OOC [Toulouse Academy of Refinement~Year 2]

Thank you! What do you think of the story? *is worried*


 
Book... Vlad if you want to read it send me your email.
 
There are some points where I didn't understand a few things but that was mainly because it's the beginning or the entire story hasn't been completed. I think if you took time to develope the world and finish it, I would so love to read it. It's good so far ^^
 
I told you none of them are done... I actually have more written on paper but never really got around to typign it up... I'll do that tonight. And try to have names so I know which one you're talking about! ^_^
 
I do suggest that for ones like A False God you add a bit of information to the beginning... what war? Why is it going on? What battle was your angel in?
 
If you don't want it to read like backstory, maybe have something specifically in her third pov detailing a flashback to the traumatic events that give details about what had happened. It could be while she's passed out to make it seem like time has passed.
 
But if I do that it'll give too much of the plot away... I don't want to go into the specifics of her battles until later...
 
Then just make generalizations of a few killings, it'll give her depth


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I'm sorry, but right now she's a sad-sue. Her whole purpose at the moment is to make you feel sorry for her... she's one-dimensional. MAYBE two, if you count her hints of power.
 
No, I'm not saying she doesn't have depth! (Sorry, it was a rushed reply in class) And don't apologize, Ana, you don't need it. Rough drafts are rough drafts and you always have creative liscense to your work, so just take what Saph and I say as suggestions.


But I just meant that if you give a few detailed yet vague flashbacks of her killing some humans it will make her guilt even more believable.


 
I think the sad and grief is okay, you just have to give the reader a strong enough purpose for her sudden crushed spirits.
 
I would save you Saphy but I had to take a nap... And I'll take a second look at the story... But it's hard because I already know the whole story...
 
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