OOC [Toulouse Academy of Refinement~Year 2]

Honestly I'd prefer not to have one. Because then I could pretend that he loves me. Here there's no pretending.
 
I simply want to know why she dislikes me, I think its a fair question.


My dad is no where near as bad as Ana's and I wish I didn't have him. It really is different. 
I'm sorry Ana you don't deserve being treated like that
 
But keep in mind. In my case, there's no pretending I have one. He knocked my mom up and left. Hell I don't know if he's even alive.


And where's the fucking hate button on this thing!
 
The worst part is when it all becomes your fault. I know that he hates me because I don't meet his expectations, and I could. Its my fault that he hates me, because I'm lazy and irresponsible. 
Did your mother love him?
 
But it's true. 
And so you know how I feel. You dont have to say it out loud if you don't want - but I understand.
 
And for Anan. (& side note for Bree, I get the message but it just seemed funny to me. My dad's being a dick again ~likes~. I got a giggle)


Why must she be tormented from day to day


Or for what reason must darkness consumed the loved ones of which she'd wish to admire.


Mastery of such things to please became irrelevant,


which means is the love not there anymore? Maybe misplaced.


Then where did the love go? Was it destroyed, gone forever?


But then, the light bulb struck, she'd found something.


What was the something, refutable, it didn't feel like love


though it was warm. The feeling?


Compassion, from the friends she'd made.


Love not broken away, but given form in shapes of Rainacorns & Friendship.


Masked behind a screen, she still felt tingles, felt the warm.


For the reason of why not at home, not known.


But it's there, just don't forget it is.
 
No it's not. And that's final. If I could zap him in reality, I would. You don't deserve to be treated like that 
I hate my dad. He's never called me on my birthday. He left when I was barely five years old. His last words to me were, "You're going to grow up to be a good-for-nothing skank on a street corner." My mom acts like a mom and a dad to me but I don't have that father figure in my life.
 
Ana it's not. Often I here you insult yourself because you don't believe yourself good enough. But you are, you a great person Ana.
 
Its okay Lexie. Your mother loves you, right? Then don't let your hate for your father ruin that. And please, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I just care for you and don't want to see you hurt.


Thank you Neshie, Akio, all of you guys. It means a lot.
 
Lexie you too don't deserve what your father said to you. As much as I dislike my father he was a father and there are things i can respect him for. To have something like that being the last thing he said to you isn't fair to you. It wasent fair to him to do that, it wasent fair for him to leave.


Twi I can agree with you on this, I would bail you out
 
Don't know anyone from his side of the family. I'd like to think she does and when I told her about what he said to me, she said that if he stepped within a thousand meters of me that she would kill him herself...so I'd like to think she does. And it wind just be you twi. I'll need bailing out as well.
 
Also, My father, Grandfather & even somewhat Great Grandfather, all cheated, all made it seem like it was their lovers faults, & went on to make an entirely different linage who I have no idea who they are, or even if it's continued down the line. My mother was adopted after her father slept with another woman to make children for his wife, my adopted grandmother, & my real grandmother is out somewhere in the world, while my grandfather went to die in the war, leaving 2 daughters who'd grown up in a nice neighbor hood in private school, to a ghetto project who they then got beaten up constantly. For my mother & Father, My father had several entirely different families in the world, so I have half brothers & sisters I'll probably never meet, & he'd just randomly come back into my life at random intervals too give me birthday money or just too piss off my mother.


I've been raised y a mostly all female family, & thankfully came out alive from it, & not some sort of pansy, but I came as a black male with no good father or male authority figure, so I was a messed up kid for a while, heck even to this day I feel cheated out of things like camping, or fishing, gun ranges, having someone have my back on stupid feminist values (Not that I'm anti female rights, I just don't liek some policies implemented. I mean making a boy wear a dress for a day, fck noh.) But just someone there, though I learned everything by myself on how to be a good man, so I'm probably a terrible man at the moment, & extremely childish as well, so probably not even a man.


Thing is, a Bad father thats there, & a father thats never there, I've dealt with both. My father when i did spend one weekend with him was awful. He was lazy, didn't give a fck if I was hungry or not (and at the time I was 6) he'd just sit & watch tv or be downstairs doing poker night with his police friends. Then after a new settlement of non paid child support, he has no right too see me, & again it hurts. Not being cared about, hurts alot, thankfully I had a very proud & understanding mother, who'd given me books & a computer, violent games, too keep me, well, a boy, but with out a father, I had no authority figure too look up too on how to be a good man, & with the men in my life, idk if thats good or bad.


What I'm trying to say is, good dads are really scare these days, & I've promised my mom I'd break the cycle. Heck my grandmother even calls me her prince fully well knowing I'm not real real grandson, & I still get so much love & hope from my family wanting me to break the cycle of bad men in the family. I've been told that I'd look just like my grandfather, it'd pissed be off to even be compared to him, & I wanted to be me, but I'm too entranched in this family too not be compared to him anymore. They see me as a scapegoat, or a good kid...neither of which i know if it's true or not...
 
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