Parental Madness

Hurting Rai wasn't something that Jared liked to think about, let alone joke about. Other than hurting Leigh or Angelina, hurting Rai would be the worst that Jared could do, the one thing that would make him want someone else to end him, no second chances. If he ever had such a thought...if he ever wanted anything remotely like that...


No, he wasn't even going to think about it. It was his birthday, he was twenty years old, and so far he felt okay. So far, he felt...well, normal was a bad word to use, because how normal could you feel under the circumstances? But he felt okay. Okay was something, and he would accept it.


"No bloodthirsty monster in hiding," he assured Rai, and as he smiled across at her, he liked the way Rai's eyes were slightly puffy with her sleepiness, the way her hair was tousled when she first awoke. He felt an urge then, as he so often had before, to lean forward and kiss her...and for a few moments, he shifted himself just a little closer, weighting his desire.


But then Angelina was sitting up, rubbing her eyes and announcing she had to use the bathroom, and her movements jostled Leigh, who promptly lashed out verbally, as she so often did lately.


"You better not have wet the bed AGAIN! You are such a PAIN, why don't you ever let me SLEEP!"


So much for anything approaching privacy or intimacy with Rai, even if he did decide to get there.


Angelina's face puckered with her hurt feelings as she looked at Jared to act as parental figure, and Jared sighed, sitting up too as he said to Leigh harshly, "Leigh, shut up and go take Angie."


"No," Leigh muttered, lying back down and pulling her blankets over her head. "She can take herself."


"I don't wanna go alone!" Angelina said with some alarm, reaching out for Hunter and clutching him around the neck. "I gotta go, I gotta go now!"


"Leigh, get up and take Angelina to the bathroom. I'm not kidding, do it NOW," Jared repeated, and he was aware now of his heartbeat pulsing in his veins, beginning to pound at his temples, just enough to start to give him a headache. Unconsciously he clinched his fists, his jaw as well, as he said with more force, "Go. Now."


Throwing back the blankets from her head, Leigh sat up fast, glaring in his direction, hair sticking up in a disheveled manner as she said defiantly, "She's not my kid, I'm supposed to be a kid! I'm not supposed to have to do stuff for her! If we weren't here in this stupid place, if we weren't here in the middle of NOWHERE, if YOU hadn't taken us here-"


"What, Leigh, if WHAT?" Jared's voice rose, and he was only distantly aware of his nails digging into his palms from the tight fists he was forming, of the heat of the anger, even the beginnings of rage, coursing through him. "If we weren't in this stupid place, WHAT?"


When Leigh flinched at his tone, her defiance faltering as uncertainty, even fear, begin to flicker over her face, Jared leaned towards her, his voice rising further as he finished for himself. He didn't notice or care now that others were sleeping nearby, that undoubtedly they would wake up. No, Leigh needed to be shown her place, and she needed to be shown now. She needed someone to set her straight, she needed someone to show her exactly what was what, she needed someone to punish her. She needed someone to-


A mental image of his hand striking Leigh across the face hard, once, twice, three times, then taking her by the shoulders and shaking her until her head whipped back and forth, flashed across Jared's mind. He pictured himself with his hands around her throat, squeezing tighter, tighter, as he continued to yell.


"You don't know? You're too STUPID to know, is that it, just like this STUPID place? Well let me fill you in, Leigh. If I didn't take you here to this STUPID place, that's right, you wouldn't have to be doing anything for Angie, and that would be because you would be DEAD. Vicky would have killed you both. She would have taken you by the throat and sliced right through it, and then you wouldn't have to worry about if your hair or face were pretty enough or if your clothes matched or you had enough tissues to stuff your bra, because you would be DEAD. I SAVED YOUR LIFE, Leigh, so if you want to keep having me take care of you, which is what I've done YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, then you can do ONE F*CKING THING and take Angelina to the bathroom!"


His breath was slightly faster than usual, and his hands were shaking, his entire body heated with his rage. He could still see himself shaking Leigh, one hand around her throat...


And then the reality of what he was picturing, of what he had just said, hit him, and Jared's coloring paled. Was he seriously thinking of those things, about his sister, his little sister? Had he seriously even IMAGINED hurting her? What had he just said to her...he could hardly even remember.


Angelina was staring at him with wide eyes, and as he watched, she slipped her thumb into her mouth, her body noticeably tensed. Leigh too was staring at him, shocked, and she was crying even as she stood up, obeying him now.


"I hate you, Jared," she said, but her voice shook and she sounded considerably more scared and upset than defiant or angry. She took Angelina's hand and started to drag her off as Jared watched after them, trying to form the words in his mind to apologize to Leigh. They wouldn't come, and so he bit the inside of his cheeks, ashamed to look up at Rai.


He tried to tell himself that his behavior towards Leigh was because she had been such a little brat, because she was ungrateful, because she didn't have a clue how much he had always sacrificed for her. Surely it was natural to snap once in a while.


But it was his birthday...and what about those thoughts that had flitted across his mind? What if it wasn't Leigh at all? What if it was him?
 
It hadn't been an easy time. Summer was silently suffering with her injury, but she didn't say anything. She refused most help excluding that of Mels, because she was her little cousin and she didn't want to worry her and Grey, because.... Well Summer didn't like to think of why she didn't push him away. She told herself it was because he was helpful and he seemed to know what he was talking about. Mels had some other ideas, but she didn't say anything. Well maybe some things.


Summer was determined not to be dead weight on the group, but she knew she shouldn't push herself so hard. If she did too much, she could re-injury herself or make it worse. So she settled with not complaining about the pain or the uncomfortableness of it. She had to admit that it seemed to be doing better, but somewhere in her mind, she thought that her leg would never be the same again. Which was a frighten thought.


Summer didn't like the idea of the others leaving the group to look for supplies and Mels made a bit of a fuss as well. She didn't want anyone to get hurt and Summer had to calm her down. Still it was sort of good to see her throw a bit of a fit. She had been so quiet that it was starting to worry her. Still she wasn't talkative that much either. She was going to make sure that Mels was okay.


"Be safe," Summer told the group before they left, although she looked at Grey while saying it. Mels coughed and giggled. While they were all off getting supplies, Summer did her best to talk with the others. She could see she was not the only one worrying about the ones who had left. Leigh of course about her boyfriend and she had a feeling Rai might like Jared. He was a great guy too. He seemed to be one of the unofficial leaders and Summer couldn't imagine the weight of that.


Jillian himself was worried about Max. He didn't want anything to happen to him. At the same time he didn't want to be left behind with Leigh. They didn't really interact which made sense he guessed. Jillian didn't want to upset the girl. He wished he could reassure her that he was not going to make a move on her boyfriend but he wasn't sure how to start that conversation. Instead he worried silently and prayed for them all to return, especially Max.


It was good when they returned. Jillian had to stop himself from hugging Max in his relief. Summer just smiled at Grey and asked him how it all went. But then Anthros and Kurt did not return.


Mels kept on asking Summer where they were and if they were coming back. Summer told her that maybe they found a way to escape. Mels said that it wasn't very nice of them to do that and not come back and tell the others. Summer let her think that. It was much better than saying that they were probably murdered somewhere. She knew she shouldn't hide the truth from her cousin, but she still wanted to shelter her in some ways.


Summer woke up some time after Jared. She had heard it was his twentieth birthday and a feeling of dread filled her stomach. She sat up, but didn't speak, playing with the ends of her bandages. One of the supplies brought back was medical and Summer was given a better split for her leg. She also had a crunch now which laid against a tree. She had refused it at first, saying she didn't need it, but it did help. Next to her Mels slept on. She turned to smile down at her, then looked over to Jared. She wondered if she should ask him how he was feeling. Somehow that didn't feel appropreate.


She watched in horror when Jared went off on his little sister. She wanted to yell at him for speaking that way. She knew Leigh was difficult most of the time, but she was a pre-teen. She was going to be that way. Maybe it was a big sister instinct. Even if Mels was a cousin, she was like a little sister to her. But it scared her a bit. She had not seen Jared yell at Leigh like that before. He was mostly annoyed or irritated with her.


The yelling woke up Mels and she looked at Summer. "What happened?"


"Ssh it's nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep." Mels looked at her and nodded, falling back into a sleep. Summer sighed in relief.


Jillian woke with a start at Jared's yelling. He blinked in confusing a couple times. He looked over to see Leigh and Angie walk off and he then looked at Jared. Questions filled him, but he didn't ask any. He looked other to where Max still slept then to where Leigh had gone. He thought she shouldn't go off alone, even not that far. Feeling he was going to regret this choice, he got up and started after her.


"Leigh? Angie? You girls okay? You shouldn't go off on your own."
 
Six days didn’t seem like a long time, but Maxwell seemed to be growing every day, the same pain in his joints. His voice finally staying at its lower register and he grew some itchy facial hair as well as…other hair. Max was changing, and he was practically avoiding Leigh because of it; not that he was exactly on the greatest terms with her yet. The girl barely approached him anymore, and he could feel the impending end of their relationship, so he avoided her.


Avoiding came much easier in the situation they were in, as Max often volunteered for shifts of watch and even recruited to go into town. In the times where they were forced together, he tried to avoid the fact that she was his…as it might not be very true anymore. The boy found solace in the others, especially the guys, and he even found himself to be on better terms with Kurt until his disappearance.


The second group that had left for supplies had simply not come back, and when his group finally found that house, Max only needed to catch a glance of himself in the mirror. The boy was a mess, and dirtied despite bathing in that stream many times; he immediately turned away, and when they got back he couldn’t even bring himself to look at Leigh. Even now, the girl looked young and beautiful while Max was growing up…maybe everyone was right to judge them.


Leigh seemed young now, and maybe it was the way the girl seemed to be acting out every time he even looked at Jillian that made him realize it. Though, even when his brain was aware of this fact, his heart still held a place for her, and he wanted nothing more than to just…hug her and tell her that it was alright even if it wasn’t. It no longer involved kissing her or what may lead off from that, and he didn’t realize what this meant until the morning of Jared’s birthday (although he was unaware of the event).


When he woke up, it was to Leigh yelling at Angie, and he just sat up giving an exasperated sigh to her new attitude. Strangely enough, today Jared was yelling back at her freely, his fists clenched as they argue about taking her to the bathroom. Max almost felt like offering to take her, even though he couldn’t, maybe it would make Leigh come along. Jared didn’t seem right though, he was usually the voice of reason, and even though he knew he was getting exasperated with his younger sister, he didn’t usually act like this.


Jared outright yelled at the girl, and something in max immediately started pestering him, anger building slowly from the man’s outburst. Why was he treating his sister like this? Max knew that she was being a little more defiant these days, but Jared was taking it a step too far. When Leigh ran off crying, dragging Angie behind her, Max got up in preparation to follow them. Jillian got there first though, and he was confused as to why he of all people would follow her.


The boy gives Max a chance with Jared though, and he turns to look at him, “You didn’t have to yell at her like that!” he challenges him. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you Jared, but you don’t have to get so angry” Max noted.
 
Angelina is already redressed, but Leigh, despite her earlier reluctance to leave at all, is now refusing to return to the others with her, too embarrassed, angry, and upset to face them and particularly Jared again so soon. Some of what he had said to her about being stupid, something Leigh has always privately felt sure was true about herself, about how she stuffed her bra and worries about her looks, had hurt her much more than she wanted him to know. For anyone to see Leigh in the same way she often saw herself, the same way she was determined not to let others think of her as, was a terrible thing to her. If people saw her as a little girl, as a stupid, immature, unattractive little girl...for her, this would be devastating, precisely because it was exactly how she often thought of herself, exactly the opposite of what she wanted to be.


He had talked about Vicky, when he knew she couldn't stand to talk about Vicky anymore, to be reminded of her. She knew even before Vicky went psycho that her mother hadn't wanted her, hadn't really loved her at all, or any of them. And now Jared was basically saying he didn't want her either, that it would have been better for him if Leigh hadn't been around for him to have to take care of all his life. That was how she interpreted it, anyway, and this hurt her as much as any of the rest of it. Whether she ever admitted it or not, even to herself, Jared was the one constant that had always been in her life, Jared and Lydia and how they had taken care of her, even when she wished they wouldn't. If even Jared hated her, then who could ever love her?


Angelina, worried and guilty, crouches beside Leigh as she continues to cry, patting her shoulder uncertainly and biting her lower lip as she tries to comfort her older sister. She too had been frightened by Jared's yelling, and she has sympathy for Leigh now, despite their usual bickering and strife.


"Leigh...Leigh, I'm sorry. I shoulda asked Rai...Leigh, don't cry...."


Both girls look up when Jillian comes into the clearing, and Angelina backs off, relieved. She doesn't see Jillian as a "freak," as Leigh has sometimes muttered under her breath when Jared isn't listening. She likes him and thinks he's nice, just like most of the other kids. She hopes he'll make Leigh feel better.


But Leigh, who had hoped for Max, if anyone at all, to come for her, is so disappointed when the only person other than her little sister who seems to care that she's upset just happens to be JILLIAN. Jillian, the one Max likes better than her now, Jillian, the one she just doesn't get and thinks is weird. Jillian, JILLIAN is the one who comes?


She bursts into renewed tears at this seeming injustice, shaking her head as she sobs, "Max hates me too, doesn't he? He doesn't even like me anymore. I can't help it that we're in the woods and I can't be pretty anymore, I still love him...he likes you and not me. No one likes me. Jared doesn't even want me alive and I hate him, I hate him, Lydia would never yell at me like that. He said the f word to me and that's the worst one! I hate him."


Angelina is frowning as she looks up at Jillian, her eyes silently begging for him to somehow make this better.


Jared had been feeling shame, guilt, even self-disgust for the way he had treated Leigh, but as he watched Jillian go off after her, he hears Max speaking up. Max, who was half the reason that Leigh was so out of sorts lately in the first place. Max, who had kissed his little sister and god knows what else, Max, who had lead her along until he was tired of her and then thrust her back at Jared when he was tired of her...Max, Max, the borderline pedophile, was now telling JARED what to do with HIS sister?!


Jared felt the same rage he had moments before directed towards Leigh rise again, and he turned to Max with his fists clinched, his voice not quiet as loud as before, but intent. "What the hell right do you have to say anything at all about Leigh or how anyone treats her? It's your fault she's been such a pain in the ass lately, you're the one who strung her along then dumped her. Why aren't YOU going after her if you're so damn worried? I know how to take care of her, I always have, and it's time she grows up and deals with life and takes responsibility. What do you even care if she gets yelled at or not, it's not like you're interested in her anymore. What, did you discover she's not GOOD enough to keep you satisfied? Twelve year olds aren't enough FUN for you? Don't ever tell me what to do with my sister when you're the one probably feeling her up under the blankets every night."


His implication, of course, is strongly insinuative, and although Jared doesn't really believe anything between Max and Leigh went that far, as he is saying it, his own words make him almost angry enough to believe it. He could easily see himself hurting Max, hurting him badly, and he would deserve it. That Jared was sure of.
 
There was something inside Max that snapped, and it gave him a bout of courage in the face of danger by the name of Jared.


“Anybody could tell you you’re treating her like shit! You’re calling her out on her appearance because what? Because she wouldn’t take Angie to the bathroom? Isn’t that usually your girlfriend’s job anyways?” he accuses.


“Or what, you were too selfish to give her up to help your little sister? So much for knowing how to take care of your family…”


“All you are is a judgemental ***hole who thinks I seduced their sister into doing something and can’t handle it when it stops! Leigh is good enough for me, Jared. I may be the one making her act this way, but I’m not the one that made her run off crying. I’m not the one who told her that her mother was going to kill her, and I’ve never touched her. All you’ve done is judge our relationship, so what do you think drove me away?”


Max was angry, and he had a right to be, all everyone did was judge their relationship before and now they were getting the effects of it. Jared never really trusted him with his sister, so he strayed away, and now Leigh and he himself were upset because of it. There was some point during his words that Max had started getting closer to Jared, and now they were only breaths away. He didn’t look as young he was, though, standing straight for once in his life and looking Jared in the eye.


As if the weather was sensing their overall mood, it slowly started to rain.
 
As it begins to rain, Angelina turns her head back in the direction of where the others remain, and she bites her lip, wanting to return to them and get to some sort of shelter, or at least under blankets. She wants to snuggle close to Hunter and maybe, just maybe, let Jared or Rai hold her on their lap. What she doesn't want is to stand here with Jillian and Leigh, when Leigh seems in no rush at all to go back to the others, and listen to her cry. Leigh doesn't even seem to notice or care that it's raining, so Angelina moves closer to her again, feeling the need to inform her timidly.


"Leigh...Leigh, it's raining. It's raining, Leigh...Leigh! Leigh, don't cry..."


She puts her arm around Leigh slowly, looking again to Jillian. She too is now on the verge of tears.


Max is moving closer to Jared, almost in his face, and Jared feels his body reacting to this, his already tensed muscles so rigid now he barely feels as if he is made of flesh at all, or as though he will be able to control their movements. He sees nothing but Max's face, hears nothing but his voice, and his body aches with the desire to take him and simply start hitting every inch of him he can reach.


How dare he call Jared selfish- Jared, who since the moment Leigh was born, let alone Angie, has done nothing but take care of them, every moment he's around them? Jared, who had given up the right to play any sports all through school, who had never been able to take a friend home, who had given every dollar he made working towards their family and providing support, Jared, who had been the father to Leigh and Angie that they never had? Jared was selfish, JARED was the one who was wrong? JARED was a judgemental asshole because he frowned upon a sixteen year old with facial hair wanting to screw his little sister who was just beginning to hit puberty? JARED had driven Max away from her, JARED was the one to blame for everything?


Even in the best of times this would have greatly angered him to hear from Max of all people, and now was not the best of times by any stretch of the imagination. Jared exploded.


"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO CALL ME SELFISH?! Do you have ANY idea how much I've done for them both, all my life, do you have ANY idea what I've had to give up for them?! I've been playing daddy since I was eight years old, I didn't have a f*cking childhood because I let them have one instead! And then here I am, doing more work than any of the rest of you, practically, to keep us safe and get us what we need, keep us all ALIVE, half of you would be DEAD if it wasn't for me and my ideas and my directions! I'm judgmental because I don't like the fact that you're making out with my sister, the same one whose diapers I changed, the same one who was wearing clothes in the kid department last year?! The one who was in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL last year?! And somehow it's MY fault you dumped her?! Who the hell is the real asshole here?!"


Without warning he threw himself at Max with his full weight, intending to knock him to the ground. In his mind's eye he is seeing himself decking him in the face, scratching him with both hands, punching him until his bones break and he can't breathe...and the thought is almost gratifying.
 
"Stop it both of you," Summer suddenly screamed. Mels was sitting up, looking alarmed. Summer wrapped her arms around her, protectively. "What the HELL is your problem? I get it. We are all on the run from murdering adults and the last few days haven't been exactly good. Trust me I know. Yet you two think the best thing to do right now is waste your energy on fighting? Is this really going to solve anything. You are scaring people for God's sake," Summer kept on ranting, the last part she looked at Jared. She was a bit afraid to keep on going. Both boys seemed amped up and Summer was injured. Was it worth it to draw their attention away?


But Summer looked down at her little cousin in her arms. No. No they had no right to act this way. "Jared you are the oldest of the group. So stop acting like a ******* child about this whole thing. Everyone is exhausted of this. Leigh is young though. She doesn't have the mental capity to handle it like some of us older ones. So of course she is going to through a fit. But you two have no right to scream at each other. Are you trying to do the adults job for them?"


Mels let out a scream when Jared went at him. Summer pulled her tighter into her arms. Was Jared loosing it already? And now she had probably envoked his wrath as well. But she had to do something.


----


Jillian wondered if he had made the wrong choice in choosing to come to the girls.


"That's not true," Jillian said softly to Leigh. "Max loves you very much. In fact he tells me that a lot. Sometimes he can't stop talking about you." Jillian was telling the truth. It was annoying to hear Max talk about his girlfriend when they hung out. But Jillian had decided that his friend's happiness was worth more than his crush on him. "And you are pretty Leigh. I mean not everyone looks the best right now. And that is not important to him anyways. You are. All of you. What inside is what matters. Trust me on that."


Jillian then shook his head. "No. Max likes me as a friend that is all. I know you don't like that he spends time with me, but you can't force him to not have friends. But that is all we have. He likes you Leigh. You are the one he wants." It hurt Jillian to say that. How he wished the reverse was true. That Max did return his feelings. But he knew that was wrong. Max would never like him. Not like that.


Jillian then crouched down to the girls. "Listen everyone is stressed lately. You guys won't understand that much. You're still young. It's not because you aren't smart, it's just we older folk feel we have a responsibility to make sure everyone is okay. Jared...Jared didn't mean it."


 
As Jared yelled as Max, the boy was yelling with him, their words overlapping and their voices rising. “Selfish enough that here you are holding it over their heads! It’s not their fault you had to take care of them, and it’s not their fault you had to give that up!! THEY’RE ONLY KIDS! As you continue to remind me!!” Maxwell heard Summer but her voice was promptly ignored, he was running on the fuel of being here for so long, and the frustration that came with it.


“Don’t pretend you even give a shit about our relationship Jared. For your information, I haven’t dumped her, nor have I gotten tired of her. That’s your job, apparent-”


Max was hit. Jared threw himself at him and knocked him to the ground, and Max had heard Mels scream before he is decked in the face. This was when his instinct kicked in, and he immediately fought off Jared’s incoming hands, struggling underneath him and hopefully managing to kick or knee him somewhere. Finally dodging one of Jared’s punches so he has a loose hand to punch the man back, trying to roll them so he would be pinning the man.


“What!? Does this make you feel any better!” Max’s mouth finally started functioning again, talking smack. “You’re no better than the adults!” he accuses, struggling again.
 
Jared wants to hurt Max more than he has ever wanted to hurt anyone in his life. He can see himself carrying it out so clearly, causing him serious injury and enjoying every second of it. He can see him bleeding and broken, can almost hear him begging for mercy, and Jared, in control, Jared, getting to decide just how much more he will get to cause harm. He can see Max gasping for breath, he can see him trying to breathe...he can see him going still beneath his fists, as his breathing stops...


And it is this last piece of the daydream that finally gets to Jared, jarring him enough to shock him out of his state of mind. He had been trying to really hurt Max...and he had been thinking of killing him. Even with the others watching, even though Max hadn't physically hurt him...he had been imagining his death. He could have lost control...he could have actually carried it out?


What was wrong with him...what was he DOING?


Jared jerked away from Max then, scrambling to his feet and backing up rapidly. His chest is heaving, blood trickling down his chin, and he doesn't know when or how this happened, only that his lip is throbbing dully. Only dimly has he heard Summer's words, but Max's penetrated.


No better than the adults...Jared was no better than the adults...


Looking down at his shaking hands, then over to where just moments before, he and Max had been outright brawling, Jared lets out a shaky breath, disbelieving. He has not been in a physical fight since he was twelve years old. What was wrong with him that he would start one now, with a kid not his own size or age, a kid who hadn't actually physically threatened him?


He deserves it, a dark voice in his head not so different from his own whispered, and Jared could not fully disagree. And yet...he can see Mels crying, Summer's arms protectively around her as she glowers towards him, and what would Leigh think? What would Angie? Rai...he couldn't even look in Rai's direction.


"I'm...that...shouldn't have happened," he says finally, his voice slightly hoarse, and he meets no one's eyes as he shakes his head again. "I'm...that shouldn't have happened...it won't again. I'm...sorry."


Muttering something about needing space, he began to walk off, staying within hearing distance of the others, but needing to be able to get away for a few moments, to try to clear his head. He can still faintly hear the murmur of what seems to be a voice, a voice that is very disappointed...and considerably angry.


**


For once, Leigh actually listens to what Jillian is telling her, attempting to take it in and accept it as truth. She wants very much for his words to be true, and sees no reason for him to lie to her about them...if he hated her, and was jealous of her, and trying to steal Max away from her, then wouldn't he tell her that she was right, and Max loved him much more? Wouldn't he be happy she was upset?


With this somewhat dubious logic somewhat reassuring her, Leigh sniffled a few times, taking in gulping breaths to calm herself, and then wiped at her face with her fingertips in the characteristic manner she had recently taken up, as though to avoid smearing makeup. She was not wearing any, but this was an unconscious gesture as she nodded slightly.


"He...he does love me?"


She smiles just faintly, then takes another breath. Angelina has been watching them, continuing to frown faintly, and Leigh takes her hand. "I...just hate Jared sometimes. Not all the time...but he's so mean to me. I don't think he likes me very much either."


Looking down at Angelina, she sighed. "I guess we have to go back...don't you dare tell them I was crying."


"They already saw you were, Leigh. You were crying before you took me away," Angelina pointed out, causing Leigh to tighten her jaw and give her hand a little shake.


"Well pretend I wasn't! God!"


"You were though," was Angelina's confused response as Leigh started to drag her back.


As the girls returned in the circle to the others, Angelina, seeing Mels huddled in Summer's arms, then noticing Jared's absence, furrowed her brow, worried. "How come Mels is sad...where's Jared?"


Some panic begins to cross her features as she immediately reaches for Hunter, but Leigh does not acknowledge either change. She simply heads straight to Max and kneels next to him, hooking her arm through his and nuzzling in close to him.


"Do you really love me, Max?" she whispered into his ear, but then recoiled, blinking several times as she took in his features with more alertness, even alarm. "Wait, what's going on, what happened?"
 
Will felt horribly guilty. He'd almost volunteered to go with one of the supply expeditions, feeling like he ought to try to be useful; but he'd eventually decided not to, remembering running from the adults at his school and apartment and suddenly unable to think of going back. Anthony had had an excuse- he'd be a liability with his wounded arm- but Will hadn't. And then, Kurt and Anthros hadn't returned.... Anthros, who he'd picked up on the side of the road with her tear-stained make-up. And Kurt, who was the one who'd made the spaghetti back at the cafeteria. Why had he volunteered to go? He had a wounded hand. It was stupid.


But all Will had felt was glad that he had decided not to go- glad that he'd made the right choice, glad that his life had been preserved. What if he'd gone, he wondered? He would have disappeared too. Thank God he'd stayed at the camp.


He felt horrible. Selfish. He shouldn't be thinking like that.


Will had become reclusive as the days went on. He'd talked with the others, sure. Summer, Max, Anthony, Rai. They were friendly enough, but the boy felt antsy; he wanted to feel like life had gone somewhat back to normal, but he was always imagining an adult popping out of the trees. Maybe a hermit that lived in the forest. Some researchers studying the wildlife.


Anthony had been wandering about the surrounding forest a lot, an introvert by nature. He'd try not to walk too far, following the together-at-all-times rule, but he never feared getting lost. He had a good sense of direction.


On the morning of Jared's birthday, Anthony had gotten up early. Will, however, did no such thing- he was still curled up under a tree while the others slowly arose. It had been the raised voices that eventually made him stir; first the girls' complaints, and then, unexpectedly, Jared's.


The first thing Will heard staring at the sky was Jared's angry voice. What he immediately remembered afterwards, however, was that he was turning 20 that day.


The boy scrambled up very quickly, worse-case scenarios flashing through his head. What if he had gone crazy? What if 20 was the mark? Why was he so angry? Looking in his direction, however, only revealed Jared berating his sister. Will rubbed his eyes and took some breaths, calming his panickiness. He was becoming very paranoid.


But then Jared started yelling louder. He was more angry than he had any reason to be, absolutely enraged all of a sudden. Leigh eventually trudged off into the woods with Angelina, and Jillian hurried after.


And then Max was yelling at Jared, and he was only yelling back. Summer started adding to the din. Will watched with uncertain eyes, hanging back by the tree trunk he'd been sleeping by; this was a horrible time for an argument. Jared was an adult by all means of definition, and Will hated to admit it, but he was scared.


What was wrong with him? He wasn't a little child. No one else was afraid- including the actual little children. What had happened to happy, sociable Will? Since the adults had gone psycho, he'd just been degenerating into paranoia.... His dad was dead, and so was Kurt, and so was Anthros, and anyone could be next.


There was a sudden sound behind him, and Will jumped- before noticing it was only Anthony. The other boy gave him a worried look, before turning back to the conflict, where Jared and Max were practically in each others faces. Will's instinct was to stay silent, but he decided he had to at least try to pull himself out of his introverted slump.


"Should we... Should we try to stop them or something?" suggested Will quietly.


"How do you think we could do that?" asked Anthony sarcastically, watching the argument. "They're pretty riled up."


"Yeah..." agreed Will. He bit his lip. "So what do we do?"


Anthony shrugged. "Watch?-"


At that moment, Jared suddenly threw himself at Max, attacking him outright. Anthony's eyes widened, and he took a step forward. "Holy f***-"


"Crap," said Will quietly, shrinking back.


Before either boy could do anything, however, Jared and Max had broken apart, each breathing hard and staring. It was quiet for a while, no one speaking or moving. The tension was obvious. But soon, Jared spoke again; it seemed like what he had been doing had just sunken into his mind.


He walked off in the direction of no one, escaping to the fringed of the clearing. Will continued to stare for a little while, before turning to look at Anthony.


The older boy shrugged, looked over at where Jared had gone, and began walking back to where he'd been before the argument started. There weren't any words for him to speak.


Will wanted nothing more than to do the same. He wanted to retreat to his position under the tree, doodle in the dirt, stare off into the distance- and keep half an eye on Jared the entire time. His paranoia was more justified than ever. The boy shook his head, though, denying himself; he couldn't just keep drifting away from everybody. He couldn't just go on being scared of everything and eventually just die alone. Didn't they have to stick together?


He'd once thought he was optimistic. Ha. Right.


Will could try, though. Jared wasn't crazy, and the last thing he needed was for everyone to alienate him and drive him further into his anger. Will didn't want to just sit there and let be whatever happened. He wasn't weak-willed.


Making up his mind, the boy walked towards where Jared had gone, swallowing slightly. He could just talk to him.


"You know, Jared...." Will was suddenly not quite sure what to say. "We're all together in this stupid situation. Maybe you should just lay off a little."
 
From the foot of the creek, Jared stood facing it, hands shoved in his pocket, head down, listening to the water trickle by. Jared heard the footsteps approaching but did not look up. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now, didn't want to see anyone's face, not even Rai's...maybe especially Rai'.s He couldn't bear to. What could he possibly say to explain himself, what could he possibly do that would make Rai or any of the others look at him without dark suspicion and even fear in their eyes?


He was different from them now, dangerous. He was an adult. He was no longer a teenager, and even if he wasn't of legal drinking age, in all other manners of the word, he was an adult. How long would it be until he was one of them, vicious, murderous, thirsty for blood and gore? How long would it be until frustration and anger vented entirely to rage?


What might he do to his sisters, to his friends? What might he do to Rai?


And yet even as he thought, the same dark impressions warred with his self-disgust, telling him that he had been in the right, that Leigh was a selfish brat he was only trying to discipline, that Max was a sick pedophile, that all the others had no understanding or appreciation of everything he did, who he was as a person. He should show them. He should make them see. He should-


This was the moment that Will chose to come up to him, and even before he spoke Jared tensed. One of them was coming, no doubt to tell him how awful he was some more, and as he turned to face him, every muscle in his body was pulled taut.


"Lay off a little? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
 
It had taken a mere three days for certain supplies to run short, Grey had hoped they would last longer but the group was a hefty size so he wasn't all that surprised. He had almost wanted to stay and help protect the ones that were left behind, but knew he had to go to help gather more supplies. He took this in stride, after all he was one of the oldest and more prepared of the group. Still when Summer told them to be careful something felt off and he could only offer her a half hearted smile. Just how long could this group last like this anyway? Time was ticking.











When they managed to return to the group, barely in one piece after the confrontation with the adults Grey hoped that was the worst of it, that the feeling in his gut would subside. Yet the feeling remained, keeping him on edge while the second vehicle failed to return. Anthros, the girl of his original group, and another kid, Kurt, both too young to be lost. Two more children more than likely gone. They were playing a dangerous game and the odds were ever against their favor.








The days continued on. Lucky for Grey he had a watch that had the date and time. It was an odd comfort, but there was something about knowing how much time passed, even if time no longer mattered. Hell if anything time would be the death of all these youth. These were the gist of his thoughts as he walked the perimeter. Yeah Grey knew he was going against his own words when he went alone, but if anything were to happen he was more than capable of handling himself. Almost as importantly as making sure there wasn't a sign of others nearby or on approach he needed a few moments solitude from the others for his own sanity. So each morning he would rise with the sun and walk what was becoming a familiar path, only to walk it once more before the sun would go down.








Looking to his watch the date was heavy on his mind, Grey's conversation with Jared when they first arrived played on repeat. Was he going to change as he feared, or did the sickness only hit the ones that were already adults, leaving the rest of them free to grow up without worry of changing? Grey hoped for the best, knowing in no way was he able to prepare for the worst. Not Jared. There was faint yelling, if not mistaken Grey heard Jared's voice. Unable to make out the words Grey quickly made his way to the group, rushing yet trying not to make much noise in case there were others.








When Grey approached the small clearing he felt rain trickling against his skin. Not the best timing but there wasn't much the group could do against the elements without tents, something Grey noted to gather next time they attempted a trip for supplies. Aside from the kids grouping together some talking some silent there was nothing there. The lack of Jared struck him odd and he looked around at the group wondering just what had happened. Some seemed shaken up, somewhat upset yet Grey had a feeling that adults hadn't come, so just what had happened? He goes to Summer who is cradling Mels, surely she would fill him in. “What happened? I heard yelling.”





 
Jared was tensed and angry even as he turned, reacting immediately to his words with a sharp response. Will almost recoiled, falling back, but managed to stop himself past nothing but a step. The leaves crunched under his step. Jared was just so mad.


"Uh, well," Will paused for a moment. The rain was pouring harder now; they'd have to go cover their supplies.... The boy wanted to use that as an excuse, move away from Jared, and busy himself stashing their stuff. He couldn't do that, though. He'd come over there to dig himself out of the little hole of paranoia he'd dug for himself, and he was going to go through with it. Will wanted to tell himself to do that sometime when Jared wasn't likely to murder him, but he couldn't do that either. He was going to be optimistic. Jared wasn't going crazy. He was just stressed. No murdering.


"I... I just mean, you were being sort of harsh back there, you know? We sort of have to stay together, and it's... It's hard when you're being so..." Will hugged one arm to his chest with the other, feeling unsure. He tried to talk normally, even as Jared looked on angrily. "So angry all of a sudden."


He glanced to the tree at his side as his mind spun off of tangents that he quickly worked to repress. Because you're an adult, because you're going crazy, because you're going to kill us.... Will turned back to Jared. "Just, I mean, I know you're stressed, but..."
 
For a moment Jared could not move at all. The anger building within him had reached such a level of intensity, the muscles of his body pulled so tightly, that he could not seem to control them. As the rain pounded down around them, soaking his clothing to his skin, plastering his hair, already growing too long even before their time as transients, against his face, the cold wetness did nothing of it to calm him or cool him down. If anything it contributed to his mood. How often had it rained since they came? Why did it have to rain and make things that much worse, that much harder? What the hell were they supposed to do when it rained, why was this something he had to worry about at all? Now the girls would complain about being cold or tired and wet and might even cry, now they would lose some of the food supplies if someone wasn't smart enough to cover them up somehow, and Jared was sure they wouldn't be. Even God, if he existed at all, seemed to be against him now, silently condemning him with this rain, and with Will joining what seemed to Jared a huge, noisy chorus, WILL, who had never confronted Jared in such a manner before, WILL, who out of all the others, Jared probably had the least of a relationship with...Will thought he had the right to come hand deliver him with a personal judgmental lecture?!


Jared gave a sharp laugh, swiping his hair out of his eyes as he took a step towards Will, noting with some unconscious satisfaction that he was taller, older, and more physically imposing than the boy. His voice rose again, gradually developing into a near shout.


"I'm being harsh? I'm being HARSH, because I expect a twelve-year-old girl with two legs and arms that work perfectly fine to get up out of bed to help her sister, so I don't have to be the one to go wash her peed-in blankets and underwear in the creek that we've been BATHING in and DRINKING from? Do you realize that living the way we do, bathing our filthy bodies in the same water we're drinking in, we could all get sick and die? Do you realize that letting Leigh be a lazy pain in the ass could KILL someone? I don't think it's HARSH to expect someone other than me to actually do something around here!"


If he had not felt this anger, if he had not been in this state of mind and process of thought, Jared would have known that what he was saying, how he was reacting, was wrong. Even as he spoke a part of him knew this and was even horrified by his reaction...and yet he could not seem to help himself. The words seemed to come almost from outside himself, with his control of it minimal.


"You know I'm stressed...YOU know I'm stressed? How old are you, Will, 14, 15? Do you know what it's like to be stressed since you were four years old? Do you know what it's like to be four years old and trying to feed your baby sister and change her diaper because your mother is asleep and won't wake up? Do you know what it's like to be eight and skipping school because your mother didn't arrange anyway to take care of your baby sister? Do you know what it's like to be fourteen and have your baby sister call you Daddy? Do you have ANY IDEA what it's been like to raise not one, not two, but THREE kids by the time you are twenty years old when you've NEVER EVEN HAD SEX?! I'm twenty years old and I've had ONE girlfriend, ONE, not because I'm a saint, not because no girl's ever liked me, not because I've ugly or fat or stupid or geeky or anything else but because I have to WORK every day I possibly can, because I have to take care of a bunch of ungrateful little kids who don't have a CLUE how they've taken my own life away from me! I can't even go on a date because then what if Leigh sneaks out the house after some pervert or Angie wets the bed or we don't have enough food or money and Lydia was afraid to be home alone at night with them, do you seriously think you know what stress is? Do you think you know what stress is when every SINGLE thing I do here could be life or death, when I'm now raising like TEN kids and not a single one of them has a clue what it's like? Just get the hell away from me, Will, you don't know a thing about stress, just get away from me!"


And he gave him a harsh shove, with considerable more force than he had ever pushed anyone in his life. What Jared had not taken into account, and wouldn't have been able to do so logically, was that with the heavy rain, the grass was very slippery beneath their feet, and their shoes, which had been considerably abused since they took to living outside, were probably very slippery and not maintaining good grip.


He watched as Will stumbled, his legs buckling slightly, before his feet seemed to Jared's eyes to slip out from beneath him. Jared had been standing across from Will, both of them parallel to the water, but Jared had shoved him at the shoulder farthest from the creek, so that he ended up pushed towards it...and then into it. As Will's body fell into the water, steadily rising and flowing strongly with the heavy rain, Jared saw with sudden sharp horror that immediately dashed away all anger that his head had just his a large, jagged rock sticking out of the water...and that he could see blood.


No...no, no, no...what had he done? NO...


"Will," he choked, coming forward hurriedly and taking hold of him, unsure if he should lift him or leave him be, frightened of making it worse. "Will, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...oh no, oh god..."


The water is often coursing over Will's face and Jared lifts him up by the shoulders out of it without fully lifting him out, horrified when his head lolled back. He could not yet tell if he was badly hurt or even alive, and didn't dare look at the back of his head, dreading to find out as he called out to the others.


"HELP! Will's hurt, HELP!"


Even as he shouted it hit him that perhaps this was not the best of plans...if he had hurt Will badly, if he had...what would the others think, what would they say?


What was he even thinking? He had to help Will, how could he even consider changing the story, or not telling, or...how could he think of himself now, what the hell was wrong with him? What WAS wrong with him? What was happening, what did this mean....what was he becoming, that he could do something like this?


"SOMEBODY HELP!" he hollered again, struggling to hold Will above the water without moving him or touching his head or face.


(Niv, sorry if that was moving Will or controlling him too much, just let me know if you want to change it somehow. I left it up to you if he's dead yet or just dying)
 
Summer watched as Jared walked off. She was glad that he had left. Not that he wanted him gone. Only that she was glad that he wasn't fighting with Max anymore. Maybe it was best if he went off on his own a little to cool down. He was the oldest and he had been shown to be capable of handling himself. Something in Summer also said that maybe the adults would leave him alone since he was acting so much like them. She almost kicked herself for thinking such a thing.


She watched as Jillian emerged with the two young girls as well, sighing in relief. They were okay as well. Mels moved in her arms, but did not remove herself from Summer. The young girl was still scared after the fight the two had and after listening to her cousin yell. She didn't like it when people fought and especially now, any sign of violence made her upset and scared.


Neither really noticed Will going to talk to Jared as Grey approached them. Summer wasn't sure what to say when Mels spoke.


"Jared and Max were fighting! They were saying really mean things to each other and I really didn't get most of it but they were so, so angry and it was scary. Then Jared attacked Max and..." Mels trailed off. She didn't want to believe Jared, who seemed to be so strong to her, would really hurt Max. But she wasn't sure anymore. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt. Why can't they just be nice to each other?"


Summer didn't answer her cousin. "I think Jared was yelling at Max because of Leigh and Max was yelling back. Then they got into a fight and Jared walked off. Everyone is okay though. I don't think they really hurt the other one." She was cut off by the sound of someone calling. She stood, wincing in pain, letting go of Mels.


"Did you hear that?"


Jillian frowned when Leigh went to Max asking if he loved her. He turned his head away. He wanted them to be happy. He knew he couldn't really get between them. At least not in that way. Still it wasn't exactly the best thing ever to watch them be a couple. He decided to go and do something else when he heard Jared call out. Will was hurt?


He rushed over to where he heard the noise. He saw Jared holding Will who seemed to be unconscious. His first instinct was to see if anyone else was around. Some adult that had attacked them while they were away from the group. He didn't see anyone, but maybe Jared fought them off.


'Do you really believe that? Jared doesn't look like he fought anyone off.' Jillian felt sick thinking that way and hurried over.


"What happened?"
 
Leigh is still curled close to Max, her hands hooked through his arm, her face tilted up towards him, when she hears Jared's shout. Instantly the hopeful half smile on her face freezes over, and she goes still, fear and near panic flashing across her eyes. Her nails dig into his arm through his sleeve as she pushes herself even closer to him, pressing her face against the side of his arm. All anger and hurt at Jared is now forgotten as she fears for his safety.


"Oh no, oh no, the adults are here, she half hisses, half moans, burrowing herself as close to Max as she can get. "We have to go! We have to run, we have to hide! Someone help my brother, someone help Jared! They're going to get him, someone go help him!"


Her words are completely contradictory- it would be difficult for people to run, hide, and go help Jared at the same time, of course- but she doesn't notice. Trembling, she clings to Max. It is unclear if she is speaking directly to him or to everyone at large.


Little Angelina's actions are much less conflicted. She immediately throws her arms around Hunter's neck and begins to cry. "Jared," is all she says, squeezing Hunter around the neck. Her wavy hair is wild and frizzy in the rain, Leigh's hair beginning to plaster against her face.


Jared looks up as Jillian approaches, his stomach flipping and sloshing sickeningly with every moment the boy draws near. Like the girls, he is shaking, from a combination of the cold from the rain and from the shock of what he's done, of the feeling of Will's body beneath his hands. Jillian is asking him what happened, and Jared has no words. How can he possibly explain this? What could ever make this something anyone could understand?


"I...we were talking, and...."


His words trail off, and instead he pulls Will the rest of the way out of the water, laying him down on the bank. Now he can see the extent of the damage at the back of Will's head, he can see that this was a very serious, even life threatening wound, and Jared nearly vomits. Swallowing repeatedly, he puts his fingers, shaking badly, to Will's throat, then his wrist, trying to feel for a pulse. Will's body is cool, but this is certainly because it is wet rather than...well...


Jared feels nothing. He checks again, then again, unbelieving, before finally putting his hand over Will's heart. He leaves it there for a long moment, then moves it around, and still feels no heartbeat.


No. No, no no no...


"He's dead," he whispers, still unbelieving. "He's dead."


He tries to remember how to do CPR and is afraid he will only make it worse, that he will damage Will's head further, or break a rib. What will they do even if someone can revive him? What the hell can a bunch of kids do for a serious head injury?


A bunch of kids, and one adult. Jared. Jared is an adult. The very day he is an adult, someone is hurt...the day he is an adult, someone dies.


He did this. He killed him.


"No," he whispered again, and abruptly he stood, not sure what he was doing, where he was going, only that he could no longer stand to look at Will, to see what destruction he had caused. "No..."


He began to walk, almost run, with uneven strides, not realizing until he could see the others that he had simply headed back in their direction. And now what would he do, what was he supposed to say? They would all ask what had happened, and what could he tell them?


He had killed him. That was all that could be said. It was all that mattered anymore.


he had killed him.
 
Jared seemed to be effected by Max’s words, as he quickly backed up and off of him; it seemed the man had finally gained some sense. Max on the other hand, seemed to relax on the ground, not bothering to get up and instead letting the rain wash over him. Maybe it would wash him away…his eye was starting to bruise and swell, the aftermath of the fight already sinking in. Jared was talking he seemed to be out of it, apologetic for what he had just done. The boy just scoffs, slightly amused, he knew at one point or another he was going to get hit by him.


Then Jared was leaving, and Max forced himself to sit up, letting his back get part of the shower. From his hunched over position, he hears Angelina is back, and he knows that Leigh must be back also. This time was much like the others, his emotions seemed to conflict with each other, and as Leigh approaches and hooks her arm in his she nuzzles away the side of him that wants to admit they are too far apart. When he looks at her, he can only see a vague shadow from his right eye, but his left eye took in the girl who looked fresh from crying and wet from the rain.


She asks for confirmation, that he loves her, and he hesitates, but she seems to notice his condition instead. He scoots closer to her but still doesn’t answer her question; it was the wrong time to break up with the girl if he planned on doing it. Instead he cradles her to his chest “Jared hit me” was his simple answer to her question.


Idly, he heard Jared call for help in the distance, but he was sure the man probably didn’t want to see him at the moment. Leigh is very worried though, anxiously clinging to his arm and calling out that Jared had been attacked by adults and that they should all run or hide...or save the boy. "It's okay" he chides, and as she still panics, he frees his arm and loops it around her to pull her onto his lap, "It's okay, Leigh..." he assures. Pushing her hair back with a smile, he leans his head on her shoulder "Jillian's there with him..." he starts, "And I'm here to protect you" Max would always be there for Leigh, even if it wasn't in this way... the arm that's around her clenches her to his frame, he craves the physical contact.


The boy barely noticed Jared come back, despite the disgruntled look on his face, he tries to avoid talking to him in case the man is still angry.
 
The rain was coming down harder and Grey looked from Summer to Mels as the younger girl spoke up. Her words scared him. Jared was fighting Max. One of the kids. And it even got physical. That didn't sound like Jared, it sounded the contrary. His fear... it couldn't be viable. If Jared was gonna lose it, Grey didn't want to lose his friend, and what would happen to his sisters and the group without him? It would only be a matter of time before he lost it too... if this was happening the group was as good as dead. One way or another they would all die. Summer tried to calm things over, speaking in Jared's defense, as if the possibility hadn't even come to her that Jared was losing it. Or perhaps it had and she was just scared. Grey only nodded “I'm sure everything's fine, I should go check-” he was cut off hearing yelling from the near distance. Jared again. Did he just say something about another one being hurt? This wasn't good.











Jillian ran off to assist Jared and Grey was torn. Was it adults, should he stay with the kids to protect them, or had something else happened and was he needed elsewhere, helping Jared? Grey was frozen, he was unsure. All his training had been for his own survival, not taking care of others. It was a lot of pressure and Grey was hesitant with the uncertainty of it all. While Grey was standing there with mixed emotions running through his face Jared himself was coming to the group. He heard the rustling of the heavy footsteps and Grey went to meet him when he saw it was Jared, and he was alone. “Jared?” Grey called out to his friend “What the hell happened man?” All he saw was blood and there was a sinking feeling in his gut. Grey didn't want to hear the answer. Grey was afraid.


 
Grateful for Max's physical and verbal comfort, Leigh's muscles relax slightly against him, and she huddles beneath his arms, her heartbeat slowing, though still faster than usual. She takes solace in what he is saying to her, taking this to be confirmation, even if he didn't say it aloud, that he did in fact love her. Guys found it hard to say they loved girls, right? Wasn't that what they always said in the magazines? That guys didn't talk about feelings and girls had to make them do it?


Max loved her. He said he'd protect her. He would always be there for her, no matter what, because he loved her. Why else would he hold her like this? Jillian was right.


She feels better enough to even attempt to throw a few bones of comfort her sister's way, calling out to the still crying Angelina several feet away. "Angie, Max says it's okay. Come bring Hunter over-"


She cuts her own sentence off when Jared returns to them, sans Will, and sits up a little on Max's lap, lifting her head with relief to see him returning. He looks like he hasn't been hurt, and he's not running or screaming for them to run...maybe the adults weren't there. Maybe he just slipped or something. Maybe-


But Jared is walking past them, not seeming to even see any of them, pacing in circles with one hand covering his eyes. As Leigh watches him, her heart rises to her throat with her growing dread, and she slips her hand back into Max's, squeezing. Something is still wrong.


"Jared?" she asks in a small voice. "What's going on? Where's Will?"


Jared didn't look at her, didn't look at Angelina or Mels, and especially not Rai. He slowly lifted bloodied hands off his face, leaving a faint streak behind, and looked only at Grey, meeting his friend's eyes. His hands were shaking almost as badly as his voice when he finally spoke.


"I...Grey, Will...I killed him. I didn't mean to...I didn't...I pushed him, and he fell, his head...I didn't mean to. But he's dead."


He starts to walk past Grey, his next words barely audible. "I have to go."
 
Ilya managed to find them some cover from the rain under a small canopy of trees. While it wasn't completely devoid of rain, it was dry enough to prevent he and Alina from getting sick. The last thing either of them needed was to contract pneumonia, especially since any chance of him getting a hold of medicine without being torn limb from limb was absolutely nil. He spared a glance over to his sister, who, despite all efforts, was shivering lightly beneath her coat.


Letting out a quiet breath, he crouched down and unzipped his duffel bag, pulling out one of the afghans he had managed to yank off of the back of their couch before they'd made their exit. He rose to his feet again and walked over to Ali, draping it around her shoulders.


“Try and get some rest, sestrenitsa.” He told her, making sure the blanket was secure before stepping back. “I'll keep watch.”


Alina lifted her gaze to him, her blue eyes wide and shining with exhaustion, “Are you sure?”


Ilya managed a small smile, “I'll get your attention if something happens. Sleep.”


Luckily, she didn't need much coaxing to curl up at the foot of the tree. She pulled the throw blanket tight around her, tucking her arm beneath her head to act as a pillow and let her eyes drift closed; not long after, her breathing had slowed and evened out, all the proof he'd needed that she'd managed to fall asleep. Whether or not it was restful was a mystery to him, however, it hardly mattered. She needed her rest. They both did, but Ilya had managed to sleep in that morning, which had almost cost them their lives.


Now that it was just him, he was able to sit down and actually think. It was difficult to plan while Alina was awake; the mere mention of what lie ahead of them was enough to make her anxious, and while she had never been much of a crier before, there had been a significant amount of crying jags in the last week.


But with nothing but the wind and the patter of rain to occupy him, he had time to think, to really backtrack and try to understand where exactly everything had gone wrong. He had been at a mutual friend, Tyler's house when it all happened. The two of them had been playing some video game in the living room – it seemed strange that, although it had been so recent, he couldn't even remember the name – when Tyler's father had walked in. Tyler had looked over to greet him, face creasing in a brief smile, but something was wrong about him – Ilya was able to see that just from the way his expression had faltered.


He had reached Tyler first, or maybe he'd been going for him the entire time, but either way, he'd grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his head against the corner of the table. Tyler's body went limp immediately, blood pooling rapidly on the floor. Ilya had shot to his feet just as his friend's father had made a grab for him, his fist clipping the side of his chin just hard enough to knock him off balance. He had hit the floor ass first and scrambled backward and to his feet, shoving past the older man as he ran out of the house, panicked and half-sick for home.


Alina had stayed home from school that day, the asthma attack from that morning a source of concern for her parents and siblings, enough so that they had kept her in her room and in bed. She'd been sleeping when it happened, hard enough that she didn't hear her bedroom door close, nor hear her brother approaching her bed. What woke her was her pillow being pulled from beneath her head and pressed down hard over her face. She'd managed a squeak of alarm, which had risen to a scream as the reality of what was occurring body slammed her. Her legs kicked out hard, body bucking off of the bed in panic, lungs already aching and hungry for air, black spots exploding in front of her vision.


In her dreams, of which there are many, Ilya doesn't arrive in time. Instead, she stays trapped under that pillow as the fight slowly ebbs out of her body along with her oxygen and she becomes just another tally in the body count that awful day. Somehow, though, Ilya came through for her. Alina still doesn't know how he managed to get her loose, or drag her, half conscious, into his room, where he'd barricaded the door long enough to pack a duffel bag and let her regain consciousness. She didn't see the bodies of her siblings on the floor, heads bashed with some blunt object from her room.


The image that jolted her from her slumber was not the usual one of her nightmares, though, but instead the image of Ilya dragging her through the window, covered in their brother's blood. She shot into a sitting position, letting out a small yelp of alarm and looked over to see him in real time, as close to clean as they had been, and probably would be, for quite some time.


“It was a dream, Ali. We're okay here, I promise.” He said softly, the corners of his lips turning upward.


Alina let out a small breath and ran a hand through her hair, “How are we on food?”


“We've got enough for a few more days if we're careful.” He answered, giving the duffel a light pat, “We got more than I thought we did from the pharmacy. Not bad for a rush job, huh?”


Alina didn't answer, she didn't really know how to. Instead, she brushed a hand through her hair and leaned forward, “Hand me a package of peanut butter crackers.”


Ilya's mumbled “you got it” was enough normalcy for the moment as he slid the package into her hand. She opened it up, took out a cracker and bit into it. They had managed to find an empty apartment above a pharmacy a few blocks from their house, and while it didn't have electricity, furniture, or anything else that would be of use to them, it was someplace without adults. At least, without adults in that very room. They'd often heard the paces and screams in the surrounding apartments of people their age and younger, signalling more bloodshed and proof that the worst wasn't even close to over. Luckily, the pharmacy had been stocked well enough that they were able to make trips downstairs to raid them of supplies and it was a good enough setup for a while, until that morning -


She didn't want to think about it. Couldn't, really. If she thought about it, then she would have to acknowledge the fact that Ilya wouldn't always be there to rescue her. That sometimes, she was the one who would have to do the rescuing, simply because she was the one awake. But it had been far too close of a call for them, the bruises on their faces and arms were proof enough of that, and they were lucky to escape with their lives, let alone their duffel bag and now...


Now it was just the woods, and even with her brother there, right beside her, Alina felt more alone than ever.


((sorry this is so long... I was trying to summarize everything that had happened up until now as concisely as possible.


Also, "sestrenitsa" is russian for "little sister"))
 
Jared's hands were bloody. Still Grey was in denial. He was a mess, but it couldn't be. But as his friend ignored all others and managed to only make eye contact with Grey, he feared for the worst. Surely enough he spoke up. "I...Grey, Will...I killed him. I didn't mean to...I didn't...I pushed him, and he fell, his head...I didn't mean to. But he's dead." Jared was now an adult. Will was dead. And Jared had killed him. There was a sour taste in Grey's mouth but he ignored it, staring into his friends eyes as if he would laugh and say he was only kidding. As if Jared would joke about such a thing. But this was Jared. The protective older brother and endearing friend. The guy that always looked out for others and not himself. The leader of the group that held them together in a way that Grey and Rai just couldn't do. He had killed someone, he had killed one of their own.


Surely it was an accident, he said so itself. Grey wanted to run up to his friend and tell him it was okay, that it wouldn't happen again. But instead he watched his friend continue on the words "I have to go." a bare whisper. Should Grey stop him, or would it only put the others at risk? Still he had to do something. “Wait Jared...” he started, jogging up to his friend. “You can't just... we can.. will you be okay on your own?” Grey didn't want to lose his friend, but maybe it was for the better that he wasn't with them. Even if it was just a freak accident and Jared wasn't an adult, he needed his space. He had killed someone, and that takes a lot out of a person, especially one so young and virtued. Killing to save your life was one thing, but this was another matter.


“Give it some time, we'll wait here three days for you” Grey didn't have to say more. They both knew what was unsaid. If he didn't get himself together in a few days then he was surely becoming one of them, and the group was no longer safe, he would have to move them for their protection. Where, Grey had no idea, but he would figure it out, talk to the older ones and run ideas past them. He only hoped it wouldn't come to this. He hoped that Jared would get it together and come back. But he had his doubts. But at least Jared was an adult now, he would be safe from the others. He only had to make sure that the group was safe from him.
 
Jared half turned, his heart in his throat as Grey called out to him, as he heard his footsteps coming close behind. It would, of course, be Jared who would still have hope for him, Jared who would trust him....even now, even after what has happened, Grey isn't giving up on him. Grey seems to believe that maybe it was just an accident, that maybe, Jared could still be okay.


Jared knew better. Grey hadn't seen the images flitting through Jared's mind, Grey hadn't seen what Jared wanted to do, heard his thoughts. Jared might not be as bad as the others yet, but he could get there. It might be better for them all if Grey just killed him, right here, right now.


But Jared couldn't bring himself to ask that. It was probably the best thing, the right thing...but what if he could fight this? What if he could find a way, and maybe even show the other adults how to fight back too? It hadn't taken over him all the way yet...had it? Maybe he did have a shot...but he wasn't letting any of them near him, all the same. The risks were much too high.


"Three days," he said softly, but he kept his distance. He wanted badly to go to Grey, to clasp him on the shoulder and let him know what his support meant to him, what Grey had always meant to him. He was a true friend in every sense of the word, but he could not risk touching him. He met Grey's gaze, saying only, "I'll...I'm going to fight it, Grey. I'm going to try. Maybe...we have to figure something out about it, right? Maybe I'm the one...but if not...just, take care of the girls. If you don't see me again...let them know it's because I love them."


He started to walk away again, but his sisters, watching from the distance, could not easily let him go.


Angelina slowly lifted her face from Hunter's fur, her eyes shifting to take in the sight of her older brother's bloodstained hands, his stricken face, his stooped form. She stares at him, her arms tightening gradually around Hunter's neck until she is almost choking him with her grip, staring, staring...until she hears Jared's words, not spoken loudly, but to her, they were nearly an explosion to her already frightened mind.


Jared had killed someone. Jared had killed Will. Her brother, who she thought of as her father more than her brother, was one of the grown-ups now, one of the people whom Angelina feared with such intensity she could barely sleep at night. Her brother, the one person she had always been able to count on to take care of her in her life, could no longer be trusted.


And now he was going away. Even if he was bad, even if he was going to hurt her, the thought of Jared leaving her was enough to terrify her. She had never been without him, her entire life, never gone one night without knowing he was somewhere nearby. And now Jared was going away.


"JARED!!!" she howled, real anguish in her tone as she scrambled to her feet and ran after him, heedless of who she stepped on or tripped over in her rush to interrupt his flight. "Nooooo Jared, noooo! Don't go don't go don't go!!!"


Jared's back tensed, and he stopped in his tracks, the pain evident in his posture even from behind, and as Angelina hurled herself at the back of his legs and waist, weeping, wrapping her arms tight around him, it took everything he had to pry her from him, to set her apart from him and look her in the eyes.


"I can't take care of you anymore," he told her plainly, fighting not to let his voice crack. "I don't want to hurt you, Angie. Just...go to Leigh. Go to Leigh now."


"No...no no no no, I want you to stay! I want you to stay!" she almost shrieked, tears streaming, and it was plain that Leigh would be no help either.


Back with the others, Leigh had broken free from Max's grasp and was standing with her fists clinched, arms straight at her sides, trembling, her face drained of all color. She was not crying; she seemed too shocked, too devastated to be able to summon tears. Instead, she just stood, a few feet from Max, staring after Angie and Jared, her words a whisper Jared could not hear.


"You killed...no. No, Jared, you...he...I'm going to throw up."


The last part was almost a wail as she doubled over, beginning to retch, and eventually fell to her knees, her tears starting too as her hair hung forward, shoulders bowed with her renewed misery. Jared could see her over Angelina's head, and his own guilt and horror at the situation was unbearable. How could be possibly even think about returning to this, no matter what might happen?


"Go...get away from me. Go!" he almost screamed at Angelina, giving her a light shove back. Not enough to hurt her, just to put her apart from him, but the act in itself was reminiscent of shoving Will, of his falling back, the rock, the river, the blood...


He began to run, hearing Angelina's howling cries in the background, her shrieks for him to come back, knowing that somewhere back there, Leigh was crying too. He ran, and he didn't dare look back.


**


It seemed hours to Jared before he let himself slow, before his legs became so heavy he could not seem to lift them again, and he shook all over, from both exertion and emotional distress. He was panting as he let his steps slow to barely plodding, head hanging, heart racing beyond his ability to slow. He walked without knowing where he was going, without a plan of any kind. He would need water, food, shelter...he had nothing. Nothing.


It was another ten minutes before he heard the voices and froze. Adults...where? He had no weapons. How stupid was he, to have no weapons?


But then he saw the figures huddled beneath the trees, a boy and a girl. Young...teenagers?


It didn't matter. He couldn't be around people, certainly not people who were not adults. How could he possibly risk that?


"Stay away," he warned, holding up one hand, the other clutching at the stitch in his side. "Don't come near me. I'm just...just walking away."
 
When she heard the footsteps approaching, Alina had convinced herself that she was hearing things. Living through what she and her brother had the last week was bound to give someone a little paranoia, right? But then, there was a voice and she sprung to her feet, the package of crackers hitting the ground , her breath picking up with the sudden rush of adrenaline.


Ilya was on his feet too, but avoided advancing in front of Alina, not because he was afraid, but because they had learned that the divide and conquer method had been the most effective in protecting themselves against anyone who planned to attack.


As the boy spoke to them, warning them to stay away, Alina used that time to study him carefully, to study the small streaks of blood that hadn't been washed away from his face by the rain, his dirty clothes and most of all, the fear on his face. He certainly didn't look crazy. However, neither had any of the adults, in fact, the adults who they had come in contact with looked incredibly sane.


She held up her own hand, trying not to focus on how it was beginning to shake, “Are you hurt? Look, we... we're safe. If you... we don't really have anything, but if you need some food or something-”


“What are you doing?!” Ilya hissed at her in Russian. “We don't know him, Ali.”


“Look at him.” Alina snapped back, making the easy transition between English and their first language. “He needs help, I'm not asking him to stay with us.”


Ilya shot a cautious glance over Alina's head at the boy before making eye contact with her again, “Be careful.”


Alina turned back to him, not bothering to settle any of the confusion he may have felt toward the sudden shift in language and spoke directly to him again. “We have food, water and some of Ilya's clothes might fight you. If you can behave yourself, it's yours. You don't have to stay, but there are enough people dying right now anyway. The last thing we need are for people to starve to death.”
 
Rai smiled back at Jared as he assured her he was fine, no bloodthirsty monster in hiding, as he put it, and she barely nodded, but then he was leaning closer, and she felt herself stop breathing, just waiting, waiting for him to get so close that their lips would just touch and then....


And then Leigh was shouting, and Jared had pulled away. She held in a sigh as she also sat up partially, looking over to Leigh and Angie. She had almost taken on the role of the girls' second guardian, mostly Angie's second guardian, so whenever there was a fuss kicked up or an issue with them she would always make sure she was present to help take care of it. But really? Did Leigh have to get SO worked up about it? Didn't she realise Jared must be tired of it?


She watched as Leigh and Jared battled back and forth verbally for a moment, frowning slightly as she noticed Jared clench his hands, was he okay? Apparently not. As after only a few moments the boy--no, the man, began shouting at Leigh, practically screaming at the girl, telling her about Vicky killing her, about her hair, her clothes, even shouting across at her about stuffing her bra! Sure, Leigh WAS annoying, she did care too much about her appearance, especially considering their current situation. But still, she was a KID. She was a girl turning into a teenager, she was supposed to worry about her hair, her clothes, her appearance, and so what if she stuffed her bra? Jared shouldn't be shouting that out in front of everyone, but that thing that scared Rai the most was how he had been so violent about it, how his eyes had almost bulged out of his eyes, his fists clenching so hard Rai was half-expecting him to leap across and hit the younger girl.


And he SWORE. In front of Angie! Infront of Mels!


Leigh ran off with Angie, crying from the looks of it - and Rai didn't blame her - and Jared fell silent, everyone fell silent. Even Rai had no idea what to say. Hunter had awoken during Jared's anger fit, and had followed Angie - sensing her upset - as she went off with Leigh. Rai couldn't even look at Jared, what should she say? She should tell him off, but was it her place to do that?


Then Max - Leigh's ever distancing boyfriend - speaks up against Jared, and Rai is glad for this gives her more time to think on what to say. But now Jared is becoming mad again, not with so much venom as he had done with Leigh, but it was still there, threatening to spill over, and Rai bites her bottom lip lightly, about to reach out and calm Jared, but she pulls back before she can, as Max has snapped back.


Girlfriend? Rai knows he is talking about her, and she levels him a look then. Don't go there. But no. He carries on with the girlfriend thing, talking about Jared not 'giving Rai up' and she feels herself becoming a bit angry at this. Why did he have to pull her into this? Firstly, she wasn't even Jared's girlfriend and secondly, what would it matter if she were? Rai flinched back, away from Jared as he shouted then, but he didn't seem to notice as he screamed at Max with fury in his tone, yelling about his childhood and how he wasn't selfish.


Then he was gone, having flung himself at Max, obviously wanting a fight. Rai stood up then, about to go and pull them apart when Summer shouted at the pair of them to stop. Rai looked over at the girl, who was comforting little Mels, the boys were throwing punches, tussling on the floor, and this is when Rai puts her fingers in her mouth and lets out a dog whistle to tell Hunter to come find her. The dog manages to arrive just as Jared leaps back, obviously waking from his violent daydream, and Rai is relieved she didn't have to get Hunter in the middle of that. The dog comes to sit beside her, on the edge of growling at Jared, and Rai notices Jared won't look at her. Not at all.


As Jared leaves, walking off, Rai turns to face the direction he has gone in, her brow is furrowed in worry as she calls out, "Jared!" Her tone is worried, and she isn't sure what else to put on the end of that sentence, so she sighs, watching the boy walk off as she can hear Leigh and Angie returning and can faintly feel Hunter nuzzling at her legs with a soft whine. His mistress is upset - was it because of that alpha male?


Rai hears Angie question both Mel's sadness and Jared's absence, but she doesn't respond, simply watching the space Jared had just been in, the direction he had walked in. Was...Was Jared an adult now? Would she have to kill him too? Could she? No. Rai didn't think she could. It..it was easy with her Mother, she didn't care for her Mother, she didn't love her Mother. Did she love Jared?


Hunter, as he is reached for, nuzzles eagerly against Angie, both of his favourite humans were upset now, and if Rai wasn't accepting his comfort than he may as well give it to Angie instead, she seemed to need it more too, as the little one smelt as if she had been making the sad gesture of leaking from the eyes - Hunter still didn't understand why humans did that, it seemed so weird. Dogs didn't leak from their eyes when they were upset.


Rai turned to look at the others, just as Will decided to follow Jared, and so missed him leaving, not noticing it. She glanced around at their silent camp, at Leigh and Max, Angie and Hunter, Mel and Summer, Jillian, Grey and Anthony, at everyone. Grey was the next to turn 'adult', then Rai herself. God that was a scary thought. Thankfully she still had three years to go until she turned 20, but damn, she used to long for the days of living on her own with Hunter, of having a job, no school and being her own person, being an adult. Now she wanted it to stay as far away from her as possible. Would she go mad like Jared too? Would she try and hurt anyone? She sighed inwardly, not sure what to do as she waited for Jared to return, maybe she could talk him down---"HELP! Will's hurt, HELP!" Oh god. Was that Jared's voice? "SOMEBODY HELP!" Yes. It was. Rai spun around to face the direction the yell had come from, Jillian sped past Rai, heading towards the yell, and Rai moves to go after him when she hears little Angie's choked sob, she pauses, then kneels down beside her, "Sshh, Angie, it'll be okay..Jillian..Jillian's gonna go get your brother, okay?" She half-hugs the girl then in an attempt to comfort her and also keep her warm from the rain, and is glad for the smartness of her dog as he nuzzles Angie and whines sympathetically, trying to lick the tears off of her face.


Why did human have to leak from the face like that?


Rai, as she was busy consoling Angie, didn't notice Jared return until Grey spoke up, asking what happened. She then glances up at the newly-aged man from her crouched spot of hugging Angie. What had happened? She watches him pace, watches him avoid them all, and she almost feels her heart stop when he speaks. He..he..he killed Will? Will? Will who was so quiet, so sweet and fragile that even Rai felt sorry for the poor guy half of the time? Will, who would never even harm a fly let alone a full grown man. He had killed Will? No..this..this was too much. Rai hid her face then in Angie's hair, holding back a sob of shock, she didn't want Jared to see the fear on her face, she couldn't let him see the worry and the terror that she was experiencing.


If..if he could kill innocent Will so easily, would he kill her too? Would he kill Leigh, Mels, ANGIE? Jared began to walk away, and Rai let go off Angie as he did so, standing up, unsure of herself. Should..should she go after him? Could she? It had been an accident, he had said so himself, but still, he had killed Will. She watched him go, but then Angie had shrieked, chasing after her big brother, and Rai's eyes widened as she flung herself at him, she made a move to go over to them, but then Jared was turning, setting Angie down and telling her he couldn't look after her anymore, that he didn't want to hurt her. Rai's eyes were definitely watering now, and she tried to fight back her own tears as she stood awkwardly, too far from the group to blend back with them, but too far from Jared and Angie to be with them.


Rai had never had siblings, not even someone who was close to a sibling, and as she watched the two in front of her she half-wondered if that could be her, turning her little sister away after becoming twenty, or if that could be her big brother, telling her to go away as he had just turned twenty. He shouted at the child, not angrily though, and pushed the little girl so he could run. Angie fell on her butt, in the damp mud, and this is when Rai finally sprinted over to the girl, Hunter at her heels. She turned so her back was to Jared's vanishing figure, and instantly managed to scoop up the screaming, mud-covered and sobbing little girl. "Shushhh." She tried to cradle Angie now, holding her to her chest as she rocked her slightly. What could she say? What could she possibly say right now to make Jared's little sisters feel even slightly better?


The whole camp was in a shocked silence, and as she tried to comfort Angie by hugging her close and stroking her hair, she glanced to Grey with worry clear in her eyes, and a thin line of water coating them. "Um, you should...we should probably try and cover up the food from the rain." This is a half-hearted attempt at getting the camp of kids to do something, to do anything that would distract them from what just happened, and as she whispers to Angie soothingly about how it will all be okay, in the back of her mind she is thinking about how and where they should bury Will's corpse.
 
Leigh sits up in Max’s lap, causing him to shift slightly under her, a slight blush rising to his face as his lower body seems to react slightly. The girl is innocent though, and is instead focused on asking her brother about Will. Max finally looked over at the man, seeing the blood trail his hands left behind on his face with slight confusion. Then he had said it, Jared had admit to what he had done, he had killed Will…


Although he seemed to be struggling around his words, Jared had decided he needed to go away, go as far away from the group as he could. Grey had a small talk with him, but Leigh was already up from his lap by the time the final words were said between the two. Both the girls broke down about the fact that their brother was leaving, Angie crying the most. Max got up, and because the younger girl seemed the most injured of the two, he went over to her and kneeled to her usual height.


“Angie… he’ll be back. He’ll come for you like he always does” the boy noted, tentative to reach out and smooth back her hair. Max probably wasn’t well liked in the girl’s eyes, given he usually made Jared angry and he was dating her sister. Still, the boy tried his best, looking at Grey for some kind of help with the situation.


Anthony, Summer, Mels, Angie, Leigh, Rai, Hunter, Jillian and Grey were the ones left here; Max suspected that soon Rai would go after Jared. One of them would know what to do now that Jared was gone.


“It’s going to be okay” he tells Angie, but is now looking at Leigh, forcing a smile, a look of confidence.
 
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