Noelle Bajalica

[Sunbather]

Hello RPNation! I've just joined yesterday and signed up for my first RP on this site. I thought it would be nice to archive and, hopefully, get some opinions on the very first character I EVER made. (Well, at least in the conext of roleplaying.)

Name: Noelle Bajalica

Age: 19

Origin: Resides in Germany, daughter of a Chilean mother and a Serbian father.

Occupation: Bartender

Orientation: Pansexual

Height: 5'5"

Weight: 99.2 Lbs

Hair: Long, brown

Eyes: Blue

Body: Slim, somewhat tall and "lanky"

Attire: Casual/Trendy

Background:

Noelle was born in Belgrade, Serbia, but was brought to Germany at the tender age of four, where she remained for the majority of her life. She grew up in a strictly catholic household, which would later be one of the sources for her private struggles. While her parents where loving and caring, they were not able to support their daughter in a way that ensured her academic success. A steady personal decline in terms of harmony at home would follow, eventually leading to an escalation after the young woman confessed her love for a neighbor girl. Feeling unloved and unwelcomed at home, she moved out with the support of a close friend. Unfortunately, her career choices were limited due to her rather underwhelming performance in school. After turning down a more physical profession within the same local, she eventually got hired as a bartender in a less-than-PG-environment establishment, thanks to her good looks, where she worked right up until her participation in a TV production.

Personality:

Noelle is a kind-spirited and curious being. She is impressionable but not naive. Like most late teenagers, she has not found herself to the extent where she can remain confident through hard times. Because of her upbringing, the dispute with her parents, and her negative associations with her working environment, Noelle tends to be a little prude, or at the very least private about intimacy. She has a strong sense of justice and will usually stand up for her, and her friends' beliefs. Noelle can be intimidated easily when confronted with her short-comings, and likes to mask her weaknesses through humor or overly aggressive behavior. Despite her personality and sexuality often contrasting with her faith, she remains a believer.

Hobbies/Interest/Likes:

Noelle is a soccer fan. She supports the Chilean national team and the club Real Madrid. She's a fan of Pop, Punk and Rock music and likes to see herself as a skatergirl, as she feels the need to partake in certain cliques. Her favorite dishes are all seafood. She likes alternative fashion and has a liking for bodymods. She's generally rather timid and careful not to participate in that asthetic. However, she can be seen wearing a septum ring or large earrings from time to time.

(I removed the RP specific parts as I am not sure if that may be seen as advertising or something.)​

 

[Milo]

I really like her! Also, cool! Fellow newbie!

 

[Teh Frixz]

A brutal honest review courtesy of Teh Frixz


Going from the top of the sheet down I'll address things that catch my eye for better or for worse.


I enjoy the mixture of heritage. Sort of a reversal of the classic German dude in South America we get to see a Chilean in Europe. Strong call but little evidence of heritage in chosen character image.


19 while young for drinking in the U.S. is appropriate for a German though tending bar (at least in the Federal State of Lower Saxony) is held to 20+ so she's a bit underage for a bartender job but I doubt anyone would care so that's okay but personally I wouldn't trust her choice in drink ;P


Ugh. This always bothers me. Pansexuality is a terrible thing to attach to a character. The term has been rode to death by the various internet communities and is a buzzword. 99% pansexual claimants are not pansexual. Instead of this sue-ish tumblr/Gaia characteristics, explore the actual scale of sexual preference rather than a buzzword catch all.


I do indeed approve of the use of faith prevailing dispite conflict of sexuality. It's a commonly done scenario though and tends to be a bit dry. But seeing faith prevail at times is refreshing and a bold choice.


There are definitely conflicts in her personality that need explaining. She's intimidated easily (another good choice) but aggressive and can stand up for friends. She's openly pansexual (Urgh) yet is prudish. She's in a fight with her only family over professed love for another girl but has to hide and be timid. Just odd to see but with talent could be played interestingly.


Overall is a fairly basic profile of a character that has some interesting points but is mostly flat at the moment. Some tweaking is in order but it must be done in a way to maybe show off the perseverance of faith and the duality of the human nature. What must be avoided at all costs is turning her into a stand on which to try and strike down a society that just doesn't get her. We've all seen that character (3 edgy for me) and it's been done to death.


For a first ever character bravo and well done. You've got the foundation for interesting RP well set just don't clutter it up with rotten tropes and cliched buzz traits.


This has been a Character review courtesy of Teh Frixz

 

[Sunbather]

[QUOTE="Teh Frixz]A brutal honest review courtesy of Teh Frixz
Going from the top of the sheet down I'll address things that catch my eye for better or for worse.


I enjoy the mixture of heritage. Sort of a reversal of the classic German dude in South America we get to see a Chilean in Europe. Strong call but little evidence of heritage in chosen character image.


19 while young for drinking in the U.S. is appropriate for a German though tending bar (at least in the Federal State of Lower Saxony) is held to 20+ so she's a bit underage for a bartender job but I doubt anyone would care so that's okay but personally I wouldn't trust her choice in drink ;P


Ugh. This always bothers me. Pansexuality is a terrible thing to attach to a character. The term has been rode to death by the various internet communities and is a buzzword. 99% pansexual claimants are not pansexual. Instead of this sue-ish tumblr/Gaia characteristics, explore the actual scale of sexual preference rather than a buzzword catch all.


I do indeed approve of the use of faith prevailing dispite conflict of sexuality. It's a commonly done scenario though and tends to be a bit dry. But seeing faith prevail at times is refreshing and a bold choice.


There are definitely conflicts in her personality that need explaining. She's intimidated easily (another good choice) but aggressive and can stand up for friends. She's openly pansexual (Urgh) yet is prudish. She's in a fight with her only family over professed love for another girl but has to hide and be timid. Just odd to see but with talent could be played interestingly.


Overall is a fairly basic profile of a character that has some interesting points but is mostly flat at the moment. Some tweaking is in order but it must be done in a way to maybe show off the perseverance of faith and the duality of the human nature. What must be avoided at all costs is turning her into a stand on which to try and strike down a society that just doesn't get her. We've all seen that character (3 edgy for me) and it's been done to death.


For a first ever character bravo and well done. You've got the foundation for interesting RP well set just don't clutter it up with rotten tropes and cliched buzz traits.


This has been a Character review courtesy of Teh Frixz

[/QUOTE]
Thank you for this very detailed review, I REALLY appreciate it. I do not want to defend myself, as I obviously ask for criticism to improve, but I think it's okay to adress some points I may have not explained properly in the character sheet. (I hope it is anyways.)


Character image is a easter-european, which relates to the Serbian side. Plus, I figured in a place like Germany, she wouldn't have your typical dark tan. Also chileans are not necessarily very tanned by default. Kinda more like Spanish people. So I thought this particular picture would work well with this heritage.


I intended to make it look a little shabby, which is why I implied she was first asked to do work of a different nature. I didn't want to oversexualize her though, so I decided not to let her work AS something suggestive, rather than in such an environment. I do admit that might be a little over the top though and seem cliche.


I can't really judge this so I'll trust your word that it's being overused. I actually just really heard the term a few months ago for the first time. I decided to say that because she's young and has so far been attracted to both sexes. As far as it goes for her, she can feel attraction to everyone. Now why I specifically went with pan-sexuality has two reasons. For one, I know we have at least one cross-dresser in that RP, who knows how everyone else turns out. I'd like to explore that further and either validate her pansexuality in the sense that she really finds herself, or, secondly, she realizes she overhastily blurted out her sexuality. It's not uncommon for young people to put themselves forward in a certain way only to later find they don't suit their own labels at all. I think either option would be a great character evolution point within the RP. I certainly understand the criticism though and will keep that in mind for future RPs.


Thank you! I don't want to make her a super religious person, rather than that I simply wish for her to be an average girl in that regard. I didn't want to make yet another "Life is random, God is a superstition, I fuck whoever I want!" kinda character. I've seen too many cliches all over the world of media, so I think a medium level Catholic with such traits would be a decent choice.


You're right, these are stark contrasts. What I meant by standing up for friends is that this is what she believes. in. That's one of her virtues. Loyality, companionship, taking care of others. However, she feels weak and is often scared, therefore easily intimitaed. She's the type of person that will always feel obligated to protect you. If she can actually pull that off despite her personal struggle and her intimidation is a different question alltogether, haha. The aggressiveness, I thought to be a defense mechanism. I'm sure you've experienced that IRL. You have a sweet, calm, friendly friend. Someone who's always sweet. But when they feel cornered and you push them too much, even if it's just with encouraging or helping them, they can snap and leash out on you. Usually they are sorry with seconds but they're just not good at handling feeling overwhelmed. That's what I meant. However, maybe I should've scaled back on the contrasts OR at least explained them better. That's what I see now, I have not sufficently detailed her traits out.


Once again, thanks for your review, I really appreciate how you pointed out both, what you think sucks, why it sucks and what you like and why. I really appreciate that.

 

[drencrom]

Hiii. I'm not too certain if you're still seeking feedback, but I read through your character's biography and there are a few things I'd like to pick apart if you don't mind. I actually think this is a good first attempt at a character. Although there's obviously room for improvement, you did a decent job of laying out all the basic information. That said, there are places where you could elaborate more. I'd provide more detail about her background, such as an explanation for her parents' negligence and viable reasons for the discordance in their household. As it is, I feel no personal connection with your character. I'm not interested in her because I don't know much about her. All I know is that she had an ambivalent relationship with her parents. There needs to be more substance to your writing if you want your reader to sympathize with her. She's extremely underdeveloped and two-dimensional, and I'd peruse the internet for character sheets if I were you. They help when you want to create a well-rounded and realistic character.


I'm sorry if I sounded rude (it wasn't my intention) but I hope this helped a bit. I think she has a lot of potential if you decide to take her biography a step further. (o'v'o)


Also, I would think about toying with her weight a bit. You described her physique as "slim and lanky," but she's actually rather underweight for her height, something I don't tend to associate with those terms.

 

[Sunbather]

Always looking for feedback.


I appreciate it. I did, in my previous post, state that I realizeed I haven't fully fleshed out her traits enough. There's too much stuff that can be wrongly interpreted or just lacks depth.


As far as height/weight goes - If she's lanky, she'd be underweight, right? Unless I severely misunderstand that term. I definitely intended for her to be underweight though.