OC advice

[aNgelic_asceNt]

Can I get any tips on my OC?


When I turned four, my father used my sister and I to hunt down people.  We didn't know what was really going on for years.  I changed into a pitch black broadsword that my father later engraved our family motto in silver. “Ad astra per sanguinem.”(Latin for to the stars through blood).  One mission ended with my father coming gonna and saying my sister ran away, although I tell in his eyes that died.  When I was 9, I helped my father make a chain capable of acting like a medium for bonding between a Meister and a weapon.  At the age of 12, I learned what my father was truly doing and dragged his bleeding body back home from a failed attack.  My father's dying words were “Never let go of that chain.” Two years later, I first arrived to the DWMA.


Name: David Hinzo


Characteristics:


acts like Lone Wolf


Rarely talks


Tends to stay alone

 

[Demon]

- You changed into a sword? How? Even if your character doesn't know IC, it's still worth noting OOC.


- The grammar in your sheet is very hard to read. I'd go over it again.


- How did your father die? What was the attack?


- The ages you used for events are extremely unrealistic unless you have a good reasoning for them. For example, how did you help your father make such a magical chain at 9?


- What does your character look like? How tall? How much does he weigh? Is he fat? Is he skinny? Is he built? Be specific.


- I would avoid making such an anti-social character. It is okay to be cynical but don't turn them entirely anti-social.

 

[JustAlexandra]

If this is your whole character sheet, you definitely need some more stuff. 


I can see you're pretty new, so I'll try to give you some tips. 


Your little blurb is a good history, although some parts might need to be reworded. It's a bit hard to understand what is going on. 


You're going to need to list your characters current age. 


List your gender. The only way i'd know that you were a male is if I assumed it from your name. 


Your personality bit is fine, but like @Demon said early, you're very anti-social and that can be hard to RP with. 


Appearance for your character. Demon said this as well, but it's important for people to be able to visualize your character. 


If you have powers, you should list that too. That way you can't be accidentally OP in the RP. 


Those are kind of the basics, but you can go into super detail. 

 

[TwilightFire]

-What kind of Rp is this character for? Is it for a small, relaxed, fantasy rp, or does it require more?


-I'm not quite sure how this character ages, what he can do/be used as a sword, what his father did to him?
-What happened to his sister? Did her disappearance unnerve him?


-Where did this character go for those two years? Does it matter to them?


-As for personality, does this character have any particular vices? Regrets? Interests, stuff that kept him sane on the road? Or is he a blank slate?