Viewpoint is it rude to refer to mlm roleplays as "yaoi" roleplays?

[soft glamour.]

does it bother anyone else when you see people who just blatantly ask for a "yaoi roleplay" with no plot added or anything? or when people just straight up message you asking if you roleplay yaoi?

i've gotten a message before from someone and they sounded great! they wanted to plot everything out and as i was reading their first message, i was starting to get ideas too! and then they said, at the end, "i'm just letting you know, i only roleplay yaoi." after that sentence, i just felt gross? i didn't want to roleplay with them anymore and it made me think that they were fetishizing gay men just from that term. i'm a lesbian, so i have no idea if actual gay men think this as well, but it always makes me dislike a person when they refer to a mlm roleplay as a "yaoi" roleplay.

is this a rude way of thinking?

 

[still watching fma]

I feel the same way about romance, yuri, yoai, and realistic rps. It's fine if you dont want to rp something. You just tell them thats not your bag and move on

 

[Ace Cream]

You do what you want, it's normal to not like something as long as you're honest with them.

The way I see it, yaoi/BL is not the same as gay MxM. BL is almost exclusively romance and while the main pair is both male, it's rare for them to be explicitly declared homosexual. BL is not made with real life gay couple in mind, they're made to fulfill their audience's fantasy and thus tend to be fetishistic(but some of them are legit good). And like other anime stuffs, the tropes used might be different than gay MxM.

 

[Idea]

I don’t see much of a difference, personally, but then again I don’t like either, so that may be why.

 

[rae2nerdy]

In their defense they might not know any other way to refer to roleplays with LGBTQ characters. For instance I had to actually take a minute to figure out what mlm means because I’m unfamiliar with the acronym.

So it’s possible their just from a site where that’s how you refer to male pairings.

Now I will admit I am also not fond of the term itself (although it’s not as viscerally bad as seme/uke | top/bottom pairings)

So I don’t think it’s necessarily rude to walk away if they use the term. I refuse to roleplay with anyone who uses seme/uke/etc. just because it seems like they’re confining the pairings to cliches at best or outright fetishes at worse. But if your okay with cliches you might want to at least ask why they call it that.

 

[spookie]

slightly off topic but 'mlm' will always mean 'multi level marketing' to my brain... and to this day i occasionally still get momentarily confused as to why so many 1x1 titles involve wanting to rp marketing scams.

edit: i have finally decided to take the initiative and create a character who is constantly trying to involve people in his pyramid scheme. my life is now complete. ​

 

[Crayons]

I think it depends on the context of the roleplay. If someone said yaoi I would assume they wanted the type of characters and scenarios depicted in yaoi manga/anime/fanfic, which is usually a bit more wish fulfilment-ish if not fetishistic. I don't think all yaoi/BL is necessarily or even mainly fetishistic tbh. But if someone says mlm or mxm or gay etc. then I'm not making any assumptions except that they want two men having a romance or relationship. Could be any type of setting, genre or characters involved. I don't think it's bad to use the word yaoi if that's what you're looking for. Each to their own.

 

[Melpomene]

Yeah, I totally understand you. I always felt weird about some of the ways gay relationships seem almost fetishized, and I have always seen it as wish fulfilment, but I am not one to judge. If that is what they like, then I let them be, but I would not choose to RP with them. I don't like writing with anyone that seems to have a sexual overtone in their RP. I suppose that is not the right word, though.

For example, my trigger words are yaoi, yuri and Dom/Sub/Uke/Seme. I pretty much immediately close a search thread if it says: "looking for dominant male/female" or "looking for sub male/female". Mostly because I am so attuned to the just being BDSM lingo that I don't want it in my role plays.

 

[SP3CT3R]

slightly off topic but 'mlm' will always mean 'multi level marketing' to my brain... and to this day i occasionally still get momentarily confused as to why so many 1x1 titles involve wanting to rp marketing scams.​

Gay and Bisexual Men or Pyramid Scheme, the classic abbreviation-guessing game.

But I'd say yeah, yaoi is like a specific genre (usually marketed towards women) and not a synonym for male character x male character, so it sets me off, too.

 

[Kazami42]

Certainly awkward but perhaps they felt other terms might be offensive? Nothing wrong telling them it ain't your thing though. Besides that can't really participate, because I couldn't care less for such RPs and stylings. I once literally got a PM on discord before for a guy asking me if I could RP a nurse while they play the disabled. Not just one thing, but a wheelchair was also involved. Holy RNGesus Batman. I consider that far worse, and how it was depicted you damn well know it was a fetish. I need another fellow tech priest to replace my eyes again.

I'm irked but can accept any kind of romance thing happening in RPs I go in, granted it develops organically, isn't the point or focus of the RP, and worked for over time, and I ain't ever going to initiate it unless it's a joke/meme. sure as hell don't want any of that nurse stuff.

 

[jojoson]

nah, i steer VERY clear of people who refer to m// and f// as yaoi or yuri because it does really give me fetish-y vibes. it might not be their intention, but i've dealt with too much fetishization (especially of mlm) to risk it. same with seme/uke top/bottom dom/sub stuff.

 

[Mr. Peng]

slightly off topic but 'mlm' will always mean 'multi level marketing' to my brain... and to this day i occasionally still get momentarily confused as to why so many 1x1 titles involve wanting to rp marketing scams.​

Was looking up what mlm means in an rp context and found this, in my mind it's always "marxist-leninist-maoist"

 

[Jannah]

Was looking up what mlm means in an rp context and found this, in my mind it's always "marxist-leninist-maoist"

LOL same. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I always read it as "Marxist-Leninist-Maoist". I'm way way too into politics.

 

[Hyde.]

I read it as multi-level marketing myself.

 

[Daisie]

I know this is a bit off topic to the original post but that would be unironically fantastic if someone started an mlm roleplay that was actually about like doTERRA or something

 

[Vernorexia]

I think it's generally acceptable, but I don't think non-anime fans lgtbq people like it. It has to do with fetishization of queer relationships, with yaoi being written by straight women, and yuri being written by a straight dude who just wants to see 2 hottest all up on each other. But that doesn't apply to everything in the genre. Personally, as a lesbian I would like people to say wlw or girl x girl and not yuri. It's kind of a grey area, it depends on the person. If you are queer and uncomfortable with the term yaoi your feelings are totally valid!

 

[Lorsh]

no

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

Not really saying anything unique here, but I think it's fine if someone asks for yaoi. To each their own. I just won't agree to a roleplay with them. At best, the term suggests they're looking for an anime/manga-esque roleplay, and I prefer something that has a more realistic feel than what anime typically offers. At worst, they're specifically looking for the genre. I still bear the scars of being a lonely gay kid whose outlet was roleplaying in a community where "yaoi" was pretty much the only mxm label and created a space that was barely for msm (to toss in another acronym to confuse people with!).

I don't think the shift in label has really changed much for me, if I'm honest. I still find that I'm usually given twinks or some degree of gender nonconformity to play against. Again, to each their own. My tastes just fall outside those two categories. But, anyway, "yaoi" holds nothing for me, whereas with the generic term I can hold out hope.

 

[chaotic cat cutie]

Oof, I would feel equally as bummed.
I used to be in a circle with someone like that. It was always very odd to me that they tried to tie that into a place of feeling safe.
They should of made that very clear in the beginning. That is actually a pretty common line to use, " I only play blah blah" for people
wanting something catered to their own fantasies. It's really really sad to see. I'm sorry you experienced it. Even if it was many years ago.
I remember a very very long time ago I had a very unsettling experience with someone who insisted playing only lesbian plotlines for safety
but then went to post their erotic art content of men. It still sends shivers down my spine. Where is the safety in that? It's just not... It was pretty
damaging and really sort of sent me into a place of ptsd. I didn't want to be exposed to that...