Fandom MILGRAM: The Panopticon.

[Orichalcum Tiger]

A man, a monster, a murderer. All of these statements were objectively true. There were many terms that could be used to describe the former surgeon Kirisaki Shidou. Many were harsh, scathing and cruel; these were the terms he especially loved to use. Sat in a distant corner of the prison, Shidou was near an air vent so that his smoking wouldn't affect the other prisoner's health. A deep breathe of scalding, warm air was sent hurtling into the vent and sucked away. The man was deep in thought, eyes idly glancing to the other prisoners. Sometimes, to the corridor which lead toward the warden. Why, why? Why wasn't he voted guilty? He was a monster who made many experience the intense grief of loss and yet here he was being told by the judicial system he could be forgiven.

Despite his harsh criticisms of himself, the subtle caring nature of his actions proved more than anything that he was a good person deep inside. He'd helped sooth the injuries sustained by Fuuta and Mahiru. Without his intervention, Mahiru would have died. Shidou had no obligation to help. He had no obligation to repeatedly sit by the vent and make sure the other's weren't exposed to second hand smoke. And yet he did. He always helped others but criticised himself. The man was good at hiding the internal turmoil within, wearing a small smile on his face like a mask. To others, he appeared to be in pleasant thought. But within, he was a broken mess of doubt.

​

Shidou had been a monster before, but it wasn't out of contempt for people, it wasn't out of cruelty; it was out of blind love, to save the life of another despite making many suffer. A fact, he is unfortunately yet to realise.

(Tagging Artist_Hope )

 

[Artist_Hope]

Inhumane, rude. It wasn't new language used to describe Yuno Kashiki. Her school mates often used worse than that.

After being told her actions were forgivable, even if it was early, she'd slipped back to more of her normal self — one she typically used in private or at home. Cold, analytical. Distant.

After all, if Es couldn't already tell, she was one to do a lot for a fee.

Before MILGRAM, she'd been in the hospital Shidou worked at, mostly for major check ups. Yuno had seen Shidou walk it's halls, so it was a big surprise to her when the surgeon was with her in the program. However, given the rumours she's heard, it wasn't as big of surprise as it could have been.

Yuno wondered the halls during the free time, just trying to see where she could hide for a small time before meeting with Es when she noticed Shidou alone in what became the area for smokers. It was a painful funny to her — a doctor smoking. She watched for a short time, before hearing Muu and Haruka start down the hall. "Ugh..." Yuno dipped into the smoking area, leaning on the wall.

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

The past, a girl who had always been there in his peripheral. Yet, he'd never noticed her. His vision had always been consumed and corrupted with the desire to save his wife. Like a blinkered horse he stumbled from one temporary solution to the next. It still lingered heavily on his back, how many had he sacrificed for his own selfish desires? And now, she would surely go to Heaven and he would be left to rot in Hell. Kept forever out of her reach. All of this, all of this sacrifice; only for it all to come crashing down one day...

Whilst he wasn't a psychologist, even the most inept person could see the drastic change in Yuno's personality. Such a fun loving, energetic and social girl. Now a recluse who kept far away from the others. It wasn't like her social mask had cracked, instead, like she'd ripped it off. At least, that was how it seemed. How curious that she'd choose to sit with him.

Soon, all became revealed as he heard the distant voices of Muu and Haruka starting to grow closer. Shidou tried to fight his feelings of contempt for them, the thought that they could so easily grow to love each other in such harsh situations. Love made him jealous, made him sick. It stirred up bad thoughts.

Right, the girl in front of him.

He was the lesser of three evils.

Shidou let out a small exhale of smoke toward the vent before turning his gaze and falsified smile toward her. "Ah, Kashiki-kun. Welcome. It's unusual to find you here." He knew why she was here, but he still made idle and pleasant small talk to test how open this new Yuno was.

 

[Artist_Hope]

Yuno gasped, looking up at the elder doctor in front of her. It wasn't like the love-birds made her forget he was there. She just hoped he wouldn't notice her hiding from them.

While she'd never admit it, Muu seemed to try and rub it in that Haruka was at her beck and call. Possibly because he was an older guy willing to obey any command. Or maybe because she was used to being the best. Yuno couldn't care less, honestly.

"Ah, Shidou-san," the girl messed with the ponytail she had, taking it out and replacing it with a neater one. "Sorry for interrupting. Those two, the br-" she stopped herself. "The blonde younger girl and Haruka... Their little lovey-dovey routine is getting a bit too much for me."

She figured the reason she didn't want to seem excessively rude was because Shidou was older than her. A respect thing. Though, she didn't put it past herself to do it for a chance of money. Habit, you know? They did say old habits die hard.

"I can leave if I'm a bother-"

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

He shook his head gently, the hand holding the cigarette waving dismissively for her to stay. It was like a pencil, drawing in the air with its trail of smoke. "If you can put up with the repulsive smell, feel free to stay." Shidou's unintentional comforting warmth and caring nature was no doubt a side effect of his bedside manner. One of the main reasons why he wasn't thrown under the proverbial bus for medical malpractice.

Empathy, it was a strong tool that convinced others you were on their side. Got them to open up. The doctor had this in excess. It was why everything still hurt, the sins clinging to his back. He couldn't stop, and can't stop putting himself in other's shoes. "I'm... Happy for them." There was that slight hint in his tone that he was either lying or twisting the truth. After all, it was a sore topic that he and Kazui had discussed plenty when no one else was around.

 

[Artist_Hope]

The school-girl let out a slightly bitter laugh. Yes, as cold as she had become, he was good at making her want to stay. Sitting across from him, she sighed.

"I'm not. Love never seemed to work out for me. I gave it up a while ago for something I knew wouldn't fail me."

It wasn't a lie. For the most part, her romantic life had been garbage. Basically failed her. No, her side job besides school was much more efficient. Beside... She still got the attention like the did love her... That wasn't a lie...

A hand went to her stomach on instinct as the thought about it. "What about you, hm? Seems like you got Kanshu-kun like you enough to forgive you."

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

She seemed to be opening up. Although this version of Yuno was definitely different. It was like she was a whole other person. If he had to guess, this was the first significant social interaction she'd had since her verdict. So, he had to indulge her and hopefully give her a reason to keep talking. He had to be open too. "Love is-" He paused, gloved hands coming to together. Fingers instinctively reached for where a ring would be, but he'd taken that off a long time ago. "It is a fickle beast."

And yet there was still that small smile across his face.

He'd convinced the warden to forgive him? The phrase itself was aggravating, he didn't want this, he wanted to be punished. Was she implying that his kindness was something he used for his own advantage? Because it wouldn't fail? He'd have to probe how she thinks, to find his own answers. "Es-kun made the decision on his own. Without any influence from me. Unfortunate." There was a pause as he sighed softly. "There really is a place called hell, and I feel as though it may be here."

 

[Artist_Hope]

"Hell, huh...?"

Yuno began to zone out before remembering something. "Oh. Right, you asked for the death penalty. Why?" She said, sitting up. "Not to prod, but are those rumours true then?"


The rumours had started long before she ever even first went to the hospital. She'd heard a few things, mostly the fact that he was a brilliant surgeon, but seemed to be slipping as of late. That he was flattering in surgeries because his wife was needing a very important one and he couldn't give it. Those sorts of the rumours. It never truly bugged Yuno, so until now, she didn't really remember or pay attention to them.

Besides, for some of her visits, she needed... Well, someone she knew would help. Who'd take a little extra cash. Once again, a hand reached and covered her stomach.

"You don't have to feel obligated to answer. No one is here, I suppose." She said, avoiding his gaze again. "After all, if some of them are true rumours, I see why you're in here yet Kanshu-kun voted you innocent."

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

Rumours? The colour of his eyes expanded as his pupil shrunk in shock and confusion. That sparkling, beautiful blue blended with those brutal emotions. She must have known him. Somehow.

There was a moment where he just sat there and observed as he brought the cigarette filter to his lips and took a nice deep breathe. It was therapeutic the way it burned his throat. "Well." As he spoke, the throat bellowed from his mouth like a demon before he exhaled it into the vent. Always so considerate of others. One leg was crossed over the other. His free arm laid against the back of the comfy sofa he and Kazui had dragged toward the vent. Supportive, a good listener.

And yet, also a good reader.

This woman knew just the right questions to ask. She was socially surgical, getting straight to the point with kind words and compliments. Were they true? It was hard to say. What was her disposition like? They were all murderers. "Tch." Shidou's head turned away. "I'm guilty. My crimes are by far the worst here. I am the demon here." A bold claim with those he was forced to call neighbours. "There's nothing else to it, I deserve it. I suspect you know the nature of my crimes. The volume."

For a few long moments he didn't face her as he spoke. After all, it would show the fear and guilt in his eyes. It wouldn't aid his attempts to incriminate himself. "They called me a genius, so they gave me the hardest surgeries. They didn't ask when people died, because people weren't supposed to survive. And when they did? I was praised. The-" Crap, his voice wavered, showing that deep regret in his soul. "The families weren't as understanding."

 

[Artist_Hope]

Families. Her other hand joined the one on her stomach. Her own hadn't been the best, so she really felt off with the word.

"Ah... I see..." She notice that his reaction had been intense, perhaps she just was that unforgettable when she wanted to be. Fine with her. "I had a few appointments at a hospital you worked at, so I saw you running around a lot..." Then her eyes widened a little. Yuno remembered one of the days she was there a family yelling at him. "That's why they yelled at you..." She muttered, looking away.

The raven-haired girl seemed to become distant again, though it was mostly her in thought. Shidou called himself a monster. A devil. It was...

Well, it was jarring. Almost everyone here was so sure they were in the right for their actions. Though, she had seen what the guilty verdict had done to Fuuta, who seemed far less certain in ways and far more in others, much closer than most. After all, at night, all that the 18-year-old and the male college student was a wall.

Her next words were far of her normal course. Yuno was curious about why he was so... Active on a while humans called love. Why he let many die for it. "Shidou-san...? Why bother with love at all if all it will do is make you hurt?"

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

For a moment, he could hear them. The yelling, the screaming, the pleading. At the time all he could do was feign a professional sombre demeanour and take it. In his heart, he'd already resolved to kill them because the organ and blood type were a perfect fit for his wife. Stupid. Idiotic. He wasn't thinking of the future. In the pursuit of love, his brain had ceased to function.

"Ah I see. That makes so much sense..." The grown man was noticeably uncomfortable. He leaned forward slightly, uncrossing his legs so he could rest his elbows on his knees. Hands came together to form a bridge with a smoking white chimney sticking from it. Eyes stared into the floor, like he was trying to pierce it with his gaze.

"Have you ever been in love, Kashiki-kun?" A lot of the light was gone from his voice, and yet, even the darkness sounded comforting. "It's easily something a man can get addicted too." A fact she'd know well, people willing to pay for a falsified version of it. "Once you have it, truly have it. You'd do anything to keep it. Because you never know when it will appear again."

 

[Artist_Hope]

"But if it can be bought or sold, what's the point?" She said, her tone sharpening significantly. "How can you tell genuine from  fake?"

Memories from her first love flooded her mind, him just leaving due to an action he caused and reminding her it was all an act for the sake of her wanting him. It was so painful. And it was enough for her to practically give up on what the doctor called ❝genuine❞ love. It was such a bitter topic for her.

As much as she tried to keep cool, the girl just could not hide her lack of affection for the term. It made her sick. She wasn't sure if it was on her face or not. She hoped it wasn't. Yuno truly hoped it wasn't.

She was careful of her volume, even if she was going to get sharp and angry. No sense making a target for anyone to use on her.

A cold and bitter mutter under her breath. "Is there even such thing as genuine love?"

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

Ever the excellent listener, the let the woman vent and air her problems before continuing on the thread of conversation. This woman, she... She was hurt, and turned to one of the many emotions people did when angry. Rage. But it didn't seem to be against a person, or a place. No. It was against a concept. Love. "If you can buy and sell love. Then it isn't love."

He glanced up from the bridge of fingers, blinking his eyes at her. "There can be." The doctor said matter of factly. "It hurts to find. But once it is there, you never want to let it go." He paused, offering her a much more weary but genuine smile. "It can lead people down a dark path... Although. You're also here. So maybe the dark path is destined for all of us, love or not."

 

[Artist_Hope]

"I'm not here because I'm proud of the deaths on my hands, you know."

Her arms curled around her stomach. It was true, she didn't feel proud of it. But it hadn't been her fault. "If they'd just listened, I wouldn't have needed to become a so-called murderer." Once again, she spoke under her breath.

"... Shidou-san?"

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

If they'd listened. Right. She didn't want this but he... He made a conscious choice. There was a pause for a moment as he was taken back to a simpler time. A date, a restaurant. A woman opposite him as he spoke about some medical terminology and she pretended to understand. He felt happier then. His gloved hands once again reached for where a ring should have been. Suddenly, he was snapped from his daydream as she said his name. For a moment, he looked like a rabbit in the headlights as he stared at her.

"Apologies, Kashiki-kun." The doctor took a deep breath. "Your verdict definitely reflects your story."

 

[Artist_Hope]

Yuno frowned a little. "Thank you, but I was going to ask you something..." Her hands and arms wrapped around her torso. "If that's alright..."

Her mind filled with people she asked for help from calling her cruel for even thinking of her path. They were alive, and all the usual excuses. Not one person seemed to care that she wasn't able to-

No. It didn't matter anymore. Besides, what did she care?

"No pressure to let me ask... I suppose it's quite stupid anyway at this point..."

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

Right. He was getting ahead of himself. She just wanted to confide in him. Why would she wanted to confide in a demon like him? He couldn't understand it but, he wasn't about to openly criticise her choice. It was the only social interaction he'd seen her undertake in weeks, it could be steps on the road to normality. Well, as normal as life could be in a prison.

He leaned back against the sofa once again, getting a little more comfortable and sociable. One arm moved across the back of the sofa, a rather natural sitting position for him. Making him look more like a playboy than a dignified doctor. His elbow rested on the arm of the sofa, hand hovering in the air whilst holding the cigarette. He flicked some ash into the nearby tray.

"Please, do continue. No question is a stupid one when the subject is emotion."

 

[Artist_Hope]

Yuno would have love to beg to differ. But she just rubbed her arm as she figured out how to phrase what she wanted to ask in a way that open and not too... Explanatory.

"Do you think it's cruel to end a life if it means the life wouldn't be suffering?"

Alright, perhaps not the best way to phrase it.

"What I mean is... If you end up needing to care for someone or something, would it necessarily be cruel to keep them from living? Especially if you know you can't care properly for them and you can't risk others knowing you're tending to these other lives?"

The school-girl groaned ever so softly. Way to not explain your situation, Yuno told herself.

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

That question couldn't have been anymore on the nose if it was a pair of glasses. Almost immediately he knew exactly what her question was pertaining too. There was a long pause as he thought, a hand coming to caress along his chin. "It would depend, I suppose. In many religions they don't consider an abortion to be a sin unless the baby is nearly fully formed." He was just idly thinking aloud, courteous enough to keep his voice low so that only she could hear should anyone be snooping nearby.

"I suppose like many things, it's a matter of conscience." Eyes stared off into the distance. "Regardless. It is a crime in Japan. And as such you are here with us. "That matter of conscience is up to Es-kun." But, alas. That wasn't what she asked. "Personally, no one deserves a life of suffering and not being loved."

 

[Artist_Hope]

Yuno almost winced when he basically called her out for her "crime". It didn't make sense to her, really.

"It's not like they were... I didn't want them suffering."

She sighed and curled up. "I didn't have a choice if I didn't want them hurting." She settled on, going silent and no longer offering a conversation.

Yuno sighed.

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

Shidou was just trying to be pragmatic about this whole situation, giving her a perspective from a medical, social and law abiding standpoint but... It didn't seem to turn out too well, he could see the way she curled up and shut off. Internally he cursed himself, taking a final drag of his cigarette. A plume of smoke was exhaled into the vent as he stubbed the butt out in the ashtray.

"You did what was best for you, and for them. If you truly believe that. Many of us did what was best for us. But..." At the time, Shidou thought he was doing the right thing too. "Things don't often turn out how we plan."

 

[Artist_Hope]

Yuno kept her mouth shut, though she did look back at the doctor with a quizzical look.

If he meant everyone here did what was best, she'd have to either reevaluate her own standing on thing or he lost more than a family member when he started hurting people. Or both.

Oh well, at least she opened up ever so slightly again.

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

Everyone here truly believed what they did was best for them. He never said it was justified or accepted. Just people believed in their own course of actions. Perhaps that was why people reacted so violently to their judgement. Either their beliefs were supported or denied. And like Shidou, it's possible to entirely change your morality based on a single event. For a moment, the pair sat in silence, just idly keeping to themselves....

Until Shidou spoke. "Are you nervous? For the 2nd trial, that is."

 

[Artist_Hope]

Yuno blinked, not expecting the question. And to even her own surprise, she spoke.

"I suppose so. After all, I must seem apathetic now. I wouldn't be surprised if Kanshu-kun decided I shouldn't have acted the way I did."

It wouldn't have been the first time.

"I suppose you are, since you brought it up?"

 

[Orichalcum Tiger]

"You hide it well." He complimented, turning his eyes in the direction of where he assumed the others were through the walls of the prison. "I hardly got the result I wanted." He said surprisingly casually, but something biting on his tone indicated that there was some resentment toward the verdict. "Maybe a change of strategy is in order? I'm not quite sure... I don't want to pervert the course of justice." A gentle sigh escaped as for a moment he was lost in thought. Decisions, decisions.

"It's clear that the warden doesn't care about us between trials. This place is an accident waiting to happen."