Rumble Fish
The Paradise Hunter
The clear glass fogged with the furious breath of the veteran as she stared, arm across the top down at what she was seeing below. The purple haired woman had just pulled from the Lodge with Ralph watching. Despite not being able to hear them, she had a good idea as to what her plans were. She had said them before. It still did not make it any easier. Here they were already two down, the trio had already left and now she was leaving. Palms sweated and her chest was tight with anger.
“Fuckin’ traitorous bi-!” Colt was stopped in her snarl by the radio crackling and Andy’s voice coming through. Trying to reel her fury in, the woman picked the device up and held it to her ear.
“Colt, you awake?” The woman growled through her sinuses before answering.
“Eeyup?” The veteran kept her tone laconic and low, as to not alert Andy. The last thing the archer needed was to think something was wrong with them back here already.
“That truck the bitch ran off with isn’t far from the lodge in a ditch. It might pay to send someone to scout after it and see if we can recover any of the goods.”
“Alright.” She answered before turning the radio off so the redhead would not hear the profane filled grumblings that escaped the veteran as she stared back out the window. It was good news that the truck was still there. Colt had considered it a lost cause, but right now it was hard to think of anything properly. She had awoken from a nightmare fuelled sleep. Screaming and frantic she had jumped to the top bunk, hoping Jenna would be awake; purely for the company. And seeing she had now left, presumably not long before she had awoken, the veteran’s nerves were even more frayed. Less people, being in charge and now this. What could be better?
With a grumble, Colt pulled on her army jacket and clumped down the stairs and into the kitchen. Grabbing cereal, she dumped it into a bowl and without even getting the milk, she crunched at it angrily while taking out her flask. She could worry about the truck later. She needed to calm down before making any other decisions.
"Morning Colt." Leliana’s voice broke the silence of Colt's angry cereal munching a few minutes after the veteran had started eating. "Andy and them leave yet?" Leliana had been sitting up with Milly for the last little bit, the kid was still sick. And now Leliana was tasked with getting her some water, maybe some food if she could find anything easy. She wasn't aware of the situation with Jenna, Ivan, or Brian, but she could feel that something was wrong. Colt didn't wake up pissed most of the time. Entering the kitchen, the girl went looking for one of the water bottles. "Everything okay?" She asked, reaching up to rummage through one of the cabinets, final finding a clean bottle.
The woman paused in her crunching as Leliana appeared and greeted her. The woman sighed deeply, preventing herself from snapping at the nurse. As she had gone to look for water, Colt grumbled and unscrewed her flask, taking an exceedingly long swig from it. There was so much going through her mind at once, as soon as Leliana had asked “Everything okay?” the flask slammed down and Colt took a long, heavy inhale.
“Y’want the truth?” This dormant volcano was so close to erupting, something had to give release or the veteran felt as though she was about to blow up worse than any explosive Kypher had planned.
Leliana looked to Colt again when she slammed her flask down, turning the water off once the water bottle for Milly was filled. Leliana capped it, before sticking it in the fridge. "Yeah. You look like you need to talk, and I'm here so, " She moved closer to Colt, giving her a small smile. Leliana crossed her arms lightly, relaxed but slightly chilled thanks to the temperature. She wasn't entirely sure if the generator had been fixed yet or not, she was going to say it wasn't, and the one jacket she owned now didn't do too much to help keep her warm. "No one else is down here, so go ahead. Vent away."
“Okay…” Colt sighed, releasing the deep inhale. She hated to do this, but if she was going to be effective at leading these people, she had to get this off her chest. “Brian, Ivan and Jenna are gone. Jenna just left. So now we’re three people down. And I’ve bin left here again while Luca and Andy fuck off elsewhere. Oh, and I wasn’t told ANYTHING until last night! Seems I can’t be told anything for some reason or another! They go off together, and I’m left to deal with this shit myself?! AGAIN?! We worked fucking hard to keep folks together but NOPE! Not good enough! I’M! NOT! GOOD ENOUGH!” The woman stopped, knowing if she went any further, she’d wake up the whole Lodge. After a few moments, the woman sighed and took up her flask again.
“I can’t even keep them fuckin’ idiots in line! I say don’t throw bottles, they throw bottles. I tell ‘em not to run… what do they do? Twice I’ve bin out; two near disasters.” Her tone grew lower and she took a drink from her flask, “I was a Sargent...” She finished, unable to think of anything else to say. Spirits were already low with the knowledge of today’s date. The only people she wanted now was her squad. At least they would know what to do.
Leliana nodded, listening to Colt talk. The teen didn't say a word, but her jaw clenched upon learning that Brian and Jenna had left. Ivan would be back, Colt was talking about a run. Right? Anyway, she waited until she was sure Colt had finished before she started. "First off Colt, don't say you're not good enough. You've worked harder, done more, and you are the most qualified person here in the lodge too keep us safe. People can just be dumb. Men lack common sense and do their own thing no matter what anyone tells them because...well I don't know." Leliana sounded stern like she wanted to beat some self-respect into Colt. But also, Leliana would get her ass kicked, so words would have to do. "Secondly, you can't control what everyone does at every moment. Jenna and Brian leaving, that's on them. The innocent don't run, cowards. The guilty, they're the ones who run because they have reasons to. You're still here, which means your braver than anyone who has left. You're here, and you're still fighting. You've put everyone before yourself, I know it's hard, but you've done everything you can. You might not be able to see it, but you've done well. Colt, you're one of the pillars of our little group here."
“Yeah well,” another sip, “In my line of work; y’act stupid you die! They didn’t almost get themselves killed! Me, and my groups almost died twice to people being idiots! I’ve had it! If I see one more act of stupidity, they’re getting it! Cause I’m not risking my ass just so they can keep doing it over and over again! I’m through giving chances!” Colt grumbled before the nurse spoke up again, telling her that she was one of the “pillars” of the group. The veteran’s eyes glanced down, staring at the floor.
“That’s the thing. Pillar, turret… don’t matter. It’s just,” she sighed heavily, “Think I’m mad at Jenna ‘cause, I listened. I tried to help. I wanna talk about how I’m feelin’ but, seems when I try, I ‘think I’m special’ or something.” Colt paused for a moment. She was not angry at Luca for saying this; that would be stupid and if anything the pair seemed to be on relatively decent terms now. But it was the words. They stung. The veteran glanced at the nurse for a second before sighing.
“This is pathetic. Sorry.”
"It's not pathetic," Leliana sighed. "You're allowed to feel angry, sad, whatever the hell you want to. You're allowed to feel like this, damn anyone who tells you otherwise." She wanted to help Colt, she knew what it was like to struggle, but Colt had seen so much. Leliana felt bad for her, but at the same time, she had only met one or two other people who were as strong as Colt. "You're struggling, but that's okay. You don't have to be okay, you don't have to be strong all the time. That doesn't make you weak, or pathetic, it's one of the many things that makes you human."
"I just keep gettin', like, these memories that won't go away. Like, there's one that just won't leave." Colt leant forward, arms gripping each other's forearm. "And today bein' the date it is, truthfully? I'd rather just stay in my room with some bottles. Feel that way most of the time. But I can't. And I dunno how to tell folks."
The woman sat back, still too uncomfortable to look at the nurse, "Nobody'd get it. And I don't wanna do that to 'em. Playing' that 'who has it worse' bullshit. Even Ivan, who is probably the closest I'd have, I couldn't say anythin'." The veteran stopped, and with a strained breath rolled up the harsh fabric of her left sleeve to look at the scarring left from bullets and burns. Her face contorted slightly and her gaze stayed down.
Leliana finally took a seat, right beside Colt. "Do...do you want to talk about it?" She asked quietly, "You don't have to. But, you should know, you aren't alone. If today is hard, you can take it easy, nobody here would blame you. Because we know we can count on you when we need you." Leliana fell silent for a moment, watching Colt roll up her sleeve. "Oh, Colt. I'm sorry. I know it hurts, but you shouldn't be ashamed. It's nothing to be ashamed about. You fought in a war, you saw things that I can't even imagine. You can't let how other people react to your scars, mentally and physically, dictate how you grieve. How you cope." She paused, "You want a hug?"
Featuring: FireMaiden (Leliana)
Interactions: Maj (Andy)
Mentions: Brax (Luca) The Mad Queen (Jenna/Ralph) Togy (Nile)
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