Experiences RP anxiety, or the fear of commitment

[Koriva]

*This is going to be long and- rant-ish. Sorry.


Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just weird this way, but I find that I do have a problem to dive back into the

scene of RP.

I've started RPing when I was in high school, through sites that, at the time, had bustling forums teeming with RP beginners. My family and high school friends weren't even familiar with the concept, nor were they fantasy lowers so I had no close friends with which I could write, brainstorm or even talk about the fantasy books I adored. I started RPing as a tool for telling stories and building worlds, a thing which I love. All RPs back then were casual, one-session things, fast paced and multi-player affairs. I met many people online but didn't have to commit to any of them. I could start and RP and leave, or stay and schedule for further sessions. It was free, fun and not overly time-consuming.

Then I started writing creatively outside of RPs. I adored the worlds I built, I could talk about them for hours, I knew details about every character. I was, perhaps, over-enthusiastic. That didn't keep the person who later became one of my dearest friends from approaching me, talking to me about my writing just as I talked about hers. We had common interests, common hobbies and it was almost natural for us to move on to RPing together. We clicked instantly. I hosted her in my world while I explored her own. Our characters mingled, we exchanged some, produced some more, wrote thousands of pages of co-written stories. We would spend hours online writing and brainstorming. It was something I adored.

However, life is change, and nothing stays constant. Real life got between us. Different time zones, the circumstances of our lives, the people depending on us brought our schedules apart in a way that left little time for us to talk, let alone RP. I've spent months with no creativity in my life, and I missed it. I found that I truly miss the creative outlet, the act of creating worlds, as well as having this channel to vent my frustrations through fictional characters.


So, naturally, I started searching for new places in which to RP. The sites I used to frequent were meant for kids. They were no longer fit for my age, for my form of RP, and most of them were no longer the hubs of bustling RP I remembered. I had to expand my search.
This is how I discovered this site, and at a first look, it seemed perfect. Orderly, diverse, full of different kind of Rprs, alive. But, when it came to actually starting an RP..... There, my problems began.


You see, I've become so accustomed to RPing with a person I know, a person whose cravings, comfort zone and quirks I'm familiar with, a person whose world and characters I know, that the thought of RPing with a stranger became rather intimidating to me. What more, my schedule is rather sporadic. When I RPed with my friend, I knew it was OK to disappear for days, to get tired from one RP and skip to another, to take breaks or post sporadically. I became afraid to commit to an RP with a stranger, fearing I would disappoint them. I became unsure of myself, unsure if I even could start a new RP with whole new characters and a new world outside of the one I built.

All these things have stopped me from responding to partner search threads which I felt an affinity to, ideas I found interesting.
I find myself at an impasse, where on one side I crave RP, and on the other side I have become too nervous and unsure of myself to try and reach out to other people, my social awkwardness rearing its head once more.

Have any of you ever experienced anything like that? If so, how did you battle it?

 

[Bacon is fluffy]

The first thing you could try is having confidence in yourself and valuing your own input and needs. Obviously rp is a group activity. You need others as an rp'er or as a gm to make it a roleplaying experience, and not a solo fan fiction writing experience. So of course you need to be aware of other people's desires. The general tendencies of an rp population, and the attitudes of people you start a group with. Nothing is worse in an rp than joining for two weeks, then saying, "I was sooooo bussy that I couldn't stop in for 5 seconds to let you know I was disappearing to do a mid term". Nothing is worse than that type of inconsiderate person in an rp setting.

However, you need to value your own needs and own opinions. You need to know that the people you're rping with are compatible with your schedule at least. Are they weekly or daily posters? This matters and should be enough enough to dissuade you from joining the most fascinating rp, if you won't be comfortable in that setting.

But there's another thing you can do besides being confident that your needs matter. You can talk to the gm and to the other players. Just see what they're like and if they'll be a fit with you. There's no need to join a group blindly. You have the option to start a conversation(pm) with another person. Use it!

 

[Sibelle Grey]

I suggest just throwing yourself out there. I don't think there's any other way to battle it. If what you're worried about is disappointing a stranger, then you should probably know that when you set up a roleplay, it's a . . . negotiation of sorts, in my experience, at least. It seems you were mostly roleplaying with this one person, mostly, so 1x1s (where there are only two of you) might be your thing. Very few people I've come across on here are dead-set on the way certain things should be done. So for example, if sporadic posting is a thing that you do, when approaching people, you should put that out there (in many interest checks, people give their posting rate). You read the interest check, you see whether this person is compatible with you on certain points, and you talk out others.
A daily poster, for example, or someone who posts multiple times in a day, might not be your ideal partner if you're wont to disappear for days at a time.
Also, most people don't take kindly to being ditched for long periods of time with no warning. As you said, you roleplayed with that person for a long time, so they most likely didn't take offense to this. A new partner, however, might get annoyed if you just up and leave for a week when you'd decided you were going to try to post at least once a day.
So really, it all comes back to ~communication~. It's always scary to try something with someone new, but you really won't ever roleplay if you don't put yourself out there. Tell the person (or people, if you're going to do a group thing) what you're able to do, how often, and if they're cool with that, then move forward with them. If not, then reach out to someone else.

Basically, be honest and considerate, don't be flaky, and take responsibility.

 

[Tove]

Staying in that one place you are only limiting yourself and missing out on a chance to meet other roleplayers that may be exactly what you are looking for.
I think we all at some point share a bit of fear when it comes to change or trying something different, but you won't know what will happen unless you put yourself out there.

Also, be up front and honest with anyone you might write with. Let them know about your schedule or anything in general communication is most important. That's how you build a partnership I like to think.

 

[Koriva]

The first thing you could try is having confidence in yourself and valuing your own input and needs. Obviously rp is a group activity. You need others as an rp'er or as a gm to make it a roleplaying experience, and not a solo fan fiction writing experience. So of course you need to be aware of other people's desires. The general tendencies of an rp population, and the attitudes of people you start a group with. Nothing is worse in an rp than joining for two weeks, then saying, "I was sooooo bussy that I couldn't stop in for 5 seconds to let you know I was disappearing to do a mid term". Nothing is worse than that type of inconsiderate person in an rp setting.

However, you need to value your own needs and own opinions. You need to know that the people you're rping with are compatible with your schedule at least. Are they weekly or daily posters? This matters and should be enough enough to dissuade you from joining the most fascinating rp, if you won't be comfortable in that setting.

But there's another thing you can do besides being confident that your needs matter. You can talk to the gm and to the other players. Just see what they're like and if they'll be a fit with you. There's no need to join a group blindly. You have the option to start a conversation(pm) with another person. Use it!

Thanks for your input
I do know that I should strive to be more confident. However, knowing and practicing are two different things. I tend to overstress about what the other party thinks and wants and ends up convincing myself out of trying new things. It's stupid, I know. I guess I've become a bit set in my ways, and now I'm forced to get out of my comfort zone for the first time in a long while. I'll probably muster the courage to just jump into the water at some point, but its not as easy for me as it used to be when I was in highschool.

 

[Koriva]

I suggest just throwing yourself out there. I don't think there's any other way to battle it. If what you're worried about is disappointing a stranger, then you should probably know that when you set up a roleplay, it's a . . . negotiation of sorts, in my experience, at least. It seems you were mostly roleplaying with this one person, mostly, so 1x1s (where there are only two of you) might be your thing. Very few people I've come across on here are dead-set on the way certain things should be done. So for example, if sporadic posting is a thing that you do, when approaching people, you should put that out there (in many interest checks, people give their posting rate). You read the interest check, you see whether this person is compatible with you on certain points, and you talk out others.
A daily poster, for example, or someone who posts multiple times in a day, might not be your ideal partner if you're wont to disappear for days at a time.
Also, most people don't take kindly to being ditched for long periods of time with no warning. As you said, you roleplayed with that person for a long time, so they most likely didn't take offense to this. A new partner, however, might get annoyed if you just up and leave for a week when you'd decided you were going to try to post at least once a day.
So really, it all comes back to ~communication~. It's always scary to try something with someone new, but you really won't ever roleplay if you don't put yourself out there. Tell the person (or people, if you're going to do a group thing) what you're able to do, how often, and if they're cool with that, then move forward with them. If not, then reach out to someone else.

Basically, be honest and considerate, don't be flaky, and take responsibility.

Thanks for your reply!
As odd as it may be, disappointing a stranger IS part of the problem. I tend to overstress about what others think, more than I should. I know I'm probably stressing over nothing. Most people are nice and cooperative, and I'm sure we'll be able to work out an arrangement that would benefit both of us, but somehow I manage to convince myself out of trying. I guess the only way to solve it is to take the leap of faith. Its almost funny, how easy it sohuld be yet how hard it is for me. I'll get there, though.

 

[Koriva]

Staying in that one place you are only limiting yourself and missing out on a chance to meet other roleplayers that may be exactly what you are looking for.
I think we all at some point share a bit of fear when it comes to change or trying something different, but you won't know what will happen unless you put yourself out there.

Also, be up front and honest with anyone you might write with. Let them know about your schedule or anything in general communication is most important. That's how you build a partnership I like to think.

Yup, its an irrational fear, really, because its not like anyone here knows me. And I really miss the thrill of a good RP. I'm limiting myself and its stupid, but even knowing that, its not easy to break that barrier.

 

[Bacon is fluffy]

Thanks for your reply!
As odd as it may be, disappointing a stranger IS part of the problem. I tend to overstress about what others think, more than I should. I know I'm probably stressing over nothing. Most people are nice and cooperative, and I'm sure we'll be able to work out an arrangement that would benefit both of us, but somehow I manage to convince myself out of trying. I guess the only way to solve it is to take the leap of faith. Its almost funny, how easy it sohuld be yet how hard it is for me. I'll get there, though.

Confidence in yourself, it's not easy to have. Even though I rp a lot and am used to others reading my stuff, it still is a little nerve wracking. But that's something that everyone has to go through.

If you're comfortable with spilling your heart to anons on the internet in this discussion forum. Then surely you can apply for an rp and write without worry. Because it should be much harder to admit you're nervous over something silly, than it is to pour your heart into a post for a rp plot that you love.

 

[Koriva]

Confidence in yourself, it's not easy to have. Even though I rp a lot and am used to others reading my stuff, it still is a little nerve wracking. But that's something that everyone has to go through.

If you're comfortable with spilling your heart to anons on the internet in this discussion forum. Then surely you can apply for an rp and write without worry. Because it should be much harder to admit you're nervous over something silly, than it is to pour your heart into a post for a rp plot that you love.

Well, posting this was actually my way of easing into it. It serves several purposes. The first of which is to get past the posting and interaction barrier. The second is to lay out the problem I feel I'm having in clear terms, getting feedback and actually looking at it myself with the clarity coming from writing it down and defining it for myself.
And it does help, as odd as it sounds.

 

[Bacon is fluffy]

Well, posting this was actually my way of easing into it. It serves several purposes. The first of which is to get past the posting and interaction barrier. The second is to lay out the problem I feel I'm having in clear terms, getting feedback and actually looking at it myself with the clarity coming from writing it down and defining it for myself.
And it does help, as odd as it sounds.

As long as your fears don't hold you back anymore, all is well and right in the rp world.

 

[Scarlet_MCRP]

I know exactly how you feel. My friend Saxis and I have been RPing on and off since 2006 or 2007. the site we used to use is gone, and it was hard finding a similar place, we found here and tried to create a group where we can RP together again but it always goes back to just me and his characters. I can't seem to focus, all I want to RP is with him, but I want more people but I can't seem to get myself to try very hard. I'm set in my ways, and why I can't give advice I just wanted to post a similar issue