~Rebirth: Rise From Discord~

HighnessesReign said:
@Shura @Tree
I posted my character, please tell me if I should fix anything.
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Considering my character has ADHD too, that aspect seems a bit redundant. I don't know if Tree or Shura care, but I can change mine a bit I guess.
 
[QUOTE="Lord Jaraxxus]Considering my character has ADHD too, that aspect seems a bit redundant. I don't know if Tree or Shura care, but I can change mine a bit I guess.

[/QUOTE]
Huh? Oh no, please don't! I'll simply change mine!
 
@HighnessesReign - I would like to see a revamped list of strengths and weaknesses. Your character might be leaning a little far toward mary sueish, moreso than we would like. Shoot for weaknesses that are more... weaknesses.
 
@HighnessesReign - I would like to remind that this is mostly a survival game so chances are a character who might leave someone who brings nothing but bad luck to them, behind. I'm also unsure about this "curse"
 
It's no big deal. Just thought i'd give you a heads up on what we're concerned about at a first glance.
 
@Shura


I'm sorry! I'll fix everything and re-write the history, unless this is a subtle way of telling me I'm not accepted and it's altogether a terrible character then please tell me and I'll stop bugging you all.
 
@HighnessesReign - I'll be honest with you. I don't want to turn you away.


Strengths and weaknesses need to be revamped, as I said. Get more strengths that are actual strengths, and weaknesses that are actual weaknesses. If you need an example, look to Lotus San's CS for guidance.


The mary sue-ish nature comes in the fact that she's excellent at hand to hand, acrobatic and quick on her feet. If you look at the list of strengths for others, we're trying to play off of each other's flaws and strengths. If one character has a lot of strength attributes such as those, it eliminates the need for team play. Also, no one is meant to be the protagonist; though that's not particularly an issue with you, and i'm aware of this.


Also, the writing sample is nice - but keep in mind that we are looking for consistency. If you could post that much on a constant basis, maybe once every two days at least without anyone having to bug you to post, we would be very happy.


I'm excited to see the changes you make!
 
@Tree


Thank you Mr Tree...I'll try my best! And try to make an acceptable character which is really unique, not a Mary Sue and...and other things!
 
@Shura @Tree


Thank you for your kindness, I re-typed my history and threw out the curse then fixed my weaknesses and strengths to try and make them more balanced.


Thank you for your points of criticism, they'll help me with any of my characters in the future.
 
Tree said:
@HighnessesReign - I'll be honest with you. I don't want to turn you away.
Strengths and weaknesses need to be revamped, as I said. Get more strengths that are actual strengths, and weaknesses that are actual weaknesses. If you need an example, look to Lotus San's CS for guidance.
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Aww I'm an example :3


<3 Tree
 
I am so sorry I haven't posted my character sheet yet. It took a while for me to figure out what I wanted to do but I will finally have something ready by tonight. I hope there is still room? I saw that there are already more than 10 characters posted...
 
Tree and I are deciding what to do since I hadn't anticipated so many people. You are more than welcome to still make a CS back up plans are being made.


Sent from Tapatalk


 
Heads Up

Due to the sheer number of people who have signed up to be in this RP @Godman873 @LotusSan

@Alsmen @Rifleman @Kharmin @Karma200 @HighnessesReign @Draven Valentine @Flawless @Mad Prince of Sanity @Der Kojote @Demensia @The Kaosophile @Hales@WritingMan
 
@Hales - First, enhanced dexterity already has 2 players so it is not a viable option. I'm not quite sure if the history of your character would be possible. Mostly because the world has been taken over by a very oppressive overlord. One where if you question of guard or refuse an order they would be publicly disciplined and/or put in prison. (child or adult this would have happened) Other thing is a male heavy group, with the person leading it being male, granted my character will provide guidance as well.


Other things to possibly help your character in general:

  • Dyslexia does not mean a person cannot read or write. It is difficult but not impossible. So with private tutors she would have gotten a good grasp on it.
  • How could a bastard child have access to the family funds. Especially if the grand parents didn't like her.A private account where her mother puts in money is more believable.
  • Someone who lived in the lap of luxury and used to the finer thing would have a very difficult time surviving on their own without any kind of guidance.
  • How would not listening to men affect her when traveling alone for 4 years. There had to be issues with that when on her own. If only because she probably would have been seen as a child and treated as one. So often told to do things or talked down to in general.
  • In terms of the knife combat the reverse would be true. Fighting close quarters combat would be much easier than ranged combat with a knife. She would have great accuracy and possibly be able to strike a vital point before the person could grab her. Normally when someone is taught self defense they are taught in a manner which accounts more for close combat than ranged.

​
 
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I will set to work on fixing some things. Thank you for the criticism. I appreciate it. As far as dyslexia goes, I understand what it is and I do later mention that she can read with difficulty. It just frustrates her to the point where she doesn't find further learning to be worth it. I can modify her access to the funds so that her mother places some money in a private trust for her. Would her traveling in a situation where she doesn't like men be more believable if she had one or two servants travelling with her whom she has received fly been separated from? One of them could be a male guard of her own, although that doesn't necessarily mean she would trust him the most. Although Piper doesn't like men, she is not stupid enough to get herself in a situation where she would have to refuse someone with the power to hurt her. She would probably have her servants do most of the talking in that situation.


Also, I thought the plan was for the group to eventually be working as a group hopefully to some level of effectiveness. In a situation like that I don't picture a person to be barking orders all the time. If it is phrased as a request or suggestion, Piper has no issue with it and it is possible for men to earn her trust, just difficult.
 
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Ah alright. As per traveling with servant sit might help. Though it might be easier to include in the CS that she came across someone, most likely female, who was a traveler and learned from her how to survive. This way you dont have to worry about NPC characters but she still knows how to survive. You could also have it so that this woman taught her how to hide her disdain for men and how to manipulate them. It could help to better flesh out your character especially if you have something happen to her mentor. @Hales
 
As soon as my sister is done on the computer, I will make some changes. I am on my tablet right now and I don't quite trust my typing on here when it comes to the character sheet with the way autocorrect works.
 
@Shura I updated my character sheet and I actually used your suggestion of a female friend teaching her how to survive. I think I addressed all the points you brought up. Please let me know if there is anything else that does not work/could be improved/needs clarification.
 
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