Le Mien

[Pearlholy]

The man was so ridden in guilt, he couldn't even look up to see that Damien was holding his pack of nicotine. He wasn't sure what made him angrier; that he couldn't pinpoint as to why Leo didn't have the balls to look at him or Leo simply didn't pay attention to him at all. Very slowly, the doctor stalled away from Leo, gaining some distance from the detective. Irritation was traveling to his fist and he couldn't guarantee any more self-control. Heaving out a sigh, the grip on the box of cigarettes tightened. The free hand massaged the stubborn seven folds of rage on his forehead.


"Holmes, are you even listening," unintentionally, his voice raised with every articulated word. Leo may know the nickname was a warning for a blow-up but there was more to that. Sherlock was rarely never without his sidesick Dr. Watson and what Damien was trying to emphasize was that he was going to stick around no matter what. "I can't just leave you like this. And you can't just fucking shove me to the side however and whenever you like." He huffed out as if he was trying to breathe out his anger. "When I said we were leaving, I meant we were leaving together. Did I not make myself clear or you're too busy scheming payback? God damn it, Leo! Can you stop making this overly complicated for the both of us for a change?!" He threw the ruined pack of tobacco at the man and turned his back at the guy, running his hand down his face.


Fucking piss off.

 

[sorrow made you]

The escalated tone of Damien actually surprised him. Rarely did he raise his voice like that. He looked up to see Damien seething...and crushing a pack of cigarettes. Leo wanted to smash his head against a wall at that very moment. Was he really that out of it to not even notice? Apparently so. He didn't have any excuse for his absence of mind. But in his agitation, Damien's anger wasn't helping lower his own.


His fists clenched as he jerked sideways, the pack hitting him in the shoulder. Oh how he wanted to punch those glasses off of the doctor's face right about then. He was infuriated. As much as he wanted to lean down and pick up the pack of Marlboro, he couldn't. He was livid. He didn't even understand why. What came out of his mouth next, Leo had no control over. He was in a blind rage. His eyes blank, his mind disconnected from his consciousness.


"What do you want from me?!" he snapped. "Really. What do you really want?! So what if I am scheming payback. What are you going to do about it? If I am on my way to destroying myself, are you just going to sit around and chastise me? Why not do something for once! I'm sure you know more than anyone words only go so far. YOU know I'm a FUCKING LOST CAUSE. Why even FUCKING BOTHER giving a piece of mind? If you want change from me so bad, DO SOMETHING." Leo obviously wasn't at home in his head. He was so worn, he just snapped. The man outstretched his arms, giving an invitation for something to happen.

 

[Pearlholy]

What. The. Fuck.


No matter how tempting it was, the grouch moved away from the detective. Yet his curled up fists were more than prepared for skin connection. More than anything, he wanted to grab the stubborn Taurus and just fling him out the god damn window--probably just as much he wanted to throw everything else in the room. To stop himself from smashing anything he would regret (other than Holmes' face), slammed his empty glass of cognac on the desk.


Leo mirrored his anger but his just grew flat out cold. He glared at the detective, lips pursed into a thin and straight line. Trying to remember how to breathe, Dr.Langston watched the man threateningly, "Don't go there," the doctor warned. Suppressed rage was bubbling up to his head, numbing his mind. The self-control he always prided in was quickly slipping from his grasp. He wouldn't lose to this provocation, Damien repeated in his mind because, he knew very well, once he crossed that line there was no turning back. There would be no possible way for him to mend their friendship and even less find himself to ever look or even talk to the detective. Leo was too furious to realize that he was walking on thin ice but the King of Ragers was fucking kind enough to remind him, "Don't you even bother going to uncharted territory." The doctor gritted his teeth and pointed accusingly to the floor, "Because you have no idea what you're getting yourself into!" Lowering his voice to a growl, he added, "You're not prepared for this."

 

[sorrow made you]

Don't go there? He could laugh. Instead, he scoffed and shook his head. He'd already went there. The ice was breaking. Might as well shatter it. Leo was good at that sort of thing, wasn't he? "What, what if I do?" He snapped, dropping his arms to his sides. "Oh I'M NOT PREPARED? Well then fucking ENLIGHTEN ME." He said louder, his voice getting louder and louder with each sentence. "I've got no idea, then show me!" If he weren't so mentally blacked out, he would have known this was the worst thing he could ever do. Losing his only true friend...it would devastate him. So then...why did he keep pushing? Maybe he wanted to push Damien to his limit. Maybe to prove that in some way, his insanity was right. But inside he knew this was wrong. It was only hurting more. But he was far too deep to stop now. "Stop sitting on your prissy fucking ass and do something about it!"

 

[Pearlholy]

Was this guy for real...


WAS THIS SHIT. FACE. FOR REAL NOW?! This was some fucking bullshit.


"Leo. I'm telling you," he warned one last time, his voice low and calm to contrast the detective's shouts. That was... before he got interrupted by a Taurus on a warpath. Dr. Langston had no intentions of going to the point of no return but the Italian man made things more difficult. The law enforcer just knew the right buttons to push without realizing whatever buttons he pressed.


In less than two swift strides, Damien swung forward. Grabbing a hold of the other by the collar of the dress shirt, the King of Grouches channeled all his bottled up rage into his tightly clutched fist and threw a hook at Leo's face. Taking advantage of the momentum of the hit, the doctor forced in a passionless and bitter kiss. His grip on the detective's collar never loosened, instead, it tightened until he could feel every bone structure in his hand break. "What the hell do you even know about losing!? I have to watch and lose you everyday. It consumes and kills me on the inside. So what you even know about running out of options when all I've been trying to do is find a way to bring you back from your self-destructiveness?! Never for a second did I ever doubt in your skills and abilities. What makes you even think you can come close to knowing what's on mind?!" He tugged the man closer, " If you can go out there can get yourself killed and be alright with that, then that's good for you! That's exactly what the serial killer wants. But I won't stand another moment and watch the only person I give a damn about throw his life away over some scumbag, do you hear me?! I won't let you dump that bullshit responsibility on me. I can't live or function without you." He shook the man "Damn it, Leo, you're a fucking detective for crying out loud. Get your shit together!"


His fist was yelling for another descent to Leo's face but it never happened. Instead, Damien pushed himself away from the detective. The steps were slow and heavy. He nearly sunk in defeat, grunting in regret, and buried his face in palm.


He said it. He accidentally confessed to Leo. He said more than he intended to and found no relief in admitting to his feelings. But that's what it was; Damien harboured feelings for his close friend. He was not exactly proud of the attachment he had, even less in confessing a secret he was convinced in taking to his grave; Leo was a straight man and confided on many occasions that he wanted a woman to marry, have children, and raise a family. Damien was an ill fit for the bill. Despite all the odds, all their differences, and all of their arguments, the affections refused to fade. His love for the other was unwanted, problematic even. When he should be focusing on better things, his friend would infiltrate his mind and conquer all rationality. He tried to fight back but would find himself wanting to be closer to the other.


Proximity threatened his resolve and his self-control. There would be guilt in indulging the closeness to the other but that was all he could possible take from Leo. The man had other and more important things to fixate himself on. Other addictions to fix and it never involved Damien. Ever. Rejection and unrequited love were inevitable outcomes but they failed to quell his desire of being part of Leo’s life. As a friend, as a lover, it didn’t matter. Damien wanted to be there for Leo as much as Leo once had been there for him as well. For all he knew, Leo’s presence made his life easier and more bearable. Leo might as well be the sole soul that restored his faith in humanity and brought the doctor back from the dead. It was a long journey back to life but Leo’s friendship might as well the best thing that ever happened to him. In the midst of being friends with a nuisance, Leo eased into his heart and his attachment towards the detective progressed into something more than just platonic feelings.


Casual glances often turned into something more. He studied the other: his profile, the glint in his eyes, every smile, every movement and every spiteful retorts. Damien's mind simply soaked in every thought of the detective and soon everything he did couldn't be done without the company of the law enforcer. Whenever his moody self took over, it was merely because he couldn't control his growing attachment to the detective.


Leo Giovanni De Luca had what he wanted; Damien lost the challenge but there was no trophy for his to take. His fist hit the nearest wall in his reach and it brought no relief.


"You were right; I should have left." But he was in love with Leo. He couldn't let go. And there wasn't a damn soul around to save him from that, no one to help when his options ran out. He committed a grave mistake. In silence, Damien contemplated in apologizing for his impulsive act. Irrational gesture was not like him at all yet the damage was done. The emptiness settled in his stomach and plagued his aching heart; they were never supposed to be lovers and now they couldn't even be friends. Damien hated himself. More than ever now. His love was never meant to be shared yet there he was, as vulnerable as always towards Leo. What made it worst was, even at the critical point, he wanted Leo more than just a friend. More than just a laughing gag as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson.


Re-adjusting his coat, Damien left the office. Leo wasn’t the only one who needed a breather. The doctor didn’t stray too far and stood by the balcony with a lit cigarette between his lips.

 

[sorrow made you]

Maybe this was what he wanted. Some sort of physical action as punishment for his actions. Maybe his mind was so guilt ridden, he just wanted to feel pain. Too much of a coward to inflict pain on himself, he had pushed the only person he could turn to in a crisis and had him thoroughly punch him in the face. Maybe that was what Leo wanted, but he sure as hell was surprised Damien went through with it. He was stunned. The doctor actually punched him. And it wasn't a light bat. It was a full blown hook to the jaw.


Leo felt his blood boil. This is what he wanted, but it definitely didn't help the fact that he was steaming his own blood.


But then Leo realized something else.... Wait a minute. That taste in his mouth. His eyes widened in realization as the other male lashed at him with his words. So angry, so...hurt, if Leo could even tell. He was confused beyond comprehension. Did...this really happen? His head was whirling and it felt like his entire world was flipped upside down. Was this really his best friend? His Watson to his Sherlock?


With a shake and a scold, Leo's temper seemed to drain from the tip of his head down to his toes. A deep set frown rested on his face as he burrowed his brow in thought. Was...he really cut out to be called a detective if he couldn't even see what had been happening right in front of his eyes. He didn't speak and didn't move until Damien left the room. After, he slowly went to the couch to sit down, hands in his palms as he sorted through memories, trying to figure out why...why all of this was happening.


This was a joke, wasn't it? But knowing Damien and his personality, he would never joke with something so intimate. And never at a time like this. Was he so blind to not realize the amplitude of his own actions? Somehow his stress seemed pitiful now. Guilt set in and wrapped around his heart. He felt like closing everything out and keeping away. But...he'd been there before. And he knew if it happened again, there would be no Damien to save him from himself.


He took in a slow deep breath and let it out just as slowly. Eyes fell on the crushed pack of cigarettes, and he carefully reached down for it. He looked it over, then opened it up and pulled one out. Placing it in between his lips, he started to search for a lighter, but then quickly gave up and threw the stick and the pack on the ground. He needed time to think, and he couldn't do it there. He got up and looked around the office and then started to head to the door. He paused though, and headed to the desk to scribble down a note.


We'll talk later.


With that, he left to walk around the rest of the night. He didn't show up at Damien's home, and there was no call or text to where he had been. He had been given temporary leave until his apartment case was put together, which meant he wouldn't be working. Though, in the morning he did stop by the station to fill in his report.


His mind was everywhere. He couldn't focus on work, and even with the antagonizing claims the commissioner had about how his apartment caught on fire, Leo didn't fight tooth and nail with him. He gave all the information he knew and quickly left, much to the commissioner's displeasure. Again Leo wandered until later afternoon. There was a small backhanded knock on the doctor's office door.

 

[Pearlholy]

Counting the passing seconds and agonizing minutes, Damien waited for Leo’s departure. What he wanted, what he truly wanted might has well just what walked past him. Swallowing hard bought no relief to the emotional pain creeping up his throat. His heart threatened to leave with the detective but his body, burdened by guilt, anchored him to the wooden porch. He folded his hands together, closed his eyes, and listened to his friend distancing from the clinic. Quietly, Damien settled into the moment. No thought conjured as his mind drowned in white noise. Let the law enforcer take everything with him because the doctor was stripped the need of taking on the day and the remainder of the days that followed.


Gil’s fur against his cold and numb fingertips drew the doctor back to a lesser painful reality. Unable to return the display of affection or concern, Dr. Langston stepped back into his office. Mind-absently, the medical practitioner cleaned the mess and retreated to his home in order to refresh himself. He may not want to tackle the day but he had heavy responsibilities and the last night of self-indulgence he treasured was absent. He saw the note but was reluctant to acknowledge it. Later was subjective; later could mean a few hours or weeks. More than often, it was the latter. He flipped the notepad, dismissing the nature of the message.


Caving into his work seemed more taxing than usual. The permanent scowl and scrutinizing glare never left his face as he worked with his nurses and patients. Eventually, everything seemed too overwhelming. When the rush hour calmed, Damien settled back onto his chair in his vacant office. Breaks were never permitted but today, he needed a rather long one. Eyes trained on the empty glass that should have been half-full with cognac, he tried to go over the list of patients who needed medical attention. Arms propped and hands on the forehead, Damien read over the report again. By now, the finer details should have been memorized but no information was encoded, except for the weak knock against his unlocked door.


Breathing out his mild irritation, the doctor grumbled dismissively, “Go away. No one’s going to die within the hour.”

 

[sorrow made you]

Leo could feel the strain and it sunk into his heart. He was still sore from the raw emotions of yesterday. And he hadn't been able to prepare a conversation to speak with the doctor. But he knew if he waited too long, like he normally did, he would lose his best friend forever. He wasn't sure what Damien's true feelings were now, but...Leo knew he didn't want to lose the man that seemed to understand himself better than he did.


Hearing Damien, he almost had second thoughts on seeing him again. He quickly sucked in a breath and opened he door. "Not even going to let me apologize?" He muttered sarcastically, trying to prove that he was now at a more level-headed situation. He paused at the door, halfway in and forced his eyes over to Damien. He looked different, even though he looked exactly the same. "I'd say I could come back later but...I'd rather not since I'm already here." He bit back his nervousness and came into the office, closing the door behind him. He instinctively went over to the couch and sat down.


Where to begin. He ran his tongue over his teeth and played with his thumbs as he sorted out his questions. Now was the hard part...trying to find his voice. With a deep breath, he straightened up a little. "First of all..." he started, tone filled with solemn sincerity. "I want to apologize for pushing you so far. I know I was wrong, and it should have never come to that." he paused, letting his mind catch up to his mouth. "I...I'm sick. Not--Not physically sick, but...I'm admitting I've got some serious issues that I need to clean up. And I haven't..." He let out a huff, trying to figure out how to put it. "I need to clean myself up. The right way. I've done it once, but let myself go. But..." Why was this difficult to say? "I...I mean, I really wouldn't have...gotten anywhere without you, so..."

 

[Pearlholy]

“That’s enough, Leo,” he breathed out as if there was a growing headache lodging on his front lobe. “You’re just grinding my patience now, and it’s really pissing me off,” Damien interrupted as he held up his palm. It was apparent that his friend was still trying to absorb last night’s incident. That will stay in uncharted territory and should be left unbothered for a more appropriate time. He felt uncertain and mostly unprepared for Leo’s visit. He came in sooner than expected which left the doctor at loss of what to do next.


Leo wanting to clean himself up was a natural response to Damien’s intimate and imprudent kiss. The curious detective wanted to appear ready tackle the issue at hand while blindly grasping at straws. What should he do now as Leo was asking for a better direction. With calculated movement, the pensive doctor closed the folder and tapped on the pile of papers on the desk to align them. He didn’t want to look at the law enforcer just yet but his peripheral vision could still capture Leo’s silhouette. His eyes shifted to the opposite direction, mentally cursing at his growing weakness. The thick barrier between them broke. It was clear that he didn’t want to rebuild a new wall but where he stood at the moment made him feel equally miserable.


“Look, I warned you beforehand and I should have never given into your provocations.” He was more irritated with himself now. “I should have known better then. If you don’t mind, I’d rather drop the subject.” He left his seat to lean on the width side of his desk. Allowing a light pause to sit between his statements, he then continued, “As always, what matters the most to me right now, is that you’ve cleared your mind so you can solve the case. The sooner the better.” For the well-being of the population of course. However, more than he wanted, his last reply left an undertone that was meant for the two. The sooner the better for both. Why? Because he hated the ambiguous position he was in. “If not, just know I’ll be around.”

 

[sorrow made you]

Leo let out a huff, frustrated with himself, not being able to really comprehend Damien's feelings. He fell silent though and turned his eyes toward a point on the floor, trying to think of where to go from here. He wished he could rewind time, at least just once in his life, so that this never happened. But better than anyone, he knew it was impossible and even more so, he needed to adapt. But maybe he had a morbidly curious mind.


"I haven't cleared my head completely." he started, obviously not dropping the subject right away. "Just answer me this, and then I'll leave it alone." he hesitated, raising his eyes to examine the doctor and his reaction. "I...felt your words were beyond genuine. So..." he licked over his lips, trying to find the right words. He didn't even know how to say it. "When you..." he rose a hand to touch his own lips. "Did you mean it?"

 

[Pearlholy]

Stubborn as ever, the doctor mentally cursed. Whatever presented itself to Leo yesterday was just a new thing to discover to toy with. For an individual who despised cats, his friend’s animal spirit was no different than of a feline. True, when angered, Leo stayed true to his sign as a Taurus but on his better days, it was a kitten pawing at his favourite toy. Damien’s confession was nothing more than a plaything to Leo now. He didn’t want to oblige but both have already stepped over the line yesterday. The detective was a lot more accepting and receptive than he anticipated. He found relief in his eagerness and curiosity, unsettling all at the same time. Why did Leo complicated the matter? How was it that he allowed Leo to go as far was completely beyond him now.


Turning his head away, his eyes fell to the floor. Reluctance mingled into the silence as he mind-absently twisted the band on his ring finger. Inhaling inaudibly, his eyes fluttered closed, “Yeah.”


Fighting against conflicted emotions, as calmly as he could, he said, “ I did.” His hands shifted, and grabbed the edged of his desk and balanced his weight onto his as if he tried to take comfort into the revelation. The feelings he harboured for Leo kept sheltered. Why was it easier to admit that he loved Leo? He always treated Leo differently but he didn’t want the other to mistake it for an act of love rather than an act of friendship. Their friendship was more important than his selfish desire. “…I’m sorry.” Hesitantly, he continued, "Don't pay too much attention to them; knowing my limits, I can't promise any self-control anymore."

 

[sorrow made you]

His eyes focused intently on Damien, trying to read the man like he'd done in so many interrogations. But this was different. This was personal to him. And even more, he already knew the truth, and was looking for admittance. He couldn't tell if his heart was pounding from embarrassment and some form of flattery, or if it was because he was nervous and afraid of what this could possibly mean to their relationship now that he was fully aware. He didn't want to lose his friend. He wouldn't be able to accept that. But there was no way he would be able to look at Damien the same way again.


He fought to keep his emotions in check, not wanting to give any sign of approve or disapproval. He wasn't sure what this meant. Damien's movements shown that he was struggling with this greatly. It was almost painful to see the doctor suffering so much. The man's apology fell on deaf ears. Leo focused in on Damien and spoke with a more solid tone of seriousness. "If that's true, you could do it again." Again, he was pushing limits. But this time, for a different reason. He had to be absolutely sure, with no sign of doubt, that this was what Damien felt. And he had to know to what degree this went, so he could figure out how to handle it from that point on.


He would not lose his best friend. But he didn't want that constant unnerved feeling that came with knowing someone has had an unrequited love.

 

[Pearlholy]

Discouraged, frustrated, yet defeated, the myopic doctor brought his palm to his frowning face. His fingers attempted to massage the folds of his frowns away. He tried to remember a time where Leo was able to pull out the lamest joke from his ass while applying as serious tone... and failed to recall one. This was all just some kind of game for the curious detective but it didn't deter his interest. "The punch? I don't think your face can handle it," Damien was fully aware of his intentions. The best course of action was simply to go with until it was inconvenient. "I don't need your pity Leo. But thank you for not walking out on me." That may have been a critical time for Leo but the tables have turned and it was the doctor who needed the friend's support.


As promised, Damien had answered the other's question and knowing that he wouldn't leave it alone until there was closure, he drove the conversation to a different direction. "Shouldn't you be at work right now?...Or eating."

 

[sorrow made you]

His expression didn't change, even with the flat annoyance from Damien's sarcastic remark. He was being serious about this, and Damien was now the one using jokes as a tactic to avoid the conversation. "I'm not pitying you." he said quickly and rested his elbows on his knees. "I want to know, if you're serious, you could do it again." With this, he realized that again, he was trying to push boundaries. He leaned back and sighed, turning his head away.


"I want to understand, I really do." a deep frown fell on his lips. "You are my best friend, and have already been with me in my worst of times. Just because now I'm aware of..." his voice drifted off slightly and he sighed. "I don't want to tarnish our friendship any more than I have already. But you know as well as I do it's not going back to how it was." he paused and glanced back to Damien. "So help me understand. So we won't lose our friendship." He didn't know how he was going to ever understand completely. He didn't know if understanding would help in an way a all. Maybe it would only make things worse. But...for Damien's sake, he wanted to show that this wasn't just about Leo, and what Leo felt and what Leo wanted. He equally cared for Damien's well being and happiness.

 

[Pearlholy]

His usual bad demeanour was stepping in again. Did it mean comfort was settling in? Not necessarily. The feline was clawing at the toy and refused release its’ grip. He saw that coming and if he should have been equally prepared to handle the issue at hand. Inhaling deeply as Leo grated his nerves, Damien moved from his resting spot. Decisively, he rounded the table and settled with angling himself to face Leo. He peered down, giving the detective his undivided attention. Putting his thoughts aside, he continued to watch his friend stumble his way through his words. True, De Luca’s efforts were sincere and done out of good intentions. The problem lied within the fact that Leo didn’t understand the gravity of his words that were weighting down on a man who never envisioned confessing his love for the other. Help him understand by forcing affection on the man? That was crossing the boundaries of friendship in itself.


Although they remained arms away, it would be a terrible lie to say that Damien wasn't interested in Leo's invitation. The temptation was there but still controllable yet it didn't stop kill his urge to take the other's hand, draw him close, and consent into a kiss. It was all part of Leo's carefully constructive ploy. He was falling back into being selfish no matter how he said it.


"Holmes. You're going too fast without really knowing what you're getting yourself into." Leo doubted Damien's feelings but it might as well just be another test. Damien knew, for a certainty, whatever emotion he felt for his friend strayed past of platonic. "If anything happens, it'll be my responsibility to bear and mine alone. I'm content enough with you being able to accept them. I respect you too much to go any further. "


Closing into Leo, the annoyed doctor draped his hand over the others. His other hand rested on the arch of Leo's neck. Slowly he lowered himself into Leo's lips. Instead of making actual contact, he lingered there, just to examine the other's reaction. With much reluctance and despicable self-control, he pulled away. "You didn't come in entirely prepared for this. Don't come in pretending that you are, it's fucking vexing." Despite his statement, Damien's hand on Leo's neck and cupped his bruised cheek. Proximity was truly a dangerous thing; now he was contradicting himself and his lips were locked on his friend's.


Fucking bastard and his god damn buttons.

 

[sorrow made you]

He really wasn't prepared. He honestly thought Damien would refuse. And in that refusal, he would be able to put that piece of the puzzle down. Leo's eyes followed Damien as he neared. Oh how the man's words fit the detective's thoughts so accurately. He had absolutely no idea what he was getting himself into. He was honestly afraid. But more than afraid of what he might think of his friend's affections, he was more afraid of losing his friend all together.


He found slight comfort in Damien's words. If...this turned rather unfavorable, he was given hope that their friendship could continue to exist. But it didn't ease the small anxiety that bubbled when his friend drew closer. He didn't move away, as instinct would have normally had it, and he tried to keep his breathing calm. His pounding heart betrayed him. He waited, thoughtless, anticipating the kiss to come. But Damien simply hovered there. Leo's brow started to furrow. Maybe...Maybe Damien was right. He was only pretending to be prepared. He had absolutely no idea what he was in for.


He was having his doubts, yet...surprisingly Damien didn't pull back. Leo let out a slow warm breath before he knew what happened next. Again their lips met. This time however, it came less of a shock to the Italian man. Not exactly not a surprise, but not a shock. Heat spread across his cheeks, not knowing what to do with this other than close his eyes. Though it was a simple kiss, Leo found truth in it. He could taste the other, which surprisingly was imaginable. With proximity, he could smell Damien's cologne, and he recalled where it was on the doctor's dresser. He could feel the man's heat, which was never really overwhelming from what he could recall from the several times he had to get stitched up by him.


It was all very...strange....it wasn't as off-putting as he thought it was. In a warped sort of way, it was almost familiar. This thought was slightly unsettling, and it would sink into Leo later, creating little strings to tie onto his curiosity. When they parted, Leo took a moment before opening his eyes. He seemed to remain frozen in overwhelmed sensations for a couple seconds longer before he tilted his head away and cleared his throat. "Well..." he started. "That was a more pleasant experience than last night. Let's hope no punches follow suit." It was meant to be a joke, to hopefully diffuse the awkwardness Leo felt for not being able to determine how he felt about all of this.

 

[Pearlholy]

Leo’s pulse was felt against his hand. The heart beat accelerated as their lips met. The detective’s body temperature was climbing just as much as he noticed the stiffness growing alongside with the palpable nervousness. The other’s breath brushed on Damien’s philtrum. The warmth and the intoxicating smell of Marlboro tobacco and Leo’s cologne lulled him into going further. He wanted to feel more than just the other’s cheek against his skin. It was with much controlled desire that the doctor pulled away. Damien had proved his point and there was no reason to indulge. Inching away, his fingertips grazed and trailed down the other’s neck. Did the nervousness amount to discomfort now, he thought as he watched Leo being reduced into a shy man.


For the first time in closeness, Leo did not even push him away. Pretty impressive for a heterosexual man, Damien noted. The praised left unvoiced however. Leo needed to stop charging blindly. Let this be a reminder of what would happen if his curiosity craved for non-platonic physical exploration. He knew his romantic affections towards the detective was no misguided attachment. The proximity only proved... more than ever, that he truly loved Leo and unfortunately... may want more than just friendship.


Dr. Langston left Leo’s personal space and studied the man as he slipped in a joke. “Don’t push yourself, if you’re not ready for it. You don’t know what you’re dealing with.” the doctor mumbled calmly. His thumb brushed over his fingertips to get rid of Leo’s lingering warmth. It was too pleasant to his liking and that was dangerous. His eyes shifted to the door as he detected a movement of shadow between gap of the door and floor. His hand twitched close on his white coat and waited for his nurse’s announcement that he was needed at the hospital.


She lingered at the door but left knowing that the attentive doctor would never ignore an emergency. He retrieved his bag that was beside the couch. “Close the door when you leave. I’ll call you tonight for supper.” With that, he left the office for Leo to decompress and gather his thoughts.

 

[sorrow made you]

Damien was right. Leo really didn't know what he was dealing with. He relaxed back into the couch and watched Damien as he pulled away. The man had so much self control--or so Leo thought. He wondered just how long Damien had been keeping this back. How painful has it been for Damien to have to push back his feelings and hide them, keep them untouched?


As Damien's attention went to the door, so did Leo's. Was someone going to come in? His entire being froze, as if caught in a horrendous situation. It was as if the lord was going to walk in on them and strike them down into hell if someone walked in that door. He relaxed though when the nurses announcement went off. He remained silent, and let out a small sigh of relief. He knew playtime was over now, and the doctor had to get back to work.


"Mm." He nodded as he watched Damien get up and leave the office. Once he was alone, he deflated and tilted his head back to touch the back of the couch. He closed his eyes and let the silence fill him. But it didn't feel so silent. Absently, a hand went to his chest and rubbed over his heart. "What is this..." He muttered to himself and let his arm slide up to cover his eyes. "If this is some kind of test, this is a pretty foul one." He frowned and relaxed there for a while longer. About fifteen minutes later he left the office, closing the door behind him and headed out to do some errands for the day.

 

[Pearlholy]

When his subordinates and colleague bid him a good day, Damien returned a cold glance. Accustomed to his sullen attitude, the female staff merely shrugged it off. The King of Grouches left Gil in their care because he was in no position to it himself. A storm was raging in his head. His mind was numbed by the kiss and the effects of the contact lingered there until the doctor was in his car. The moment replayed on loop as if his deteriorating conscience tried to relive and re-experience the unrequited and romantic action. Growing frustrated at the auditory disturbance, the doctor’s dominant hand paced between adjusting the volume of the radio and shifting gears. Eventually, Dr.Langston turned the musical gadget off completely for it only amplified his irritation.


The kiss itself became a feat but something was prying him open. When his auto-pilot mode shut off and when his vehicle was parked in front of the hospital, Damien lowered his head and rested against the steering wheel. A long and tired sigh slipped from his lips as he recalled the look on Leo’s face. There was guilt and pleasure in the act of connecting lips with his friend. But the predominant emotion that racked him was disgust; Damien behaved a predator hound and pinned a terrified and defenseless kitten down. His eyelids fell and he exhaled deeply. It was wrong to take advantage of Leo’s curiosity no matter how provocative his friend’s words and actions may be. What the detective possessed was a naïve eagerness for discover. What did make the situation less despicable was… he saw the fear of losing one another reflecting in Leo’s confused and uncertain gaze. At least, if everything went to Hell, their friendship was to stand strong, hopefully. If that couldn't be the reason why Damien was happy, then he didn't know what did. But he hated roller coasters and he was sitting in one right now.


His profession held the doctor hostage for the remainder of the day. Addicted to a certain routine, Damien left the hospital with the thought of seeing Leo. There was somewhere he had to be before he looked for the detective. When he finished his part of his errands, he pulled out his cell phone and tried to reach for the law enforcer. The line connected and his resolve in wanting to hear the other's voice weakened. He had to remind himself that he said he would call. Dr.Langston only spoke up when the other picked up the phone. "Hey, tell me where you are so I can pick you up." Leo had no place to stay and something told him that the Italian was no where near the police station. "And while you wait, think about where and what you want to eat." Eating out would make things less awkward for the two of them but if the topics got too personal--which will, no background noise could save either of them. Well fuck.

 

[sorrow made you]

After Leo left the doctor's office, he stopped by the station to hear word of what was of his apartment. He was told that he could go to the site if he wanted, since the investigation was still going on. In a somewhat morbid way, his colleagues hoped that this disaster would light a fire under his ass and spark the intensity of the detective they once knew. Surely enough, the fire was lit and it was starting to heat up. Leo left the station alone without taking his radio as he headed down to where his apartment once stood. The entire building seemed to have suffered. Damien really was right. It was a death trap.


Leo stepped passed the barriers and greeted one of the rookie detectives on sight. He started to wander around, knowing exactly where everything once was. First into the living room. He looked down at his charred couch. He moved around it, carefully looking at the debris around the area. When he saw nothing abnormal, he kept moving. He walked into his bedroom where another detective was analyzing his desk.


"Detective De Luca," the fellow detective greeted and stopped looking through the charcoal left from miscellaneous papers.


Leo nodded his head and walked over to the desk, looking over it. There seemed to be things misplaced. "Did you find the cause of the fire?"


The other detective nodded and put down the illegible paper. "It was a stove fire. Apparently a lit cigarette fell into the stove plate and caught fire. It spread from there."


Leo furrowed his brow. Yes he smoked inside, but he never smoked while cooking. And even more than that, Leo didn't cook. He rarely touched that stove. "Uh-huh...." He muttered and opened the drawers on his desk, only to have a piece of it break. "Shit...My cousin isn't going to be happy about this one." He muttered and left the drawer alone. He moved back up and started to mess with the two drawers on top that should have been locked with a key. He found that one of them he could open. "...did you open this?" He asked, only to have the other detective shake his head.


"Braxton, I need you to make a request to watch a few people." The younger detective glanced up at Leo curiously. "I'll give you a list when we get back to the station." He turned away from the desk and headed out of the room. He found himself automatically going to the kitchen to see if he could find any clues there. He went directly to the stove top and turned to as for a pair of gloves. After he was given some, he started to investigate.


Eyes sparked to life when he found the starter of the fire. Or rather, what was left of it. Black and charred, a piece of filter was left from the cigarette that started the fire in the stove. He carefully picked it up and rotated his hand to look at it. It wasn't his brand. Such a notorious smoker that would only take one specific brand and series of cigarettes, he sure hoped he knew his brand like the back of his hand. And what was left of this filter definitely was not his cigarette. He called for an evidence baggy and told the evidence analyst to take it to the lab. Once finished, he left to handle a few other things, including a very long talk with his sisters.


Eventually he managed to get his sister to hang up the phone. He let out a sigh and sat back down in one of the library's outside benches. He hadn't realized how late it had gotten. He had been trying to research the differences in cigarettes when his sister had called him back and held his ear hostage...again...His phone rang again and he was about to ignore it when he remembered Damien said he would call. He checked it and answered.


"Yeah?" "I'm at the public library. I'll be waiting outside." He was somewhat surprised that Damien wanted to go out to eat. He figured with all the stress and strain between them, he would want to go home. "That Mexican kitchen restaurant should be open. We can head there." he said quickly before glancing around. "Right, see you when you get here."

 

[Pearlholy]

"Give me ten minutes," he replied before hanging up. The Italian detective was not the only one surprised; despite his usual grouchy tone, Damien was equally surprised that Leo suggested something other than steak or pasta. At the same time, why would it even sound strange to him? Accommodation had always been one of their fundamental principles. Anything sounded like a better idea than eating alone. Before meeting the glutton, his diet consisted of frozen meals and canned meals. He had no reasons to consider better eating habits because he was alone and because more time put into work was more appealing. Upon meeting Leo, that habit had to change. At first, it was only having to bring a drunk man back to his rundown apartment. How things progressed into bringing the other food to finding time to dine in each other's company because a set routine over the following years. What to think Leo's choice or how far he should think about the decision seemed trivial. It didn't stop the driver from shaking his head or the slow half-smile from stretching on his face. His mistake seemed to be the marker of many changes without changing the nature of their friendship. Did any of it make any sense?


"Whatfuckingever," Damien thought.


Slowing down to a stop, he then waited for Leo to get in the car. "Since when do libraries allowed the use of cell phone," asked the doctor rhetorically. Damien only began driving again after the detective was settled and had his seat belt on. "How's progress?" How were things would have been a more appropriate question but as a person with high expectations, Damien would only accept progress on Leo's part.

 

[sorrow made you]

Ten minutes didn't seem so long when being spammed with concerning texts from family. Telling Paola about his apartment was a mistake. Now all his sisters were texting him, demanding he call to let them know he was alright. He was so focused into angrily texting his sisters that he was fine that he didn't notice Damien arrive. He only noticed when the car stopped for him to get in. He quickly got up from the bench and went over, taking little time to get distracted from his constant buzzing of his phone.


He got into the car and put his phone on silent. With a small sigh, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. "If Mary gets a hold of you, just ignore it." He muttered and lifted is head from the headrest. "Slow, small, but vital progress." He muttered and there was a faint sign of a smile at the corners of his lips. "They found what started the fire." He strapped himself in, allowing Damien to drive off. He would talk during the ride to the restaurant.


"It was a cigarette that fell into the lit stove." there was a moment's pause for Leo to raise his hand in defense. "You know better than I do that I've only turned that stove on a few times. And knowing it's a gas one, I'd never smoke around it." His eyes narrowed. "Especially a Camel cigarette." Leo glanced at Damien in the corner of his eye, seeing if he would catch onto what he was thinking. "When I get back to work, I've got to utilize my old eye for detail." There was a slightly longer pause before Leo turned his eyes forward. "I'd like to have someone I can trust posted at your house when neither of us are there. I'm doing the same for Antigone and Rosemary."

 

[Pearlholy]

His memory worked wonders; being able to retain every name of Leo's immediate and extensive family was an accomplishment. No award will ever be handed to him, most unfortunately. The fact could earn a growl but the possibility that Leo's sibling may contact the doctor happened to be a better reason. There were times where Damien wondered whether the detective's family was intrusive, nosy, or too resourceful. Often, it was a frustrating combination of all three of them. "Cannot make any promises," the man droned unhappily. While Mary was an adult, it wouldn't deter from the fact she was a worry-wart. The last thing he would want is an entire family calling the clinic and hospital. "Just answer the calls."


The myopic man squinted sideways. The detective rarely ever cooked; the fact he had to cook for the bastard proved so. The fact Leo nearly accused him from thinking otherwise ticked him off, making him frown furthermore. "The day you decide to cook, I'll hire you as my personal maid." Reciprocating the silence, he waited for Leo to finish his contemplation... and Damien regretted his decision. "Stop smoking," was Damien's first reply. Never mind the heath benefits of ditching tobacco. There were other healthier things to be addicted to. "And that... can be a problem; you trust as many people as I do." Which meant no one. Just hearing those two names made his eye twitch. Before jealousy or his general dislike of both women can become the reason of his disapproval, he quickly continued, "If necessary, guard Rosemary." He hated that suggestion but he knew Leo would never let the issue go. "The apartment complex was lit on fire because he needed to destroy evidence. If he was to harm anyone, it would be Rosemary." She fit the bill for a possible next victim. It wouldn't be too bad if things got personal with the serial killer; if he was to target whoever was close to Leo, no other defenseless woman would be harmed. "There is nothing to burn at my house. And all important documents are at the hospital or at the police office. It would be harder for him to get away with either."

 

[sorrow made you]

That comment could have pretty much summed up how much Leo liked cooking. No way he would be a maid to anyone. Well, unless they wanted a house filled with beer bottles and overflowing ash trays. Leo scoffed and shook his head slightly. "Alright, I'll stop." He muttered. He had that idea in his head. That one most addicts have. He could stop any time he wanted, he told himself. He could cut back from three packs a day no problem. Man did he want a smoke right about now. "Keep an eye out for anyone that's around the hospital smoking Camels. They're a tad thicker than my brand."


His eyes turned to Damien as he made comment about the women. Rather, woman. It was true though. Leo rarely trusted anyone to an extent to depend on them, so it would mean he would have to go out of his way to see that Rosemary and Antigone were unharmed. However, the lack of acknowledgement to the latter woman made Leo chuckle a little. "You seriously hate her, don't you?"


The woman was vain, materialistic, shallow and controlling. How Leo happened to land that one and be with her as long as he had was a mystery to even himself. How ironic it was that Leo had just wanted a swing and Antigone wanted a family. She was a classy woman, but not the kind of woman Leo wanted to bring home to his family. Though Leo may not have known it at the time, he was sure Damien might have had something to do with the final decision of Leo breaking it off.


"As much as you hate her, I can't have her on the murder list. She owes me." He decided to replace the topic of her and his smirk fell. "I'm not really concerned about the house. This guy's getting ballsy. Just keep your eyes open." He couldn't bring himself to say that he'd kill himself if anything happened to Damien. As much as it was true, with their recent discoveries, it was too intimate. Though, he had a feeling Damien would have known that already.

 

[Pearlholy]

Alright, he'll stop? What the hell? Why was that easier than all the previous times. If silence could frown, it would be frowning with the doctor. He listened and perhaps even agreed to him. Ah, straying back to their usual habit, Damien spoke up only when he disagreed. Leo's gut feeling was a force to be reckoned and rarely was the man ever found wrong. However, it would be imprudent not to say that his emotions often get caught up with his intuition.


Grunt.


So what if Dr.Langston did hate the materialistic and superficial woman? The list of reasons was endless: the eye-blinding jewelry, nauseating eau de parfum, pointlessly flamboyant wardrobe... Rarely did she ever prove herself of any redeemable qualities. Antigone was more than half of the reason why Detective De Luca was bloody miserable in the past. The succubus would just sap Leo's energy away with just her presence. She was a bad omen--an opportunist who finds the necessity to bud in whenever she felt the slightly friction or too much of a good chemistry between him and his best friend. Never mind the personal hate. The doctor knew when to separate personal and business matters. Although it tend to be ambiguous with Leo, and only to get more ambiguous from here on apparently, he was the only rule breaker that Damien would ever permit.


"That's far too brainscattered of you. You shouldn't get personal with this. Your personal attachment for her is speaking for you. So far the serial killer's only been interested in submissive women," the doctor droned. Well shit. Would you look at that? A compliment on Damien's part? Pigs be flying with unicorns tonight. And submissive because they would rarely ever hear about the victims until they were harmed. And why was this guy looking at the bigger picture of the issue at the wrong time? "The serial killer has every intentions not to get discovered. Playing with you will display patterns and patterns are easily detectable."


With the restaurant in sight, his eyes searched for a parking space, "Well, whatever." He'll just have to go with it and humour the detective. Precaution wasn't a big deal and he might as well go with Leo's gut feeling. If he's wrong, he'll punch that shit back into the right place. Once the car was parked, he turned off the engine and pulled out his seat belt. "You're the law enforcer. If you can't keep us safe, you better retire." With that, he opened the door and exited the car. He waited for Leo to be out before walking into the restaurant.