Gao
[sad jester jingle noises]
THE KINGSLAYER.
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่นไบ ่ฎ
FUNAI REN
ใ
ใ
MOOD
BEHAVING
LOCATION
LEVIATHAN HALLWAY
MENTIONS
HELLO VAS
BLUE AS INDIGO โ TIGERCUB.
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HERETIC BOY,
you should know: hate misshapes even the most woodland into something that would rather die in captivity than domesticate.
CHAPTER ONE.
Itโs his nature to withdraw from crowded rooms and find respite away from the churning tumult. Developed from youth when the only problem traits inherited were restless bones and hungry eyes, the same boy has grown to disfavour being nudged around like malleable driftwood.
It swims across skin and consumes the tepid current in his body; not all rivers are made to be safely crossed, and this one can feel his mood curdle sour at the fourth, fifth, sixth disturbance; can feel his joints instinctively pull away from the seventh, eighth, ninth brush of shoulders.
It is not their fault, some rational part knows this, but the anger still settles baited and unsated, settles on all fours and is bleeding a waspish static that seeks to throttle bacon fat necks by tight frilly collars. Even someone like Ren must stop to contemplate if bloodying his fists on drunks is worth the retaliation that was sure to ensue, and even someone warm and conversational must slip away from his love of company to find solace in colder, quieter places. Knows the weighted risk of lingering and chooses to step outside of the mess hall for this very reason. Doesn't trust those aboard this ship to temper his hate of crowds with alcohol so soon; doesnโt trust his own temper to stay tethered and well-mannered and keep him out of trouble.
A warm bread roll taken with the residue practice of a criminal was just the comfort Ren had been looking for, as it was easy to forget that he, at face-value, was allowed to linger and soak in the splendour of the boarding night celebrations. This fact does not purge how he still careens the borders of affability and corruption, crests naturally with his conversational nature, crooks naturally with his dishonesty and arrogance.
He was here for the King, he was not lying, but failed to specify he was not here by being personally appointed through a nicely wax-stamped letter, but by the drive of his own sour motive. For the King in the way of gladiatorial pollice verso where the thumb turns to signal their fate, For the King in the way an axe cleaves clean through an exposed nape and wets the sand in red.
He is a well-travelled man that comes from a respected family, he was not lying, yet failed to specify it was he and he alone who respected his mother and father. Respected in the way a boy hates to upset his mother, respected in the way a boy wants to make his father proud.
Heโd spent time at sea with a crew that still wanted him back, he was not lying, yet failed to specify the stint of piracy with the carmine corsairs and how their wanting was less of admiration, more of a looming death-threat. Want him in the way a cruel-beaked eagle perches outside a gash in the soil where a meadow mouse cowers, want him in the way vultures pull till vinegary meat snaps away from sun-baked carrion.
It is the only failure he will actively engage to have, always dishonestly honest. Glass half full or glass half empty, one only thinks the latter if they are not aware there was once more in the cup. If they take the glass as a whole fruit, the core and pit and skin and fail to notice it has been hollowed and weighed with sawdust, they expect nothing else in their short-lasting beliefs.
Risky, maybe; though what there was of flintlock decisions and running on instinct in his life, it is all he has ever truly had.
If only it had not been, If only he had not been at all. Who knows exactly whether this veneer was marrow-made in womb or learned as a necessary tactic in Zenith alleys.
Who knows if he is much different, for when young the only frame of perspective is close to the ground, and keeping wary vigilance would require a line of sight above juvenile height. Fickle things such as stature or status does not stop a thieving child from tearing across bridging piers till he collides his motherโs leg. A hand latches the back of his shirt before he has the haste to scurry and escapeโ the plan is foiled! โand the child is lifted just enough to scrabble along by his tiptoes as she marches him right back to apologise for the stolen bread held in his mouth.
He tries to imagine what heโd tell his mother if he ran into her here. Reasoning would be only half formed, weak with connective tissue needed to communicate much sense. Uncertain how to articulate being on a royal vessel with not-so-royal intent, he is not sure how his mother would feel about what he expects to be his final misguided decision.
Part of him hopes she will just think he settled somewhere nice.
Here on the Leviathan at the peak of both height and freedom, his mother cannot hold him like a handbag. Embraced by an illusion that consequences or attachment cannot rise to meet him like a rocky shore is a temporary comfort, his temporary sawdust fruit. It is an illusionary faith that if he does not acknowledge what mistakes have him casting looks over shoulder with the frequency of a criminal, then he can spend his time onboard the ship as a pious man. Somebody new, somebody free of mistakes and unaware of the familiar faces he is yet to recognize.
As he leans on the wall of the hallway and turns the butterscotch metal over in his hand in calculation of how much this weight would be worth, the hairpin is to prove a reminder that it is difficult to unbind the past from the present, unbind care and motive. Risk having it marionette bone and tendon through thieving motions with atavistic reflex, risk having the same past turn the corner and stand within his estimation.
Two truths and a lie:
He planned to give the ornate hairpin to his mom when he next saw her.
He legally obtained this hairpin from a Zenith market stall.
The owner of the hairpin was scorching him with an accusatory stare.
Hang on.
That's unfair.
Before he has the mind to hide it, what looks to be horror and insult inches up and steals away to his face. An unspoken, Why you?!โ He recognises the blonde no doubt, for even with the yolky alloy and ruby gem in his hand, they rival like a golden constellation, hair wreathing curls like wildflowers and features carved like marble blades fresh from whetstone.
The past is a revenant haunt, and it has been only hours since Ren boarded the ship with an oath to be good only to have that aspiration crumble like rotten foundations at the sight of his latest victim; now a threat to his longevity on this vessel. The saying that someone can never escape their past resonates like a painful echo.
Artless as only a movement crafted out of guilt could be, Ren sheepishly pinches the rim of his hat to pull it lower, and turns his head to rub the same hand against his temple in an inconspicuous attempt to shy his face from view.
If he does not look at them, they are not real.
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