Other My Venting Thread

But! Maybe hating on myself makes me happy, In weird way. I like making jokes about myself. I can't explain it. Just know that when I laugh at myself it makes me feel........better. I don't even understand, so I know you won't.
 
I found something I can be positive about! All the friends I've made here..........they are all mostly girls now that I'm thinking about it. I guess I don't get along with guys. I'm more on the feminine side anyway. There's Bri, Dere, and many other females. So yeah, I guess I get along with girls more than I do guys.
 
A new post!!! Oh boy!!! What anime character am I most like in real life.
Tamaki_Amajiki_Anime.png
Tamaki aka Suneater from My Hero Academia. Tamaki is best boi. One of the best.
 
Next post! Oh boy!!! If you've been watching Toonami than you've probably seen Paranoia Agent. This show is.......I can't explain it. It's interesting, but.....what the hell is actually happening. There's a little boy going around hitting people with a baseball bat and that's about all I can explain. There's one woman with split personalities and she's having a horrible time. There's a talking stuffed animal for God's sake. It's crazy!
 
I've been feeling bad lately. Just my emotions getting the better of me! No need to worry! My depression might have a part in it as well, but I can never be too sure. It's complicated emotions.
 
I apologized multiple times. You just won't except any of them. I know what I did was wrong. Hell, I hate myself for it. I'm just trying to move passed this.
 
Vent post. I hate myself. I hate myself more and more everyday. I've made mistakes.....and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I'm a piece of shit. I'll admit it. I'm sorry to anyone I've disappointed. I'm a big disappointment. I don't even understand why some of you even care about me.
 
Ya know, I said it as a joke before, but I really think I'm getting along with girl's more than I am guys. I'm a lot more feminine so that might have a part in it. Thinking about it.........I don't have many guy friends at all. With girls, I have a lot. I guess I'm supposed to be a girl.
 
This world is f'd up. Bad things are happening all over the world. Now they might no be happening to you, but while you're having a peaceful day there's murder, racism, SEX TRAFFICKING! Come on, I'm sure God didn't want this to happen. Murder. Don't call me crazy, but sometimes I get why people kill people. Like if someone keeps pushing and pushing you and making fun of you and you kill them. If you have mental problems. You just need help, but then there's people just going and Murdering people just because they feel like it. Now those people need the electric chair. Racism. I don't even want to get into this one. It's so stupid! You pretty much hate someone because of their color and would go as far as to kill them!? I just don't understand the world. Sex trafficking. Oh god. I HATE this one. It's so horrible! It's worse than death. This is very serious! They will get anyone! Men, women, children, old people. You need to be careful. They could get you and once they got ya.......you probably won't ever be seen again. Oh! Another thing! Rape. All I got to say is don't rape anyone. There was this one story where a man tried to rape a woman and a gay guy raped him. It's crazy. All I got to say is watch out for your loved ones. And just know that me, a 14 year old, knows all this. It's serious! This is the longest post I've made. I guess I'm just wanting to get the word out.
 
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No one probably still reads these, but I don't care. The world is an unforgiving place. It's harsh. My friends are the only things keeping me afloat. Without them I'd drown. Let's be honest here, we all want a good life. We all want to be happy. It's just hard to get to that point sometimes, especially for me. What's sad is that there's no rewind button on life. If only there was. You can't get the time back. What you do is what you do. You have to live with it for your whole life. I know that. Like I said, I'm a person that just keeps looking back and wishing I could do something differently. I've done things I regret, but I can't change that. I'm stuck living with the guilt. That's why you should spend your life doing things you won't regret. Spend time with the people you love because you never know when they might die and there's no rewind. There's only memories. Why does God give me depression and anxiety? I know I've done things, but nothing to deserve what I got. All I've ever done was put everyone else first, so why me? Is it random? We will probably never know. Well, maybe when we get to heaven.......if I even go there. It says you can't go to heaven if you like the same gender, so.....yeah. I just want a happy life. A "fairytale that's full of charm." A romantic life? Yeah, but I'm a wreak. No one wants to put up with me. Of course, some of you are not gonna get what I'm going through. Depression is a wild ride and I hide it behind a smile at school. I've already said most of this stuff, but who cares. Maybe I would've had a better life if I had a dad? Maybe if my family wasn't so poor? Maybe if I just had someone to be here with me! Even before quarantine started, I had no one that would be there for me. I'm sick and tired of hearing about people's life. How they fell in love. How they have a lot of money. I hate hearing about my life the most. It's a train wreck. I want to die, but what happens after that? I'm scared of death. Well, what happens after you die because we don't have any proof. I hate thinking about all of this because I just start shaking.
 
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It's hard to get to where you want in life. You gotta keep going keep pushing. I think my energy has ran out tho. I'm dead weight. Sometimes I question if anyone really likes me. Even if they say they do I still can't trust them. I guess that's either depression or anxiety's fault, but hey, I could have something else wrong with me that I just don't know about. I have trust issues. Why? I don't know. Life's like a game I guess. I got to level 13 and I unlocked depression and anxiety. I'm now at level 14 and those powers have also leveled up, but they're really curses that I can't get rid of. It's not optional! It either happens or it doesn't. You get lucky or you don't.
 
I guess my true thoughts are........I think I'm a waste of space and......I don't deserve all of the praise my friends give me.
 
It's been awhile. I'm doing better, but I still feel weak and depressed. I have 2 big problems

1- Insecurity. I feel like I don't belong and that everyone hates me. I'm really bad with the feeling I don't belong here part. Like, 2 of my friends could be talking and getting along and then I'm left with my thoughts. Well, then I'm like, they're having fun. I guess they don't want me in the conversation.

2- Comparing my life to others. I'm always doing this. I don't even want to talk about it, because it makes me so depressed.
 
Hey everyone. I'm feeling worse. I'm gonna take a few days off. Just need to get my stupid ass emotions to work right. You know, I feel like I just get into people's life and just mess things up. I'm a danger to society, I guess. Ah, that's fine tho. I hate people anyway. It's hard for me to find anyone actually worthwhile and when I do, it doesn't end well. I feel.......I feel like I'm enjoying being alone more. I hate opening up and showing my emotions just to be hurt. I'm a very very very stupid person. I "fall in love" with the worse possible people. I'm not saying they're bad, I'm just saying that I fall in love with people who are older than me, or they are already taken. I guess you could say I have good luck, right? Heh, I'm a mess. I ruin everyone's life. I guess you could say I'm a bitch and also, tell everyone to stay away from me. I'd rather not get attached to someone. Ah well, enough of my shitty ramblings. Bye, everyone.
 
I know I said that I was leaving, but venting helps a tiny bit and I need all the help I can get. So, I'm just gonna vent, but not rp because my mind is messed up right now. You know, I would love if the world gave me sometime. Time never stops, so I can't have a break. I just need sometime to figure myself out. Then again, quarantine has left me in my thoughts and that is a place that I'm scared to go. Dark thoughts will just fill my mind and I do anything to keep me busy.
 
Update! Hope you all didn't think I was dead! Haha, I'm not dying that easily. I've been feeling much better than I was. You can thank briana._.bell321 briana._.bell321 for that. I don't really have much to say in this post, only that I'm feeling better.
 
Tamriel said:
Update! Hope you all didn't think I was dead! Haha, I'm not dying that easily. I've been feeling much better than I was. You can thank briana._.bell321 briana._.bell321 for that. I don't really have much to say in this post, only that I'm feeling better.
Click to expand...
I hope you feel better and please reach out to me should you need a good transparent friend (:
 
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