Realistic or Modern Jackie & Tom's Excellent Road Trip

[TrashRabbit]

"You'll be saving the moose a lot of work. Thank you."

 

[CelticSol]

"No, thank you. I'll finally be free."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Then you'll be stranded cause you're too gay to drive."

 

[CelticSol]

"Um, excuse the fuck out of you, but I'm bi. I can sort of drive."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Cooking, Math or Cars; Your gay stat is high, babe, you can't have it all."

 

[CelticSol]

"... I gave you food poisoning on more than one occasion, Tom. Like... Full e. coli. I don't have it all."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"If I could die, that would have fucking done it. How could I forget."

 

[CelticSol]

"Clearly a 'good memory' is not a gay trait you possess. First you forget that one time I got impaled and now you get the impression I'm capable of cooking."

 

[TrashRabbit]

Tom shrugged, not willing to talk about the fact that when he didn't staid dead everything got a weird and fuzzy around the memories around the event or that he's spent a majority of the last couple years high enough to mush together in a hot scarlet blur. A good memory was absolutely not a thing in his inventory.
After a pause, and blowing through an empty five way rural stop he said, "Too real. Try again."

 

[CelticSol]

"God, what the fuck are we doing, Tom. What the fuck are we doing? What the fuck are - am I losing my shit or is there is a moose in the road?"

There is, indeed, a moose in the road. But because God hates them, it is not a regular, already dangerous moose. It the same white, glowing in the setting sun moose with teeth like a wolf's, and seems phenomenally pissed.

"Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, go the other fucking way-"

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Daddy," He says to himself in the most horrified monotone whisper.

His hand scrambles for the manual gear shift and throws the Gremlin into reverse.

 

[CelticSol]

Jackie looks back, knowing she's gonna start losing her shit if she keeps looking at the moose. She hears it scream, hears it start to charge at them as they barrel backwards down the road, "You just had to fucking summon it, Jesus fucking Christ-"

 

[TrashRabbit]

"I didn't fucking do anything!" He screams. The moose lowers its antler and charges, closing the gap between them and the reversing Gremlin.

 

[CelticSol]

Jackie puts her hands on her waist and mocks hin, “I dIdN’T dO AnYThiNG, he says, as if he didn’t vanish the engine of this god forsaken car or fucking teleport us to fuckin’ OHIO-“

The moose roars, it’s antlers drawing closer and closer to hooking on the bumper of the vehicle to either ram them or throw them, neither of which would surprise Jackie as something a ghost moose would be capable of doing to two gays and their garbage car.

Jackie looks out the back window, noticing that they are careening towards the tiny, midwest, blink-and-you-miss-it town they passed a few minutes ago. Leaning over, Jackie wails on the car horn, which makes the moose scream in a ghastly human voice that chills her, and Jackie screams in bisexual, and Tom is still screaming, and their breakneck pace going the wrong backward has cars wailing their horns at them as they drive off road and onto sidewalks- its chaos-

Jackie spies something out her peripheral, and says so quickly she might’ve not even spoken English, “Hey, don’t hate me for this-“ as she reaches for the wheel, cranks it to the side, and pulls the handbrake.

The tires squeal, and for a moment she hears the high pitched sound of the bumper getting shredded by the moose before the car’s back end drifts and slams into the moose, sending it stumbling into a lightpole into a pile of ghost moose and sparks. The momentum they carry is a little too much for them to recover from, and before Jackie can correct their path, they drive headfirst into a front display of a mettaphysics store.

The first few displays are obliterated until they come to a stop as their bumper hits the back wall. Jackie gasps as she hears a very angry and very ghost moose scream, then wrestles off her seatbelt, “Go, go, go, go-“

 

[TrashRabbit]

"JACKIEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEeeEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee," her name dies into one high pitched sound of terror as the car and the mouse move crash around like pinballs. And he's still making a high nasal whine as he struggles with his seatbelt. He falls out of the gremlin in a heap, just in time for the Moose to crash into the other side of the store front windows.
"OH GOD, JACKIE HOW DID MOOSE GET SO FUCKING BIG- FUck OFFFffff!" He screams, grabbing the closest thing- a dragon incense holder and chucking it at the creature.

 

[CelticSol]

“I BET YOU FUCKING ENLARGED IT, YOU DUMBSHIT WIZARD MOTHERFUCKER-“ Jackie tries to open the door of the gremlin, only to discover it refuses to open more than a few inches. She bangs the door into an unmoving display, sliding to kick her feet into the door to force it open. Nothing gives, and as she spots the moose rising to it’s feet, she hits fuck it and slams her foot into the window, shattering the glass. She takes hold of the holy shit handle to pull herself through the window just as the moose charges into the bumper of the gremlin.

Jackie screams as the moose drives the car into the back wall, bailing from the vehicle as the moose crushes the bumper with it’s enormous antlers. She grabs Tom by his crusty leather sleeve in the same moment she launches a lamp at the moose with her other hand, which shatters over it’s big head.

It screams in rage as Jackie pushes and pulls Tom towards the back of the store, “STAIRS, STAIRS, MOOSE, FUCK, MEESE? MOOSES? MOOSI? FUCK, HE CAN’T CLIMB STAIRS, GO, GO, GO-“

 

[TrashRabbit]

Tom has got some long legs and uses them, half dragging Jackie past shelves of boxed magical rocks and towards the stairs. He kicks open the door at the top, revealing a small office and kitchenette. He slams the door behind them and leans against it. Below, is the screams of a ungulate who has been wronged, the smashing sound of a hundred nettie pots, amethyst geodes, and dragon nick knacks. The building shudders.
He's holding her by the arm like she is liable to disapear when he says, gently, and with his most serious voice; "Fuck, Jackie, what the fuck."

 

[CelticSol]

“I... okay, okay, just, let me fucking think. Give me a second to fucking think-“

The building shudders, the force of the moose tossing around it’s enormous head wrecking the downstairs of the building. She almost feels like it might start eating up through the floor. “I - Tom, I’m not fucking dying via moose. A demon moose, for that matter. Hasn’t my life already been fucked over enough by a demon? I don’t need to die a moose-y death via my demon fuckin’ antlered brother, y’know. I’m young, and... I think I can die? Maybe I’m like you and I can survive getting smeared across a highway-“

It dawns on Jackie that she’s rambling useless information. She wonders, for a too long moment, if she’s going to die by moose, and leave Tom, a certified dumbass, by himself in Ohio. She’s no Einstein herself, but they can their singular braincells and, together, they could form a single dumbass thought. She looks at Tom’s face a second, then looks to a window at the far side of the small room. It’s small and circular, and she can see a small wooded area in the not-too-far distance. A stupid fucking idea pops in her head.

She turns to appraise Tom, ruling that, yeah, this grimey punk is probably skinny enough to do this. She grins, then asks wryly as she gestures to the window, “Hey, Tommy, you afraid of heights?”

 

[TrashRabbit]

"YEssS?" He hisses in alarm, already thinking about how many time he could hypothetically be ripped apart by a moose without dying, wich for the record is a lot of time depending on how thorough and persistent the moose in question wants to be.

 

[CelticSol]

Although she’s not entirely sure, she’s pretty sure one of the few benefits of having a demon inside her head is that she has an ungodly - ha! Get it? Because demons - amount of strength. “Hmm, that’s a shame,” Jackie says with a twist of her mouth. She looks innocently at the pale, skinny hand wrapped around her arm, then, in a swift move she learned from her mom, yanks Tom off balance, kicks his legs out from underneath him, and swoops him over her shoulder.

“Don’t be a pussy - just - go, you just gotta-“ She marches herself and Tom to the window, unlatching the window and opening it as wide as it goes before she tries to force Tom feet first through the window.

 

[TrashRabbit]

"NO!" He screams,"DO NOT YEET ME FOUL DEMON!"

 

[CelticSol]

Jackie barks out a laugh, “THIS BITCH IMMORTAL - Y E E T!” and throws Tom out the window.

 

[TrashRabbit]

"No no no n-nooOOOOOooAaahaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" Crunch.

Tom goes sailing out the window, flailing and screaming and hits the ground at a wrong angle and stays still.

 

[CelticSol]

“Hmm, that wasn’t a good noise - OH MY GOD THE MOOSE IS UP THE STAIRS-“ Jackie screams as the moose suddenly breaks down the door. Grabbing the ledge, Jackie hoists herself half out the window, ready to position herself into a proper position to drop down when she loses her grip on the the windowsill and feels herself slip from the window.

It less than a two second fall, and she falls flat on her back on something very unlike concrete, that makes a incorrect cracking noise as her full weight crashes into it. The impact knocks the wind from her lungs and shakes her already concussed mind into complete disarray. She throws out a hand, feeling wet concrete under her fingertips, and a sudden, dawning realization hits her with enough force she’s pretty sure she’s going to hurl.

“Please be garbage, please be garbage, please be garbage-“ She chants as she lifts her hand to her eyeline, and sees her hand is now painted with scarlet with some pieces of bleached blonde hair stuck, and her stomach rolls, “God, wrong type of garbage-“

 

[TrashRabbit]

Tom looks down where Jackie had used his body as a fucking crash landing pad and puts his hands on hips. "Shit. Not a again." He'd only had an out of body experience like this once or twice- Most times the dying moment was a hot fast blur and he woke up with something worse than a hang over. He suspects, from the angle he hit his head and the way his eyes still blink reflexivly that he was not quiet all the way dead. "I can't believe you murdered me." He tells Jackie with a sigh from his invisible position outside his body.