Opinion People who have anxiety in RL, how does that impact you online?

[Cross]

I was recently thinking about how real life anxiety doesn't go away when someone is online. Does anyone here have large amounts of anxiety, and if so, how does that impact how you interact with others on rpn? Or does it not since you're using an avatar and no one knows who you actually are?

I remember when I started here, it was really difficult to message people first. It felt like the equivalent of tapping someone on the shoulder in real life. I eventually got over it. But I wonder how else social anxiety impacts online behavior.

 

[The Silent Z]

I’ve experienced online anxiety rather often truth be told. Kind of surprised me because it’s online and not RL which I already have. However I’ve learned an avatar and username hasn’t changed much, still have many of the same issues, especially when going stretches of inactivity and trying to get back into the swing of things whether it’s merely socially or Rp or the combination of the two with OOC’s. My social awkwardness and tendency to overthink every little thing can lead to plenty of odd moments, terrible posts,I’m sure when I do actually post or say something, or perhaps that’s partially just me thinking so? I don’t know.

I tend to stick to fandoms or topics where the conversation is pretty much set and there’s a familiarity with it. I’m terrible at breaking the ice and free flowing into a conversation or message due to overthinking and awkward/shyness factor. Sometimes it’s fine, others a bit of a struggle. Even after how ever many years on here, it can be difficult to get back into things sometimes.

 

[fault]

not being able to send a message that might normally take people only a few seconds to type, because i'll reread it thousands of times and edit every single insignificant thing to make sure it's "perfect". working on being more confident in what i think and say, but it really does take time.

 

[Cross]

Thanks for sharing. I know that it might have caused the very anxiety that we're talking about, so I appreciate it.

 

[Yhmera]

Anxiety is different for everyone. For me it doesn't affect my RolePlays until I'm super depressed in the real world. (which happens.) Then It's not that I can't post. It's just everything I try to post becomes overly dark while I struggle with myself. I've also learned being popular isn't good for me. If I'm that person that everyone is dying to RP with then I break down, push everyone as far away from me as I can (Especially when my depression and other things are bad) and shut down mentally for a while. Don't know why, but I do.

It sucks because I've lost some good friends that way. On another site I had several of the top RPs. Ran some of the biggest and longest-lasting RPs. But it wasn't until my character started getting too much attention. That I freaked out and locked it up. Kicking everyone out for no reason. Thankfully I've learned to deal with my mental issues better since the teen years.

Edit: It's also why I keep my profile full of positive quotes.

 

[Jannah]

I have anxiety. For me it makes it extremely difficult to message people; typically they have to message me first. It also makes me prone to ghosting in RP's, especially if I'm working with a partner who writes super elaborate novella replies with lots of flowery language. Don't get me wrong, I do some novella style RP too, but my language is a lot simpler. I feel like I'm not up to my partner's standards, though, if I post in my usual style.

There's other factors too, but these are two that affect me directly on this site.

 

[ArcaneDreamer]

Ah, well, for me the more serious/bad influence that my anxiety has on my behavior on RPN is mostly just not messaging people about certain things. Like, if someone in an RP I'm in hasn't replied for a long time, I get anxious about asking when they might reply - I don't want to come off as overbearing, or accidentally say something that's pretty much guilt-tripping. Heck, the times I do manage to message people about anything mostly only happens after I basically do a self-hype session and convince myself to just send the thing already.
... This is then followed up with me sitting as a self-deprecating ball of nerves, who literally went from 'Oh it's just a message, it should be fine!' to 'Oh god why did I do that I'm bothering this person they aren't going to reply to me cuz I'm way too clingy/nosy/annoying' in a matter of seconds.
Good times. :')

 

[CheshireMitsu]

its definitely a lot easier for me online because im really self-conscious about what my body language says and tone of voice and faces and voices scare me and i go online and it all goes *poof*

 

[Renata Peirce]

I usually crack jokes in the middle of rps to break the ice for myself though i usually aplogize if i missspell something or try to explain what i'm okay with ( recently on another forum i kept getting pms about lewd rps ) or give myself a talk but i guess i'd say i'm okay and most likely better online cause atleast here people want to know my opinion

 

[mochaSwirl]

Often, yes.
When I get in a majorly depressive episode, I'll basically lose my entire muse and a good portion of my personality. I just check out of everything. I'll stop responding to partners (especially if you factor in one of my health conditions on top of the anxiety) and check out of social media of all sorts.
Another thing is this nagging emotion that accompanies self-doubt. I'm pretty easy going but IRL I have a lot of people who completely disregard that I'm actually not an idiot? So I will often question if I'm a good enough writer to do it for fun.

 

[Cross]

There is an entire community of people who get freaked out because of anxiety. I really happy that so many people are sharing their experiences. If anyone is looking for a friend because mental health makes it hard to connect with people, send me a pm, and we can talk.

 

[Doomevil]

I get anxious when I meet new people in person, but when it comes to online, that's a different story. I love to be myself and find a lot of common interests with new people and with the internet, you have plenty of time to come up with a response. Meanwhile in person, sometimes I struggle with words and try to scramble up some small talk. Of course, I have to get to know them really well to warm up to them and relax.

 

[pathfinderp]

I think my anxiety gets worse while online. I get super paranoid and overthink about people's reactions to what I do. In the past I'd bail on rps because I stressed myself out on every aspect of my replies, even down to how many commas I was using.

I also have a weird paranoia about being watched online. I don't really have a reason, I just hate the thought of being judged for everything I do. Which is really nothing. I guess because I sometimes get judged a lot IRL for random stuff. I have other unchecked mental issues with no clear origins, so that doesn't help.

On one hand, I want to share my interests and make friends. On the other, the more I look at something I've written, the more I have to erase it from existence. I think it took me 15-25 (30?) minutes to write this.

I'm sorry if this is too much information, I can't tell.

 

[GojiBean]

I've been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety, but for whatever reason I've found that my anxiety does not trigger in online situations. Only face-to-face situations. I can be as demonstrative and outgoing as I push myself to be online. But in real world settings I'm far more reserved and usually only speak when spoken to by people I don't know.

There are many reasons this could be the case for me. And I think the biggest reason may be that I've been doing the online thing for over 15 years and it's possible I've grown so accustomed to online communication that it just doesn't trigger my anxiety anymore. However, that's speculation on my part.

As for those whose anxiety affects them in the online setting, I'd like to offer the following advice which I learned from my therapist years ago:

1) (If Possible) Pretend that everyone you meet and communicate with is already a friend.

- First impressions online are usually good ones unless someone decides to go too far or behave in a negative fashion right from the start. But in general that first message is almost universally "Hey! Wanna role-play?!" or "Ooh! Can I join this RP with you guys?!" In such situations you can pretend they're already a friend and talk to them like you would any of your other friends whom you don't feel any anxiety around. If need be, pretend you're talking specifically to a friend you know well and that they're the ones using the online ID you see in your messages.

- A bit of mental sleight of hand, if you will, to trick your brain into thinking it's in a more comfortable situation than it really is.

2) (If Possible) If you are concerned about impressions and/or looking like a fool, remember that there's no such thing as a stupid question.

- Role-playing is art. And art is 100% subjective. There is no "right" or "wrong." There's only expression. While it's true that you need to understand the world mechanics and rules of the RP you're involved in, you're in no way obligated to force yourself to live exactly as you think the GM or other players want you to.

- Your character belongs to you. The way you live vicariously through your character in the world you're playing in is up to you. Nobody else can tell you your character is "wrong" or that they "suck" with any validity. If they try, first inform a Moderator about that behavior and then block the individual in question. You don't need that headache or aggravation.

- The GM can set the world lore and rules, but once you're free to post their job is to be hands off unless you stray from that lore/rule set in a way that could potentially be damaging to the RP. For example, if there's no magic system but you start to push your character into mysticism that borders on magic, the GM might have to step in and say "you're pushing it a bit." If there is a magic system and the only guidelines given are "it's elemental," then have fun using the element of your choice in whatever way you want. If the GM starts getting uppity and starts barking about "you're doing it wrong," if they haven't really given you more than the "it's elemental" to go off of, ask them to put more information about exactly how the magic system is supposed to work. They should have done that from the start, so this is their fault. Not yours. And it's okay to give them a gentle reminder of that. If they start acting in an immature fashion, take your character and leave the RP. You don't need to force yourself to deal with an immature and volatile GM.

3) (If Possible) If you're concerned about being judged, remember this lesson well (and write it down somewhere if you have to): The judgement of others does not define you.

- You are your own person. You're here because you have a drive to be creative and explore worlds, create characters, and live vicariously through them in these worlds as a form of self expression and discovery as to the depths of your creativity. And that's perfectly normal and acceptable.

- If other people are judging you, or you feel they're judging you, take a step back and breathe. Remember that not everyone is out to get you. Not everyone is looking to find your faults or exploit them or point them out to everyone else. Sometimes people are simply judgmental. Sometimes they just happen to stumble upon a flaw of yours and pointed it out because they might want to help. The healthiest way to approach these situations is stay as calm as you can and remember that only you know the truth of your situation. They don't. They can guess and, if they're a particularly unpleasant individual, they can fabricate and lie and try to force their perception as reality. But they can't know. Not until you tell them.

4) (If Possible) Remember that your anxiety is what can cause a negative perception of your own words and work, and... Say it with me now: This. Is. Normal.

- This is what anxiety does. It's a self-defeating and confidence destroying issue. But at the end of the day, this is simply a reality all of us with anxiety have to deal with.

- The healthiest way I've found to deal with this issue is, when that voice in your head starts prompting you to critically examine what you've written either in a message or a post, immediately stand up and walk away from the computer and say aloud "This is normal. This is normal. This is normal." Say it as many times as you must in order to help yourself calm down and click away from the message/post. Let life continue as it will. The urge to go back and erase or "fix" what you've said and written is also normal, but you need to resist and find a way to get past it. Once you've sent a message or written a post, let it be. As hard as it may be in the moment, let it be.

- Come what may, you were doing your best to behave and communicate in a constructive way. And nobody can rightfully fault you for it.

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At the end of the day, our Anxiety is something we have to live with at all times regardless of how well adjusted we may eventually become. It'll always be there. But as long as you keep your chin up and try to take some basic steps to help yourself stay as calm as possible when you feel it flare up, you should be able to slowly start working your way into a more comfortable and productive mindset whenever communicating with people.

Cheers!

~ GojiBean

 

[Ingenue]

Honestly, I still get nervous approaching people irl. I’m learning to overcome the nerves in conversation.

Online, I’m anxious to write my thoughts. I become really self-aware. But at least you can edit things. If I blurt out a thought in real-life, I’d be beet red.

Oh, the emojis help to convey emotions too. It just gets the sentiment across better. I wish I could have emoji pop up in real life so I wouldn’t have to talk or have Zer0’s helmet in Borderlands. It’d make my life so much easier!

 

[Lone Star II]

It makes situations very stressful sometimes, but I like the lingering nervousness for some reason. At least it's something eventful in my life.

 

[Khocolatte]

Not sure if this applies to others, but for me, RL and online have different factors that make me feel anxious when communicating with others.
I personally find it more relaxing to have a conversation with people online because you don't have to worry about body language or the way someone looks at you or doesn't look at you while you're "speaking". However, internet culture can be quite confusing when it comes to being polite due to obligations or having to differentiate tones through text.
When I get anxious or nervous about a particular subject, I end up sending one giant blurb of text in a span of 30 minutes to an hour to make sure I have written down exactly what I want to say or convey to my audience before avoiding the conversation from fear of how people would react (if that makes sense).
The act of running away in unfavorable situations is not ideal, but it feels as if it's something I've become accustomed to, and it's quite hard to change.

 

[leatherandspice]

Honestly, everyone's anxiety and their triggers are so personal and different.

I suffer from anxiety, but honestly it doesn't translate at all online and nothing online affects me. For example, my anxiety personally is more stress-related and applies more to my everyday life outside of the computer. If anything, going online gives me a little bit of a break, lol.

So that's something to consider.

 

[Pipsqueak]

I've been diagnosed with GAD and depression, and I've found that at first it did impact me a lot. I wasn't able to message people, post in discussion boards, etc. I found myself waiting for people to approach me first, which ended up frustrating me to no end because I just wanted to write and nobody really interacted first. I usually find myself hesitant to start a RP still just because I have a history of disappearing on my partners when I start feeling bad and then get too scared to come back online. I think now that I've met so many wonderful and patient people that I can turn to if I get anxious it's helped a lot in my opening up online. I still tend to overthink things when people won't respond or change their way of speaking to me and usually re-read my messages at least four times before I post, but I think I've definitely gotten better than when I first started. I still, unfortunately, have a habit of needing to post as SOON as someone replies to me because I feel as if they'll get impatient and leave. It doesn't help my stress and I typically just start writing and posting before actually thinking about what it is I want to write in those cases, which sucks.

I'm so happy there's a thread for this topic though! It makes me feel better that I'm not alone in this.

 

[azurae]

Sadly, my anxiety affects me online and off. I worry too much about what others will think of my replies, whether we're writing a story together or just chatting casually. It's hard because most people will require OOC chat from the start, even if we just met that day and there's not yet much to talk about. I accept it because I like to be accommodating, but often wonder why they don't want to wait and make sure they really want a friendship with me.

I am too anxious to write my stories on discord because of the typing indicator, and obviously can not write them in a public thread. Feeling anxious about starting my reply, then constantly rewriting my post is the biggest reason why I tend to reply only once every couple of days. I guess I am afraid of being judged.

I also suffer from depression, so when I get exceedingly anxious I feel the urge to ghost and keep to myself. I realize this is self destructive behavior, so instead I've learned to be communicative.

 

[Cross]

Sadly, my anxiety affects me online and off. I worry too much about what others will think of my replies, whether we're writing a story together or just chatting casually. It's hard because most people will require OOC chat from the start, even if we just met that day and there's not yet much to talk about. I accept it because I like to be accommodating, but often wonder why they don't want to wait and make sure they really want a friendship with me.

I am too anxious to write my stories on discord because of the typing indicator, and obviously can not write them in a public thread. Feeling anxious about starting my reply, then constantly rewriting my post is the biggest reason why I tend to reply only once every couple of days. I guess I am afraid of being judged.

I also suffer from depression, so when I get exceedingly anxious I feel the urge to ghost and keep to myself. I realize this is self destructive behavior, so instead I've learned to be communicative.

I have gone though everything you have described. It's stressful and not fun. But I'm relieved that other people can relate, so it can't be that uncommon.

 

[azurae]

I have gone though everything you have described. It's stressful and not fun. But I'm relieved that other people can relate, so it can't be that uncommon.

Sometimes I feel odd because most people find their anxiety symptoms decrease when online, but mine don't seem to very much. You're right though, it's definitely not that uncommon. I feel less alone on this after talking about it and reading this thread, so thank you. ^ ^

 

[Honeymead]

There's always a weird comfort in being behind an anonymous avatar. The thing I struggle with is letting people see my writing and consistently communicating with them. I feel a lot of times that I don't write well enough or think deeply enough to lengthen the plot. I want to put in my best effort in every RP which is draining at times, and sometimes makes me want to recluse.
But again it's a lot easier to talk when nobody knows who you really are, and you have time to think and type out what you want to say. There is no backspace button in real life, as we all know.

 

[Malphaestus]

After long stretches of time in a single location, you develop connections with individuals no matter in which form. An avatar or username does not hide this fact, and worry about the past in all forms is simply another personality quirk of anxiety-ridden people. If you have anxiety and do not feel anxious about the internet, then you simply need to wait a while and it will blossom. It is a scary place, after all. Whilst initially it might not be as evident, though doubtlessly present in the forms of 'how do I seem to others,' 'what are their thoughts on me,' and 'how do they react to this?' Over time anxiety simply grows more rich, as there are more things to worry about. We wear our hearts on our sleeves, and the most imperceptible statement can force grievous backlash in our minds as we extrapolate from that a grave number of possible issues. Add into the conction the fact that most people are people, and have their own thoughts on matters, this boosts anxiety due to possible personality clashes, and people on the internet are more out-spoken than people in real life. Since most anxious individuals are conflict-avoiding, it is never the best mix. Should you make friends, you worry about how you're interacting with them, and as you enter roleplays, you worry whether you're good enough or not. There is no solution except hardening yourself to the sensation, or remaining ignorant of your own condition long enough that it becomes habit.

 

[Malphaestus]

As for myself, my development through the years are, in my words, absurd. I've gone from backlash at everything to absolute apathy. Where I used to attempt carefully concocted statements to everything I saw, I now speak my mind with no regard for consequence. I'm absorbed with my own circumstances to the extent that I do not have the energy to care about much else. My own issues lie in my own mind, and the world I interact with is distinctly disconnected from it. My own mind keeps me occupied and my visitations to the internet is avoidance of the issues I otherwise deal with. Whether it is character-growth, or character-decline is up for debate, but it has affected how I deal with life and how I deal with the internet. To an extent it has limited my influx of worries, but in actuality, it has only redirected from outside influence to domestic. One thing that is true, however, is that I no longer care about how this topic, in specific, interacts with my anxiety.