her interest in the restaurant though, and she had to be pulled away from the tanks to join the others.



“What are those things back there,” she asked in some degree of awe.



“Lobsters, Win. And crabs, it looked like,” Alex explained. “That’s what they serve here.”



“We’re going to eat those?” She sounded shocked. “But they’re so…..” She clapped her fingers to her thumbs repeatedly, indicating the claws, and Alex couldn’t help but chuckle.



“They’ve got other stuff, too,” he said, turning the menu over to the kids side to show her. It might be more her style. “And you don’t have to get it with the pinchy parts still attached.”



“No, you won’t,” Winona said stiffly, distracted from her interested in the concept of lobster by the reminder of Agni’s overbearing presence.



“May is… Small,” she reasoned. “He needs all of his food for himself. So he can get the nutrients.”



It was almost a sensible argument.



“Plus, if you decide to kill him, this will be the last time he gets to eat here,” she continued pointedly and Alex’s glare to drop it went either unnoticed or just unheeded. “So, he shouldn’t have to share. With anyone. If you want to pick at someone else’s food then you can have some of… Mine,” she decided, since she did apparently have enough sense to appreciate that volunteering other people's food was not very polite.

 

[Reynarda]

“Rules?” Bram complained quietly to Vlad.

The vampire sighed. They had had a long discussion on the plane about how the best thing was to nod and smile and be vague about agreeing and then not follow the rules, but Bram had the same amount of subtlety in his entire being that Vlad had in one strand of hair. Bram had argued it was better to be upfront, and Vlad didn’t know why he even bothered after all these centuries.

“You did not think they would let us get in their politics without making sure we knew who is in charge, did you?”

Bram grumbled something under his breath, but gave Agni a polite nod when the guardian joined them. He didn’t dislike the kid—he just figured he was a bit of a spoiled brat, and Bram had dealt with plenty of those. Agni would grow out of it eventually, he reasoned.

At least this place May had suggested looked good. And they got the special treatment since Agni was there. As long as the server was nice and refilled their drinks, he didn’t much care, but it was nice not to have to ask them to scoot multiple tables together.

Out of habit, Bram took the other end of the table—not because he was in charge or anything, he just needed more room for all the dishes he intended to have. Vlad sat to his left so they wouldn’t bump elbows.

Scarlet flopped next to Agni and groaned about air conditioning. She would have sat next to Vlad, but the others had sat down and she figured Alex would want to sit by May. Besides, she could chat with Mr. Big Britches.

She picked up a menu and inspected it. “Bram? What am I ordering?”

Bram was eyeing the menu and little crazily. “I dunno, it all looks so good.”

Scarlet glanced over at Agni at his decision to eat May’s food. “Hey, bud, you can just have my food. I’m with Win on this one. I don’t eat, but May does. Bram can just eat Vlad’s,” she added when Bram scowled at her volunteering her food. “We all order so it doesn’t look weird, but Bram actually eats it all,” she explained.

“What are you gonna get?” Bram asked, looking at Vlad over the top of his menu.

“May recomended the lobster.”

“You wanna try a few bites?”

Vlad shrugged. Over the years, he had discovered that a small amount of solid food would not make him sick and so had taken to occasionally sampling off of Bram’s plate. Bram, a food enthusiast, encouraged this by getting whatever Vlad showed interest in. Vlad had always been a bit surprised that his companion did mind him stealing food off his plate as Bram seemed like the person to stab anyone who tried to take his food.

“I was gonna go for the platter,” Bram added. “What you thinkin’ Dev?”

Devon was thinking this was way fancier than the pizza parlors they usually went to. Despite having hundred of years of savings, the slayer/vampire duo were thrifty and rarely went out to somewhere that would cost them more than a hundred bucks to feed the whole crew.

In light of that, how could he choose? And should he pick something based on the price?

“Devon,” Vlad said with a slight smile. “Do not look so distressed.”

“Get whatever you want,” Bram added. “We’re on vacation.”

Vlad rolled his eyes but didn’t negate this.

“Your daughter is reminding everyone that people want May dead, again,” Bram muttered.

“She is your daughter when she is behaving like a slayer in—well, any situation, really.”

“Ha, ha." Bram paused. "If you two weren’t having a tiff you could talk to her about it.”

Vlad shot Bram a look and shifted his eyes pointedly to where Devon was pretending to be engrossed in his menu.

Bram just gave him a look over the top of his menu before addressing the group. "We all know what we want?"

 

[Mikotsuhime]

Agni looked amused by Winona’s curiosity in the lobsters and crabs, but of course he had to be haughty and rude about it.

“Have you never seen a lobster before? You must not be very worldly,” he said in a tone that implied that he was, and therefore was better. He seemed to view Winona as a rival of sorts, considering her clear aversion to his presence.

“Drop it, Agni,” May said quickly, because Agni did not know Winona’s past and he really did not think it was his place to bring it up. Agni gave him an annoyed look, but he huffed and went quiet.

“Win, you don’t have to,” May began, but Agni was screwing up his nose and giving her an annoyed look.

“I do not wish to eat off your plate, we aren’t allies or friends,” he said sternly, and May sighed.

“Look, Agni, just— thank you, Scarlet. Just eat Scarlet’s, she doesn’t hate you,” he said, and he was pretty sure she didn’t, at least not to the extent that Winona did. Agni did not look super enthused, but he agreed with it, until Winona’s next words.

“You—“ he began, glaring at her and looking dangerously close to slamming his hands down on the table. May quickly reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Agni, let it go, please,” he said, and Agni frowned, scrutinizing May closely.

“Hmph. You certainly keep defending this... woman,” he said slowly, as though he were trying to think of a word that wasn’t offensive. “Are you courting or something? Surely not.”

He said it as though it were a cruel joke, and May’s face flushed as he began to stammer.

“What? No! Win’s a friend! Don’t be weird!”

 

[jones573]

“Oh, Win, see this symbol,” Alex said, pointing to one of the little icons that appeared next to most of the menu items. “That means the dish uses local seafood- So it will be a lot fresher and better here than a similar dish somewhere else, get it?”



Winona nodded sagely, then announced, “I’m getting macaroni. And cheese.”



Alex nearly winced at the boring-ness of it, until he saw what she was pointing at- It was baked and was mixed with the house’s traditional lobster, and actually wasn’t on the kid’s menu, so.



“Also, I have Maria’s travel card,” he reassured Devon, which sounded like the brattiest-rich-kid thing he had ever said, he realized as soon as it left his mouth. Like he was just willing to waste his aunt’s money on whatever, because she wouldn’t help him. But the thing she was refusing to help him with was pretty important actually, so even if it was maybe a little petty to just hand over a piece of plastic with his aunt’s name on it to get whatever they wanted… He wasn’t going to not do it.



“Wow, the super controlling assholes sticking their fingers in my brain wanted me eating blood and not…. Water bug things, such a shock,” Winona returned, with a level of dry sarcasm and frank honesty that kind of impressed Alex. Like he wanted to proud that she had so bluntly referred to them as ‘super controlling assholes’ instead of pretending it was a fairly normal way to grow up, but really. There was a time and place.



“I mean, I’d be interested in a platter, since it all looks so good-” Alex started.



“I don’t hate him,” Winona protested with an eye roll, reaching for her glass of water. “I just think he’s a super controlling asshole, and am waiting to be proven wrong.”



“-Maybe there’s like, a party platter size, so we could all try some of everything,” Alex tried to continue, except Winona had swallowed some of her water at the exact moment Agni had suggested she and May might be ‘courting’, and she was now wheezing while valiantly attempting to speak at the same time.



“Ew, no,” she finally managed. “He can’t date both of us, that’d be weird,” she explained, as if this were perfectly obvious. Alex had a brief moment of concern that she had vastly misunderstood the relationship between Gabriel, Locke, and Deno, until he realized there was probably something he should be much more concerned about.



Like Winona looking disdainfully at Agni and loudly declaring, “Stop being jealous that Alex asked him out first, it’s so annoying.”

 

[Reynarda]

"You are not going to use Maria's travel card," Vlad said, a little more forcefully than he probably intended.

Bram rolled his eyes.

"What? Just because I am careful with our money does not mean I do not have plenty," Vlad added. "I do not need to be indebted to Maria Moraes for anything else."

Bram snorted. "Oh, come on. She's not actually going to collect on that."

"Oh, yes she is," Vlad muttered. "She's just biding her time. She'll get me back."

Bram was of the opinion that Vlad needed to not be so worried about whatever he thought Maria was going to request of him in exchange for her support in gaining custody of the twins. He knew that Vlad had agonized over asking for her support months afterwards, and it seemed to be resurfacing for goodness-knew what reason. Besides, she was probably like in Vlad in that she enjoyed lording it over other people more than actually collecting on it.

"You vampires need to cool it with the grudges. Life's too short to hold grudges." This earned him an arched eyebrow, but Bram ignored it. Besides, Winona was being Winona again.

"I don't hate you," Scarlet told Agni reassuringly. "Honestly, I'm kinda ambivalent. You're a brat, but we've all got our issues. I can't judge too hard."

Scarlet arched an eyebrow as Agni suggested Winona and May were "courting". She tried to imagine what that would be like, but soon stopped when Winona told Agni to get over his jealousy. Scarlet couldn't agree more--the guardian was like, possessive or something--but a restaurant was not the time or place to have a define-the-relationship talk.

"The platter is a great idea," she agreed loudly. "I'm down for that. Who else wants to get a great big platter of ocean bugs?"

 

[Mikotsuhime]

“They’re not really bugs, I don’t think?” May mused, hoping for a change of subject that wasn’t Agni being a super controlling asshole (which was true) or Winona’s past.

But then Winona brought up that he and Alex were dating, and he quickly made severe cutting motions with his hand, as though that could reverse the damage.

“/What/?!” Agni yelled, after a moment for the information to sink in. “You, you’re... You’re dating /him/?!” He gestured towards Alex with obvious distaste, while May frowned and glared at him.

“Yeah. Yeah, you know what, I am! What are you going to do about it?!” He asked, and Agni reared back in shock.

“You, you!! I do not approve of this! He is an outsider!” He exclaimed, and May did not seem very enthused by his answer, because he glared at him and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You don’t /get/ to disapprove, you’re not my dad! You’re barely even my friend after you disappeared for five years without even warning me!” He made a move of scooting his chair closer to Alex, which just made Agni balk in anger.

 

[jones573]

“Sure, sounds good to me,” Alex tried to loudly agree with Scarlet, but the damage had been done.



Winona did look a little bit surprised- Admittedly, they hadn’t ever explicitly said ‘don’t mention that Alex and May are going out’, so maybe her ongoing inability to correctly assess social situations was to blame and not her willful flaunting of polite behavior.



“What’s so wrong with him,” Winona said defensively of Alex. “There are plenty of worse boyfriends! He’s… Fine,” she determined of Alex’s capabilities as a boyfriend, which was probably as good of a review as anyone could hope to get who wasn’t that Shang guy from the animated Mulan movie.



Alex felt very uncomfortable in a way that was starting to feel familiar- Stand up for May and alienate Agni (and possibly May), or try to soothe over the situation to placate Agni and inherently prove that May deserved better?



“May can make his own choices,” Alex reiterated with a calmness he did not feel. “And I am very lucky to be one of them,” he said with a tight smile, since there was really no use denying it at this point.



Winona looked between May and Agni with confusion.



“You just left? For five years,” she asked Agni with some incredulity. “And didn’t even tell your friends?” Like she hadn’t contemplated very similar actions, very often. “Were you in danger or something,” she asked suspiciously, because that was just what they didn’t need. Another danger-magnet, summoning chaos wherever they went.

 

[Reynarda]

“They are basically bugs,” Scarlet said, trying to shout over Agni. It was obviously not working, and she cast an eye at the door, wondering if an army of waitstaff would appear to see who had angered their little god.

“Win, saying there are worse boyfriends doesn’t exactly help,” Scarlet pointed out. “You don’t wanna date someone who’s ‘fine’. You wanna date someone who’s great.”

“Oh my word, you sound like Vlad,” Bram groaned at Scarlet.

Vlad shot him a look over the top of his menu but Bram had already taken another deep breath. “Hey, now, Alex is Winona and Vlad approved. If you can find someone they approve of, you need to keep them. Vlad hasn’t approved of a single woman I’ve dated.” Bram paused—realizing what Alex had that none of Bram’s dates had had—and eyed Vlad out of the corner of his eye. “Would you approve if I dated a vampire?”

“Silver, no,” Vlad said without hesitation.

“See? Vlad is picky as hell, so you can totally trust him on this.”

Vlad thought this was a poor argument, but he felt no need to contribute. Alex and May needed to fight their own battles.

“Yeah, that’s a sucky move,” Scarlet agreed with Winona, as if she hadn’t run off without even telling her sire on multiple occasions.

“You literally did that in Romania,” Devon said, leaning over to glare at his sister.

Bram swatted him lightly with his menu. “Can we please deal with one train wreck at a time.”

 

[Mikotsuhime]

Agni balked at Winona, making aborted hand motions to try and convey a point that he didn’t really seem to know.

“He! He is underaged to start with!” He exclaimed finally, staunchly ignoring that Alex was ‘Vlad approved’, whatever that meant. “An adult cannot marry a child, that is highly inappropriate!”

May actually squawked then, standing up from his chair to lean across the table.

“Marry?! We’re not getting married! We’re just dating!” He exclaimed, but Agni did not look overly enthused.

“But marriage is the next logical step! You are of a marriable age and courtship can only last so long! Besides that, he is an outsider! What of any children that come of this union? They will carry half the blood of the serpent’s vessel!” He shot back, and May groaned loudly.

“You don’t even know where human babies come from!” He snapped, and Agni’s eyes narrowed.

“They happen when two people get married,” he said defensively, then glanced at Winona and Scarlet, not really appreciating their input. “I left because I thought it prudent to see more of the world. I did give a few days of notice—“

“One! You have one day notice and then you left!” May corrected. “And now you think you can waltz back into my life and tell me who to date but you can’t! Alex is right, I can make my own choices. Even if we decided to get married and have a billion babies it would have nothing to do with /you/!”

Agni reared back at that as though he had been slapped. It was at that moment that a timid waitress snuck back into the room, hiding behind her tray as she looked between May and the rest of the group cautiously.

“Are you, uhm, ready to order yet?”

 

[jones573]

“I’m going to be 18 in like, a month,” Alex protested. He was already enrolled in college courses! Was Agni enrolled in college courses? Alex very much doubted it.



It was a very good thing Winona had already coughed up all her water, because she certainly would have choked again during the ensuing conversation.



As it was, Alex was pretty sure he was doing a spit-take on like, a spiritual level.



“Woah, woah- What are you even talking about, that is so far off,” he stammered.



“Alex moves very slowly,” Winona supplied, unhelpfully.



“May and I can’t- I’m not even human, you know, so we aren’t the same species, for one thing, which uh, really lowers those odds but also we’re both guys, so- Uh, even if we were, which we aren’t- Not that it would be any of your business if we were-”



Alex was pretty sure the heat radiating off his face had reached an all time high. He could boil the lobsters in their shell just be looking at them, probably.



“Uh, the party platter. And the mac and cheese,” Winona told the waitress. Her astonishment with Agni was great, but so was her hunger, and the way everyone else was acting (like crazy people), she wanted to be sure she got fed. “And more waters. Or, maybe just a pitcher.”

 

[Reynarda]

Vlad sucked in air at the mention of May and Alex producing children. Unfortunately, he had also been attempting to calmly sip water, and so went into a coughing fit that prohibited him from stopping Bram from acting on the gleeful gleam in his eyes.

“Vlad and I aren’t married and we had kids,” Bram pointed out with a smirk akin to Vlad’s Council smile. “May could already be pregnant—you never know.”

Vlad managed to rescue his windpipe before gasping, “That is not how babies work!”

“It was never my intention to have kids with Vlad, but things happen,” Bram said sagely.

Vlad groaned. Even if they explained the birds and the bees to Agni, the poor little guardian was going to be so confused if Bram kept this up. “Marriage is not necessary, Agni, but there are certain requirements—“

“Like living in the same house,” Bram put in. “That’s what Vlad and I did.”

“No—oh, why am I even trying?” Surely Agni didn’t think any of these children actually were genetically related to him.

“And that’s how we got our little oops,” Bram continued.

Scarlet—thoroughly enjoying May declaring he would have a billion babies with Alex—held up her hand. “That’s me. I’m the oops.”

“The rest were a little more planned.”

“Several of the platters,” Vlad attempted to say over Bram. “And bring me the largest iced coffee you have, please.”

For once, Bram was not distracted by food. Alex’s crimson complexion was too much to resist. “Looks like we have another wedding to go to. If I’m not asked to walk one or both of you down the aisle, I’m going to be upset.”

 

[Mikotsuhime]

Agni eyed Alex with a great deal of disdain.

“You haven’t even considered what happens after courting? Could it be that you don’t take this relationship seriously? If so that is another reason I will disallow it!” He exclaimed. May actually growled at him, very clearly losing his patience.

“This relationship is serious! We’ve kissed and everything!” He snapped, and Agni looked absolutely scandalized by that information. It was even worse when a Bram announced that he and Vlad were unmarried.

“You’re /not/ married?!” He squeaked, giving another look around at the children present. “Having one child out of wedlock is already scandalous, but four?! No wonder the serpent has taken on such loose morals after living with you lot!” He snapped, turning back to May. “I will not allow this to continue any further, you are to return to living with your guardian at once! Not with these, these... hooligans!”

Bram mentioning that May might already be pregnant was a little bit much, though, and May grimaced and glowered at him as Agni looked like he might faint.

“I’m not pregnant!” He practically shouted, and the waitress gave him an odd look that he promptly ignored. “And Alex and I might get married some day, but not soon!”

The waitress quickly took down everybody’s orders and fled the scene the second that she could, grateful to get out of there. May sighed heavily.

“Bram and Vlad didn’t make their kids, and they’re not even together! They’re like platonic co parents or some bullshit like that,” he explained as calmly as he could, but Agni seemed dubious.

“Well clearly they had to come from somewhere. Your species isn’t like ours, they have families and origins,” he pointed out as a gotcha, and May sighed.

“Yeah, but— ok sometimes kids grow up in shitty situations or without a family so another family takes them in, like my dad did with me,” he tried, but Agni just wrinkled his nose.

“You had no human parents due to your unique position, but other humans all have parents, do they not? This is very confusing. All I know is that if two people are forging a family together with children it is only proper for them to be married! That is what the books say.”

 

[jones573]

“You aren’t even getting the link to the webcast of my graduation ceremony, you keep this up,” Alex snapped at Bram, agitated enough already without Bram having fun by making things worse.





He didn’t even know where to start with Agni because like-





“Well, maybe I could take him on a nice date and we could discuss things like the future of our relationship,” Alex said, starting to gesture a bit less calmly than usual. “Except somebody had to show up and insist on dragging May back here so he could hold some sort of inquisition- Okay, wait just a goddamn minute, you sure are concerned about May’s future for someone who’s Mr. ‘Still Undecided If He Even Gets One’, so-”



“I thought you adopted Scarlet from the Nazi’s,” Winona pointed out, because she was pretty sure the impetus of her ‘older sister’ was capture by Germans and not living together, because Bram and Vlad had been doing that for quite awhile prior to that. It was interesting to see Alex actually get worked up for once- He might even be angry, she thought, because his eyes had gone very hard and he hadn’t continued his sentence but his finger was still in the air accusatorially, and now he was biting the inside of his lip like he was just about to figure out a math problem he’d been particularly frustrated with.



“There’s at least four species in this room,” she told Agni, because he was using ‘your species’ pretty liberally. Five, if you counted subspecies. “Wow. You might actually be more sheltered than me,” Winona told Agni with something approaching awe, though it was unlikely to be a contest he had been hoping to win. What sort of books had he been reading?

 

[Reynarda]

Devon glanced around the table at his guardians and adopted siblings. He really didn't think that any of them looked like they could be Bram and Vlad's genetic child—except maybe Scarlet?—but, heck, even he and his actual twin didn't look that much alike, so maybe they could be related.

Bram looked deeply injured due to Alex’s threat for a brief second before his grin broke through the false contrition. "I mean, you did kiss," he pointed out, with an expression that suggested May was in serious danger of being pregnant. "We didn’t adopt Scarlet from the Nazis. We did make her. Or, at least, Vlad blames me for her creation, anyway. Paternity test hasn't come back, yet."

"Abraham," Vlad began before May announced that his and Bram's platonic co-parenting was bullshit. He stared at May with his mouth slightly open and a frown creasing his brow in the single most offended look that Bram had ever seen on his face. "I beg your pardon," he said.

Bram shrugged at Agni. “In his defense, Vlad did propose to me, once, but I turned him down.”

That was the last straw.

"Enough!” Vlad shouted, his voice cracking slightly as it was unaccustomed to such volumes. “We are in a restaurant! You”—he aimed his index finger at Bram—“are exacerbating the problem. You”—he pointed at Agni—“are behaving like a spoiled child, not a guardian. You should be ashamed of yourself. May. Alex. Enough. This is not the place to defend your relationship. You three can talk it out later, but not in a restaurant. And, lest anyone continue to be concerned, May is not and never will be pregnant. As a general rule, you need DNA from both a male and a female, Agni, and you have to be proactive about it. It does not just magically happen. Males do not generally get pregnant—regardless of species.”

“Except seahor—“

Vlad turned such a ferocious glare on Bram that the slayer actually shut up.

Vlad slowly sank back into his chair and turned to look back down the length of the table at the gathered group.

In a much quieter and more controlled tone, he said, “Now, if anyone wants me to explain where human babies come from, and subsequently where all of my children came from, I shall. But after dinner. At this point, we will be lucky if that waitress ever ventures back in here.”

 

[Mikotsuhime]

May actually looked a little bit sheepish at Vlad’s offense.

“Ok, I didn’t mean it like that, just that it sounds kind of silly to say it out loud, you know?” He said quickly, then turned his full anger back to Agni, who was gaping like a fish at Alex’s words.

“He committed a grave crime!” He snapped, his hands clenching into fists. “The serpent was almost released! The world almost ended! None of you seem to realize how serious the matter is!”

The waitress scurried back in with a pitcher of water, setting it and an iced coffee on the table as quickly as she could before she scurried back out again. Agni was looking at Vlad like he had just insulted his family, but he at least seemed a little more subdued.

“I am not a spoiled brat, I am an adult,” he muttered, but he at least sat down. May took a deep breath and reached for Alex’s hand under the table, squeezing it reassuringly.

“Vlad is right, we should... discuss this later.”

 

[jones573]

Vlad’s scolding had managed to subdue the majority of the table, and Winona looked down studiously at her menu, which the waitress had left behind and took a long drink of water.



Lobsters could swim backwards, apparently. How fascinating.



“Later,” Alex agreed, squeezing May’s hand in return, an attempt at providing the same reassurance. But after a moment his tight smile fell and he announced abruptly, “I’m going to use the restroom, excuse me.” He stood quickly and disappeared around the corner from where they had entered the room, in what was probably the direction of the restrooms. And also the front door.



“The weather is very… Sunny,” Winona said in the ensuing silence. She was uncomfortably aware that most of the debacle was her fault- Well. Someone should have told her that Agni wasn’t supposed to know May and Alex were dating. But maybe she shouldn’t have assumed he already knew, and she felt badly enough for May that she was willing to attempt to make amends. (Though that feeling might not last long, depending on how willing Agni was to do the same.)



“Do you have… weather? In your… Other dimension place,” she asked cautiously, not really looking up from her fun facts about seafood. Crabs walked sideways, apparently. Equally fascinating.

 

[Reynarda]

Devon eyed his shorter guardian, a little surprised out his near-shouting. Vlad was the opposite of Bram in that he tended to get quieter the angrier he got. So much so that Devon dreaded getting the Disapproving Dad look. But raising his voice was new, and Devon had to wonder if it wasn't a result of this weird island or something.

Bram regarded Vlad cautiously out of the corner of his eye, but his vampire was just scowling at not him and sipping his iced coffee. Perhaps, Bram reasoned, he had taken it a little too far. It had been hilarious, though.

Bram thought about commenting on the fact that the serpent had not escaped and the world had not ended when Alex got up abruptly to go to the bathroom. Bram lightly nudged Vlad under the table with his knee, and Vlad just scowled at him. A silent argument ensued where Vlad argued that he would be no help (and it was hot outside) and Bram argued that this was partly--fine, mostly--his fault, so he couldn't possibly be the one to go.

Unfortunately, Bram's logic was superior, and Vlad drained the rest of his iced coffee before rising. As he slipped out, Bram returned his attention to the group.

Devon saw what his sister was doing and decided to encourage this half-decent behavior by mirroring it. Agni seemed to like talking about things mere mortals had no ken of, right? "What is you other dimension place like?" he asked. "Do you have like... houses?"

Vlad located Alex quickly enough and perched next to him. He didn't say anything at first. Why Bram thought he could be any help in the realm of young love, Vlad had no idea. But he decided he would be pretty upset--and had been fairly upset--when someone flipped out over one of the most important relationships in his life. After a few seconds of silence, he glanced over at Alex. "Are you alright?"

 

[Mikotsuhime]

May watched helplessly as Alex got up and left, and he chewed on his lower lip for a second before standing up as well.

"I, uh, also need to go to the bathroom," he announced, and Agni frowned at him as he left, but was distracted by Winona's question. It would be rude not to answer her, and they genuinely seemed curious about his world, so...

"We, er, do not have weather, not the way that this world does." He explained slowly as he watched May leave, before reaching for his own glass of water. He supposed that he was supposed to stay behind, rather than follow, but he was itching to stand up and go anyways, social norms be damned. But May seemed to be genuinely angry about how he had reacted, so he supposed that maybe, /maybe/ it would be better to give him some time to cool down a bit. "We also don't have houses or buildings. We are not the same... shape as you are."

He hesitated for a second, not really sure how much he was comfortable divulging, but he was supposed to be playing nice, and he had no reason /not/ to answer their questions, so.

"Some of us make dens or burrows to live in, but the air does not change or move there the way it does here, so there is not much point. There are also so few of us that we manage to stay to our own territories well enough without the need for additional shelter, but more than that there are few of us that would fit in the buildings that you traditionally build. Grandfather is the largest of us, and if he were to stretch out his body would be able to cross the entire island from his nose to the tip of his tail. However he does not move much, anymore. Many of the old ones do not."

He actually looked a little melancholy at that, but he shook it off quickly enough.

"I am only telling you these things because you are the serpent's... friends," he said, the distaste added to the last word clear enough. "Most of this realm do not get to know the inner workings of ours, but as your questions are harmless, I will allow them, to an extent."



May hovered outside of the door to the restaurant, peering through the window at Vlad and Alex. He had been planning on going out to comfort his boyfriend, but seeing as Vlad seemed to be having a Dad moment, now he wasn't quite so sure. Would it be bad to interrupt? Should he wait until they were done? But also Alex had seemed pretty upset.

For now, at least, he took to hiding behind the support beam by the front door, watching but ducking out of sight whenever somebody happened to turn their head his way. Or trying to at least. It was a kind of narrow beam.

 

[jones573]

Alex's feet carried him in the direction of the bathroom, but he continued past and headed outside instead, where he sat down on the curb with a sigh of frustration. He got out his phone and brought up the recent messages. And then stared at the screen. Who was he supposed to talk to about this with?

His friends from school, who didn't know the first thing about magic? His friends from childhood, who didn't know he was gay? His family, who were... Well. His family.

"Sure, just great," he told Vlad dryly, unsure if he was annoyed or touched that the older vampire had come to check up on him. "Am I being super cynical, to think that Agni might have... Ulterior motives?"

He could see the 'logic', such as it was- Agni didn't view May as 'safe', but he certainly thought very highly of himself. Maybe so highly that he thought it would be safest for everyone involved, if he could be a constant presence in May's life. Like a boyfriend and a bodyguard and a hostage-taker, all in one. Convenient.

Except that it made May's freedom- his life, really- contingent on a relationship that seemed rocky at its best. And there was very little room for May to entertain feelings for someone else. (Like Alex. But he was trying not be selfish about it.)


---

He was certainly not the same shape- Agni was much shorter, Winona thought, but bit her tongue and kept that to herself.

"I'm May's friend," Winona corrected mildly, unable to keep up with who all these animal people were. She was pretty sure 'the serpent' was the other thing, underneath May, which she was much less keen on. Larry, or whatever Bram had decided to call him, was an idiot who thought removing someone's magic neutralized the threat they posed, and had gone and suggested it, and she intended to hold a grudge over that.

"A burrow sounds nice," she allowed. "Like with blankets and stuff?"

 

[Reynarda]

Devon considered this new information and glanced curiously at Bram. The slayer gestured for him to continue, so Devon did his best to think up more questions. Harmless was good, he supposed, and anyway, he was genuinely curious.

“What do you mean, you’re not the same shape?”

“And what makes you so divine?” Scarlet added. “Just because you’re from another dimension? Hey, does that mean I would be a goddess in your dimension?”

While Bram felt that Scarlet was way off base when it came to why this island cult thought Agni—of all people—was a deity, he had to admit he rather liked her logic. “I don’t think how it works, Red.”

“Goddess Scarlet,” The vampiress continued dramatically. “Goddess of blood and doom—no, no, make that goddess of death.”

“More like goddess of irritants,” Bram said.



Vlad had not actually expected an affirmative answer and smiled slightly. He had always considered the question a silly one, but it was more of an invitation for Alex to tell him what was going on inside his head than anything else.

“‘Ulterior motives’?” Vlad echoed with mild amusement. Leave it to a vampire to see apparent attraction and cry ‘ulterior motive’. Not that Vlad could judge him on that front ever. He was always screaming ‘ulterior motive’ once any relationship of Bram’s passed the one-week mark. Vlad might have even agreed had he not previously discussed this with Bram. Vlad had brought up his concern over Agni’s apparent possessiveness of May, and Bram had reminded him that he had said May was going to be the reason he sat on the front step with a shotgun on his knees. This had only confused Vlad until Bram groaned that he was so dumb sometimes and obviously Agni had feelings for May he didn’t know how to deal with.

“I think he is overcompensating as he does not know how to deal with his... emotions. Hence all the bluster about the serpent and all that. He is supposed to be the all-important dragon, so to be in love with the failed vessel of the serpent?” Vlad smiled. “But May is his own entity, and remember he chose you. Agni can huff and puff all he wants, but May obviously cares about you.” He glanced back at the restaurant. “Which is why he is currently attempting to hide behind a narrow beam.” Vlad waved at May to come join them. He would be far better at this than Vlad. “And take it from someone who has been in a relationship the world disapproved of: if you really deeply care about each other, nothing—not even some adolescent ‘deity’—can drive you two apart. May is a force to be reckoned with. Do not think he will bow to Agni’s wishes.”

 

[Mikotsuhime]

Agni reached for his glass of water, clearly not really wanting to answer Devon's question, but he had already said that he would abide their curiosity, so...

"We are not like humans in that we all look somewhat similar. We all have different appearances and different shapes, but none of them are like this. I've been told that my real body is rather... frightening to look at, from a human standpoint," he admitted, then ended up scowling at Scarlet, because clearly she was not taking this seriously.

"Humans are the ones who decided to worship us as gods. In truth we have no more 'divinity' than any other idol worshiped by man. But we decided that we will protect this world and its inhabitants from harm, as thanks for their worship and offerings," he explained, closing his eyes and leaning back slightly in his chair. "Each of us has abilities that humans do not, and so we provide services for them that they cannot provide for themselves. In times of drought, the eel brings rain and the rabbit brings fertile soil. In times of famine, the tiger brings life to beasts for men to hunt. We each have... a purpose, of sorts, to this world and this island."


May squeaked audibly when Vlad waved to him, and then flushed as he dragged himself out from behind the beam and onto the street.

"I just want to be clear," he said as he approached, looking more than a little embarrassed. "I wasn't listening in on your conversation or anything. I was just, you know, going to go to the bathroom, and then saw you guys out here and was like 'huh, I wonder what they're doing out there', and decided to just sort of, uh, hide and watch you. To make sure everything was ok. Which isn't really all that much better, but I couldn't hear anything from inside, which brings me to my next question of... Uh, is everything ok? I know Agni can be a bit... well, really annoying."