Shards of Mensol (comic)

Skari-dono

Skari-dono

Senior Member
Yep, I made a comic.


"Who is this guy?" you might ask yourself with distaste and it is duly deserved (but for what reasons I don't know).


I am but a lone Storyteller with great interest in Exalted but without interested players. So I decided to put my story idea on paper. But alas, Exalted depends so much on the visual that simply writing it down wouldn't be enough. So I spent some time this summer to refine my drawing skills down to the point where they don't suck but are simple enough so that I won't spend too much time in making every page.


And the result is Shards of Mensol. Or at the very least the prologue. It's a story about a group of Exalts (duh!) in the Second Age. It's less humerous than the Freedom Stone or the Keychain of Creation (since I'm not really a funny guy) but I hope it will deserve at least a giggle here and there. I don't want to give too much away, but the story includes Solars and Lunars and has something to do with Mensol.


Well, here is the prologue, posted on DeviantART:


Page 1


Page 2


Page 3


So, umm, what'ya think?
 
Finally! Another Exalted webcomic! I love Jukashi's, but i want more. I want...MOAR!


Oh, and my wife and I thought it was great. We, like Murdrak, hope that you're commited as well, and we can see a regular production if it's not too much trouble.


Just one question, was Merdik a Night Caste or a Zenith. We weren't for certain. We were thinking Night due to the color of the wings in his iconic anima banner.
 
He's actually Zenith, but I get your point. I think I will do something about the color, maybe not have it so pale?


Anyway, thanks for the review. I also hope I'm committed, 'cos this is actually fun :D
 
If it's going to be a regular thing, want to host it here?
 
Flagg said:
If it's going to be a regular thing, want to host it here?
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THANK you. On my cruddy dialup connection, Deviant Art is not friendly. In fact, it openly mocks my connection speed. I was wishing that he could host it here like Jukashi's.
 
Your drawing style is remarkably good. Reinforcing what has been said: the Animas look awesome.
 
TROGDOOOOOOOOR!


Anyway, be prepared for me to sound overly critical.I know very well that an artist needs criticism to survive, let alone to actually get good work done. Don't worry, I'll point out the stuff that you're doing right as well.


First off, your poses are very...flat. Humans are very animated beings. I wouldn't expect the ability to draw "non-flat" poses to come naturally, but you should work on that artistically before anything else. You grasp some concepts of it pretty well. What I find works is that you should find a mirror, and pose in it. You can see how the body flows, even in the most passive position. A person standing with their arms at their side will still have things going on. If you're really lucky, you can find someone to model for poses. If you're really affluent, you can afford a couple figure drawing books. Both are rather useful.


As the last critical note, it's not generally a good idea to make a serious intro/prologue for a humor comic. For any storytelling medium, your audience should know what to expect before they even really know they're starting to expect something. If you're planning on making this all/mostly drama, then it's fine, but since it's a webcomic, I took a guess.


Anyway, your dialogue and pacing are good, though I'm assuming you'll be making the dialogue sound less formal later on. You use short sentences and let the visuals do all the talking, which is very important in the comic medium, yet often a disregarded rule, which leaves many unfortunates wondering why they can't seem to avoid being flooded by word bubbles. Your architecture and texturing don't need any work at all unless you plan to completely change style, and your backgrounds are pretty good too. This has definite potential, though I'm personally not a fan of totally serious/dramatic comics. Not at all. I read webcomics for laffs, mostly.


Yeah, that's what I have. Really sorry you couldn't stick around for Stunt Bonuses, but we are re-recruiting to fill up all the slots that got left (the other two Solars just stopped posting right after you left, and were not so polite as to even say they were leaving), so if you want to jump back in, or make a new character or whatever, you're perfectly welcome to.
 
It's less humerous than the Freedom Stone or the Keychain of Creation (since I'm not really a funny guy) but I hope it will deserve at least a giggle here and there.
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Brickwall said:
As the last critical note, it's not generally a good idea to make a serious intro/prologue for a humor comic. For any storytelling medium, your audience should know what to expect before they even really know they're starting to expect something. If you're planning on making this all/mostly drama, then it's fine, but since it's a webcomic, I took a guess.
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I think it's not intended to be funny. I agree about the poses, though.
 
Brickwall said:
TROGDOOOOOOOOR!
Anyway, be prepared for me to sound overly critical.I know very well that an artist needs criticism to survive, let alone to actually get good work done. Don't worry, I'll point out the stuff that you're doing right as well.
Click to expand...
By all means, be critical :D


As fun as it may be getting praysed, I also like some constructive criticism for me to consider regarding my art or my story.

First off, your poses are very...flat. Humans are very animated beings. I wouldn't expect the ability to draw "non-flat" poses to come naturally, but you should work on that artistically before anything else. You grasp some concepts of it pretty well. What I find works is that you should find a mirror, and pose in it. You can see how the body flows, even in the most passive position. A person standing with their arms at their side will still have things going on. If you're really lucky, you can find someone to model for poses. If you're really affluent, you can afford a couple figure drawing books. Both are rather useful.
Click to expand...
Yes, they are flat. I'm working on page 4 now (coloring) and let me tell you that posing is still a problem. I will work on it though, but I doubt you'll see much changes just yet. I'll check out those books, thanks for the pointers :)

As the last critical note, it's not generally a good idea to make a serious intro/prologue for a humor comic. For any storytelling medium, your audience should know what to expect before they even really know they're starting to expect something. If you're planning on making this all/mostly drama, then it's fine, but since it's a webcomic, I took a guess.
Click to expand...
Like Arthur pointed out, I did say that this wasn't meant to be purely a humorous comic. There will be funny moments, but I'm not the kind of guy that has a joke on every page. There will be a joke here and there (and hopefully funny ones) but definately not everywhere. The prologue is not meant for a humor comic, but rather action/drama/humor comic. (Could probably throw in some more elements in there.)

Anyway, your dialogue and pacing are good, though I'm assuming you'll be making the dialogue sound less formal later on. You use short sentences and let the visuals do all the talking, which is very important in the comic medium, yet often a disregarded rule, which leaves many unfortunates wondering why they can't seem to avoid being flooded by word bubbles. Your architecture and texturing don't need any work at all unless you plan to completely change style, and your backgrounds are pretty good too. This has definite potential, though I'm personally not a fan of totally serious/dramatic comics. Not at all. I read webcomics for laffs, mostly.
Click to expand...
Yes, you'll see some difference between First Age dialogue and Second Age dialogue. I'm not really good with talking, so you may not see much of these scenes with heavy dialogues.

Yeah, that's what I have. Really sorry you couldn't stick around for Stunt Bonuses, but we are re-recruiting to fill up all the slots that got left (the other two Solars just stopped posting right after you left, and were not so polite as to even say they were leaving), so if you want to jump back in, or make a new character or whatever, you're perfectly welcome to.
Click to expand...
It was fun while it lasted, but I'm more of a serious gamer rather than "jokes all around" gamer. And the character I had wasn't actually made for a humor game, so nothing really fit at all :P
 
Cool strip. And if you manage to maintain this frequency of updates, it will be great.


Are you going to host it here?
 
I'm probably not going to host it here, but I will be hosting it somewhere that is not deviantART.


I doubt I'll manage this rate forever (got more things to do) but who knows? :D


On another note, I hope I can get better at making the conversations a bit more understandable. At the moment, I'm just doing some action scenes :P
 
I'm probably not going to host it here' date=' but I will be hosting it somewhere that is not deviantART.[/quote']
I'll give you the same deal I gave Jukashi, if you want. That is, free :)
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Thanks :D


But I already have a hosting space. The only thing I haven't done yet is to set up the website for the comic. I will hopefully finish it this week, but it might take longer than expected.
 
Hopefully, Page 8 will give you a good enough answer ;)

The guy from page 6.
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I think you're talking about the guy that got punched in the first frame of page 6. You might notice that he didn't have a helmet while this one does. It's not a mistake, it's not the same guy. Just assume that something goes on between Pages 6 and 7. There are a lot more extras to beat unto oblivion :P


Hopefully, I can make this better to understand through later pages of the comic.
 
Nice comic. Got a few comments, though:


1. On page 3, you said it was "about 1,000 years later". It'd actually be closer to 1,500. I suppose that's "about 1,000 years" for sufficiently loose definitions of "about", though.


2. That Zenith caste just got hit. This means that either she doesn't have a Perfect Defense (and is therefore about to die), or she has one and just ran out of motes (and is therefore about to die).


3. You might want to work on your Terrestrial anima banners. At the moment, they look more like Sidereal ones, since they're just colorful auras rather than crackling lightning, flames, vines, or whatever. I assume they're Terrestrial anima banners, at least.
 
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