Experiences Roleplaying with ADHD

[Jewel]

Heyo RPN, long time no... write!

I had a friend recently describe to me how she, as a symptom of her ADHD, is prone to dropping any current hobbies of hers at around the 6-month mark in exchange for new hobbies. She might be really into knitting for a while, and then suddenly she isn't, and mycology is her new thing. Something-something about her pursuit of hobbies being more like a sprint than a marathon.

This really resonated with me. Especially in relation to my own writing and online roleplaying habits. I get super-mega invested for months at a time and then suddenly (or occasionally, gradually), I no longer have a desire to participate in an activity which was really interesting to me just few weeks before. I wonder if anyone else here can relate to this phenomenon on RPN? If it's an ADHD trait or simply a characteristic of writing (or of online roleplaying in particular)?

Vanishing so suddenly from RPN makes me feel so bad for the folks I've ghosted too! It's nothing they did! (To anyone I may have ghosted reading this, it was not your fault xx)

What do you guys think? Does anyone else do this?


(^ /j) :-)

 

[Megilagor]

I mean I do have ADHD [well it's mostly under control but still].
But yes quicker loss of interest is one of the possible symptoms of ADHD, thankfully I don't have that instead I have problems with concentrating on something so instead of making one post taking a day, I sometimes making that one post takes me three days.

And to be perfectly honest ADHD is more like a spectrum since someone can have barely any symptoms of ADHD but some can have every symptom of it.
Some are born with it, others somehow develop ADHD after some time.

 

[Whisker]

I have ADHD and in my experience, this can be a symptom, but its also fairly normal in the world of roleplaying. People ghost or lose interest all the time for every reason under the sun. There's really no telling.

For me, I can hyperfocus on a rp (or other hobby) to the exclusion of most other things causing that rp to last for years and years, or I just can't - for whatever reason - focus on any of them and leave the site for untold weeks. As such, I never take on anymore than I can handle at once. Otherwise, its a trainwreck waiting to happen cause I will inevitably crash.

 

[BackSet]

Fourth ADHD person here and I've gotta say... most roleplays I'm in never really get far enough for me to be the one to drop them.

As mentioned before what you are describing is definitely an ADHD trait. I experience something similar, however, in that I have trouble focusing on a single project at a time and frequently split my focus between them, which often means that none of them get done. On the other hand, I also experience hyper focus, where I work on one project to the detriment of everything else. Of course, both of these things happen less frequently on RPN these days since I've not participated in Roleplays for some time and have only recently been trying to get back into the hobby.

That said, if you suspect you have ADHD you should probably get a professional opinion instead of just assuming. ADHD traits can manifest in people without ADHD.

 

[Starfall Dreams]

I have never been diagnosed with ADHD, but I can definitely relate to this. I tend to hyper-fixate on things that I really enjoy, but when my needs in this hyper-fixation aren't met, or if I find something equally as fun and interested, my interest in the first thing gets watered down really quick. This is why I often struggle with writing my own fantasy novel, because when I first started I was obsessed with the concept. But because the feedback from my readers have been lacking, I slowly started to lose interest.

The same is with roleplaying. I have been writing with my fiancé for over 10 years now, and we may have over a 100 different stories spread across our social medias; from Facebook, to Tumblr, to Discord. Some stories we never managed to finish, because after a couple of weeks being deeply invested in 1 story, we find ourselves getting a bit tired or burnt out, and so our activity goes downward until we find a different mutual interest that we want to work on.

This has made it especially difficult for me to keep roleplay partners, because it appears that (at least in my experience) my focus or hyper-fixation never lasts long enough for my writing partner to have patience with me. On top of other mental health issues, personal life responsibilities, and just the basic need for sleep, I end up never getting a message back from my writing partners because I haven't posted in the roleplay for a week or two.

But while I do try to keep the story moving, when I find myself not 100% interested in the story in that specific moment, I can just feel myself falling into a writing burn-out. I wish so desperately not to do that and keep it fun while it lasts, but that same feeling isn't always mutual with my writing partners at the time. That is why I am extremely anxious to even search for new partners in fear that I will just end up in the same loop over and over again, and thus, wasting time and energy.

 

[Malphaestus]

Everyone loses interest, one needs to invest interest to retain it. One needs to cultivate interest, and few do, because few are aware they have to. Very few people are magnetically drawn to something they can dedicate their life to, hobbies involve losing interest concurrently, but going back to them regardless. It is quite simply normal, passion is not endless, but you can make your hobby passionate by keeping to it. It is like going to the gym, even if you feel down, because you want to cultivate the procedure. It is like writing for a roleplay, even if you don't feel like it in the moment, because you want to cultivate your involvement.

It involves doing things even though you do not feel inspired to, which few do. Because it requires effort.

A mind on ADHD is, well, very different from a normal person's. In a wide variety of ways, and can result in effects which can seem similar to how a none-neurodivergent mind thinks, but in actuality, it is simply the result that is the same. The process, itself, is world's apart. You cannot, truly, judge a mind based on what the body does, which is the essence of why anything involving the mind is a difficult science to deal with. This is also the reason why I would steer clear from trying to compare yourself with neurodivergents without obvious suspicions about your own neurological condition.

But at the same time, each individual is different. And how their mind works is as much a mystery as there is. It is literally impossible to account for every detailed degree of individual specificity; people manage with their conditions, and others find it far harder to do so.

 

[weldherwings]

another adhd writer here!!
i'm not medicated, and i'm still on a waitlist to get a full assessment - but i'm currently taking phentermine prescribed by my doctor which has aided in some clear... mindness I suppose?

like many others have said, hyperfixation! haha I tend to hyperfixate on certain story lines and characters I create that I sometimes fear that i'm annoying my writing pals with how much I talk to them about it (mainly you floralmoon and Chimney Swift and neon reverie I'm so sorry!!!!)!! the only way I will struggle with stories is when my partner goes quiet. out of sight, out of mind, right? so if I don't get a message from them for weeks or even months, I just sort of forget about it until that person messages me out of the blue and - bang! my muse is back?? so strange?? i also get incredibly invested in my stories and plot lines, and when someone does approach to say that they want to finish it, I sometimes let my emotions get to me about it and mourn. but if someone ghosts me? homie, it takes me weeks to realise and by then I'm like "oh..."

the thing I lose interest and fire in is, strangely enough, coding. if I don't code for a small period of time (like, say a week), I come back to it and i'm like... how do I do that again??? and then because I can't remember how to do it the first time, I get frustrated with myself and just give up altogether!

 

[kendo]

I wasn't expecting to be called out today but here I am. lol
I'm also on the waitlist to get a full assessment for ADHD (unfortunately, there is a shortage of psychologists and psychiatrists in my country) but I resonate with a lot of experiences in these posts. re: ghosting, how it happens for me is: Full of energy and inspiration > bursts of posts > lose energy > lose inspiration > anxiety about not having inspiration > don't write, procrastinate > accidentally ghost and apologize > continue not to write, procrastinate > have anxiety about ghosting > ghost completely.

 

[JaylenLikesCats]

I too suffer from ADHD. I get anxious and I find it hard to focus on a RP I'm doing. Then I feel intimidated when my responses feel short because I struggle with writing and I don't like making my partner feel like they are doing extra work. It's exhausting and stressful and a lot of times I feel like giving up. It's mostly why I haven't bothered putting up new Ads, well that and my recent breakdown on the forums. (Still feel embarrassed about that.)

Finally, someone I can relate too, you don't understand how much it means to see someone with the same issues of feeling overly intimidated, and overthinking every single little word I type, thinking it's never enough, when most times it's just fine, and no one really pays mind to it. I've started to take note, and realized when I'm on medication, all the fear and dread goes away, and I can blissfully shell out responses without thinking people are judging me and breaking down what I type. I never knew that my preference in roleplay could be directly linked to ADHD, but reading everyone else responses and yours here, pretty sure it's the culprit.

 

[Jannah]

This is literally me and it does make RP, and even my personal writing projects, difficult. I will be ultra-fixated on one subject and want to RP nothing but that one subject. By the time I manage to successfully find said RP I'll often lose interest. For me to truly become invested in a RP and stick with it I really have to have partners I click with super well. By this I mean similar creative visions, matching writing styles, etc.

 

[Gears]

I have ADHD and usually just obsess over one RP and drop out of others.

 

[Jet]

Everyone loses interest, one needs to invest interest to retain it. One needs to cultivate interest, and few do, because few are aware they have to. Very few people are magnetically drawn to something they can dedicate their life to, hobbies involve losing interest concurrently, but going back to them regardless. It is quite simply normal, passion is not endless, but you can make your hobby passionate by keeping to it. It is like going to the gym, even if you feel down, because you want to cultivate the procedure. It is like writing for a roleplay, even if you don't feel like it in the moment, because you want to cultivate your involvement.

It involves doing things even though you do not feel inspired to, which few do. Because it requires effort.

A mind on ADHD is, well, very different from a normal person's. In a wide variety of ways, and can result in effects which can seem similar to how a none-neurodivergent mind thinks, but in actuality, it is simply the result that is the same. The process, itself, is world's apart. You cannot, truly, judge a mind based on what the body does, which is the essence of why anything involving the mind is a difficult science to deal with. This is also the reason why I would steer clear from trying to compare yourself with neurodivergents without obvious suspicions about your own neurological condition.

But at the same time, each individual is different. And how their mind works is as much a mystery as there is. It is literally impossible to account for every detailed degree of individual specificity; people manage with their conditions, and others find it far harder to do so.

I really agree with this.

I don't want to be callous to those with ADHD, who simply can't focus on a project for a long time. This isn't about you guys, but for the community as a whole? There's a lot of complacency where, as soon as initial cravings go away, people ghost instead of taking any accountability.

These are collaborative projects, so when you ghost a 1x1 or your own projects, you're tanking the hard work of other people. So we should all try our best to soldier through down periods and, as you said, cultivate interest and consciously try to be dedicated.

The lack of this, is why RPs die 99% of the time.

It's completely normal to lose interest in things over time, and motivation comes and goes, but dedication lasts forever. That's what separates casual writers from novel writers, simply the dedication to write 500 words a day without quitting, until you've got twenty chapters of a book. Then you look back on your novel and feel tremendous pride for what you accomplished, despite the down days and struggles you faced.

Call me arrogant, preachy, a gatekeeper etc, but for a successful RP, people need to stop looking at their projects like a trip to Disneyland, and more like climbing a mountain. You will be tired and exhausted, sometimes you'll want to quit and turn around, but then you'll never finish. You'll never feel the pride of "Wow we did that!" when you're done, and if you ghost, mainly as a GM or 1x1 partner, you're robbing others of that feeling.

That's not to say you should push on despite anything that happens. There are plenty of valid reasons to quit an RP, but we should all respect the time and effort of our partners.

And if you know you lack the dedication (only for neuro-typical people) to complete projects, then definitely avoid 1x1s and GMing. Stick to group membership where quitting doesn't kill the project. I think most people with severe ADHD should take this route as well, because you shouldn't be excluded from the community. At the same time, you shouldn't start a project you know you'll never complete, unless you make that clear to your members. You should extend the same courtesy to 1x1 partners as well, and at least explain your issues before diving into a project.

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

This isn't about you guys, but for the community as a whole? There's a lot of complacency where, as soon as initial cravings go away, people ghost instead of taking any accountability.

These are collaborative projects, so when you ghost a 1x1 or your own projects, you're tanking the hard work of other people. So we should all try our best to soldier through down periods and, as you said, cultivate interest and consciously try to be dedicated.

The lack of this, is why RPs die 99% of the time.

A friend and I were kinda talking about this like two days ago, where a GM had shut down a group because they decided things had become too slow, after the game had been running for over two years, and my friend was frustrated because she didn't see it that way when she had like eight active scenes. Roleplays go through slow periods because life interferes, and the ones that last are the ones with the players who have learned to endure through these periods. Another group we both joined late had lasted for a while, too, and it was arguably slow for like a few months or so, but it had subsisted on that pacing because the GMs and the players were still committed.

In fairness, these were both sandboxes without a true plot, so there wasn't meant to be an actual end, but it did sever arcs that had been ongoing or otherwise left people disappointed.

Definitely not saying that I don't have a whole graveyard of groups and 1x1s that I killed, that I haven't ghosted or chased whims or joined games just for the need to scratch a creative itch, or to join something for the fear of missing out, only to become overwhelmed or what have you, but I have been trying to practice the art of discipline. It can go a long way.

 

[GojiBean]

Hoyo!

As someone with ADHD myself, I don't know if this can be attributed to it. Perhaps it's just that she hasn't found the right permanent outlet, but I know I did.

Taking up martial arts when I was young really helped me with bringing the ADHD under control, which was great because the medication at the time (I'm old, shut up) was just taking away my appetite and made me unhealthily thin for my age and size at the time.

As I got older I took up guitar in high school, and that's been an obsession ever since. I still play every single night to some extent, even if it's just to jam to some of my favorite tracks.

So yeah, I don't know if the hobby-hopping is an ADHD thing or if it's just because your friend has a mind that requires constant stimulation and challenges. It sounds like every time they advance enough to get a decent level of proficiency their brain is starved for a new challenge, so they move on. But, I'm not a psychologist. So take this all with a grain of salt. It's just my observations.

Cheers!

 

[Walliver]

I have no idea if I have ADHD or not, but I’ve had similar experiences. Sometimes it will be vampires, sometimes it will be zombies, and then all of a sudden I won’t be able to RP at all. Often, I will have a big burst of energy where I join 3 RPs at once and end up dropping out of all of them. It doesn’t happen as often if I GM- control over the situation, something or other- but it happens quite often and I end up disappointing a lot of really cool people.

Only advice I, personally, can give is this: don’t overestimate yourself. If you want to rp, try to stick to one or two that you can pour your energy into. If you’re too spread out, you burn out way faster.

(Also don’t give into the temptation to make a second character!)

 

[Jet]

I have no idea if I have ADHD or not, but I’ve had similar experiences. Sometimes it will be vampires, sometimes it will be zombies, and then all of a sudden I won’t be able to RP at all. Often, I will have a big burst of energy where I join 3 RPs at once and end up dropping out of all of them. It doesn’t happen as often if I GM- control over the situation, something or other- but it happens quite often and I end up disappointing a lot of really cool people.

Only advice I, personally, can give is this: don’t overestimate yourself. If you want to rp, try to stick to one or two that you can pour your energy into. If you’re too spread out, you burn out way faster.

(Also don’t give into the temptation to make a second character!)

Totally agree.

Moderation and self control are so important in this community, but neither are valued. In fact the opposite is often encouraged, like people should thoughtlessly make any content they're craving, at the expense of what already exists.

This community shoots itself in the foot because so many people won't criticize anyone, and if you do criticize people, you risk being brigaded and insulted by "accepting and kind" clowns, who LARP as decent people.

I also respect that you step your game up when you GM. That shows a lot of self awareness.

 

[Walliver]

Totally agree.

Moderation and self control are so important in this community, but neither are valued. In fact the opposite is often encouraged, like people should thoughtlessly make any content they're craving, at the expense of what already exists.

This community shoots itself in the foot because so many people won't criticize anyone, and if you do criticize people, you risk being brigaded and insulted by "accepting and kind" clowns, who LARP as decent people.

I also respect that you step your game up when you GM. That shows a lot of self awareness.

Thanks, that means a lot.

 

[Purr]

Heyo RPN, long time no... write!

I had a friend recently describe to me how she, as a symptom of her ADHD, is prone to dropping any current hobbies of hers at around the 6-month mark in exchange for new hobbies. She might be really into knitting for a while, and then suddenly she isn't, and mycology is her new thing. Something-something about her pursuit of hobbies being more like a sprint than a marathon.

This really resonated with me. Especially in relation to my own writing and online roleplaying habits. I get super-mega invested for months at a time and then suddenly (or occasionally, gradually), I no longer have a desire to participate in an activity which was really interesting to me just few weeks before. I wonder if anyone else here can relate to this phenomenon on RPN? If it's an ADHD trait or simply a characteristic of writing (or of online roleplaying in particular)?

Vanishing so suddenly from RPN makes me feel so bad for the folks I've ghosted too! It's nothing they did! (To anyone I may have ghosted reading this, it was not your fault xx)

What do you guys think? Does anyone else do this?

View attachment 1057140
(^ /j) :-)

Jewel

O.K.. It's my turn. =)

To answer your question, Jewel, no.

I have never ghosted on anyone. I make it clear every time I leave a game that I am leaving and what the problem is. If I don't post this to the the entire group, then I share this in Conversation with the Game Master. I practice doing the opposite of ghosting - I give the people I play the respect they deserve and I wish them well. And I mean it!

You may wonder if I have ADHD? Oh boy, do I! My family knew early on that I was going to be different. The best science in the business at the time (and still in my opinion) not only provided me with what I was living with but how to help live with it. What I was and am living with is moderate-to-severe ADHD. Severe meaning I literally cannot function. No exaggeration. I must sleep, get fed quality food and liquid, and have lots peace and quiet in order to return to the state nearly everyone else calls "normal."

Why? Well, I am on the spectrum that makes my brain prone to headaches and migraines (but not cluster migraines! A fact I am intensely grateful for!). I have emotional dysfunction too and more. I am super-Dannigan one hour and foggy-headed the next hour and somewhere in the between the hour after that.

But this is the Dannigan you are getting - because regardless of the cards life has dealt me, I am responsible for my own actions.

My incurable neurodevelopmental disorder is both a blessing and a curse because I enjoy benefits and suffer all kinds of issues sometimes at the same time. But you will never see me blaming other people for mistakes that are clearly mine. I own my mistakes, I set out and learn as best as I am able how to fix my own mistakes, and then (because knowing is not enough), I sure as heck act on what I have learned. Why? Because I want to do the right thing and grow during the process.

All to be a happier Dannigan in the long run. All to be closer to the human being I want to be. All for the dear people who choose to spend their time with me in Real Life or on RP Nation.

So not only do I not ghost, I can't stand it when people do. In both of the games I run, I make it clear in my Expectations spoiler in my Shop Talk section that ghosting is not only not cool, Players WILL get kicked for ghosting. It has happened. We voted on it. Now that person does not play in my games any longer (much to the sorrow of everyone involved, myself included). I wish that person well!

So yeah. When I join a game? You can count on me! I am there! 100% (sometimes more, just ask my fellow Players)! I appreciate. I contribute. I care and act on that care. I take Real Life into account. I put in more than I take. I make characters built-to-last for games I hope will last for years! I never ghost!

And why?

Because I believe there are enough jerks in the world and I am not about to add to their number. =)

So my fellow ADD/ADHD tribemates and your friends too - don't ghost. Own your feelings and treat the human beings you play games with with respect. With honesty. Haven't you ever felt like total crud because someone made you feel bad for your ADHD? For something you can in no way change?

Well, you can battle that. By being real with yourself! By being real with those you care about! By giving no time to the jerks in the world because you refuse to be a jerk yourself. Instead, you can work towards a happier you - a you that you would rather hang out with, right?

Start by not ghosting. Ever.

Honor and fun (or yours in neurodivergency),
Dannigan =)

 

[MisterBobbyPin]

I have ADHD also and my suggestion is to not really spread yourself out. I find that having a small number of roleplays allows me to not get as distracted.