Fandom Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: War Of Zodarus

[Riolux]

@TinyCuteWizardI admire your enthusiasm but...I feel like you only read the bare minimum of the plot and details as every follower or servant was once a human themselves and I'm not allowing for the use of specially granted moves outside that clearly stated to be granted by the legendary that summoned them(Since Leafeon can't learn Moonblast). The armor is also unacceptable as to allow this would be completely ridiculous seeing as I'm not allowing anyone else weapons or armor and to do so would be both pointless (if it were regular armor, special moves would pierce it as normal) or irresponsible of me (if magical because that would just be too much to allow in the kind of RP). I also suggest that you proofread your character sheet as, while Bolt openly admitted to having a sort of grammar difficulty, they were able to proofread it extremely well, coming out with a brilliant CS, which I believe you can do if you push yourself, but it is currently difficult to read due to the number of spelling mistakes. I can understand if you felt rushed, but again, I am willing to let you jump in mid-roleplay instead of rushing out a character sheet, so with this in mind, I would advise that you could make the following edits as it currently can't be allowed in it's current state.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux Aw, come on. Give me one chance, This is the final Chance.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux Final Chance, I Actualy Edited it. PLease!

 

[Riolux]

@TinyCuteWizard you edited one small detail. Again you can take the time to edit it where I informed you of the errors, as, again, you can join in mid-rp as soon as the edits are made, but I cannot allow the armor and Moon Blasts, and it'd be appreciated if you proofread as well.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux Thanks so much for the Second Chance =3

 

[Bolt]

Sorry for my late answer just came back from Hospital and yes i would be ready

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux And its done Editing. Refresh the Site and check it =3! Tell me if i did anything wrong and i shall fix =3!!

 

[Noivian]

Ready!

 

[Riolux]

@TinyCuteWizard I really appreciate your dedication, but you're still missing the Fatal Flaw section. You might want to tone down his hobby a bit too as a hobby to "win every single fight" may cause misunderstandings as it may give the impression of him being unable to lose. Also I've received a ready check from everyone. I'll get the first post up. Again, Wizard, feel free to make these last small edits and it'll be just fine. There's still a couple spelling errors, but I think we can learn to live with it.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux I did it. Lets See if i did right. 

 

[Riolux]

@TinyCuteWizard I really appreciate your determination to fix this, but there are still just a couple of things. Honestly, as a whole, this is very acceptable, but the armor is sadly still a no. As nice looking as it probably is (can't view the image at school cause its blocked), it just doesn't fit the setting at all. And I may have missed this before, so it'd be my fault for not pointing it out and, in all honesty, I can see where you may have been confused, but Followers of Xerneas can heal others but cannot regenerate their own wounds as they travel as healers mostly. Not fighters. Overall I feel that Fuhr may not fit in with Xerneas specifically since they seem more oriented towards battle and not towards healing and taking a more supportive role. I do find the character mostly done, but I have to be honest here. I would also check your spelling in many cases as it requires a bit of proofreading. Again please don't take offense as this is simply constructive criticism and is in no way meant to offend anyone as I hope you understand.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux That Explains Everything


Thanks for that help.

 

[Sinensis]

Right i am typing this from school what is a massive risk but i cant type it from home because my internet's gone down. it's supposed to be a one day thing, but just so you know I won't be able to post today and possibly tomorrow due to this. I will message you if this issue is fixed earlier, but otherwise, thanks for understanding (and sorry again)

 

[Sinensis]

@Riolux @Bolt

 

[Bolt]

No problem @Taykillz

 

[Sinensis]

ISP say's that they will only have the internet down for the day they are swapping out and it goes down the day before >.> "smooth transition" my ass. idk how ill live without the internet tonight. ;-;

 

[Riolux]

@Taykillzhey it's no problem dude. I promise nothing major will happen plot-wise without your being present.

 

[Sinensis]

@Riolux after going through 5 ancient routers this one seems to be working for now. i was getting real frantic with this last one o-o well i can actually do stuff now, so i guess that's good. will probably have to go through all the others again when they fully swap over, though. i guess sorry for the commotion, almost got my phone confiscated at school lol.

 

[Riolux]

@Taykillz It's fine. Just don't get in trouble for our sake XD. Glad you've got everything running okay.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux I Made More Diffirence now, I Hope its better.

 

[Riolux]

@TinyCuteWizard for the most part, very acceptable, but there are parts I don't get and the Fatal Flaw is not much of a flaw at all as it just is a part of being a Good-Aligned character to show mercy. Especially as a follower of Xerneas. And Fighting Style isn't how they pick a fight. It's about how they approach a fight they're already in. Do they fight offensively? Defensively? Do they prefer a more supportive role? I also would mind your punctuation as you're capitalizing in places where it doesn't have to be. This last part is no big deal so don't feel too pressured to fix this, but this is something you and @Bolt do often, and isn't really a big problem. Anyway just a bit of touching up left to do. Nothing that shouldn't take too long. I really admire your drive to make a presentable character and you're very nearly there.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux Right! And i fixed it, Please, Let this be the one when you accept,   so tired.

 

[Riolux]

@TinyCuteWizard so far so good, but I think you're still a bit confused. A Fatal Flaw is a fault of theirs. Something bad about them like a short temper or an extremely crippling fear. Maybe they tire easy or can't fight certain Pokemon despite having the ability to. It helps make them more relatable and helps them grow in the RP.

 

[TinyCuteWizard]

@Riolux Yeah... I was abit confused... i hope i got it right. :|

 

[Riolux]

@TinyCuteWizard Eh ya missed it again. A Fatal Flaw has to be a personality flaw. Not a past failure. For example: My character, Ryan the Riolu, has an extremely hard time trusting people and, even if he doesn't show it, holds people in suspicion. Especially in new places where he doesn't know anyone from there.