Cannibal Prodigy
Lurker
Hello there! I just signed up for this website, and I hope I'm doing this correctly.
Anyway, I'm freakishly obsessed with NBC's show, The Blacklist. I'm looking for a fellow fan who's watched it and is interested in a Lizzington (Raymond Reddington x Elizabeth Keen) plot. I don't have any specifics in mind, but I'd be interested in something canon or perhaps a little AU. For example, if Liz hadn't joined the FBI and wound up a criminal herself, or whatever. That's the beauty of AUs. I desire to play Elizabeth Keen, so am looking for someone willing to play Red.
Here is a sample of my writing, a drabble I wrote for my Elizabeth Keen tumblr. It's got spoilers so if you haven't watched at least all of Season 1, then don't read!
Anyway, if you're interested-- let me know! Thanks for checking this out.
Do you know how frustrating it is to be in love with a lie? I’ve always been a strong person, I’ve always done my best not to be a burden. I guess it all stems from my childhood. See, if you grew up in a home where your mother and father raised you and loved you, you won’t understand. There’s this disconcerting feeling that whoever your real parents were, they didn’t want you.
It’s screwed up— it’s stomach turning— right or wrong, it gets to you. It settles itself in your gut— closer to your ribcage than your pelvis— and it eats away at you. Like a slowly turning sandpaper wheel. What’s wrong with you? Why did you deserve to be given up— like a puppy, or that other half of the muffin your friend couldn’t possibly finish.
And these are coming from the thoughts of a child. You sit there on the bench and watch mothers worry over their little girl’s scraped knee. You watch fathers on television comfort their son. Society fills your tiny little mind with the perception that parents love their children and they keep them. With that logic pressed in at you from all angles, the conclusion is natural. If your parents give you up, they don’t love you.
I didn’t feel wanted by the people responsible for bringing me into this world. And part of me was half terrified my adopted father would realize at some point. Realize what? Whatever it had been that my parents had seen when the nurse delivered me and handed me off to them. Whatever it had been that got me pawned off on someone else.
I was convinced that the minute my adopted father saw { it } he would get rid of me too. So I kept my room tidy. I didn’t ask for toys that caught my attention, or sweets at the checkout aisle. I cleaned up after myself, and began to do chores as soon as I was competent enough to do them without messing them up. I refused to drag him down, refused to burden him— refused to give him a good reason to return me like a bad birthday present.
It gave me strength, independence— perhaps too much so. I weakened myself for Tom. I let him into my life, softened around the edges and I just… stripped the layers of resistance that it took me so long to put up around myself. And even worse than that was how much I loved him. I know it’s not easy to love me, I know I have my flaws— I knew I was a test of patience.
But how could I have ever realized that he didn’t put up with my faults because he loved me? Who in their right mind could ever imagine that you were just an assignment on your husband’s to do list? To be watched, rather than to be loved… I want to hate myself, the weak shreds left inside of me that still love him even though he was never the man I married.
No matter how hard I try to think of him the way one would think of a character in a book, I can’t. What’s even more frustrating than that, is that after all these years I keep asking myself— did he see it? Is that why it had been so easy for him to plan having a child with me? Had Tom glimpsed through every piece of me and realized why my parents didn’t want me?
Anyway, I'm freakishly obsessed with NBC's show, The Blacklist. I'm looking for a fellow fan who's watched it and is interested in a Lizzington (Raymond Reddington x Elizabeth Keen) plot. I don't have any specifics in mind, but I'd be interested in something canon or perhaps a little AU. For example, if Liz hadn't joined the FBI and wound up a criminal herself, or whatever. That's the beauty of AUs. I desire to play Elizabeth Keen, so am looking for someone willing to play Red.
- I've got thirteen years of roleplaying experience and consider myself advanced. I would like someone intermediate to advanced, because I find myself able to write 4-5 paragraphs easily and don't want to overwhelm someone who's used to 3-4 lines or single paragraphs.
- I'm twenty-four years old, and am more comfortable playing with others 18+ that are closer to my age range.
- That's about it. I'm not terrifically difficult to please! Oh, I'd like someone who's pretty active. I spend 90% of my time online, so am usually available. You don't need to match that obviously, but It would be nice to find someone who's on at least a few hours each day.
Here is a sample of my writing, a drabble I wrote for my Elizabeth Keen tumblr. It's got spoilers so if you haven't watched at least all of Season 1, then don't read!
Anyway, if you're interested-- let me know! Thanks for checking this out.
Do you know how frustrating it is to be in love with a lie? I’ve always been a strong person, I’ve always done my best not to be a burden. I guess it all stems from my childhood. See, if you grew up in a home where your mother and father raised you and loved you, you won’t understand. There’s this disconcerting feeling that whoever your real parents were, they didn’t want you.
It’s screwed up— it’s stomach turning— right or wrong, it gets to you. It settles itself in your gut— closer to your ribcage than your pelvis— and it eats away at you. Like a slowly turning sandpaper wheel. What’s wrong with you? Why did you deserve to be given up— like a puppy, or that other half of the muffin your friend couldn’t possibly finish.
And these are coming from the thoughts of a child. You sit there on the bench and watch mothers worry over their little girl’s scraped knee. You watch fathers on television comfort their son. Society fills your tiny little mind with the perception that parents love their children and they keep them. With that logic pressed in at you from all angles, the conclusion is natural. If your parents give you up, they don’t love you.
I didn’t feel wanted by the people responsible for bringing me into this world. And part of me was half terrified my adopted father would realize at some point. Realize what? Whatever it had been that my parents had seen when the nurse delivered me and handed me off to them. Whatever it had been that got me pawned off on someone else.
I was convinced that the minute my adopted father saw { it } he would get rid of me too. So I kept my room tidy. I didn’t ask for toys that caught my attention, or sweets at the checkout aisle. I cleaned up after myself, and began to do chores as soon as I was competent enough to do them without messing them up. I refused to drag him down, refused to burden him— refused to give him a good reason to return me like a bad birthday present.
It gave me strength, independence— perhaps too much so. I weakened myself for Tom. I let him into my life, softened around the edges and I just… stripped the layers of resistance that it took me so long to put up around myself. And even worse than that was how much I loved him. I know it’s not easy to love me, I know I have my flaws— I knew I was a test of patience.
But how could I have ever realized that he didn’t put up with my faults because he loved me? Who in their right mind could ever imagine that you were just an assignment on your husband’s to do list? To be watched, rather than to be loved… I want to hate myself, the weak shreds left inside of me that still love him even though he was never the man I married.
No matter how hard I try to think of him the way one would think of a character in a book, I can’t. What’s even more frustrating than that, is that after all these years I keep asking myself— did he see it? Is that why it had been so easy for him to plan having a child with me? Had Tom glimpsed through every piece of me and realized why my parents didn’t want me?
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