Cassie
New Member
My friend and I are co-writing a story. I'm looking for honest opinions and constructive criticism. Okay, here I go:
I woke to the warm light shining through the dusty, cracked window, before sitting up and rubbing my crusted eyes from previous tears, my foggy vision slowly departing from my sight. Immediatly, my body grows cold, and my heart beat slows. The smell of death and decay lingers throughout the rotted room and it looked as though a tornado had charged through the place. Papers scattered everywhere, peeled paint, a thick layer of dust coating every deteriorated surface, support beams and insulation hanging from the roof, swaying to the slight breeze blowing through a two foot wide hole in the wall. I look down at the bed I lay in and almost pass out from the sight. The sheets and blanket stained with grime and blood, and a few larvea and ants crawling along the torn mattress. I jump out, disgusted by what I had previously found slumber in. After catching my startled breath, I walk over to the window to glance outside.
Empty.
Empty is the only word that I can dig up to describe what I saw. Empty houses, streets, lawns, except for a dark mass laying in someone's driveway just two houses down, glaring back at me, calling to me. I left the house to go and investigate. The hot sun beamed on me during my short walk and as I got closer to the object, the stench of rott and flesh suffocated the air with its thick, sickly sweet smell. About a foot away, I was able to figure out what it was that I saw. A body. My stomach sank to my feet, and I felt like running away, but a small sense of curiosity kept me put. I crept closer and noticed that the person was wearing a thick, black winter coat, which seemed very out of place in such hot, humid weather. My hand reached over to the shoulder, hesitating before rolling the body over, spreading the flies that were getting their fill. I was taken aback by state of the body. Skin stretched extremely tight around the bone, with pieces of rotted, burnt flesh clinging to some areas. The eyes were sunken in and closed, but the mouth gaped open, revealing black, rotted teeth and green flesh. Despite those features, something even more strange caught my eye. A bullet wound, straight through their forehead. After a few seconds, my body couldn't take it anymore. My vision blurred, and I lost my balance, sending me to the ground with a hard thud against the pavement.
I jolted awake and immediately jump out of the mattress I was laying in, investigating it for insects and stains, thankfully there were none, only my wife sleeping on her side, undisturbed. As I catch my breath, I realizde that what I had just expierenced was another nightmare.
"Fuck." I whispered, staring down at the bottle of pills in my hand; another unsuccessful perscription. After tossing the now deemed useless bottle in the trash, I headed downstairs for a glass of water and some tv to rest my mind on. Soon after, my wife flicked on the kitchen lights as I was making my glass. I jumped and cursed in shock from the sudden light flooding the room, still on edge.
"Another nightmare?" My wife asked.
"Mmmhmm." I say with the glass to my lips before taking a sip.
"You know, honey," She says as she places her hands on my shoulders, "Maybe you should just give up on the pills, this is the 7th drug you tried, you're going to destroy your liver."
I sighed, walking away from her grip towards the livng room, "Look, Katherine, I know you don't like the idea of taking so many pills, but I can't have this forever, you know?"
"Oh, I know," She responds before giving a kiss on my cheek, "I'll schedule another appointment with Dr. Mordowsky tommorrow morning for you, okay?"
"Okay." I respond with a smile before she heads back upstairs.
I fell asleep on the couch after watching about 20 minutes of Pawn Stars re-runs, and I soon woke up to the sounds of my kids giggling while eating their breakfast. The rest of the day drifted by, lazily, still groggy from a terrible nights sleep. The image of the corpse flashed through my mind constantly, giving me chills each time it does.
P.S. Last time this story was updated was like a year ago, my skills have increased and I haven't looked this over so it's probably shitty okay bye
I woke to the warm light shining through the dusty, cracked window, before sitting up and rubbing my crusted eyes from previous tears, my foggy vision slowly departing from my sight. Immediatly, my body grows cold, and my heart beat slows. The smell of death and decay lingers throughout the rotted room and it looked as though a tornado had charged through the place. Papers scattered everywhere, peeled paint, a thick layer of dust coating every deteriorated surface, support beams and insulation hanging from the roof, swaying to the slight breeze blowing through a two foot wide hole in the wall. I look down at the bed I lay in and almost pass out from the sight. The sheets and blanket stained with grime and blood, and a few larvea and ants crawling along the torn mattress. I jump out, disgusted by what I had previously found slumber in. After catching my startled breath, I walk over to the window to glance outside.
Empty.
Empty is the only word that I can dig up to describe what I saw. Empty houses, streets, lawns, except for a dark mass laying in someone's driveway just two houses down, glaring back at me, calling to me. I left the house to go and investigate. The hot sun beamed on me during my short walk and as I got closer to the object, the stench of rott and flesh suffocated the air with its thick, sickly sweet smell. About a foot away, I was able to figure out what it was that I saw. A body. My stomach sank to my feet, and I felt like running away, but a small sense of curiosity kept me put. I crept closer and noticed that the person was wearing a thick, black winter coat, which seemed very out of place in such hot, humid weather. My hand reached over to the shoulder, hesitating before rolling the body over, spreading the flies that were getting their fill. I was taken aback by state of the body. Skin stretched extremely tight around the bone, with pieces of rotted, burnt flesh clinging to some areas. The eyes were sunken in and closed, but the mouth gaped open, revealing black, rotted teeth and green flesh. Despite those features, something even more strange caught my eye. A bullet wound, straight through their forehead. After a few seconds, my body couldn't take it anymore. My vision blurred, and I lost my balance, sending me to the ground with a hard thud against the pavement.
I jolted awake and immediately jump out of the mattress I was laying in, investigating it for insects and stains, thankfully there were none, only my wife sleeping on her side, undisturbed. As I catch my breath, I realizde that what I had just expierenced was another nightmare.
"Fuck." I whispered, staring down at the bottle of pills in my hand; another unsuccessful perscription. After tossing the now deemed useless bottle in the trash, I headed downstairs for a glass of water and some tv to rest my mind on. Soon after, my wife flicked on the kitchen lights as I was making my glass. I jumped and cursed in shock from the sudden light flooding the room, still on edge.
"Another nightmare?" My wife asked.
"Mmmhmm." I say with the glass to my lips before taking a sip.
"You know, honey," She says as she places her hands on my shoulders, "Maybe you should just give up on the pills, this is the 7th drug you tried, you're going to destroy your liver."
I sighed, walking away from her grip towards the livng room, "Look, Katherine, I know you don't like the idea of taking so many pills, but I can't have this forever, you know?"
"Oh, I know," She responds before giving a kiss on my cheek, "I'll schedule another appointment with Dr. Mordowsky tommorrow morning for you, okay?"
"Okay." I respond with a smile before she heads back upstairs.
I fell asleep on the couch after watching about 20 minutes of Pawn Stars re-runs, and I soon woke up to the sounds of my kids giggling while eating their breakfast. The rest of the day drifted by, lazily, still groggy from a terrible nights sleep. The image of the corpse flashed through my mind constantly, giving me chills each time it does.
P.S. Last time this story was updated was like a year ago, my skills have increased and I haven't looked this over so it's probably shitty okay bye
