Advice/Help Making Dialogue Pop?

[Crooked]

I am new both to RP and the site. My question is what advice do you have for making dialogue feel more natural in a format where the common view is one-liners equal death.

My experience is in writing solo where I can have multiple 1-2 line exchanges between characters creating some juicy adversarial dialogue. To me, it loses its punch when separated by multiple paragraphs.

Please forgive my ignorance and thanks in advance for your assistance.

 

[Uxie]

the way i work around the issue is by asking my partners (where i feel it's necessary) for their character's responses to include it in my post so the entire thing reads/flows better, and vice-versa! so you're able to write long paragraphs without having to worry about your dialogue feeling too disjointed (⌒‿⌒) you could either craft a piece of dialogue that would help carry the scene forward in a direction you're both comfortable with and get their approval to set it in stone, or just send them a snippet of the scene and ask them to reply with a short dialogue/reaction ( ´ ▽ ` )

not really sure if i described that well, but i hope that helps!

 

[nerdy tangents]

So typically speaking in roleplay you aren’t focused on the dialogue but the perspective of the character.

The times when dialogue is center stage are usually exposition dumps which you wouldn’t want a rapid response to anyway. As it’s your character describing a thing to the other character.

If your character is flirting or shouting or whatever it’s usually going to be a fairly short reply but one where you describe your characters perspective as much as their words.

Ex. Scarlet flushed in indignation as her brother berated her. She couldn’t believe he was being such a big headed part about the new bill. Acting as if she was nothing more then an empty headed doll who couldn’t possibly have her own opinion. Meanwhile his word was just and right by virtue of being spoken by a man of course.

“Well I’m terribly sorry if I’m upset you brother dear. But I simply can’t support a bill that will strip away our rights. We have been the guiding lights of this city for generations and I fail to see why we need to be collar like dogs just because some Senator or another is on a power trip.” She grit out through clenched teeth. Refusing to give her brother the satisfaction of seeing her yell.

It’s on the shorter side but most people don’t mind if dialogue heavy scenes are a paragraph or two long. Their usually looking for things like body language or perspective to reply to just as much as words.

 

[Idea]

Dialogue in book-format writing and roleplay format writing can indeed be considerably different. However, there's something here to note which is that even within roleplay there are considerable differences in writing style, which I believe are associated with different kinds of tastes and values.

For instance the idea that dialogue "loses it's punch" when separated by long / multiple paragraphs or that it otherwise feels better when it's more back-and-forth is not "ignorance" as you put it, but a preference for a more organic style of writing (which, to be clear, is always a good thing, just not always the priority). If you find the right group, with a general preference for shorter more organic posts, you could very much just do what nerdy tangents suggested, add a bit of surrounding to your dialogue such as body language, perhaps a bit of action (walking over somewhere, picking something up, that kind of small stuff) and preserve pretty much the style of dialogue you had so far, I reckon. Either way, people generally agree that characters just having small talk is one of those situations where you wouldn't be expected to keep up the 'regular' post length.

Now, things are a bit different when it comes to groups with longer / more detailed post preferences. There's something of a trade-off here, where indeed the writing style is less organic, but you do have more of a structural focus. There are three main points I would address in regards to this approach:

1.The multiple paragraphs don't take away from 'the punch', they are what creates 'the punch'. More detailed writing styles tend to value things like internal monologue, long descriptions and the like. While other writing styles may see those things as superfluous, focusing instead entirely on (for example) just what is plot-relevant, for this kind of writing style creating the ambience, giving a in-depth look at the character's perspective and thoughts, and the like, creates the immersion and builds up to any particular action or bit of dialogue. By contrast, using myself as an example, posts that are too small seldom have the detail or elements needed to draw me in, and will end up as I often say, "like reading from a shopping list". In practice what this means for dialogue in more long-form formats is that if you were to isolate just the dialogue you might have a pretty fluent conversation regardless, but in the actual post these bits of dialogue would be dispersed through a lot of description (note that when I say 'description' I am not talking about just stopping to describe something. Describing a character's body language or actions, for instance, would also fall under this umbrella) and internal monologue.

2. "Natural" dialogue is often just not be a big priority. Of course, if the dialogue comes off as completely forced or the like that isn't a good thing either, but there is a different between not aiming to imitate a real conversation and letting the dialogue sound unnatural. After all, any dialogue has some leeway on this. Stutters, sudden changes of subject as the person drifts to another thought, random incomplete sentences, uhming, misspeaking, etc... Are usually only done as conscious choices on a character that is particularly and intentionally (from the author's intentions) prone to that kind of thing, regardless of your writing style. Longer formats simply have a wider window in what they allow the dialogue to diverge from a real conversation, and instead puts focus on two things:
A) Dialogue says what it needs to say for the scene. This isn't to say what's said is what is convenient for the plot though. How the character responds to the situation, plus something to progress the scene is the expected baseline, though things like characterization and plot-related elements may be included too. This gives the dialogue it's structural aspect.
B) The dialogue is written to match the character, and as constrained by the character. In other words, the way the dialogue is written, regardless of length or what is being said, is written in the way the character would speak or attempt to communicate as, and to the extent one thinks the character would talk. Again though, realism isn't the priority here, it's more about a character not speaking more because something specifically prevents them to, such as there being a topic they don't want to talk about.

3. Longer post formats often have something that might seem (and probably is) strange, the concept of 'Fluid Time'. This is to say that multiple segments of the post may chronologically be occurring at very different points. This is taken as the norm, people rarely bat an eye when it happens, but for instance, your character may be holding multiple different conversations in your posts which are happening sequentially and possibly in different locations.



Now, let's say you're in a long post format, but you feel this one particular scene really calls for a more organic sequence of short, quippy dialogue. Well, one thing that can be done within the rules (or I would allow anyway) is what is called a Collaborative Post. Two or more people, who get on a google docs or something and just write that one post together, then one of them posts the finished product.

Of course, note that this particular method should be an exception (in my opinion) not a rule. If you have to make these all the time, then the longer / more detailed format is probably just not for you. Which of course needless to say, is no shame on anyone. It's a matter of preferences and what one values in writing- which translates into what one writes more naturally too.



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I hope you found this is a useful or if nothing else interesting read at least. Best of luck and happy roleplaying!

 

[Luscinioide]

the less brain cells you put into dialogue, the better

...actually just think of it as advanced shitposting, I'll dump some of my examples down below because I'm sort of a dialogue kween. some are a few years old so they're not the cream of the crop anymore, but they get my point across well enough

example 1: using action in between lines of dialogue to make it seem less like a robotic back-and-forth

Spoiler

“You seem pretty nervous for someone who’s supposed to be cooperating,” he mused. Four was trying to make eye contact with him over the lady’s shoulder, but he was too short to be able to reciprocate it. Wasn’t his fault this hippie bitch was fifty-seven feet tall or some shit. “Y’know, some folks would call that suspicious behavi-“

The newcomer was, evidently, easy to distract. He perked up at the mention of a gun arm, brows raising skeptically before he remembered what he had brought with him – an enthusiastic grin spread across his lips, and he nodded at the Frankenstein contraption. “Not just a gun-arm, but a convertible gun-arm. Pretty sweet, ain’t it?”

example 2: banter between characters; you don't need tags for every single bit of dialogue, which is a common pitfall most people have trouble with. if your characters have their own distinct voices, your reader can tell who's who without you needing to go 'they said. he said. she said.

Spoiler

“What the fuck are you doing?” Hiroki squinted at them, his face scrunching up in confusion.

“Nothing.” Four gave a slight, confident nod of their chin.

“You’re totally tripping balls right now.”

“Am not.”

“Your fucking arm is convulsing, dude.” He tilted his head towards their arm.

Four glanced down at their jittery limb dumbfoundedly, like this was somehow a new revelation to them. “I feel fine.”

“You are literally the abso-fuckin-lute OPPOSITE of fine.”

example 3: breaking up blobs of action with dialogue. be careful with this because your dialogue can easily blend in and get glossed over. I find this one to be really good for comedic relief because it often comes after a long-winded internal monologue or action montage.

Spoiler

Clumsily meandering about at Roy's side, Venus casually produced a stolen Slim-Jim (NOW FOUR FEET LONG!) from her pocket and cracked it open as the Weasel Lady led them through various ransacked aisles. She began to munch on it, at some point offering it to Roy with the perfectly serious remark of, "Fake meat?" Apparently, she didn't care enough to not partake in shoplifted goods in front of store employees. What were they going to do, arrest her?

example 4: the infamous monologuueee. this one can be hard to pull off because it's easy to overwhelm your partner with a shit ton of dialogue that can feel unnatural to try and respond to. but it also has a nice pay off if you know what you're doing. interspersing the dialogue with action and internal thoughts is very important here because people rarely just rant and rant. they need to take pauses to breathe and think.

Spoiler

"Then do something," she said after a while, her level gaze falling down on her with a fairly neutral expression; it was hard to detect any scrutinizing disappointment or other judgment, but so too was it difficult to find any distinct pity. The permanent pull of her facial scars made it seem as though her features were perpetually stuck in a cold scowl. "Crying in an alley will solve nothing."

She peered over her own shoulder, good eye scanning the horizon, while the other blankly stared off into the far distance. From afar, the asynchronous nature of her gaze was easily missed, but up close like this, the lack of function in the right side was notably distinct - she noticeably kept her blindspot pointed away from the road, where it would have made them both vulnerable to unseen threats.

"...Step one. Catch a cab to his apartment," Ramona suggested, still turned away from her. Though visibly distracted, it was impossible to decipher what exactly was bothering her - it must have been no small nuisance for her to openly display it. "See if he's been there. If not, there must be some lead there."

Flicking her wrist towards her, she blinked down at the faint numbers that were inscribed on her watch's surface. The hour grew late, but this was fine; the night served for the best time of action, whereas the day brought unwanted attention and obstacles that would pose a significant challenge to any progress.

"Don't find anything, then there's someone who knows something. Don't know who, but there always is." She stuffed her spare hand in her pocket, then finally turned her attention back to the somber little officer, one brow raised. An invitation more than anything. "Nothing shows up after all that, then you hire a bounty hunter."

That hint of dry humor could have been easily missed.

"Clocks tickin', though. You don't stop crying, then I'm not taking you with me," she said, impatiently staring down at her with a silent threat to take her umbrella back. If there was anything worse than being wet, it was being wet and cold. "I'll count to five...-"

the most important thing to take away is that you don't need to respond to EVERY single quip of dialogue. it's sort of a given with longer posts that not everything needs to be acknowledged. if someone's telling you a story, you wouldn't interrupt every two sentences to insert your own comments in. it's fine for your character to just sit there and listen, and then maybe respond to the last part. sometimes, your partner will respond to something your character said earlier in the post, but the scene has moved on since then and it wouldn't make sense for you to have your character respond back to that. this is fine.

it comes with practice. people say that dialogue heavy scenes shouldn't be more than a paragraph, but I disagree. I can easily write a 2000 word post that contains a lot of dialogue, mainly because I've had enough practice with writing banter and back-and-forth conversations to know when to respond and when not to. the mentioned concept above of long posts covering the passage of time - while that might be difficult to understand - is a good point. long posts focus on keeping the scene moving instead of spending fifteen posts on the same two minutes.

basically tldr; know when to keep things moving and when to hover on something for a bit longer. action and internal monologue is crucial for dialogue. dialogue tags are for nerds. don't try to respond to every single word somebody says. communicate with ur partner to know when you're ready to do a scene change so you don't awkwardly interrupt the conversation

 

[Crooked]

I’d like to start off by saying what an amazing community this is. I truly appreciate the time taken by you all to give such thoughtful responses. There is a lot of information here to help me as I adjust to cooperative writing formats.

Part of my problem is I have show-don’t-tell hard wired into me and dialogue is action. And while I do love me some good ole introspective description, it is the times when a character is acting on emotion rather than reasoned thought where a quicker verbal exchange between characters shows their emotions. It makes the dialogue so unpredictable and compelling to me. It lights my fire.

The most immediate takeaway I get from the sage advice above is to work out those scenes in advance with my partner. The rest I will refer back to often as I gain familiarity with the format.

Thanks again!

 

[Idea]

Part of my problem is I have show-don’t-tell hard wired into me and dialogue is action. And while I do love me some good ole introspective description, it is the times when a character is acting on emotion rather than reasoned thought where a quicker verbal exchange between characters shows their emotions. It makes the dialogue so unpredictable and compelling to me. It lights my fire.

I often hear this and to be honest I find this is a bit of a shallow interpretation of show don't tell. As I said before it's definitely more organic to write things more spontaneous-like, but when it comes to showing a character's emotional state for instance you can definitely do it without relying on telling, but still using description, internal monologue, and the like. Furthermore I would say it's a lot rarer for people in heightened emotional states to not be thinking. The thinking isn't proper or well-articulated but it seems to be like it's more common for a person's head to be running a million miles per hour - if nothing else because action done on impulse lasts but a moment, while the state of speedy overthinking lasts a lot longer.

Lemme give you a very quick example of what I mean. Let's say we have a hypothetical scenario where the character is angry because someone they are very fond of just broke something that is priceless to them.

Case 1:
His anger could not be contained. He slammed his closed fist on the table, and he roared out with fury. What a terrible thing to do, how could he be so careless as to break something so important to him! He could no longer contain himself, and seeing how there was no way he could fix things, his mind jumped out at the only thing left for him, and he slammed his friend's face, only for regret to wash over him in the moment immediately following that.


Case 2:
BASTARD! IDIOT! The man slammed his fist on the table, leg twisting as if to jump out. CARELESS MORON! The pain of the recoil drowned amidst everything else even as he dragged the hand out, leaving only a few red dots behind. He should have shut the door on his face, he shouldn't ever have let such a brainless creature alone to LEECH of his hospitality. Of course he would end up with nothing but tiny, itchy wounds behind. Of course that beast couldn't hold themselves from breaking even that one single thing. Of course, of-

RAAARGH! He roared out. He no longer felt the impulse to jump out. His head felt just slightly clearer- enough to turn around, hands trembling, knees trembling and then giving out as he reached out for the broken pieces. He tried picking one, then a second. He tried sliding them together, and a little piece of the first crumbled down. It was mocking him. He felt his eyes hurting, but his chest hurting more, and it didn't matter if the sound he just heard was some attempt at an excuse, an apology or meant for comfort, he still stood and drove his hand right at the jaw of his friend, pain spreading onto both of them.

He looked at his fist, panting heavily.

What had he done.


Not my best work, very improvised, but hopefully it communicates my point. Case 1 is very much a tell case - you are spelling out the character's emotions, saying every action in no uncertain terms and merely as a report of facts rather than emphasizing the emotional steps the character takes. Case 2 however, avoided descriptive language that directly called out what happened, instead stuck on the character trying to process what happened and losing their filter. Rather than taking away from show-don't-tell, a good use of description and internal monologue can actually enhance it in my opinion, at least in a structural and narrative sense, because it can go into showing the changes in how the character thinks, in their perspective, and the slow steps to each action, alongside the weight of each action. By showing this what one is clueing the reader into is the more in-depth aspects of the character.

 

[GojiBean]

I am new both to RP and the site. My question is what advice do you have for making dialogue feel more natural in a format where the common view is one-liners equal death.

My experience is in writing solo where I can have multiple 1-2 line exchanges between characters creating some juicy adversarial dialogue. To me, it loses its punch when separated by multiple paragraphs.

Please forgive my ignorance and thanks in advance for your assistance.

Hoyo!

If there's a single suggestion that you should take to heart and start doing every time you want to write something out, it's this: Say it out loud, and make sure the character's actions reflect the energy of the dialogue.

Yes. Read the dialogue you write out loud. If it doesn't feel natural, it's not. If you find that it feels forced, it is. If you don't think it sounds like the character, it doesn't.

There's a weird disconnect between the brain and dialogue you write because dialogue is meant to be "speech." Written text is not "speech." At least not in the literal definition of the word. It's text. As such, written text that's not spoken aloud will seldom, if ever, feel genuine or natural.

Let's use an example.

The Character: A 16 year old boy with a spunky, plucky attitude and demeanor who enjoys making others laugh and is a bit of a sports nut. He's hyperactive and boisterous, and he often can't stop himself from interrupting others when they try to speak.

The Scene: The young man is on his way to high school and runs into a small group of his friends whom he greets as you'd expect of someone described above.

Scene Example without reading aloud the dialogue I come up with:

MC: "Hey guys! What's up?"

Friend 1: "Hey dude. You're cheery this mo-."

MC: "Yep! Ate a nice big breakfast cause I ran out of lunch money for the week. And we got soccer practice after school today!"

Friend 2: "Oh yeah? What're you guys wor-"

MC: "What're we working on? Oh, the usual. Passing, corner kicks, penalty shots, etc. All the stuff that the pro's have made muscle memory."

Friend 1: "Nice."

End Scene Example... And it's not exactly gripping or popping much, is it? In fact, the reason the scene ended here so early is because as I wrote it I couldn't really think of anywhere to go with it from here cause the MC's responses, while sounding plucky and upbeat and in keeping with his character, just weren't giving me any inspiration or interest in continuing.

New Scene Example while pausing to read each line aloud before committing to it (Editor's Note, this took about 15 minutes to write as a result of saying things out loud and changing them over and over until they felt right)

MC: (sees a gap between two friends and dashes between them) "He shoots he scores!!"

Friend 1: "Whoa! Where'd you come from?!"

MC: "First rule of good defense! Be there before your opponent even turns around so you can steal it right out from under their nose, and run with it!"

Friend 2: "Wait, wha-"

MC: "Then you gotta dodge and weave through the other defenders," (starts moving between and around everyone as if dodging attacks which aren't coming) "-and when you see your open shot, take it!" (leans on the two friends' shoulders and pulls both into headlocks)

Friend 1: "Urk! Dude! Too ti-"

MC: "So! What're you lazy bums doing this morning?"

Friend 2: "Trying to get to cl-"

MC: "Oh yeah! First period's History, isn't it? Blegh. You guys ready for the test?"

Friend 2: "More or le-"

MC: "I'm definitely not ready! I spent too much time practicing to get any studying done! I'll be lucky to get a C!" (laughs)

End Scene... I could have written more. And in fact I wanted to write more. However, the example was long enough already and I'm at work so I had to cut it short regardless. Anywho, as you can see this dialogue (and the actions taken by the MC which reinforces the dialogue's energy) does a much, much better job of reflecting his hyperactive and boisterous energy making him feel a lot more alive and making his dialogue feel as energetic as he's supposed to be based on his character description.

And I literally didn't do anything other than speak this dialogue out loud while writing. The idea of putting those specific actions into parentheses where I didn't do anything before came about as a result of reading it aloud. As I read "He shoots he scores," the visual of him running between his friends came to mind. So I wrote it down. And just that simple change already gave the opening for his dialogue so much more life than it had before even though the original line was plucky and energetic in its presentation as well with the exclamation points and his words sounding like a typical teen.


In summary, never underestimate the power of reading dialogue out loud as it can inspire not only your dialogue to sound more lively and realistic, but the actions the character takes as well since they can be reinforced and inspired by that dialogue as you say it.

Hopefully this helps!

Cheers!

~ GojiBean

 

[Crooked]

In summary, never underestimate the power of reading dialogue out loud as it can inspire not only your dialogue to sound more lively and realistic, but the actions the character takes as well since they can be reinforced and inspired by that dialogue as you say it.

Thanks for the response, GojiBean. While I absolutely agree with you that reading your dialogue aloud is a powerful and useful tool, I don't feel I struggle too much with the writing of compelling dialogue. If we take the scene above and split the characters between us, then add in the preferred format of at least a couple of paragraphs each per post, the exchange becomes something completely different and is more representative of the intent behind why I made my OP. In hindsight, I could have worded it better.

 

[Malphaestus]

I would accept the learnings of the masters, their craft, after all, for all to consume so long as one is willing to spill their coin. Books, as opposed to forums, teach all who read and write how it best be done. And though it cannot all be truthfully emulated in forum, the medium different from a book in and of itself, how they pace their dialogue can be. My recommendation for all who wish to improve their skill, is to make yours the ways of these masters, and fashion one's own way to write through their teachings. Read much, and write as much, and you will improve much; undeniable.

Though some wish to make the divide between forum and the literature itself appear vast, it truthfully is not. The only noticable difference, in the very least amidst most conventional roleplaying culture, is that there are many 'main characters.' Which is to say that every writer, typically, writes as if they are the protagonist of any given story. It is an easily circumvented fact, for as one writes for their own character, realizing that they are the main character as well, one can merely account for what had been written by others as any normal chatter. And from there insert yet another perspective amidst the mix.

Whether this is the ideal format, is not for me to say. Ultimately, roleplaying is not for skill at the written word unless one chooses to make it relevant. And once one steps down that path, they will realize how cluttered it all becomes, for whilst one's own writing may very well be impeccable, one is but a part of a greater whole. And ultimately, one must decide to realize that there is a reason for which one roleplays, as opposed to writing books.