Is the concept of "tact" dead in RP communities?

[Rin Moriyama]

Tact, a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations. This seems to be something that has died off and no longer exists in the RP community today. For example, someone on an RP site is doing something in an out of character setting such as a chat box or an OOC thread and its offending someone else. The person who is being offended asks them to stop this and they ignore it and continue the action. It gets to the point where the person who is offended, has to lash out in anger to make a point and get the person to stop because even a staff member is doing it with them, said person is now all angry for no reason other than the two people being inconsiderate and tactless. That person, then leaves the site out of anger and is attacked by someone verbally afterwards or made out to be a bad person due to them getting angry over being offended. Which I feel is ridiculous. The offended one IS responsible for not being able to control their anger but the ones who caused that were the people who acted without tact. I feel this is a bigger issue than most would think it to be. We NEED to have tact, otherwise drama can and usually does ensue. Your thoughts? 


Please no flaming, or bashing. You are entitled to your opinions but please be nice about it.  

 

[RatFlail]

Interwebz. Just interwebz.


Social rules that are informed by tact are always unspoken and prone to misuse as much as harm prevention. The best way to deal with people that break any social contract that you come up with is to calmly tell them the rule that you believe has been broken and then break contact if they refuse it. Assume ignorance until proven otherwise.


The horror of the interwebz is that you will find people that love to take down whatever shibboleth you care to erect. The beauty of the interwebz is that there are plenty of people that are willing to trade shibboleths with you.

 

[ApfelSeine]

I have to wonder if it really existed in the first place? It really depends on the group of people you get together.


On a more substantial level though, I think there can be a lack of tact on the part of everyone involved in a conflict. The person being offensive can lack tact, as can the person being offended (as can the people on the sidelines in how they support one side or the other). Tact is a matter of respectful behavior, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and fully listening to them and trying to understand their side.


People being offensive can lack tact by ignoring complaints made against them, or by being overly defensive of their actions. There is nothing wrong with defending your actions if you do not feel you were wrong, but this should be done in a respectful way. If you don't understand why someone was offended, simply ask politely for clarification. If you understand but disagree, say that you don't see it the same way, but acknowledge their concerns and be mindful of them in the future. (It also helps to being open to try to change your behavior even if you aren't convinced it's wrong.) As long as complaints are received with grace, one can avoid conflict.


People who are offended can also lack tact. They do so by assuming that committing an offensive action makes someone an offensive person. They can also lack tact by refusing to listen to any justification of the behavior. Be it reasonable or unreasonable, people should attempt to understand why an offensive action or statement was committed, and then respond with acknowledging the intent behind it but still being clear with why it makes you uncomfortable.


With that said, people on all sides of a discussion (including the bystanders) can be much too quick to reduce a discussion to insults and refusing to try to understand where the other person is coming from. This is the key point of tact, and I think many people forget that every single one of us is responsible for upholding this. Even if we feel that the other person is entirely in the wrong, or even if the other person doesn't show us the same level or respect we are trying to show them, that is not justification for descending to the level of petty insults or squabbling over who's right. I think it's often the case that people would rather be right than be polite. We don't get a pass on being respectful and tactful just because we've got a justifiable reason for doing something taken as offensive or for finding something offensive. The other person feels the same way, which is why it becomes an issue in the first place. Thus, it's best to approach a situation with tact, even if we think we're the one in the right. I think if more people do that, you might see a decrease in such tactless arguments and disputes.

 

[Bone2pick]

Tact, a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations. This seems to be something that has died off and no longer exists in the RP community today.

Would you credit yourself as having tact?

 

[Irick]

Wake me up when September ends.


Bloody AOL.

 

[JayTee]

Yes, but no, and kinda sorta maybe. Depends on context.


Also remember that this is the era of outrage culture, where everyone is always offended by everything all the time. It's also possible that people are being overly sensitive to things that don't really matter.

 

[Bacon is fluffy]

Gonna be honest here when i say that's just how the internet works. It's not just like this in rp communities. Try posting Ina league of legends Reddit, call of duty zombies, anime or manga topics, or fan site and then criticize the work. Misunderstandings and not trying to pander to people who get offenses, are common anywhere where people post opinions and chat on the Internet. It's not that rp communities have gotten worse. It's that the Internet happened 

 

[DarkLightHitomi]

First, language is only 7% of communication (though it likely has the most detailed information content). Written communication lacks so much of what is communicated in person. Is it really any wonder that people have communication issues?


Second, I think people take offense way too easily. Worse, they take offense on behalf of others which I think is just plain wrong in general.




Personally, isn't it rather difficult to have tact, or anything else subtle or not direct, when you're missing 93% of your communication?

 

[augmentedspartan]

Being offended doesn't automatically make you right about something. The offended party could easily blow things out of proportion while the offender simply made a mistake. Even so there's a difference between something that only offends you vs something that is generally consider offensive (slurs, really dark jokes, etc...).


Also, is your post a specific example you've seen, or a hypothetical scenario?

 

[Rin Moriyama]

Would you credit yourself as having tact?

Yes and no, I will admit whenever my anger gets triggered, I can't really say I have tact. However, all other times, I have tact. I try to be respectful to others.

 

[Rin Moriyama]

Being offended doesn't automatically make you right about something. The offended party could easily blow things out of proportion while the offender simply made a mistake. Even so there's a difference between something that only offends you vs something that is generally consider offensive (slurs, really dark jokes, etc...).


Also, is your post a specific example you've seen, or a hypothetical scenario?

Its a specific example that i've seen multiple times, and you are absolutely right, just because someone gets offended, does not automatically mean they are in the right about anything.

 

[Bone2pick]

Yes and no, I will admit whenever my anger gets triggered, I can't really say I have tact. However, all other times, I have tact. I try to be respectful to others.

So when you opened with tact "no longer exists in the roleplay community today" were you including yourself as part of the problem or excluding yourself?

 

[Rin Moriyama]

Including myself to a certain extent. Like I said, I'm tactful most of the time just under certain circumstances I can't keep my cool.