Peridot Drake Monster High Character Feedback

razorrabbit

It's not a weapon, it's a chair.
I've edited it some and tried to take the advice given to me on how to make it a little better, I apologize though if I didn't fully understand what you meant and missed the point I can be a slow learner^^;


Basic Information


Name: Peridot Drake


Fandom: Monster High


Egg Age: 18


Hatching Age: 15


Monster Parent: Wyvern (Father) European Dragon (Mother)


Hair: Black, long with slight curls, usually adorn in jewels and gem stones, typically sapphires


Eyes: Golden with slit pupils


Species: Half European Dragon and half Wyvern.


Looks: Very tall (stands a head or two higher than Clawd), green (shade similar to the stone she's named after) scaly skin, large wings, long thick tail, thicker build as well.


Picture: Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet (Its not exact but it's in the right ball park)


Freaky Flaw(s): Has a strong compulsion to hoard treasure, mostly gem stones. Also her activeness shifts depending on the temperature, if it gets to cold she can fall asleep and heat makes her more active.


Pet: None and has no interest on getting one either


Favorite and Least Favorites. And Hobbies


Favorite class: History


Least Favorite class: Any Math class


Favorite food: Anything spicy, the more spice the better.


Least Favorite food: Green peppers, pudding/jello and custard


Favorite Color: Blue


Hobbies: Gliding/flying, RPGs both video games and table tops.


Biology information


Peridot is half Wyvern and half European Dragon making her rather tall compared to her mother's half of the family. Due to a reason they have yet been able to figure out but guess it has something to do with her being of mixed blood she is very sensitive to temperature, heat makes her more active and cold makes her less so. Being egg born she has two birthdays and two ages one for her egg which marks the day she was laid and the other for the day she actually hatched, she was in her egg for three years before hatching causing her egg age to be older than her hatching age. Hoarding treasure is a natural compulsion in her mother's side of the family but one that older dragons eventually get better at, since Peridot is still young she is still very clingy about her treasure and does not like the idea of spending it or having anyone even remotely near her pile. Due to the competitive nature of her Flight (family in other words) she's more aggressive when they are around even more so when they have annual get together to decide who will be the new alpha though due to her young age she's only been in one of those so far. To her the Flight is different than the family though the family does not become the Flight until all of them gather together.


Background and Family Information


When Peridot was still in her egg her Egg father, Fangord Drake, disappeared it was unclear if he left, vanished or was killed, she knows only a little about him through information given by her mother but she never asked much about him when she was younger and when she was older her mother had remarried a human by the name David Keyes and was content with her new father and her new brother. Her mother, Emerald Drake, now Emerald Keyes, remarried when Peridot was 7 hatched years. As a result Peridot spent a lot of time with humans and even attended a few human schools that her new older brother, Ryan Keyes, attended as well. At these schools Peridot made a few very close friends that she had to leave behind when her brother went off for college and her parents moved her to a school with monsters to try and help her be around other monsters. The Flight did not approve much of Emerald marrying a normie, mainly Emeralds sisters, and are very much in older ways believing normies are best to either serve or fear their kind, as a result Emerald keeps her family away from them as much as possible and sends her husband and step son away when the Flight comes over to decide a new alpha. David works in microbiology and is away from home quite a bit spending most nights at work, he is very devoted to Emerald and met her while she was on a treasure hunt with Peridot and he was on vacation with Ryan, though he is away from home a lot he dose try to be there for his children and make their lives as comfortable as he can even going so far as to have a section of the house built to accompany Emerald's and Peridot's monster nature and Peridot's odd temperature sensitivity, along with collecting books on monster history for his son whenever he is out on business trips since Ryan has a fascination of monster studies, mainly biology and lore. Peridot is very close to her step brother and always tried to stick around him whenever possible, they have a relationship that involves a lot of teasing of one another but its how they show they care, Ryan has always had a fascination with monsters since his father married Emerald to the point of Peridot thinking he has monster envy, him and her do share a common interest on history though and will often bond over the books they have read. Ryan is very protective of his little sister, often to the point of embarrassment, being at college now he can't spend a lot of time with his family but does try to get there for important events or if they do need them.
 
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As you've stated, this is more of a Work In Progress so I will critic this as it is now.





And hello, I believe we've met before!


Peridot Drake. Based on the information prior, this character is a girl and this name is pretty random but it's not bad. Perhaps I'm missing something since I don't know much of the Monster High Fandom. I do want to comment on the format however. It becomes very unappealing for a read to distinguish what's here. It'd be wise to space out your information and maybe categorize where you can.

Based on the Egg/Age Factor. It was confused for a second but the Egg itself is 18 years old but they hatched and have now experienced the world for 15 years? Forgive me for not being familiar with this concept but perhaps a clarification is needed? I'm not too sure. I do like the idea though.


Appearance. You have a lot of detail and so far I'm pretty in love with the concept. It would help to find a picture that represents it but from what I can read, you have a good idea of what she looks like.


Family. There is a huge cluster of information here that could be better originated by just writing up a backstory and including these characters in it, if they are as important to the story as they seem to be. My main complaint so far is pretty much the format and organization. While it's all pretty basic information, there is a lot of missing pieces. We need to understand why the parents and such are even mentioned. How do they effect her? What do they mean to her? What's the story behind it all? Where does she get her inspiration? Things of that nature. This character seems alright and I think organization of the details would help greatly, as well as a backstory and what makes her, her.


- Civetta

 
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Yeah she's still being made and polished off^^;


I believe we have. Hello again!


I'm not the best with names in Monster High it usually seems to be a play on words on what kind of monster they are like Clawdeen for a werewolf Spectra for a ghost. I couldn't think anything too clever for a dragon so I figured dragons love treasure I'll name her after a jewel. Could you explain a little more on what you mean by categorizing it? Like some of the things I can see where they might fit into groups but not so much others, if that makes sense.


Yeah that is something i need to be more clear on just not sure how to do it since I'm trying not to put an overwhelming amount of info on there. I'm using a mix of dragon lore and my own ideas for her and in one of my dragon books it says something like 'if you want to hatch a dragon egg you must keep it on hot coals for a period of three years'


A picture is on the work in progress well half of one, I'm not a great artist and most character makers I can find for this fandom do not work on devices I have.


That is part of the problem I have, I don't really know my character well until I use them some and they take shape on their own which is why I didn't touch on personality for her either it may seem silly but I don't know how it's going to be until I use them I've had characters pull a 180 on me before with how they turn out vs how I thought they were going ot be. Its not a good reason but it is part of the reason I kind of leave my info at basics the other part is I don't want to drive possible rp buddies away with a huge list of info that may or may not even affect the rp. Sorry if I'm not explaining myself well I'm rather bad at it.
 
I've tried rewriting her info some trying to keep the points you made in mind, I apologize if I missed the point you were trying to make.
 

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