Advice/Help Purple prose: How to avoid/spot it?

[Cephalop0ds_]

For those unaware, purple prose is a writing style characterized by being too flowery and ornate, taking value from the original text.

For example:

The beast plunged it's claws into the stream, successfully impaling his prey.

Sounds way better than.

The Purple Bear vigioursly plundered the ethereal mists of shattered molecules, impaling Mother Nature's Omega 3 loaded yummies.

But even then, it's no as obvious as these examples. I feel like I'm too verbose and I'd like to cut it down to avoid being an eyesore.

 

[Cephalop0ds_]

Alright, thanks!

 

[Owl Knight]

There is a fine line between really poetic writing and purple prose, and much of it has to do with the reader.

For example, many people think that Patrick Rothfuss' writing is vivid and poetic, but I personally find his prose to be unnecessarily purple. I don't really know who is right in this case, because it's very subjective.

"A silver fish jumped from the water and splashed back down"

"A fish broke the surface of the water, it's silver scales glinting in the cool morning light for a brief instant before it dove back down and vanished"

"A bounding fish burst from the glimmering water, it's scales flashing like bright silver in the cool light cast by the early morning sun, before it wheeled like an acrobat to plunge back to the neptunian depths."

For me, one of these is a tad Hemingwayish and simple, the other is overly verbose for what it is describing, but the middle ground is interesting to read without feeling like the writer just discovered the Thesaurus.

I think of purple prose as not just verbosity, but overly flowery writing.

For example: "He gazed deep into the cerulean pools of her soft blue orbs."

This is like the ur example of purple prose. It's a little cringe to call eyes "orbs" and a fancy pants word like "cerulean" feels like it's trying too hard.

"He gazed deep into her eyes, as blue as the depths of the sea..."

This is still a tad dramatic, but it uses a clear simile that communicates both the color of her eyes and the depth he perceives in them.

In the end, it's all down to preference, but if you really want to avoid purple prose, the thing to remember is that your word choices should make your writing intentions clear. Complex writing can still achieve this, but some of the most successful writers actually write in a deceptively simple style. Their work is memorable for its clarity, not its complexity.

 

[Idea]

I’m pretty much with Sugarnaut on this one, though from a different angle. I do think purple prose should be avoided, but being more or less verbose isn’t the sole defining trait of it, and some writing styles will simply tend to employ more words than others. It’s of course best if you can use more efficient and diversified wording for your meaning, but while you can reduce the words used, you can conversely increase meaning.

To put it in simpler terms: One’s writing style will define whether they want to condense the writing or whether they want to incorporate more elaborate descriptions for a greater purpose. Both want to avoid purple prose, but whereas one will seek to reduce the verbosity, another style may instead try to give more meaning and purpose to the contents it produces. Word choice can convey factors about thoughts, feelings and attitudes not explicitly mentioned, can help to create an environment or paint a picture of a scene, can be used for further set up or even just to explore aspects of character and worldbuilding that you might not otherwise be able to touch on (and this is one of the ways RP is different from book writing, since book writing you have more direct and extensive control over what comes after and as such you can set things up to have better opportunities to describe certain things), and internal processes showing not just the what, but the why and the how of what the character chooses to do….

Of course, all do that is if one finds the more descriptive style to be more compatible with them. If you do feel like it’s a more concise style you’re aiming for though, here are some tips (these tips are about reducing word usage with no or minimal loss of content. As such they are applicable to lengthier / more descriptive styles as well, though in some cases they may be applicable with slight modifications)

• Expand your vocabulary - reading, researching etc… Naturally don’t use a random thesaurus word to replace other words, but if you can grasp the nuances of certain words well enough, the right choice can considerably cut on what you need to describe.
• Focus on what’s most relevant. Call things by name unless you feel they are being too repetitive, in which case occasionally break them up with a quick descriptor (e.g. “the boy”), only describing more at length if there is a necessary introduction and/or if the things is of exceptional focus and importance in that moment.
• If there are multiple purposes or points to make about the same thing, make your description multipurpose - Instead of describing two pieces in the same room individually, use them as a comparative contrast. If you want to showcase something as ominous, but also how your character is fearless, and you want to give a physical description of the object and you want some action, and pointing out details as oddities, having your character gives a nonchalant response and inspects it, using that to employ a simple choice of shady-sounding words to describe the object can get all of that accomplished in about the same space as just one of them if you tried to do them individually.
• Some extent of “tell” is acceptable - “Show don’t tell” is an excellent rule of thumb, but practical reality not only clearly demonstrates that some “tell” in description is simply unavoidable, but that sometimes spelling some things out can even be preferable. Don’t be afraid to employ tell if it really helps smooth out scenes that much, especially if one of your goals is to be less verbose.
• Check for redundancies - To use your example above “successfully” doing something is a redundancy since saying an action was done already implies it was successfully executed. A more descriptive style might employ such words for emphasis and atmosphere, but if you want to cut down to what’s necessary, then it may pay to cut that out.

I hope this helps. Best of luck, and happy RPing!
PS: Should this not be on roleplay discussion?

 

[Gowi]

OK is on the money. There's a difference between descriptive writing and purple prose; much like how simple writing isn't always minimalistic. I do also see Sugarnaut's point that it isn't worth much to get flustered about what our partners are doing or experimenting with for their prose as long as its fun. This isn't a creative writing class, this is a hobby space.

 

[mishal]

I don't mind a little purple, but when I'm roleplaying the voice in my head sounds more like me telling a funny story, or at least an exciting one around a campfire or something, so it naturally comes out a bit more casual.

I've written really flowery, purple character descriptions if the character was supposed to be kind of weird/uncanny/alienating to look at.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So for the most part I think a really easy way to spot purple prose is just read your post out loud.

Most of the time if you actually listen you’ll catch the parts where your writing is confusing, which is really the only issue with overly flowery posts. It’s not the word count or the cringe it’s “hey does this actually convey the information I need to get across to the reader?”

So just read it. Not right away but like give it a few hours or something to make sure your brain isn’t automatically editing the post to make it more sensible.

 

[TheKillerKnight]

For me, the appropriateness of purple prose depends on the context. Flowery language may feel fitting for historical settings like the Victorian era or the golden age of piracy, as it aligns with the style of those periods.

However, in modern-day or futuristic stories, excessive embellishments can come across as unreasonable or cringeworthy.

 

[AtlannianSpy]

So for the most part I think a really easy way to spot purple prose is just read your post out loud.

Most of the time if you actually listen you’ll catch the parts where your writing is confusing, which is really the only issue with overly flowery posts. It’s not the word count or the cringe it’s “hey does this actually convey the information I need to get across to the reader?”

So just read it. Not right away but like give it a few hours or something to make sure your brain isn’t automatically editing the post to make it more sensible.

this is straight up the most useful and relevant answer to what OP actually wanted.


BUT I wanna say my piece on the topic so ignore that for a moment~

Purple prose is only purple when its undermining the intended mood of your writing: flowery, overly descriptive prose can actually be used intentionally to convey moods like thoughtfulness, serenity, or if there's an underlying unease then it can be used to draw out a reveal and ratchet up suspense. Meanwhile terse, efficient prose can better convey action or an urgent mood.

By deliberately varying up the style of prose you use at the right times, you can enhance the mood and immersiveness of your writing and the mix up will help keep your readers engaged even if you get a little fancy with it: a sentence or even a paragraph of elaborate prose can be a welcome change of pace and will help re-emphasise the urgency when you go back to a more concise, blunt style.

 

[Elohim]

this is straight up the most useful and relevant answer to what OP actually wanted.


BUT I wanna say my piece on the topic so ignore that for a moment~

Purple prose is only purple when its undermining the intended mood of your writing: flowery, overly descriptive prose can actually be used intentionally to convey moods like thoughtfulness, serenity, or if there's an underlying unease then it can be used to draw out a reveal and ratchet up suspense. Meanwhile terse, efficient prose can better convey action or an urgent mood.

By deliberately varying up the style of prose you use at the right times, you can enhance the mood and immersiveness of your writing and the mix up will help keep your readers engaged even if you get a little fancy with it: a sentence or even a paragraph of elaborate prose can be a welcome change of pace and will help re-emphasise the urgency when you go back to a more concise, blunt style.

This is my exact same opinion when it comes to flowery writing and descriptiveness. It is a tool to be used in very specific moments and enhance particular features in writing, break monotony, so on. I don't believe it is fair to discard its uses altogether, simply for being too 'long and detailed'.

I don't find myself enjoying highly descriptive or wordy writing, bluntness is usually all I follow, yet I will occasionally fall into 'purple prose' for particularly dramatic or important scenes. Glad to see there are others who feel identical! Will have to try the reading aloud technique sometime.

 

[gator]

Purple prose doesn't enhance any mood in particular. It destroys immersion and stands in the way of communication. Its only effect is to separate the reader from their experience.

Big emotions don't come from big words. You're done creating when there is nothing left to remove.

 

[Eviexe]

I am going to disagree — like with anything, purple prose, when used correctly or intuitively, can transform the post into something a little more descriptive. It’s another writing tool to be used modestly and when you feel is appropriate to the post (developing your own writer’s voice alongside it). Overindulging in flowery language detracts any meaning you wanted to convey and muddles it up.

But readability should be prioritized and encouraged as the main entry point when starting a written piece.

Emotions are complex, and as we are — flowery language can help to give those complexities some understanding. But to say that separates the reader from the experience is a soured point. Ultimately, like anything else in the toolbox, working to use it will help your posts naturally flow together and not everything needs to be tagged with a metaphor or a profound point. But it helps to pad things in between and round out what we are capable of producing: something eloquent and simple. Reading things back over; editing; putting that into different writing programs (Google Documents) might help to pick up on words that are not quite clicking together or sentences overly structured.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I do think that purple prose and descriptive writing are two different things. I genuinely think purple prose is usually defined by “using words badly.”

The classic example “water flowed from her glistening orbs” that is just a weird way to describe crying. It doesn’t evoke an emotion so much as it seems like you misunderstand how to use a thesaurus.

That I think is where people make mistakes, it’s not that their adding in too flowerlike language it’s that their genuinely using words in the wrong context because they don’t understand that synonyms don’t always have the same meaning.

 

[.quietus]

Read the post. If what you produced doesn't bother you and flows well, it's not purple prose. Noticing purple prose isn't an issue because it's VERY noticeable by definition. It's very annoying to read. To me, purple prose is when I read a sentence and go: "wtf?" in my head.

 

[Idea]

Read the post. If what you produced doesn't bother you and flows well, it's not purple prose. Noticing purple prose isn't an issue because it's VERY noticeable by definition. It's very annoying to read. To me, purple prose is when I read a sentence and go: "wtf?" in my head.

Yeah but what is noticeable or wrong-feeling to one person won’t necessarily be for the next, especially in edge cases and doubly so when one of the person is the one that wrote it in the first place.

 

[.quietus]

Yeah but what is noticeable or wrong-feeling to one person won’t necessarily be for the next, especially in edge cases and doubly so when one of the person is the one that wrote it in the first place.

That's true, but I also think that - aside from extreme cases - purple prose is also a subjective thing. Some might consider a text to be "purple," while that same text would be okay in other people's eyes. I'm not sure if something like that can be quantified.

 

[Idea]

That's true, but I also think that - aside from extreme cases - purple prose is also a subjective thing. Some might consider a text to be "purple," while that same text would be okay in other people's eyes. I'm not sure if something like that can be quantified.

I'm not sure if purple prose is subjective per say, but if nothing else I do think it heavily depends on context and writing style - as well as the expectations that come with certain styles of writing. However, if someone like the OP wants to avoid it it's because they don't want others to see purple prose in their posts. That's why "I don't think it's purple prose therefore it isn't" isn't really a good approach, because especially if we take purple prose to be subjective it's other people's perspectives one wants to address not one's own.

 

[Solivagante]

So, I don't think OP is actually around here anymore, but I'm gonna throw my two cents in because heck, why not.

I agree with quietus and others who have pointed out that 'purple prose' isn't a fixed category. Similar to 'Mary Sue', it's a term that's become so widely used that it mostly just now means 'writing I don't like'. That also, inherently, makes it difficult to diagnose in your own writing. Reading aloud will help, but ultimately if that's the way you naturally tend to write, you are less likely to see it as an error that needs to be corrected.

With that said, I have one more tip which might be helpful - read your work back, sentence by sentence, in reverse order. Do it aloud if you can, but you can also just read it back in your head. This helps by breaking the 'flow' of your own writing - if you're re-reading something you wrote, you know what comes next, and your brain is automatically filling things in as you go. Examining each sentence in reverse order makes it easier to look at your writing like a stranger would and see grammar errors, typos, awkward phrasing, etc. Now, in creative writing you can get away with sentence fragments which you couldn't in, say, a college essay, so not every sentence has to stand alone, but breaking it down will help.

I also think it's worth underscoring that character voice is a big part of why you might choose to describe things more or less, or using different words, at a given moment. RP tends to be written in a third-person-limited POV, which means that what you describe and how you describe it gives the reader information about what your character is noticing, paying attention to, or focused on. These example sentences illustrate this well:

"A silver fish jumped from the water and splashed back down"

"A fish broke the surface of the water, it's silver scales glinting in the cool morning light for a brief instant before it dove back down and vanished"

"A bounding fish burst from the glimmering water, it's scales flashing like bright silver in the cool light cast by the early morning sun, before it wheeled like an acrobat to plunge back to the neptunian depths."

The first one would work well for a character who isn't particularly interested in the fish - maybe they absolutely hate the outdoors and are too grumpy to see beauty in it, or maybe this line is their attention being drawn for a moment (and away from something more important) so the only purpose of the fish is a brief distraction. Or maybe this is one short fragment in a longer description, where other elements of the scene are more important.

The second is more contemplative in feeling. It's also longer - as other people in this thread have noted, descriptive prose can control the pace of a scene. We get a bit more detail (it's morning, which we didn't know before) and it feels as if the character's gaze is lingering longer, as if they're paying more attention. This could go a number of different ways - a city dweller seeing the sea/a large lake for the first time; someone who loves nature enjoying a peaceful morning; a warrior tensed for an ambush focusing intently on anything that disrupts the unnatural quiet.

The third is obviously intentionally florid, but you know what? If I were writing a bard or a storyteller, I might give them a line like that - as part of a performance, not necessarily their POV, but it could be! If you make it dialogue, it says even more about what the character is trying to communicate - they're invoking a sense of wonder, maybe giving their storytelling a more pleasing cadence, drawing listeners in. Are they bullshitting as a distraction while a partner cuts purses in the crowd? Are they talking to people who will enjoy the use of the words 'bounding' and 'neptunian', or do they sound like fop to their audience? Etc.

TLDR: None of these examples are bad writing, just not always the right writing for the right scene/characters. Context and audience are key, and no piece of writing will please everyone all the time.

 

[.quietus]

I'm not sure if purple prose is subjective per say, but if nothing else I do think it heavily depends on context and writing style - as well as the expectations that come with certain styles of writing. However, if someone like the OP wants to avoid it it's because they don't want others to see purple prose in their posts. That's why "I don't think it's purple prose therefore it isn't" isn't really a good approach, because especially if we take purple prose to be subjective it's other people's perspectives one wants to address not one's own.

Maybe, but I also think it's not really helpful to act like you can avoid doing x or y, or maybe never use a specific word, and never end up with purple prose as a result. It's just not a question that can be easily answered because it's all so context-dependent. Even the most infamous example of purple prose - blue orbs instead of blue eyes - can sound sort of good, or at least normal, if you use it with intentionality.

And you can never really make people see your writing the way you want it to be seen. I frequently dislike posts that, technically, aren't written badly per se, but the author's turn of the phrase annoys me, or I don't vibe with their interpunction, or they focus on all the things that bore me to tears -- or, indeed, the descriptions are too purple for me. That doesn't mean I'm right. It just means that their writing style isn't to my taste, but who am I to say that there's anything wrong with it? I dislike plenty of published writers, too.

Ultimately, people seek different things from reading/writing, and while there are probably are certain basic guidelines you can follow, I think people should mostly focus on writing what makes them happy. They'll find their audience.

 

[Idea]

Maybe, but I also think it's not really helpful to act like you can avoid doing x or y, or maybe never use a specific word, and never end up with purple prose as a result. It's just not a question that can be easily answered because it's all so context-dependent. Even the most infamous example of purple prose - blue orbs instead of blue eyes - can sound sort of good, or at least normal, if you use it with intentionality.

And you can never really make people see your writing the way you want it to be seen. I frequently dislike posts that, technically, aren't written badly per se, but the author's turn of the phrase annoys me, or I don't vibe with their interpunction, or they focus on all the things that bore me to tears -- or, indeed, the descriptions are too purple for me. That doesn't mean I'm right. It just means that their writing style isn't to my taste, but who am I to say that there's anything wrong with it? I dislike plenty of published writers, too.

Ultimately, people seek different things from reading/writing, and while there are probably are certain basic guidelines you can follow, I think people should mostly focus on writing what makes them happy. They'll find their audience.

While there's some truth to what you're saying - that ultimately people seek different things and you shouldn't assume that just because you do this or that a problem like purple prose is automatically solved - as you yourself mentioned there are "basic guidelines you can follow" (albeit I wouldn't describe them as 'basic' and moreso 'helpful' to distinguish ease or expectation from utility). You don't need to have a problem completely solved to want to at least mitigate it. If there is a need for context-specificity then such rules / guidelines should themselves reflect that by guiding you on what to look for in that context. This will ultimately not change the diversity of tastes and expectations nor one's skill or sense in execution but it can help one approximate writing more people even within 'their own audience' can enjoy.

 

[.quietus]

While there's some truth to what you're saying - that ultimately people seek different things and you shouldn't assume that just because you do this or that a problem like purple prose is automatically solved - as you yourself mentioned there are "basic guidelines you can follow" (albeit I wouldn't describe them as 'basic' and moreso 'helpful' to distinguish ease or expectation from utility). You don't need to have a problem completely solved to want to at least mitigate it. If there is a need for context-specificity then such rules / guidelines should themselves reflect that by guiding you on what to look for in that context. This will ultimately not change the diversity of tastes and expectations nor one's skill or sense in execution but it can help one approximate writing more people even within 'their own audience' can enjoy.

Yes, and for me, these basic guidelines would be 'read it and see if it sounds good.' Whenever I write a sentence with a weird structure, it's often caused by editing it back and forth and losing the flow in the process, if that makes sense. Which is why I provided that very advice in my first post! I then just proceeded to add more thoughts. Not sure why that is such a point of contention.

 

[Jet]

The essence of purple prose is unproductive words, when they serve no purpose beyond their own existence.

There's a common misconception that purple prose = detailed, but that's not correct. If I describe something in great detail, there is productivity in the words. It might be a dumb use of time that wastes the readers' attention span, but that's not purple.

Purple words are useless words, written to sound cool without any substance. It's flashy and loud but means absolutely nothing, and does nothing but distract readers and destroy their immersion. You can spot this by asking "Can this sentence be shorter?"

"Can I truncate this sentence, change it around to maintain the rhythm, and retain the exact same meaning?"

The more words you can remove, the more purple the sentence.

This is just my opinion, and I have no formal training, but I think about writing a lot. I think purple prose is an objective concept when interpreted in this way, so we can move past the subjective parts of this discussion. It really is just useful vs non-useful words.

And no, to counter the argument before it comes, useful is not subjective. Useful, in my context, means it serves a narrative purpose. If that's describing every tiny detail then fine, sure, I think that's dumb but do your thing. It's not purple prose.

Here would be a semi-detailed sentence.

Adrian scraped a whetstone against his old tattered sword, covered with rust spots and chips along the edge.

Now purpled

Adrian serenaded his blade with the song of a scraping whetstone, rhythmically sharpening the weapon like his hand was a dancer, elegant and graceful as he flicked his wrist with every pass, making sure to scrape oxidized spots and sharpen the fine edge.

In my opinion

The second one may appeal to you in a vacuum, one sentence vs one sentence, but expand that across an entire scene. Imagine if every mundane action was described with such attention, descriptors and similies packed together in a bunch. Imagine how long it would take to set scenes and show character actions.

And because the most important things are dialogue, character thoughts and character actions, if you write like that, it shows your priorities are backwards. Why get so detailed over sharpening a damn sword? Why make your reader slog through descriptors to reach interesting content? Why burn their attention span on useless words, simply to extol your virtue as a writer?

You aren't important as a writer, your characters are. Purple prose is self indulgent nonsense — narcissistic even. It betrays a desire for superiority over the reader and other writers.

That doesn't mean detailed writing is bad.

These are two separate things.