Music Seeking Music Critique!

[GojiBean]

Hoyo!

GojiBean here, and I'm a composer who does a lot of my own original music pieces for characters, scenes, etc.

Currently I'm working on a new piece to serve as the main theme for a Revolution taking place in one of my stories. And while it's still a WIP and only half finished, I'd like to hear any and all comments and/or criticisms of it from anyone willing to give it a listen!

For some context on the Revolution before listening, here's a bit of info:

The nation of Veilbrand is under the heel of a ruthless and apathetic dictator. He's hoarded the wealth of the nation and crippled the Revolution in various ways over the years including destroying all medical facilities across the country and holding all of the physicians and nurses hostage in fortified installations. This prevents the Revolution from acquiring the services of any doctors or nurses to help heal the sick or injured which means that they have to tend all their own injuries and illnesses with no knowledge of the best practices or methods. As such, the Revolution is hurting. Badly.

However, there's a spark of hope. The Maiden of Revolution, their leader and pillar of courage, has always found a way to step forward and make things happen when all seems lost. They've come so close to total obliteration at the hands of the dictator's forces, and yet time and again she eeks out victory from the jaws of defeat and has brought the Revolution consistent success, even if only in small doses, which has helped them stay afloat.

As much as this theme is for the Revolution, it's also the Maiden's theme.

This is the piece so far:


(Here's the original version if you're interested in a side-by-side comparison: Original Theme)

Like I said it's only half-finished. There's an entire minute more of music yet to be written at least. But even so, lemme know what you think!

Does it fit the Maiden and the Revolution as described? Does it sound like something totally different to you? And if so, why?

I love criticism and feedback, and I'll be happy to critique your musical or artistic works as well in return!

Cheers!

~ GojiBean

 

[Merciless Medic]

Without reading the context for less biases going in, here is what I got:

The first few seconds sets the stage of already something fast-paced conflict or something reaching its peak already and bursting into this conflict. There's trouble, yet whoever the music is in the perspective of, I got the sense of duty, like they need to keep marching along. While the fast-paced (.... bass? I'm not good with musical terms pfff) "action beat" is there, there is that rising tune of what sounds like a flute, sounding hopeful amidst the chaos of possible war and conflict. On the flipside, it also sounds like the cries of the the innocents losing their way of life as they are thrusted into this conflict.

Then the trumpets sound, and I'm filled with the desire to do something, calling me to action to help fight. It sounds a lot like a battle cry or a chant (not in any sense of words, but it carries a very similar vibe). I feel like, even though things are tough and dire, we can still fight as by the hopeful tunes that then dip into the minor keys. I can very much imagine it being the war cries of some group of people.

Then the flute comes back. The background music is soft while the heavenly tune sounds like it's trying to uplift while trying to mask the action happening in the background. Giving a moment of reprieve from the action-packed notes that we had earlier. It's a tonal shift I would expect to see in a movie, like going from the depths of war to being moved into a nicely padded room where you can just faintly hear the battle outside while everyone whispers assurances to each other that they'll make it out. However, the battle is still out there, looming with a Cheshire's grin, so the assurances can't fully do their jobs as things take a turn for the worse.

Then more instruments come in, and it sounds like they're trying to keep themselves together while realizing that something is very, very wrong and they wonder if they'll even last. They haven't lost their hope, yet. However, it's getting harder and harder. The music picks up and I feel even more emboldened to hold onto whatever I'm holding onto, to keep trying no matter what, that things will get better, and things start turning around as almost all the instruments come together. They continue to fight despite the growing odds, and hope is restored, as well as their morale.


After reading your context, this music fits very well. It sounds really good on its own, and I wasn't expecting there to be a further minute to this, but this sounds so nice. The desperation and the fight in the beginning, to the waning of hope as things seem to slip, to getting that spark of hope again as the drums make their way to get back into the fight. I believe it fits the Maiden's effects it had on the Rebellion and the Rebellion as a whole. The entire time, I got the vibe of a bad conflict between two warring sides, with one winning while the other was desperately trying to cling on. They fought, they retreated, then they got their saving grace in the Maiden and were able to fight back. Even if the accomplishments should seem pretty small, it's the feeling like you just accomplished some big task is what I hear and I like that about it. :3

I believe that's all my thoughts on it. I feel like the last ten seconds or what-have-you right after the drums sounds like the climax to it all. If you have another minute more in the wings, I can't wait to listen to that, too.

 

[Trombone Geek]

Excuse me in advance if I come off as over-bearing or over-explaining; I’m not sure what your level of musical training is!

If you wrote this via MuseScore, Sibelius, etc and have sheet music I could steal, I could write some more focused comments! It’ll help me consolidate my thoughts some. I will say that there are a few things in the bass line that I feel like are holding the piece back: the note runs going into beat one of each measure are really muddy sounding when the melody lines come in. There’s just not enough… clearance, I suppose. Space? It’s a grouping of notes in a pitch range that is really hard to focus on with the melody line being where it is. I can’t be sure exactly how. And: there’s lack of any rhythmic change or modulation in that same part throughout the entire piece that kind of keeps any sort of true style change from happening.

Some suggestions: modulations, or even just a change in what chords the bass line builds off of, would help a lot. A style change at some point, but not necessarily where the flute part is— I think the contrast here fits well. I think your primary weakness lies in your voicing and your texture, though. You’re very consistent, which is great, but I think if you veer out of what looks like your comfort zone (a consistent timbre from your bass line, and a singular timbre from your melody line) into something different, you’ll come a lot further in your skill set really fast.

Mess around with exposed textures— try reducing your bass line in some points to something less rich, and leaving your melody in a single instrument. Mess around with heavy-handed textures that involve lots of instruments playing the same thing, lots of instruments playing harmony, etc… AND, and this is very important for someone in any artistic profession— push yourself past what sounds or looks good! Flip your textures so your bass is wildly under-balanced compared to your melody. Mess with groups of notes that aren’t even chords. Try new rhythms. Do weird shit. And out of all that mess, new ideas will come to you and make your works much more interesting for it.

If you want more detailed, specific feedback, I can definitely sit down and word-vomit that out for you.

 

[Trombone Geek]

I went and listened to your Promises in Anger right after your theme above, and I must say… it’s a very compelling work!

 

[GojiBean]

Without reading the context for less biases going in, here is what I got:

The first few seconds sets the stage of already something fast-paced conflict or something reaching its peak already and bursting into this conflict. There's trouble, yet whoever the music is in the perspective of, I got the sense of duty, like they need to keep marching along. While the fast-paced (.... bass? I'm not good with musical terms pfff) "action beat" is there, there is that rising tune of what sounds like a flute, sounding hopeful amidst the chaos of possible war and conflict. On the flipside, it also sounds like the cries of the the innocents losing their way of life as they are thrusted into this conflict.

Then the trumpets sound, and I'm filled with the desire to do something, calling me to action to help fight. It sounds a lot like a battle cry or a chant (not in any sense of words, but it carries a very similar vibe). I feel like, even though things are tough and dire, we can still fight as by the hopeful tunes that then dip into the minor keys. I can very much imagine it being the war cries of some group of people.

Then the flute comes back. The background music is soft while the heavenly tune sounds like it's trying to uplift while trying to mask the action happening in the background. Giving a moment of reprieve from the action-packed notes that we had earlier. It's a tonal shift I would expect to see in a movie, like going from the depths of war to being moved into a nicely padded room where you can just faintly hear the battle outside while everyone whispers assurances to each other that they'll make it out. However, the battle is still out there, looming with a Cheshire's grin, so the assurances can't fully do their jobs as things take a turn for the worse.

Then more instruments come in, and it sounds like they're trying to keep themselves together while realizing that something is very, very wrong and they wonder if they'll even last. They haven't lost their hope, yet. However, it's getting harder and harder. The music picks up and I feel even more emboldened to hold onto whatever I'm holding onto, to keep trying no matter what, that things will get better, and things start turning around as almost all the instruments come together. They continue to fight despite the growing odds, and hope is restored, as well as their morale.


After reading your context, this music fits very well. It sounds really good on its own, and I wasn't expecting there to be a further minute to this, but this sounds so nice. The desperation and the fight in the beginning, to the waning of hope as things seem to slip, to getting that spark of hope again as the drums make their way to get back into the fight. I believe it fits the Maiden's effects it had on the Rebellion and the Rebellion as a whole. The entire time, I got the vibe of a bad conflict between two warring sides, with one winning while the other was desperately trying to cling on. They fought, they retreated, then they got their saving grace in the Maiden and were able to fight back. Even if the accomplishments should seem pretty small, it's the feeling like you just accomplished some big task is what I hear and I like that about it. :3

I believe that's all my thoughts on it. I feel like the last ten seconds or what-have-you right after the drums sounds like the climax to it all. If you have another minute more in the wings, I can't wait to listen to that, too.

Sank ya mucho!

 

[GojiBean]

Excuse me in advance if I come off as over-bearing or over-explaining; I’m not sure what your level of musical training is!

If you wrote this via MuseScore, Sibelius, etc and have sheet music I could steal, I could write some more focused comments! It’ll help me consolidate my thoughts some. I will say that there are a few things in the bass line that I feel like are holding the piece back: the note runs going into beat one of each measure are really muddy sounding when the melody lines come in. There’s just not enough… clearance, I suppose. Space? It’s a grouping of notes in a pitch range that is really hard to focus on with the melody line being where it is. I can’t be sure exactly how. And: there’s lack of any rhythmic change or modulation in that same part throughout the entire piece that kind of keeps any sort of true style change from happening.

Some suggestions: modulations, or even just a change in what chords the bass line builds off of, would help a lot. A style change at some point, but not necessarily where the flute part is— I think the contrast here fits well. I think your primary weakness lies in your voicing and your texture, though. You’re very consistent, which is great, but I think if you veer out of what looks like your comfort zone (a consistent timbre from your bass line, and a singular timbre from your melody line) into something different, you’ll come a lot further in your skill set really fast.

Mess around with exposed textures— try reducing your bass line in some points to something less rich, and leaving your melody in a single instrument. Mess around with heavy-handed textures that involve lots of instruments playing the same thing, lots of instruments playing harmony, etc… AND, and this is very important for someone in any artistic profession— push yourself past what sounds or looks good! Flip your textures so your bass is wildly under-balanced compared to your melody. Mess with groups of notes that aren’t even chords. Try new rhythms. Do weird shit. And out of all that mess, new ideas will come to you and make your works much more interesting for it.

If you want more detailed, specific feedback, I can definitely sit down and word-vomit that out for you.

Hoyo!

Thanks a lot!

I did have a Sibelius file that I composed the piece in originally about 3-4 years ago. I've been trying to find it. So far, no luck.

If I can find the Sibelius file then I'll definitely download it as a .pdf and send it to you in a PM to get a more in-depth critique.

I agree that the bass has always sounded a bit... Lackluster, for lack of a more appropriate term. And it's been in need of some finessing. Sadly I was never able to come up with anything that sounded "right," if that makes sense. But I'll definitely look into saving a second copy of the primary file to toy around with shit for a while to see if anything sticks or stands out for sure.

Thanks for the critique!

I look forward to seeing if I'm capable of implementing your advice!

Cheers!

~ GojiBean