Story Rewrite of My Life

Life.

Forever Wandering
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This is a developing story of mine. Originally this started out in the blogs of Rpn, before the update. Now I will be putting them here. They will be broken into parts like how I originally started and will continue to be in parts. But to present them nicely they'll be in tabs. Read if you will, enjoy if you want. Main reason I'm posting this is cause I want it to be public and well so I have a place to keep them besides Google Docs. Well besides that, I bid you a fair day.


  • Another day, another class. My eyes aimlessly wandered around the room as I awaited for the beginning time for lecture. From the first day of classes I designated a seat at the end of the fifth row of the middle section seating of the auditorium. It allowed for easier access to exit once class ended so that I wouldn't be late to my next lecture. Some students were busy reviewing over notes, others browsing through their electronics, but most were huddled in groups talking in low voices about themselves. I unconsciously released a small sigh at the sight of people happily getting along. It's already been well over a month into the semester and I have to acquire a "friend". It also doesn't help that most mornings the seat next to me stays empty for the entirety of the lecture.

    Most of the time I don't care for interaction but lately I've began feeling the edge of loneliness. My brain also reasoned that with a companion it'd be easier to study. Not a good excuse to procrastinate but I can't find myself focusing on work. As I sat there lost in thought, more people began arriving. The auditorium was slowly filling up. Not trying to have high hopes, I pulled my bag closer to me to allow easier access to walk through the row. But as the lights dimmed to signal the start of class I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Even the presence of a random stranger would be appreciated.

    Dismissing my petty thoughts and emotions I shifted my focus onto the material of the class. Fifteen minutes past and my mind begins to wander again. Ugh why is it so hard to focus?

    Lost in internally scolding myself I didn't notice a presence standing next to me as someone softly asked, "Is someone sitting there?" My initial thought was, 'Does it look like I'm saving it for someone?' But I automatically answered with a no. With the little distraction my mind re-focused itself onto the lecture once more refreshed from the small break. As the person began accommodating themselves to the seat I couldn't help but suddenly feel conscious of my actions. This was always an automatic thought process of mine. Are they judging my handwriting? Perhaps they're trying to see what they missed? Will they like to be my friend? The last thought is always far fetched though and my eyes close to the silliness of the thought.

    Once I opened my eyes back up I decided to steal a glance at who was sitting next to me. Initially I didn't even look up to see their face or appearance or anything like that. In the midst of a semi-darkened room I could only grasp distinct features from the profile. But a tiny part of my brain was silently judging the appearance of the person. They were obviously a female who appeared to be around the same age as me. Clean face, unlike mine, and dirty blonde hair, compared to my dark brown color. Before she could catch me looking my eyes diverted away and fixed themselves onto the lecture slides for the rest of the time.

    As the time approached the end I began putting away my things, readying myself to bolt out the door, so that I could get out of the way for others. But as I was standing up in unison with those fast escapees of class I felt a sudden pain shoot up my leg from my foot. I looked down and saw a Yeti cup that was instantly picked up the moment it landed on my foot. "I'm so sorry," came the fast apology. "You're fine," was my instant response. I turned not wanting to stay any longer but ended up getting stuck to the back of the crowd. A slight frown came on my face.

    "Again I'm so sorry. You didn't get wet or anything right?" the girl came up right behind me. Her height reached to my shoulders. My eyes looked down and saw she was clenching the cup tightly till her knuckles were white not wanting to experience that embarrassment once more. "No, you're good." I had nothing else to say.

    "My name's Vivian by the way."
    I found it odd how she was introducing herself suddenly but to be polite I responded back, "Name's Riley." As soon as I felt that crowd diminishing I quickly made my way up the slope. Right before I walked out of the building I heard Vivian shout out something, "Have a good day!" I politely responded, "You too!"
    Don't get your hopes up. This is probably the only morning you'll ever see her.

    Or so I thought.
 
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I can really identify with the character Riley. I am getting ready to start college and I am in a new city and would really like to make friends. However I always feel kind of hopeless at social interactions. I just read part one but I will continue reading!
 
I will have to continue the parts on this post now cause damn BBCode is funking up on me with the initial post cause originally I started using Rich Text Editor then changed over to manual BBCode but it keeps spazzing out. So just to ensure that it doesn't mess up the first four parts (and drive my sanity up the wall) I shall continue them here. Now if it starts freaking after a while then I will just continue onto a new post as well.



  • Slowly but thankfully winter break came and went. I didn’t do much, as expected, during the break except lounged around and spent time with my dogs. I didn’t hear much from Vivian except for few text messages giving me a blessing for great holidays. The last time I saw the crazy chick was when we were carpooling to Houston. Turns out that her home was on the way to my house so I was able to drop her off, but not before she had her parents come down to introduce themselves to me. They were equally as crazy as Vivian. It was odd though because Vivian appeared to be a little down when I began driving off.

    It was even odder when she said I didn't need to pick her up on the way back to school. Being the nice person I am, I triple-checked with her to ensure that she didn't need a ride back. It worried me. But due to my horrible sense of direction and memory I couldn't drive back to where her home was so I decided to drive back to school by myself. I hated this though. The power I didn't have to actually hunt down my newly made friend and check to see everything was okay. But there was very little I knew about Vivian. Perhaps she has her reasons is the conclusion I tell myself in the end. It was an ambiguous answer to my questions but I didn't want to interfere with what she might be going through.

    -------------------------------------

    The beginning of the spring semester started out once again like it did first semester, except this time I stayed alone. No one paid me any attention, and in return I didn't either. This loneliness was severely inflicting on my mind and heart though. I never realized how much social interaction was necessary to me, a human. My spirits began to dwindle and my grades were chipped away a bit as well. But I held on until Spring Break, where I would be able to visit some old friends and attend a long-awaited concert. There I mentally forced a goal on my mind to continue striving through the emptiness until the break. It was difficult I'm not gonna lie. Seeing all the interactions of others on campus and all the activities going on, it was hard. So why can't I simply just start a conversation? Well it isn't as simple as it seems. The internal conflict of facing embarrassment or perhaps failing to actually start a new friendship is scary to experience.

    Then there's also the case that Vivian never talked to me once since school started. We didn't have any classes together though, but I texted her several times hoping for a response. Silence was the only answer. I reasoned with myself that maybe she got a new phone or she might be in the hospital or something (of course not wishing this upon her). My pessimistic part of my conscious was trying to say that she was only pretending to be my friend just so I could help her with tutoring. I mostly ignored this logic, but at some point I nearly believed it, and hated myself for that.

    But Spring Break was here and I pulled myself out from the abyss of sadness and mentally said a positive mantra to forget about past emotions and burdens.

    ----------------------------------------

    Being it was Houston the weather was hot, slightly humid, and windy all at once. Laughter, screams, and cheers can be heard all around me. The concert that I was attending was taking place in the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, an event I look forward to every year. It was a combination of a carnival, livestock show, rodeo, and concert. Of course not all the events happening at once but all within the same day. And this was also the time for people to showcase their "cowboy gear". I didn't own any type of attire close to "cowboy" or "western" so I stuck with a plain black tee, jeans that somewhat flared out at the bottom, and some casual boots (not cowboy boots).

    It was a day of fun for sure. But it is conceptually fascinating how within the same person such contrasting emotions can be felt, the only difference affecting them, setting. I was at a joyous place with friends and no worries about any schoolwork for a bit. I even forgot about Vivian until it was close to the time of the concert.

    I was out of breath from much adrenaline and laughter. My shirt was sticking to some parts of my skin due to perspiration and my hair was a mess from the wind. The sun was setting and blasted us with its final rays before the end of the day. It was when I was raising up my hand to block some of the sun's rays when I saw a familiar figure. She was wearing a sleeveless, buttoned, blue top, light blue jeans, and black boots. Her back was to me. But it seemed as if she felt a pair of eyes on her for she turned and saw me. I was frozen. Not a single breath left my mouth and my glasses were slowly sliding down the bridge of my nose. A sad smile was on her face when she finally saw who was looking at her. At that moment I didn't know how I should've felt, because there was so much over the past weeks that I've felt towards Vivian. But then a sort of shock back to reality made my head turn towards my sister who was pulling me by the arm to follow her, "C'mon it's almost time. Let's go or we'll be late." Oh right the concert. But wait what about Vivian? I turned back my head to where I saw her, but she was nowhere to be seen. My heart ached a bit. Was it all just a mirage? "Riley c'mon. If you don't hurry the shirts will sale out!" one of my friends shouted out.

    "Hold your horses I'm coming!" I called back, masking the pain I was currently feeling. But as I followed after my friends I internally calmed myself down. If I didn't I wouldn't enjoy the concert and I really didn't want anything to taint the happiness I was feeling for the concert. And I especially didn't want it to affect my friends' feelings as well. It took some effort but with the help of the music I was able to forget about what just (or might not have) happened.


 
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This is not bad. The writing is clear for the most part and the story interesting enough to keep me reading to the end. Hopefully I'll run across it again later when there is more.
 

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